When I started writing today's blog I was thinking about a tattoo.. A tattoo is something you do to mark yourself of something that means something to you, let it be a person, a philosophy, a symbol, an icon. Most women will start with a tattoo of something small in a fairly indiscreet place on their bodies - a heart, a butterfly, a tribal pattern, an angel... something sweet that they believe they can live with for the rest of their lives. Men generally go big - tattoo a calf muscle, their shoulder, their back or even their chest with elaborate designs of tigers, people's faces, numbers representing birthdays of important people, even holiday or military destinations. You have to be loyal to your tattoo, know you will love it forever, love what it symbolises and what it means to you, because removing a tattoo is almost as expensive as a divorce (in some cases, it can be more expensive), so you need to really know it's exactly what you want.
I remember seeing a singer on Australian Idol that had a tattoo on her arm that was all wrong - she had a treble clef on her arm that had one too many swirls in it. I can understand that music is her life, but someone obviously got it wrong, as she would have to constantly explain herself. How can you live like that? I've seen people with their kids names or birthdays etched into them, which in reality, they will always be a part of you, which is a good thing... but sometimes it can look like a string of women you've been with, especially if you have daughters. I couldn't imagine having sