Happy 2014!

So after a week of chilling up at the Lake and stacking on the kilos with Christmas festivities, the boys and I decided to have New Years Eve at home with a movie marathon. The deal was that we had to watch movies we hadn't seen before and that we could choose two movies each… that's 6 movies. I decided that we would start our cinematic sit-down at 4pm, assuming all the movies ran for about 90-100 minutes, and that would take us through to midnight… boy was I wrong!

We also decided that we would have a different food with each of the movies, which when we put them all together, sounded horrible, but when you have a two hour break between each one, it's not so bad. So here is a taste of our program for the evening with corresponding foods:

Esylium - with English Muffins (a bit of an afternoon tea appetiser)
Knowing - with chicken Korma and rice (the main meal)
Jobs - with Strawberries and Jelly (for 'S'teve 'J'obs)
The Heat - with Hot Fudge Sundae (as a 2nd dessert)
Pain and Gain - with Popcorn and finally
The World's End - with White Chocolate

Believe it or not, we did do a Google search on names of foods starting with 'E' K' 'J' 'H' 'P' & 'W' and they were the most liked, and easiest to make without missing out much of the movies.

Not realising that most of the movies were actually over 2 hours long, we were only coming to the end of 'The Heat' when midnight turned over. We started watching 'Pain and Gain', but our heads were nodding, and by 1.23am the night was over with 1.5 movies to go (and some White Chocolate). So we're going to finish our movie marathon in the morning.

As for 2014, I have many resolutions - especially to focus on finding balance in all aspects of my life and be happy, to be discovered as an author and be published, nurture my boys in their education and aspirations, have courage, stop being so hard on myself and just appreciate the positive aspects in my life. I do not know what adventures we will have, what inspirational moments or what each day will bring, but I know that, as a wise 40 year old, I have no expectations and I can only live each day the best that I can. Happy New Year everyone! I hope it's a blast! xx

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is a funny time of year... It's supposed to be a time we share with family, but sometimes it's more important making it a time where you find yourself at your happiest... and if family isn't the place that you can embrace the Christmas spirit, then you have to enjoy it for what you can make it... if it's with family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours or simply enjoying the people that surround you everyday.

Talking to so many people over the year about their priorities when it comes to their own well-being,  and it seems like happiness overwhelms all other emotions and relationships. I think there's a unanimous agreement as we leave 2013 that we realise that politics - if it's family politics, neighbourly politics or even government politics is in the too hard basket and no matter what relationship is involved within the dynamics of the politics, we would rather allow those people to create their own problems so we can focus on the positive aspirations, joyful times and make memorable moments without someone throwing a spanner in the mix with their jealousy, hatred or steely looks of disapproval.

For me, Christmas is a time to give to those who I appreciate. Most people who help me over the year get a heart-felt thanks, a warm hug or some time for a chat, but I can't give anything back to them, especially being a full time mother with no support from my children's father, having my own business or three and sometimes struggling on 3-hours of sleep each night, so for me Christmas is a time that I can show these people that what they have done to me hasn't been forgotten and they are more than appreciated. I don't expect anything in return, except a smile and that they know that they mean a lot to me. And that's what Christmas is about... giving to people who deserve some gratitude.

But some people don't see it that way... and that's OK. We all have our own agendas of what Christmas means. But as life takes us to different places both physically and emotionally, we can't expect to live in the village style lifestyle that ensured that the family stuck together both physically and in the family ideals, because we do become more educated, we do start to question things that don't sit right with us, and we don't allow family or friends to bully us into their way of thinking when it's against our own ideals. It just takes a lot of courage to be able to break away and find your own place of happiness.

And if we take the religious stance on it, Jesus was born as a symbol of goodness, and if we haven't the ability to remove the influences in our lives that don't allow us to be good, kind, appreciative and grateful, then we are better off without those influences on the day that we are to celebrate life with joy.

So I hope all my loyal readers have a magical Christmas and take a moment to think about all the good they have that surrounds them, and have the courage to eliminate the forces that hurt their hearts.

The Laws of Attraction

I've seen it, I've had it happen to me, I've watched people go both ways... so why is there something so right about attracting what you project?

How many friends (or even yourself) have said they have had a run of bad luck? How many times do you find yourself attracting similar people to be around you to the people you've tried to run away from? How many times have you felt jealous of watching people constantly get the job they want, be able to buy the car you want, or travel the place you want to see? It happens constantly WHEN you continue to feel sorry for yourself wishing it were you and not doing anything about making your life the best it can be.

For instance, I met these people who continually said they only wanted positive people to be around them, and if you weren't a positive person, they limited their time, sometimes even stopped making the effort to see or speak to their family and friends. But when they were around people who've known them for years, or even people they met through mutual friends, they could only say negative things to them... either by laughing at them making the other people feel uncomfortable, judging them, telling them off like they were a child, not wanting to hear their bad news concerns, essentially if someone did something in their presence or talked to them about something they had done, and it wasn't the way these people would do it, cope with it, etc... they would put a negative spin on it, making those who confided in them, feel undervalued. Needless to say, people aren't making the effort to be around them.

Then there's the 'bad luck' people. They get pulled over by the cops all the time, they crash their cars, their spouses leave them, the laundry floods, they buy milk past it's use-by date, their bed breaks as they have a gut full and just want to sleep it all away... Usually when one bad thing happens, it snowballs, and everything goes wrong... as does it happen the other way - when one good thing happens, it snowballs and you're surrounded by so many good things in your life. Either way, you just can't break the cycle, even if you want to. And the main reason why you can't break it, is because you're mindset is stuck in a way that you are only focusing on the bad and not seeing through it all to create the good. I know when my marriage was ending, I could foresee all the things my ex would 'try' for, and everything I thought, he did making it a completely miserable time. And because I focused on it, other areas of my life starting falling apart and I literally lost everything except my kids. It took over a year after everything was settled for me to start making some positive moves in my life.... get my book back on track, do things that made me happy for both my boys like traveling and buying us a home on the lake, and in doing so, we now surround ourselves with inspiring people.

How about when you're seeking a mate? Do you focus on the things you don't want, or do you focus on the things you do want in a mate? I know when I first found my lover, I focused on all the things I wanted in a man and believe me, he was everything that I wanted, except that he was extremely conflicted in what he wanted in his life, therefore we couldn't be, but after him I focused on the things that my ex husband had that I couldn't stand, and guess what? Those were the kind of guys who were attracted to me... needy, lacking financial security, wanting a mother to look after them... guys who loved what I had to offer, but couldn't offer me anything in return. And the guys I were interested, who had spark, attractive, independence, a sense of humour and enjoyed life, they just weren't interested in me, probably because I wasn't creating the spark that they were looking for.

So if we can learn anything over this holiday season, maybe we should start projecting what we want in our lives, making an effort to save, laugh, smile, say nice things, appreciate the little things, and remember our way...  somehow it might just all fall into place - if it's love, a new career, better finances, travel, companionship, comfort, warmth, or an amazing experience, if we send out the right energy, we will attract all the good we want in our lives and be responsible for our own luck.

Year 6 Graduation

This week marks the end of a milestone... my oldest son finishes primary school. Somehow, in the seven years he has been there, we have lived in two houses, two townhouses, one villa, two apartments, two motel rooms, a few weeks at the grandparent's house, a night sleeping on some dining room chairs in a pub and a night sleeping in the car, but he always been at the same school.

It's been interesting to see how different schools do their graduation ceremonies, as many of his old school friends who have changed schools, have Mums on my Facebook account, so I get to some of the differences. Our school said their school uniform was compulsory for the night, where most of the other schools got dressed up in their finest wares. Some schools had awards for the best 'artist' or best 'computer whiz' etc, where other schools had pennant flags to commemorate their final year at primary school.

Our school graduation was on Monday night in one of the local high school theatres. All the graduates sat on the stage and in groups of two-five children, did a little speech about their time at the school. My son mentioned that he had written about seventy percent of his group's speech, and, for someone who felt uncomfortable getting up and doing a speech at the start of the year, I had many mums come up to me after and say how much of a natural talent he was and how funny he is. It made me feel very proud. he told me that he had been practicing his speech to get it right for a while, but it wasn't just the words he said, it was the natural actions and comedic timing that made his speech work really well. After each of the speeches, they were given a graduation certificate that was accompanying with a sheet of head-shots of all the children in their year level. After a few speeches from the school principal and school council president, they had a slide show of the 'year that was' and pics of the children in Prep to what they look like now... amazing the transformation.

It was funny how puberty was entering into the equation... there was one boy who had a very obvious breaking voice, girls who just seemed to be a lot older than twelve in the way they acted and have matured, and some of the height on these kids is just amazing.

And the celebrations keep going... on Tuesday they had a graduation lunch with the teachers who had taught them over the years, Wednesday they went to the beach for fish n chips with their Prep buddies to say goodbye plus the annual Christmas Carols night, and on Friday it the big farewell as their final day of school (plus a family orientated barbecue in a park that's been organised). It's a big week, with Christmas on top of it all, but it's not only big physically, it's also big emotionally. As a parent, you realise exactly how much your little babies have really grown up.

I was talking to a Year 5 mum tonight about what the Year 6 kids are doing - phone calls at 10pm between girls and boys, meeting friends at the local fish-n-chip shop for a casual dinner, organising to go to a party at 7pm and getting themselves there, and coming home on their bikes (with their night lights) around 9.30pm... Their sense of independence has just come out in only just the last few weeks. This Year 5 mum was a little horrified that her little baby is only a year away from all this happening, but understands at the same time, that she needs to let him grow.

We are lucky though, that we live in a fairly safe community that it's OK for our kids to be out by themselves with their friends as long as they respect the boundaries. And next year, when they are in Year 7, those boundaries will be pushed even further... gone will be the days that he will want to go to the movies with me, gone will be the days that he will want to be seen shopping with me, gone will be the days where I will be needed to be anything but a taxi driver and a food supplier. Look, I know it won't be that bad, as I have a pretty amazing bond with my kids, but for some parents, they don't, and the Year 6 Graduation is really the end of an era that their kids are no longer their babies...

When the Ex Finds a New Mate

When your ex finds a new lover and introduces that woman/man to your kids, how do you feel? Is there jealousy, concern, uncertainty? Do you want to warn this woman/man about all the horrible things that your ex did to you before it's too late, or do you snidely sit back and just watch history repeat itself and be thankful it's not you again? It's a tricky one as there are so many scenarios...

I've heard of all types of stories from new step-mums coming in and claiming your child as her own, and even being affectionate to your child in front of your family and friends and fighting black and blue to dishonour the person you are so that she can step in and replace you, effectively... through to women meeting the children for the first time and completely disgusted by the way the father has treated his children in front of her, that she's claimed that she's sick and walked away, before it's all too late.

I think for most single parents, the first reaction is concern. Concern about how serious the relationship is, concern about how involved this new person will be in your lives, concern about how the dynamics will change within your relationship with your children, concern for your children about how they will be treated, concern that he or she could actually live an unruly life and show your children things your don't want. Negative thoughts are always going to come into play, because you know how much time and effort you put into your kids, how much your ex does or doesn't and you don't know if the change will be a good thing or a series of trips down to the Family Court.

In someways, you want your ex to be happy, so that all the negative thoughts he thinks about you will disappear and there won't be that underlying resentment, but in other ways, you pity the fool who is with him. But you analyse that person to the nth degree, as if you were dating them, because you only want the best person to be there for your children.

And you do the same when you search for a mate... you are critical, look for every little sign that screams at you telling you something's not right, you question things, you demand honesty and it's really hard to allow yourself the freedom to actually enjoy someone's company without thinking 'is this person going to be good for my kids as well as for me?' And they maybe awesome for your kids, but lacking things for you, and then you struggle with 'settling' all over again. You don't want that...

But all in all, all you want is to ensure your children and in a safe, loving environment. You don't want animosity, you want fairness in everything - responsibility, finances, love and commitment to and for your children. And if this new person comes in demanding a new set of stakes, then the war starts all over again, and that's when the fairness goes out the window. Oh, the heartache...

Moving Around New and Old Circles

Life changes... that's a given. And with life changing, so do friend circles. Some will stay as they value your friendship, as you do theirs, but others will just disappear into thin air. And that's ok. The universe has a way of making you keep the people in your lives that are meant to be there, and discarding those who create negativity, sadness, anger or unnecessary gossip to make room for new people to enter your lives.

A few weeks back, I posted a pic of my Grade 3 class from 1982 on my personal Facebook account. There were 35 children in that class, and the response I had from that was really overwhelming. There were 9 children who were labelled in the pic of which different circles of people who know me on Facebook were able to be labelled, and 7 of them made comment or liked the pic. There was even a mother of one of the children making comment. There was also another 3 children from the same year level commenting or liking, who were in the other class. Between us, we could name almost all the children and had some extraordinary memories of our teacher. I thought that was a pretty good effort from something over 30 years ago.

And somehow, in that circle, there is one girl who just so happens to be sending her son to the same school as my son will be going to next year, and we've been catching up over the last week because of orientation days. It really becomes a small world.

Then just the simple act of moving home or new neighbours moving in, joining a new club or spending a significant amount of time in a different location can create new friendships. And sometimes that's all you need to appreciate what you already have, feel alive and enjoyed for who you are.

But, the best of friends, won't just talk about their sad stories, support you through your hard times, be excited about reaching their life goals or your life goals, they will make you laugh... and that's what great friends do for you, and they are the ones to hold onto. They make you realise that no matter how hard life can be, they will make you laugh and de-stress about the hardest situations, and hug you when the tears and fears become too much. Real friends won't judge... but they can make you see things in a different light.

It doesn't matter if they are old or new friends, every friend is important. And I am thankful for each and every one of them. x

Dexter!

Today was a good day! We got to pick up our newest family member Dexter! Dexter is our 8 week old Cavoodle (half Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and half Miniature Poodle). He is the sweetest little puppy. Cavoodles are bred to be low shedding, companion dogs. They love to sit by your side and are completely loyal. They grow to about knee high, some taller, some smaller, so they are great for going for a walk or run with, as they aren't too small that you have to wait for their tiny little legs or too big that you can't keep up. My boys already love him and are excited about looking after him.

 

Today, we agreed to meet his breeder at a horse show she was riding in which was about half way between our homes. She told me she had a gold car with a purple and pink horse float attached to it, and I really didn't expect there to be soooooo many horse floats at this meet. They were everywhere. It took us about 15 minutes to find her float, and we heard Dexter whimpering in his carrier waiting to be loved. I called the breeder to tell her that we had arrived, and she turned up with her horse a couple of minutes later. She went through his papers, his diet and that the reason why he was whimpering was because he had his sister in the carrier with him all morning, and about an hour before we got there, she went to her new owner, so he was left by himself for the first time in his life.

We took him home with us, with a little detour, and he settled down in the car cuddling up to my 10 year old. When we came home, we fed him, as we were told he hadn't eaten all day, and he lapped up the food so fast, with a water chaser.

 and settled in to playing and jumping around our home, 

before in cuddled up to me on the couch to watch some afternoon TV.

He woke up and did a little puddle on the carpet... so I grabbed him and put him on the puppy pad to remind him that this is where he needs to wee. We had some visitors, he had another sleep and when he woke up, I took him outside on the lawn and he did a poop within about 30 seconds! His first poop with us and he did it perfectly! Such a good boy!!

So, that was Dexter's first day with us. We already love him and he's bringing loads of happiness to our little family xx

Time to Take a Stand This Thanksgiving

It breaks my heart each and every time I read something about America. If it's gun violence, the reduction of food stamps, homes going into foreclosure, the low wages, the under-employment or the health care system, no matter which way you look at it, it's a country in crisis.

The United States is a beautiful country of absolutely magical landscapes, gorgeous loving people and patriotism that is very much unlike any other country you'll ever visit... yet there is absolutely no humanity within the government systems and corporate America. How can the people be so loving and caring, yet their government can treat their people as third-class citizens?

For instance, I recently read that Walmart, the largest family owned employer in the country, and the wealthiest family in the world, has the same amount of money as the bottom 30% of the population of the United States ($150 billion as of August 2013), yet they have the audacity to have collection boxes out the front of their stores asking their customers to donate food items so that their 'associates' (employees) can have a nice Thanksgiving. Why aren't they giving them bonuses, raising their wages, doing something to ensure that their employees can live above the poverty line and enjoy the nation's tradition? It just tears my heart out.

Then this health care crisis... the compulsory health care system will cripple those who are barely surviving. Alaska is the most expensive state costing a minimum of $385 a month for the low-cost bronze care. That's most people's monthly food bill. In Australia, I pay $243 a month for a medium level health insurance which also includes rebates on everything from dental to massages, speech therapy to contact lenses. The least expensive state is Minnesota at $174 a month. How are people who have no jobs, have no home to live in, have no welfare from the government expected to pay this? http://finance.yahoo.com/news/50-states-obamacare-113318311.html

The hospitality sector is beyond a joke. With wages fixed at $2.13 an hour plus tips, most servers are making around $9 per hour, if they are lucky... but the $2.13 an hour has been fixed for 21 years... how does that work? And why are 10,000,000 people in the United States still living on last century's wages? http://www.upworthy.com/something-frozen-for-21-years-needs-to-thaw-right-now?c=ufb1

The scary thing is, I'm not sure if it's sensationalism or truth, but I read this morning that China is refusing to stockpile anymore US debt. They currently have about $3.66 trillion (or 1/3) of the US debt, because they wanted to artificially kept the Chinese Yuan down to sell their products cheaply to companies like Walmart, but now they don't want anymore US debt and will start selling their 'cheap products' at prices they should be selling them at, making it difficult for Americans to survive.
http://www.trueactivist.com/china-announces-that-it-is-going-to-stop-stockpiling-u-s-dollars/

How did the American government take it so far? 1980s Gordon Gecko greed, the ease of credit cards, the promise of a fortunate life through Hollywood fantasies? It's almost as if the government needs to wipe the slate clean, create completely new humanity based legislation that allows their country to grow and stop having such a fighting mentality that they need to protect the world from inhumanity when they need a great big look at themselves. If you look at the vicious circle - lack of jobs leads to poverty, poverty leads to crime, crime leads to senseless murders, murders lead to heartache and heartache can lead in two different directions - for the strong, they can be inspired and make a stance, for the weak... and I'm sorry to say, in a country that is getting weaker by the minute, it leads to depression, hopelessness and a population who can no longer work. There is no encouragement in jobs as the wages are pathetic. And if you want to get a decent job, you need to get a college degree - if you can't afford it, you get a student loan, and then you're still at the poverty line until you pay it off over the first 10 years of your working life. It's like there is no way to get ahead unless you have a wealthy family who's prepared to support you until you are 40.

I will admit, there are plenty of jobs getting great dollars in the US, but there is a widening gap between the rich and the middle class that is destroying their beautiful country. If the government insisted that employers gave their people an incentive to work hard that was actually commensurate with their skill levels, experience and cost of living, then maybe the people will be less likely to commit crimes out of desperation and hatred. Maybe people will actually have time to support their children with compassion and love because they aren't working 4 jobs to survive and their children won't feel like they are being left behind and being babysat by violent video games that they want to take out on the streets and destroy their town because of the lack of time and love their parents can give them. Maybe if they started supporting locally made products rather than imports from China they may actually create a workforce that sustains themselves.

It's not about getting back to Christian values, fighting for better gun control or tightening abortion laws... can't you see that if you have jobs you have productivity, you have taxes being paid and you have less boredom... Most parents will understand that the more you get your children involved in things like sport, dance, music, scouts, etc, the less likely they are to get themselves in trouble with the law, have unwanted pregnancies or have anger against the world and start random shootings. If we fix the problem from ground level - job creation and satisfaction, there will be more self-pride and happiness within the country.

To all my American friends, I hope you don't find me idealistic, but if you fight for anything - fight for jobs and wages, and the rest will take care of themselves.

The New Version of the 'Strict' Parent

Parenting values have changed over the last 20 odd years. Your parents were considered 'strict' if they didn't let you do anything. You weren't allowed to play with friends after school, you had to stay home and do your homework, you weren't allowed to leave the house by yourself, and you were grounded, smacked, punished and yelled at for every minor thing you did wrong. A grounding usually didn't mean much, because you weren't allowed to do anything you wanted to do anyway, it just meant that you couldn't have 'lolly night' - the treat for the week, because you were 'grounded,' you couldn't watch TV or you couldn't participate in a family activity, which usually inconvenienced one of your parents as well, as they had to stay home with you, while they others enjoyed the outing. But your parents were considered 'strict' because they didn't let up on the punishment... there was no leniency, no mercy because they wanted to teach you a lesson to stop whatever you did from you doing it again.

So in 2013, what is considered to be a 'strict' parent? A strict parent is now considered to be a parent who insists a child helps around the home rather than putting 'restrictions' on them. They make their children be independent - putting clothes in the laundry, putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher after they have eaten a meal, making their own lunches for school, having allotted times for homework, walking home from school by themselves and having their own keys to the house, essentially allowing them the freedom to look after themselves but also contribute to the team/family environment.  Whereas, the 'new normal' parent does everything for their child - takes them to school, chooses their clothes for them each morning, makes their breakfast, ballet lessons, dance lessons, soccer training, swimming lessons, playdates (and stays with them), essentially fills up their calendar so there is absolutely no time to actually do any chores, homework or have a chance to actually learn any life skills, except socialising (probably because they have a housekeeper or cleaner to do it all for them).

The problem with the new normal style of parenting is that they aren't helping their children develop the skills and character they need later in life to help them deal with adversity. Chores are things no one wants to do, but if our children did everything they wanted to do, they would be spoilt little brats and won't be able to cope with being told 'No' when they apply for a job. You have to do the hard yards to get the rewards. As my old school motto says 'No reward without effort.' And it's true... if we raise children who don't understand the value of hard work, independence and actually doing things for themselves, then what hope have they got on the outside world?

So, with the new definitions, I would be considered a 'strict' parent. And I do get the weird looks from parents who can't believe my 10 year old walks a 20 minute walk home from school every day because they think he's too young, or it's too far. But he loves it, as he gets to walk home with a couple of friends, who are a little closer than he to school, and they stop at a friend's house to shoot a few hoops, and it's his own time just to be himself. He's aware of the time, and it's very rarely he goes past his expected time to be home, but he has his phone on him, so I can reach him. It's about teaching your children responsibility, and with responsibility comes rewards. I even get weird looks when I go out for dinner with friends and I no longer call a babysitter. My boys are completely safe at home, and we have neighbours they can call if they are worried or start a kitchen fire. They know what they are allowed to do and not to do when I'm out, and they will often text me to see if they can rent a movie off Apple TV when they could easily just waste the money away without me knowing about it, and it's all too late.

By saying this, we have developed a level of respect between us - respect that allows us all to have fun, be responsible for ourselves as well as the family unit and help each other out when we can. And if there is too much iPad game playing and homework gets neglected, then unfortunately, we do go back to the iPad ban for 24 hours, but there is no resentment for it... they know that they stuffed up and they have to make up lost time and finish what needs to be done.

My job as a parent is to prepare my children for the rest of their lives. If you don't take the baby steps early on in life - and that can be from the age of 2 or 3, they will get a rude awakening when it's time to be responsible for themselves. You can't hold their hand through every little step, you need to show them the way, praise them for their successes, and encourage them to keep going if they aren't quite getting it.

I find it's the older parent (the parents who had their children in their late 30s/early 40s) who are the 'new normal' and the younger parents are the 'new strict.' Maybe it has something to do with how long they tried to conceive a child, or they saved for their financially secure lives before having children so they can enjoy them, do everything for them and hold onto their babies for as long as they can, whereas the younger parents, the ones who need to work hard to keep money coming in, have less time to take their children to 15 different activities a week and need the help around the house or need their children to be a little more independent, are the 'strict' ones. And there are those in the middle who are a mixture of the two. We need to allow our children to grow up, we need to stop thinking of them as your little baby when they are 8 or 9 (as extraordinary as it sounds, some kids are entering puberty by then) and have faith, that if we teach them well, they will be amazing, responsible, capable, understanding and loving kids for the rest of their lives.

Turning the Big 4-0!

Yesterday was my big day... I turned 40. So much I wanted to achieve before I was 40... well, really only a publishing deal, but I'm confident it will happen while I am 40, so I'm OK with that... but I believe the 'wise' button was released and I've finally put a stop to all the things that were making me distressed, upset, fragile and unsure of who I am, and somehow the clarity shone through and I've realised what is important to me.

My first piece of clarity was seeing how much I am actually loved by so many people around the world. Friends old and new said the most beautiful, uplifting, positive things about me - things I didn't realise they could see in me, things I hope I try to be but most the time I don't feel, so it was nice to know that the message I want to get out about who I am is being heard by some of the most beautiful people I know. And then there is family who were never really there for me when I was younger because of circumstance, but I find to be more family to me now than ever before, thanks to the connecting nature of Facebook and email. And then there are work colleagues - even some I don't even see anymore wished me the happiest of birthdays. All in all, on the days I can feel so lonely, I know now that I have no reason to be... everyone is just a phone call, an email, a Facebook message or a Skype away, because as much as they care, show support and enjoy my company, it made me realise how special so many people are to me.

The second piece of clarity is that for the past 25 years I have been completely and utterly insane. And by that, I mean, I have tried and tried and tried to show reason, love, compassion, companionship, generosity, joy, inspiration and trust to some of the most important people anyone could have in their lives, yet almost every time I try to get close, do something to show them how special they are to me, go out of my way, reveal my vulnerabilities, create a common bond, really anything that is supposed to keep this particular relationship alive... they have knocked me down, judged me, hurt my feelings, killed my spirit, used information I gave them against me and have shown not one inch of compassion, support or love for the very person I am or be the people I need them to be. And the ironic thing is, they only want to have 'positive people' in their lives, yet they can only say negative things about me to me. So I've come to the conclusion that I will no longer bother wasting my heart away on a relationship that doesn't serve me any purpose except heartache. I cannot change them, and they cannot change me, so the relationship cannot exist.

The third piece of clarity is I need to learn to love myself more. I have to stop being so hard on myself - stop working so hard, start exercising more, start relishing the beautiful tastes in food rather than just eating for the sake of eating, start taking in deeper breaths, start smiling more, start laughing more and start seeing the funny side of things rather than the serious side. I had an amazing lunch with an old girlfriend yesterday, someone I don't think I had seen in about 3 years, and we chatted like it was only last week that we had last seen each other. We laughed at some of the serious things that had happened in our lives which were stranger than fiction, we joked about imaginary scenarios and in the end, we wished we had so much more time to catch up, even though it ended up being a 3 hour lunch. I need to take more time out to enjoy those moments.

This is possibly the first year I have received presents and actually appreciated every single one of them. It's not that I haven't been grateful when I receive a present, it's that I get disheartened that I make such an effort to buy the perfect present for people I love, and not the same thought goes into a gift for me... For instance, it took almost 16 years of being with my husband for him to buy something that was solely for me and I wanted it, not something that he wanted to give to me because he wanted it. But this year, I must have put the vibe out, as I was spoilt with some beautiful and unexpected gifts. My favourite one was a little Happiness Kit - which had an eraser in it to erase all the bad things out of your life, a couple of marbles in case you lost yours, a button to press in case of panic, a peg to hold it all together and a coin so you're never completely broke. I smiled as it was so sweet, and when I saw my neighbour to thank her for it, she said 'well they say you can't buy happiness, and now you can!' in the form of this little kit. So cute, and so perfect as a little reminder of what you need to do to stay happy.

For all those who know me well, they know I have a huge heart... and unfortunately that heart gets hurt and bruised too easily, yet it can also open up huge and wide for those who appreciate it. I will give money to the kids who are sick, in poverty or trying to make something of themselves. I give to the emergency services for the amazing jobs they do in helping everyone in our society. I will be there for friends who go through a crisis and need an emotional outlet to talk through it all or just give them a hug and the support they need. I will do whatever it takes to ensure my children get the education they need, stop any bullying they go through, enable them to maintain friendships by valuing their choices in friends and be the best Mum I can be. And by doing all of it, knowing that I am helping, inspiring and giving to those who actually appreciate me, I know I am being the best person I can be. And that's all that matters... to be the best person I can be for my kids, for my friends, the family that values me and for me.

They say that 'Life Begins at 40'... well maybe that's true... maybe it's when all your fears wither away and you get the courage to be the person you want to be, retain the relationships that serve you best and find the place inside to love yourself.

Sign of the Times

No matter which country you live in, it seems to be apparently harder now than compared with any other generation, to be a first home buyer. When my parents were buying their first home, the average house price was four times their annual wage. In Australia now, it's eleven times their annual wage. You physically need to have two full time incomes to pay off the $400,000-$500,000 you borrow, let alone saving close to $140,000 to cover the 20% deposit and stamp duties you need to ensure you don't have to pay mortgage insurance and other ludicrous fees the banks and government throw at you. In Australia, the hardest thing at all at the moment is that, even though we have the lowest interest rates on record, the housing prices are sky-rocketing, for one simple reason... there is a culture of investors out there who are 'teaming it up.'

And that culture is the Chinese. They are collectively getting together, as family members - father, mother, son, uncle, aunt, cousins, etc, and buying one property with four or five incomes contributing to the mortgage, they are paying off the mortgage within a couple of years and then going to buy the next property... they continue doing it, living in small 2 bedroom apartments, rotating beds to sleep in as some family members do night shifts and some do day shifts, until everyone has a property to live in to call their own. Then they continue building their small fortune with investment properties. With their four-five incomes + rental income, they are paying off their investments even quicker... instead of 2-3 years, it maybe 12 months, and it snow balls until they are simply just paying cash for each and every investment and bidding every other potential buyer out of the auction race.

So why aren't the western world learning from the Chinese ability to create wealth? I'm not saying that we should live in cramped quarters with our parents in the same bedroom as us when we are twenty, but can't we create a home buying model that ensures that our families stick together and build wealth as a team? Isn't that how the rich get richer? Creating a family dynasty that was portrayed in TV shows like 'Dynasty' and 'Dallas,' or even the real life dynasties like the Hiltons, the Kennedys and the English Royal family?

Ok, some of you will say that it's long term family inheritance that has helped those families be who they are... but they started somewhere... they started with a family bond, a will to leave a legacy, a will to help each other as families should and can.

I think it was somewhere after World War II when families were left fatherless, returned soldiers received war service homes at heavily reduced rates, but had to fend for themselves as they had lost parents, brothers and sisters in the war that this ideal of 'buying the Australian dream' became autonomous. The government and banks assessed you on you being a 'returned soldier,' 'a new Australian' or 'a war widow' and that you had no support network of family to help you, therefore your ability to pay a mortgage was assessed on the one income. So as pride took over, the pride that you could actually pay your home off on the one income in a reasonable amount of time, so did the attitude that 'I did it on my own, so my kids can do it on their own.'

But what our parent's generation don't get is, yes they may have been paying up to 20% on their home loans in the 80s, they were paying 20% on a $50,000 loan... so essentially $10,000 a year in interest. Where as the first home buyers are paying 5% on a $400,000 loan... which equals $20,000 a year in interest. On a $50,000 loan, you may have only paid off $2000 in a year in capital, 4% of your loan. On a $400,000 loan, you need to pay an extra $16,000 a year to pay 4% off your capital. So the difference of achieving the same result in different times is $12,000 a year in the 1980s to $36,000 in the 2010s. But is a first home buyer making 3 times the income as their parents were when they first stepped into the real estate world?

The Australian Tax Office statistics say that in 1989, when the interest rates were at their all time high, the average annual Australian wage was $26,073, in 2009 the average annual wage was $62,171 (and we had 8-9% interest rates). Can you imagine paying $36,000 a year on your mortgage on $62,171? More than half of your income is on your mortgage, and you haven't even taken your tax out of your income yet...

Our family attitudes have to change for the next generation... we can no longer allow our kids to contemplate doing it on their own. We have to act not only like a family, but a team... a team who helps each other financially, emotionally and physically. It's not that one team player out-performs another team player, it's working on each other's strengths. It's not giving them everything on a silver platter, it's showing them how to strive for goals, meeting their goals and relishing in the success of their goals, but giving them the strength that they are not doing it alone, and that if they falter, they are letting the team down, not just themselves.

We need to have a collective attitude in our families. It's OK to live apart, it's OK to have different goals, but if we don't want our housing prices, the basic need for shelter, to be taken away from us, we need to think smarter and more collectively.

Should Our Vulnerabilities Make You Less of a Person?

Most people are afraid of exposing their weaknesses, when in fact they are physically exposing them everyday through their appearances - the look of stress in their face, their weight, the bags under their eyes from not sleeping, biting their nails, smoking cigarettes, a permanent frown on their face when in their not putting on their 'people' face... you know, the face you automatically put on when you're in company to act professionally at work, to be social with the mums at school, to have your photo taken... No matter how we are in our 'let's show the world who we are today' face, we will let our vulnerabilities be known through our 'no one is watching' face.

So, when someone does catch us losing our guard - biting our nails in public, smoking a cheeky cigarette after dropping the kids off at school, eating that Snickers bar between meals, constantly looking in the mirror because we don't think we are good looking enough, crying in the car when you think no one else can see you.. should it make us less of a person?

Certainly not... it only makes us more human. What is more telling is how the person who caught us in the act reacts... will they do something to show you that they care about us, will they offer idle gossip to people who know us that we let our defences down, or will they ignore us completely because we didn't have our 'social/professional' face up and they don't know how to handle our emotions with us?

Showing our vulnerabilities only makes us more human. It is us reaching out for help, hoping someone will ask us what's wrong, offer to help us or give us emotional support, but so many people just don't want to know...

And that's heartbreaking to me... I go inside the lives of many people, into the privacy of their own homes, and they expose to me - a stranger - some of their hardships and their worries, and all they want is someone to listen, possibly give them some advice, or someone to be compassionate and sympathetic to their plight. Most the time, I walk out of their homes and you can see a small weight has lifted off their shoulders because I've taken the time to help them through their concerns and a smile has emerged. Is it easier to talk to a stranger about your concerns, or is it becoming harder and harder to talk to friends and family about our concerns because they 'know you too well' and think that you're stupid, naive, overly emotional, making things up in your head or simply don't have enough time in their day for your antics?

And this is where the problem lies... if the people closest to us actually took the time to listen, support, appreciate and value all our vulnerabilities, highs and lows, worries and concerns, those characteristics that make up the person who we are, then maybe, those vulnerabilities, worries and concerns would actually lessen and we would be more open to smiling more, laughing more, enjoying ourselves and the people whoa are closest to us more, and stop hiding behind bitten fingernails, cigarettes and Snickers bars.

I must admit, and I'm sure many people who have travelled have experienced the same thing... but once you are out of your comfort zone, away from all the people who have negative things to say about you - your family, your work colleagues, your friends, etc, you actually step away from those vulnerabilities and discover the person you actually are. You fall in love with your confidence, your courage, your ability to actually be out on your own. You actually don't 'give a shit' about anyone else except yourself and your fellow travellers who have also lost that big weight off their shoulders that they are carrying for everyone else. You swap Snickers bars for local produce, you swap biting your nails for being in awe of the landscape, and you smoke cigarettes because it's trendy in Paris or Amsterdam, not because you're stressed about getting through your day.

So next time you see someone who's looking a little frazzled and struggling to keep their 'public face' together, take the time to actually ask them how they are... really ask them, and don't accept the answer 'I'm OK' because you clearly can see that they aren't. Don't feel burdened if they let it all out in a whirlwind of hurts and emotional baggage, just be the sympathetic ear they need and show some genuine compassion, some human spirit and help them rediscover their smile.

An Erotic Tale... a Foreplay of My Novel Aspirations

As you all know, I'm working really hard in finishing my book to get it out to you all as soon as I can... So I thought I would bring you a 'taste' of some of the naughtiness in my writing, an interlude of lust, or maybe a celebration of heightened sexuality... please note, I am deliriously tired at the moment after working a third straight day of 16+ hours.. so I thought I would give you something unexpected. So here goes!

Carrie sat idly by her computer waiting for her lover's call... She was dressed in her soft purple satin lingerie with black lace softly outlining the edges of her voluptuous breasts and the curves of her legs. Her long soft blonde locks shaped her subtly made-up face, so she had that seductive natural look her lover always loved about her. She'd been waiting for thirty minutes, waiting for her lover to log into his Skype account so they could intimately enjoy each other when they couldn't be together physically. Carrie loved their lustful seductions, as they helped her connect with herself through the power of imagination and intimacy, sound and instruction, sight and pleasure. Randy Elwood, a senator from Georgia, was her secret lover, and was regularly late for their lover's tryst as he was always called out to some political emergency, so Carrie tried to understand that she just had to be patient.

Carrie had an episode of 'Game of Thrones' on the television in the background, trying to pass the time. Her eyes sleepy, as it had been a long day, but her lover had promised her that he would Skype her. It had been three days since she'd last seen him, and she wanted to see him desperately. At 12.02am he logged in. Carrie excited that she wasn't forgotten, tousled her hair, had one last glance in the mirror to see if she 'presented well' and accepted his Skype call.

"Hey, how was your night?" she asked him.
"Hectic... I don't want to go into it. I want to be here with you Baby." Randy said.

Carrie smiled. She loved when he spoke affectionately to her. She loved looking at him... looking at his baby bear brown eyes, his heartwarming smile and his unblemished skin. Her whole aura glowed when he made the time to see her.

"Do you want to see what I'm wearing?" she asked with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Yes ma'am! That's right, you said you'd have something special for me." Randy said, remembering a past conversation.

Carrie sat up on her bed out of her lying position, and softly grazed her bra with the back of her finger to show Randy how sexy she could be. She saw Randy's jaw drop, like he'd forgotten how beautiful she was. Carrie used her other hand to brush her skin slowly down her body, making her way to the edge of her panties. She stopped before going any further, just to tease him a little before their ultimate seduction. 

"Ooh Baby, circle your nipples on the outside of your bra so I can see them sticking out of the material." Randy asked.

Carrie did what he asked. She loved his commanding nature, his sense of authority. It made her feel wanted and desired, yet incredibly sexy at the same time. 

"Can you see them?" Carrie asked.

"Yes Baby... you look so fine. Now pinch them for me, I want to see your body react to you pinching them."

Carrie squeezed her nipples, sending bolts of pleasure down between her legs. She started to gyrate her pelvis to augment the pleasure. She closed her eyes and bent her neck backwards moving to the uncontrollable rhythms of her body.

"That's it Baby." Randy said, "take it further."

Carrie opened her eyes and could see Randy playing with his manhood. He had moved the screen so she could see his bare slightly hairy chest, revealing only his nipples, his handsome face and his arm movements in the left hand side of the frame. Carrie thought it was only fair to show him her womanly breasts, so she slowly let the straps down over her shoulders, unclip her bra from behind and held her breasts in the creases of her elbows, before dramatically revealing the buoyancy of her bosom to the screen.

"God you're beautiful Carrie. Wish I could nibble on those breasts right now and make you cum," Randy said, completely in awe of Carrie's porcelain skin and perky nipples.

"Oh Baby, please don't tease me... you know it's still two months away before we can be together again. I wish it were sooner. Please just enjoy this time for what it is."

"I know Baby... it will come quicker than you think. But I want you to cum for me right now! Do you think you can do that for me?" Randy said with the cheekiest smile on his face.

"I'll try..." Carrie said with a smile, knowing that Randy was trying to make her feel good about herself, but also knowing how easy it was for her to cum just by listening to his sultry southern accent.

Carrie continued to squeeze one of her nipples with one hand, while sucking on the other nipple with her mouth. She watched with intent the reaction she gave Randy. She could see a wave of pleasure hit him, like he instantly lost the stress of the day's work and found himself in the moment of being with her. She loved how she could do that to him - make him relax with just one amazing move...

I could get a lot juicier, but as I said, it was a 'foreplay.' Let me know if you like what you read and would love to read more.

Love,
Suzy xx

How Much is Too Much?

Our children want to try everything - it may be soccer, football, baseball, tennis, swimming, a musical instrument, karate, gymnastics, basketball, netball, softball, hockey, cycling, skiing, snowboarding, little athletics or dance classes... sometimes they excel at it and become ultra competitive, other times, they love the social time with their friends or the knowledge that they are starting to become 'good' at something. Some children are doing 2-3 activities a night after school by the time they fit in practices and games, swimming lessons and cultural school. But when does it become too much?

The first sign is when your child doesn't have time to do their homework, or ends up staying up until 10pm each night trying to get their homework done because their afternoons are chewed up by their extra curricular activities. 10pm is ok if they are in high school, but 8 and 9 year olds trying to stay awake getting their compulsory homework done is a little bit unfair on the child.

The second sign is when your child just wants to have a friend over to play, and you haven't a free day in the week to make that happen. Children need to have that out of school time to bond with friends without the peer pressure of other school mates being around. They need to develop one-on-one social skills that are outside the boundaries of the school gates. It gives them a chance to understand themselves better when being confronted by a situation that they agree with or don't agree with to build better friendships and relationships.

And conversely, if a child has too much one-on-one time with individuals, they can lose their ability to understand the significance of what they can bring to the table in a group or team situation. You need the balance to develop both sides of their personalities. I know from personal experience that I was restricted to solo activities as a child - individual swimming and music lessons were the base of my activities, and if a group of friends wanted to go out together, I wasn't allowed to go, as my mother was afraid of 'gang' mentalities. I was allowed to go out with one friend at a time only... so essentially, I feel more comfortable in one on one situations and am almost terrified of being in a group situation, scared that no one will talk to me. I did do 'group' musical activities - orchestra, string quartet and choir, but again, I was scared of playing out of tune, singing off key, or not being as good as everyone else, so I never really perform at my best in a group situation, but give me a chance to perform as a solo artist, and I blitzed it (well, I did once!). In a group situation, I blended into the background, sometimes even pretending to sing or play when I forgot the lyric or lost where I was on the page. Hence the reason why I probably work alone, and the reason why I insist that my boys play team sports to get that understanding of not being an 'island' in their relationships on and off the field, and for when they get older and have to put it into their business relationships.

But what happens when your child's life changes and their extra curricular activities that they have played for 4, 5 or even 8 years, get in the way of new activities that are age appropriate as they turn into teenagers? How do you choose? We all physically can't do everything, but some parents insist that their child 'loves' their three different sports they play, that their child is dedicated to their two practice sessions and weekly matches each week for each sport, and that they are staying out of trouble by being so 'involved.' Are they really loving it, or are they telling you they are because you are the one who has the dream that one day they may get a sporting scholarship at a good university, become a professional athlete and have a job that may only last them 10 years with its high risk of injury and endless competitiveness, but unbelievable pay-packet while it lasts?

We can't live our children's lives for them, and they certainly can't live the lives we wanted for ourselves, but we can give them the life skills that they need to take with them beyond their lives in our home. I asked my children last night if any of their friends are paid (bribed) for good grades... one of their friends gets $10 for a C, $30 for a B and $60 for an A in each report card, but if there is one F on the report card, they get nothing. With 10-15 subjects, their parents could be handing out a bit of money. But how can that be fair when you have children of different learning abilities, and one child just will never be able to achieve an A and the other one gets a report card full of them? It doesn't mean that the one who doesn't get the As isn't trying their hardest, it's just they aren't 'built that way.' What does it do to that child's self esteem? Then there are the children who constantly ask their parents for money without helping around the house because their parents insist that their 'job' at that point of their life is to be a student.

But there's more to life than just being a student... our children need to learn the skills of saving, budgeting, working for money, learning to do domestic chores, learning about 'team based' responsibility in the form of helping around the house, and getting rewarded for doing so. They need to learn how to help others by volunteering or fundraising, and they need to know that 'life' is not handed out on a platter. There is no reward without effort. (Possibly a reason why our world is in a debt crisis at the moment, as there has been too much expectation from people that they can rely on a hand-out from the government, their credit card company or their parents to survive).

My oldest son starts high school next year. He is my saviour when it comes to helping around the house and he does what he can to make sure that I won't go cranky. We have discussed what 'starting high school' involves in terms of his level of responsibility to himself and his family. We have discussed what he wants to achieve throughout his high school years, and he's excited about what school offers him, in terms of the World Challenge Program in Year 10/11, camps, science programs, music opportunities, etc. He knows that he will be expected to work a part-time job when he's legally able to and he has to integrate it into his life somehow - if it is hockey umpiring, working at a supermarket, working at a movie theatre, mowing lawns or doing the McDonalds thing. Up until then, we have agreed that I will pay him $25 a week for his chores around the house, and he will need to budget with it... as that will have to pay for any food he wants from the canteen at school (he can always take a free lunch from home), entertainment activities with friends (going to the movies, seeing a sports game, going to the arcade), birthday and Christmas presents for his brother, his friends and I (and his father if he wants to) and anything he wants along the way in terms of toys, sports goods that are outside his extra-curricular sport, food on the way home from school, etc. He can always make more money by taking initiative to do extra things, like washing the car, cleaning the barbecue, etc but he also knows that sometimes you don't get paid for everything you do, because sometimes it's for the 'sake of just being part of a family' - a family that's a team and helps each other.

But I hear of stories that just horrify me about how parents just offer their children everything on a platter. The World Challenge Program is quite a contentious issues for some parents. Essentially, the program is designed to teach children how to think outside themselves... the CHILDREN need to raise $7000 to pay for a one month trip to an African community (maybe 2 communities) and work in that community once they are there. Generally, they have 18 months to make their $7000 (around $100 a week). There are companies that actually give jobs to children who are working towards the program. It also teaches children initiative in how they raise their funds - it could be a chocolate drive, a sausage sizzle, washing cars, mowing lawns, running errands, umpiring games, coaching, dog walking, a proper job with a 'boss' or even asking for donations from friends and family through Go Fund Me style websites to get $10 here, $20 there... But some parents insist that their children's lives are too busy and they will 'fund' the majority of their trip. What is that teaching their children? Is it teaching them responsibility? Is it teaching them what commitment is about? Is it teaching them the ability to actually feel satisfied and proud of themselves because getting the money was easy? Because when they actually get to Africa and see the simplicity of the African lives, the basic needs that they don't have and we just take for granted, how will they survive a day let alone a month?

Children need a balance in life and too much of one thing can be more damaging to the greater good of their personalities. They need to work with their hands as well as on computers, they need to spend as much time outdoors as they do indoors, and they need to learn that while we give them 'some' things, it's important that other things are earned. It's all balance... I'm not saying that I'm the perfect mother, far from it, but I understand the importance of ensuring that my boys need balance in their lives between what they 'love' to do and what they 'have' to do, so they can appreciate what they get when they get it, and earn money, respect, pride, autonomy and team skills from what they learn in life skills.

What are we teaching our children?

There is an expectation that how we live our lives is an example to our children of what is ok and what isn't... There have been ads on television trying to stop parents asking their children to get them another beer out of the fridge rather than doing it themselves, as the repetitive act of a child doing what we see as a harmless adult activity for an adult can cause that child to believe that 'binge drinking' is an acceptable practice, which may lead to early consumptions of alcohol or 'addictive' behaviour in the child, because they see it as being 'ok.'

So if that's the case, what about in our relationships? If someone hits us in the face and we continue to have a loving relationship with that person, are we telling our children that it's acceptable that it's OK to be violent in a relationship? Or do we make excuses that we deserved it, or it was something that happened in a drunken stupor and they really didn't mean to hurt you so badly? Or do we cover it up, and say that you knocked your face in a door in the middle of the night so no one knows the truth? (it's actually quite frightening how many people actually do 'cover it up.')

But what happens if a husband cheats on his wife? Is the first relationship OK, a mistake, something they need to go to counselling over to work out the conflicts in their marriage? Is it showing your children that forgiveness is the greatest form of commitment, no matter how hurt and broken hearted you are, or that your sense of trust in the relationship has completely disappeared? I was speaking to a lady yesterday who did exactly that... She found out about her husband's four year affair because he kept saying that they couldn't afford to do some improvements around the house, but he was actually paying for his mistress's lifestyle on the side. She forgave him, as a Catholic woman does, and they went to counselling and tried to restore their marriage. She had all confidences that they would 'make things better.'

But then she heard the voices... 'go check his email,' 'go check the phone records...' So she did, and saw repetitive text messaging to the one phone number, up to 30 times a day and only on weekdays. She decided to ring the number, and the number was a mother of one of her daughter's friends. She decided not to approach the woman, but ask a mutual friend if she knew anything. Her friend said she knew nothing but decided to approach the woman in any case. She asked her to go out for a coffee, and she happily obliged, and once she sat down she said 'how long have you been having an affair with such-in-such?' The woman said, 'how do you know?' 

For the wife, she said once is enough, but the second time, if she stayed, she would be teaching her daughter that it's OK for a man to walk all over you and not respect your relationship, and for her son, it would show him that an affair is an acceptable part of any marriage. She didn't want to show her children that infidelity was allowed... she didn't want to be treated like her feelings and her life was a lie.

So why do so many wives stay with their serial cheating husbands? What are they saying to their children? That their religious/moral values and or their ability to remain 'committed' are more important than their self-esteem, their existence in their own family or their husband's respect? Or is change too terrifying for too many? Do they believe that what goes on behind closed doors remains behind closed doors just to live the comfortable lifestyle they are accustomed? But once their children find out about the infidelities, and they do, if it's immediately or over time, their children will constantly question the blurred line between what is right and what is acceptable in all of THEIR OWN relationships.

Do you want to see your own child being hurt by infidelity, an abusive spouse or being completely disrespected by the person they love? Or would you prefer for them to stand up for their rights as a human being and be happy, learn to trust and live an honest life? Most would answer 'no way.' So why do women allow these men to walk all over them and not respect the commitment they made to each other? But even for men who have done the cheating (or women for that fact), can you imagine if his precious daughter's husband cheated on her, how could he live with himself to tell his daughter that her husband's behaviour is acceptable and she should just 'live with it' because he was too gutless to leave a marriage after he broke his vows.

If we can't teach our children by example how to be an up-standing citizen, then there is no hope in the future generations to be able to speak out and act on what is right and acceptable in how we should ALL be treated. 

Country People vs City People

One thing I realised while I was in Europe was the difference in the 'city' people vs the 'country' people... There are definitely many wonderful people I met while I was in the city, like the lovely man who was in the busy rush of the London Tube helping me carry my luggage up the steep staircase, and the sweet French man who gave us extra special attention in a Parisienne bistro, but they were few and far between... the Romans were rude, the Amsterdammers were just too busy dinging their bicycle bells riding way too fast and expecting you to get out of their way and most the Parisiennes were either begging for money or seemed a little sly. I will admit, the Londoners know all about what courtesy and compassion for a stranger is... however, the country people no matter where I am in the world, just warm my heart.

And it's no different to what I find in Melbourne versus what I find in provincial Victoria. Unless you know someone in Melbourne, they don't want to know you. Even when I've been to the States, those who live in the smaller towns give you more attention than those in the rat-race cities. I guess it's true... life is slower in the country... slower to actually make an effort for people whether they are friends, family or strangers...

At lunch time on Saturday, my friend and I drove up to Mansfield and walked through the Farmer's Market, listened to the school kids singing and enjoyed some of the local delights. You could tell the difference between the Melbourne tourists and the locals, just by the way they treated you.

On Saturday night, my friend and I hopped down to the Boat Club to see what the local watering hole was all about. Admittedly, most the people were over fifty and there really wasn't many people there... but the view was spectacular and the people were so keen to who these 'two new ladies' were... especially the 'committee' members. So after a brief chat, letting them know that I'd just bought a new home down the street, they told me that I must come up on Cup Day to enjoy a feast of champagne and chicken with my boys (I'm sure they will be on the lemonade), to get dressed up and join in the local festivities. It was really nice to be made feel welcome. I signed up for a 'horse' in the sweepstakes and said I will be there... and they convinced me to get up next Wednesday morning at 5am to make the drive back to Melbourne instead of driving back Tuesday night...

On Sunday we packed up and got the house ready for our first paying guests. I'm lucky to have some local people who are happy to be my home's caretakers... they will mow the lawns for me, clean the house after guests come, and just help me with all the little bits and pieces which are still puzzling to me with the new house... especially since the only services it has is electricity and phone, and everything else (water, sewerage and bottled gas) is tied to the land. It's all a learning curve for me, but I'm willing to understand it all.

And it's amazing how slow time actually goes in the country.. how you can fill your day and realise by 1pm that you still have half the day ahead of you to enjoy. My little lake house is a joy to go up to and makes my working week easier to get through. I'm so thankful we have been welcomed so warmly. I'm so thankful my boys love it and enjoy every part of it... maybe we were supposed to be country people too! :)

Life Without Phone or Internet

Currently on the weekends, we are escaping to our little Lake House in the country. It's about a 2 hour 45 minute drive away from home through some magical countryside dappled with wineries, road side fruit and preserve stands, rejuvenating burnt forests, undulating hills and a lovely assortment of farm life, wild life and bird life... it really is a chocolate box experience - you don't know what you're going to get on every trip.

About seven minutes from our house by the lake, my phone goes into 'SOS' mode... therefore no phone or internet for about 10 kilometres. This weekend, we arrived there on Friday night 8pm and we left there this morning, Monday at 5am... 57 hours of phone and internet free bliss. If I belonged to a different network, my phone would work fine. If my house had a booster antenna, I would be able to pick up the signal from the other network (and we are looking into it, but there is quite a large expense associated with it). But, even though I was a little edgy about not having phone or internet access when we first settled the house 3 weekends ago, it's actually been wonderful without it...

The boys and I ventured around our little town and found some more discoveries... we discovered the cafe, fish n chip & pizza shop in the caravan park store, we found the picnic point with a playground, electric barbecues and a magical view, and we discovered a fire track that leads up to a lookout. We chatted with a few locals (or, as my boys would say, I chatted with a few locals) who told me to check out the local boat club this weekend for a few social 'getting to know the community' drinks, and the boys got into their board shorts for the first time and took a dip in the lake.

At the house, the boys got into throwing their weight around with an axe chopping up some firewood, we pruned some trees to make them fire-safe for the up-coming fire season and we had a campfire scraping away all the pine needles off the ground for instant kindling, assisting our 'fire safe' strategy. We played board games on the deck, watching the pelicans and eagles flying about, and the water-skiers and kayakers enjoying the beautiful waters. It was amazingly relaxing, and it was so good seeing my boys enjoying the outdoors and appreciating the nicer things in life.

It was only when we walked up to the lookout and I started taking some photos that I noticed I actually got reception on my phone from this 'middle of no where track' in the Delatite Forest and I had 8 emails come in... but I just scanned through them, realised there was nothing that couldn't wait, and enjoyed the rest of the weekend with my precious little men.

On the drive home, in the previous weeks, as soon as we got to the end of the road where I know the service comes back in, I'm busy checking if anyone loves me... but I didn't even look today until I actually made it home, a little over 2 and half hours after I could get service.

It is nice having a break from technology and just enjoying the people you love. It does help when you can admire the beauty that's around you, and it does make you appreciate all the little things that make you whole, and really the phone and internet don't even come close to bringing out the beauty in who you are.

It's Been A Long Time Between Drinks!

This would have to be the longest time since I've written a blog... I'm sorry! But a lot has been going on... school holidays, settling on my new holiday home, talking to people in the UK about my book, sooooooo much work that I don't know if I'm Arthur or Martha, spending the weekends at the new holiday home (which at the moment doesn't have internet) so I can't write about it and helping a friend who has gone through an act of domestic violence... really, there are so many sad stories that go on within families, sometimes you have to count your blessings with what you have.

And that's the hard thing... things are looking positive again - most my friends have found renewed happiness, I'm feeling more comfortable in my financial, social, business and family position, friends call me with their happy news, things are looking up... but then one of them goes through such a terrible thing where she has to go call the police on her so called 'friend,' go to the doctors, get a CT scan to see if she has any facial fractures and her whole self esteem goes to shit, as those who are close to both of my friend and her perpetrator can't even see that she is the victim here, not the guy who hit her. There is no excuse for a blow to the face, yet the people close to her suggest that the guy must have been 'pushed.' WOW! Couldn't he have been 'pushed' to walk away, 'pushed' to have a level headed conversation, 'pushed' to go for a walk to clear his head, 'pushed' to have a cold shower to lower his temper... he could have been 'pushed' to do many things, but not 'pushed' to whack my friend in the face.

I was talking to a client today after she opened up about the status of selling her parents' home. She was so upset about it, as her brother was contesting the Will, because the house was left only to her, as their parents had 'given' him a house down the street 20 years ago, but he cashed it in, and now he has nothing. He had the opportunity for his parents to see him enjoying the fruits of their labour while they were alive, she had to wait until they were dead, so the money from their Will is very bittersweet for her. She said that her brother was horrible to her father, including giving him a few black eyes and assaults that needed stitches in his lifetime, so he had essentially written him out of his Will based on two elements - he had already received an entire house for free, and he was abusive. Yet now she needs to spend hard earned dollars on legal fees to stop her brother from getting a piece of her inheritance. She had to change the locks on her parents home and she isn't talking to her brother. It's so sad that families can get to that stage over 'money.' But I can see how easily it can happen. After talking to her, I count my blessings...

And my blessings are my two beautiful boys who are so compassionate, so helpful and so funny. They love running around the countryside around our new lake house, they love spending time together and helping each other out, they help around the house without whinging, they put so much effort into their schoolwork and try to extend themselves... they really do make me proud. But my blessings are also that I have found this beautiful paradise by the lake, I have clients who want to use my services always and I am now at the point where I am saying 'no' to work because I am too busy, which is terribly hard for me; I am ever so grateful for my beautiful friends, and I am happy to keep all the positive things and people in my life, and show the love to the people who deserve it.

A big week!

This week, I consider myself, the luckiest mum in the world. It's the first week of school holidays, and I was dreading it, as typically, it's one of the biggest work weeks of the year. My boys are now 12 and 10 years old, so they are fairly self-sufficent when it comes to being able to look after themselves while I'm working, and I worry that they may have episodes of not getting along, annoying each other and just being boys, however this week, they truly excelled themselves.

My 'day' job produced my record week of work. In one day, I had to write up 14 properties and inspect 10. I kept my laptop with me, so between appointments I could write up the work, and I managed to write generally 8 properties on the road, ensuring I didn't have too much work to do at home. But I was away from my boys for 9-10 hours each day. We texted each other every few hours, sometimes a phone call, and I have a lovely new neighbour who checked up on them a couple of times a day for me.

I won't say it started off rosy. On Monday, after the boys had been to the Royal Melbourne Show with their father the day before and had come home with showbags full of lollies, I came home to a mess of lolly wrappers, dishes in places where they shouldn't be, lunch that I prepared them still in the fridge and a complete disregard to the fact that this is 'our home.' So I cracked it. I'd given them a list of things to do throughout the day, which they had done to their credit, but very early on in the day, and then they made a mess after they had cleaned everything up. BOYS!!!

So I gave them the ultimate threat.... if I came home to this again, especially when I am on the road - getting no toilet breaks for 9-10 hours, eating the handful of snacks I prepared before I left while driving madly between appointments, completely thirsty because if I drink too much water I need to go to the toilet and completely mind-numb with the information overload in my head, then there would be consequences.... I will take their iPads with me to work the next day, and as we recently discovered that the tiles in our apartment actually have white grout (thanks to our new neighbour who scrubbed hers back to white, and no thanks to the endless stream of tenants before us who have never scrubbed ours so we thought the grout was grey), I threatened the boys to hard labour of scrubbing each and every tile till they were white. Hmmm... as you can imagine, they didn't like the thought of that, so the rest of the week, our home was perfect.

On Tuesday, I came home with a migraine and my boys made dinner (microwave meals, as I knew that I wouldn't be able to even think of cooking), they gave me neck massages and looked after me.

On Wednesday, after seeing 10 properties (and writing 8 on the road), I had an invite to a girlfriend's house, and my boys were ok with me leaving them for a couple of hours as long as I brought them home chocolate! And it was nice catching up with some girlfriends with a glass of wine, that actually made me sleep really really well!

On Thursday, with 8 properties to see, I was home by 2pm, wrote up the last few I didn't manage doing on the road, and I could give myself to my boys for the evening... We went to see Grown Ups 2 at the movies and bumped into some school friends there, which was a real treat.

On Friday, I only had 5 properties to see which were scattered around the morning, so I was able to pop back home a couple of times, and I was finished by 4pm, so we went to the chiropractor to get straightened up, did some shopping for our new holiday house, and came home for a movie night in.

Every day from Tuesday onwards, the house was clean, my boys were either playing nicely together or quietly in their separate rooms when I came home, they had eaten the lunch I prepared for them, put the rubbish in the bin and taken the bins to the road, dishwasher was stacked or turned on and cleaned, clothes that were washed were folded and put away, and even when I was home, they put the extra care into putting things away when they had finished with them. It was like a 'thunderbolt' of understanding had transformed to actually 'doing.' I am super proud of my boys for working as a team.

And the best thing ever, is that I come home to the most beautiful smiles, positive attitudes and loving boys. They always ask me how my day is, if I want something, and ask me nicely if they want something. It was a big week in so many ways, but fulfilling, successful and most of all, full of love.

What Does the World Need More Of?

Love
Compassion
Honesty
Joy
Understanding
Acceptance
Appreciation
Selflessness
Smiles
Laughter
Cultural Understanding
Equality
Books
Birds Singing
Hugs
Passion
Light
Fresh Air
Harmony
Simplicity
Human Connection
Trees
Renewable Energy
Music
Food
Pleasure
Time
Stories
Random Acts of Kindness
Gratitude
Warmth
Colour

and
Peace

Honesty

I'm a big advocate for honesty... for as hurtful it can be it can also be joyous, revealing, create greater understanding and give you choices. The problem lies though when people are confused, conflicted and lacking self-esteem, as they are the people who sit on the fence and are not prepared to make any decision that could actually benefit their life and their relationships... they would rather live a life of confusion, torn between the polar opposites in their lives, and create a life that ruins their relationships as their words and actions lose trust with the people who love them, because their lies to themselves become unbelievable, and they fall apart as they don't have the ability to make a clear choice that will move them forward.

And I think that's the point... once you stop living the lie you become more honest with yourself. No one can force you to stop living the life you are unsure you want to be in, YOU need to make that choice for yourself. It's like an alcoholic can't have someone drag him to rehab, he has to want to do it himself. I remember when I first decided to leave my husband and I had a flood of friends from all stages of my life come back to me, so pleased that I had finally seen the light, but also asking me how I had the courage to do it, as many were feeling dissatisfied in their marriages. And I'm astonished in how many people I spoke to who sacrificed a whole side of themselves to be in their marriages - they stopped hiking, chatting to strangers, travelling, running on the beach, hanging out with certain friends, painting, spending time with their family, pumping music around the house, anything that made them feel like themselves, because their 'better half' didn't want to do what they wanted to do.

I think that's the problem... we get into relationships that initially show us the life we think we 'want' to live, but we don't look at the things we have in common. What we then do, is 'look' for the things we have in common, and most of those are superficial - we both like Japanese food, or we both come from good families, we both like walks in the park, we both are morning people, we both like sprinkling sugar on our cereal, we both like to make the bed in the morning, we both like lavender soap, we both like to travel, etc. But I know, from my own marriage, that I was 'made' to like certain things... I was made to like motor sports when all it was to me was seeing cars driving around in a circle, made to like window shopping in trendy streets that made me feel like I didn't fit in, made to like Bruce Lee movies even though I was against violence, made to like sitting in cafes even though I didn't drink coffee. I did that to make compromises in my marriage, but instead I was compromising myself.

I was talking to a widow the other day about her marriage... and even though she made sacrifices in her marriage, she was still allowed to be the same person she was when she entered the marriage. She was still allowed to be the silly guitar playing nursery rhyme singer at the local kindergartens and sing carols at family Christmases, she was still able to hang out with her friends and not feel guilty that she wasn't spending time at home, she was still allowed to be her own person, and at the same time, her husband was able to be the person he was too. They got together as a couple when they could, they raised a family together and they had common goals and a common understanding of what each expected of each other in the marriage, but they were still 'allowed' to be individuals. And now that she's a widow, she hasn't lost her spirit, she hasn't lost the sense of herself because she ALWAYS had it! Yes she's sad her husband died, but it wasn't as devastating to her as it was to some of her friends who had invested their whole lives in being the person their husband wanted them to be. They had real honesty in their marriage.

To me, it's the little white lies that are the give away. The lies people tell to cover up an excuse for not making an effort, explaining where they were or why they didn't do something, the lies people say to you 'thinking' that you asked a certain question, but you never did. Like, when you write someone a note to say you're thinking of them when you saw a mutual friend, something you knew they liked, or a place you went to with them, and they reply 'I'm doing great, thanks for asking,' when in fact, you didn't ask them at all how they are, you just wrote to say that you were thinking of them. Or when a wife asks why her husband was late home from work, and he tells this massive story about a car accident and how he was stuck in traffic, with no phone battery, and he left his car charger for his phone at work (but why did he take his car charger out of his car?) so he couldn't call... You know the story... It makes you question what they are covering up, question why they are so jumpy, question what they are trying to achieve by over-compensating. The more little white lies told, the less trust you have with that person.

So why do people do it? A deep-seated insecurity? Conflict in their family foundations? Not ready to tell the world who they really are? I think a new generation of honesty is coming up through the ranks. There was a time where people loved going to funerals as it aired out all the lies within the family - the illegitimate children, the affairs, the hurts, the reasons why cousin Joe disappeared, etc, because no one spoke of how they felt or what they knew as it would be damaging to the family reputation, unless the matriarch or patriarch of the family were dead and safely buried. But now society has created more acceptance so people are more willing to take ownership of who they are and what they want from life... and we don't need to conform to the moral, religious or societal expectations that our parents and grandparents had to deal with. More people are proud of being gay, more people are happy to not have children or are waiting till the time is right, more people are travelling and discovering themselves through the world rather than stuck in their family ways, more people are voicing their political opinion, more people are becoming more informative of their choices... And that's what life is... a choice... a choice to make the most of your life and find happiness in who YOU are, not what people expect you to be or blaming someone for who you are. And once you realise that, and accept the honesty within yourself, then your life will open up to a new sense of wonderment and joy.

Forbidden Love

Over the months, I've harped on about affairs, past loves and family love, and have sometimes touched on workplace love, friendship love and homosexual love... I've talked about the incredible difficulty in finding love, especially mutual love - a love that defies all sense of 'you' and 'me' and unites you in a way that complements who you both are and makes you BOTH shine - not just one partner or the other.

So when people say they can't love someone because it's taboo - if it's a good friend's ex boyfriend, a married person, your best friend, etc and if you are afraid of taking the relationship to a new level, isn't that defying your heart of true happiness, and possibly their true happiness? If you feel alive with that person, feel complete, feel like you're not trying, feel comfortable, feel happy and catch yourself always smiling and laughing with this person, don't you owe yourself a chance of finding out if the feeling is mutual? I know it's a big risk, but isn't the point of love finding something that transcends normality by finding a love so special you can't live without it?

But for some people, they are scared of breaking the barrier of normality... they have to live within the traditions of how they were raised, how society see them, how they expect their lives to be... They get a glimmer of that transcending feeling - that chance to feel complete, whole, loved, embraced and accepted for the REAL person that they are, not the person they portray to the world, and they actually learn to love themselves in the process. They love that inner sanctum they have created within themselves by this 'forbidden love.' But they convince themselves that it's not practical, it's not what their mother wanted for them, it's not responsible, it's not viable to actually love themselves in the way that all people deserve because they had already chosen a life path and they must stick to it.

But who benefits from that 'chosen life path' that you don't really want to live? Do your children see that marriage only means hurting, fighting and existing together? Or are you teaching them the concepts of commitment, that marriage has highs and lows, and united responsibility? Do your friends and family actually appreciate you if you are constantly miserable, angry at the world or wallowing in your own silence? Or do they somehow drift away not wanting to spend time with you because YOU ARE NOT HAPPY and enjoyable to be around? Will your same-gendered best friend stick around when you suddenly realise your gay thoughts but become reserved in your conversational intimacy and become 'weird' as you don't explain your real feelings and thoughts?

That's the thing - NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW YOU IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY in who YOU are and don't act on the aspects in your life that 'transcend' you. So what are the risks in taking action - real action, with your forbidden love? That you will actually BE HAPPY, that you will actually BE ENJOYABLE to be around, that you will actually TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for living the life you deserve, not the one you dreamt of as a young child? So for the slim chance of losing your job if your forbidden love is a work colleague, for the slim chance of splitting your finances with disdain if you are unhappily married, for the chance that your gay feelings for your best friend aren't mutual, isn't it a greater risk to stay unhappy, unfulfilled and unloved than to be honest with yourself and take that chance?

Life is too short to not be happy and be true to yourself. Find the courage, take the steps and find yourself in love.

Our New Slice of Heaven

Yesterday, the boys and I drove up to our new holiday house in Goughs Bay just to check a few things out before we settle. We are so excited that the water level of the lake is up to 90%, the view is divine, the house is better than we first inspected and we have a fabulous back garden with so much potential with its elevation.

In my entrepreneurial ways, we plan to use it as a holiday house for us, but also as a vacation rental so others can enjoy it too. We love that its in a sleepy town that comes alive over the summer with holiday makers wanting to enjoy the boating life, the hiking, the wine country and the wildlife. We love that its so close to Mt Buller, one of Victoria's most popular alpine resorts so that our little house can be used in the winter season as well.

While we were there, we introduced ourselves to the people at the General Store  - a store that sells everything from beer & wine to lattes, deli meats, ice, gas and all your standard groceries. We also checked out the information centre in Mansfield to find out about all the festivals, the activities and the local produce farms. And we went for a walk along our street in search of the boat ramp (it wasn't far!) and the local caravan park and saw some million properties along the way. Such as sweet place to be - perfect in the off season for those who want a quiet getaway, great in the high season for those who love the lake lifestyle.

Anyway, here are a few pics!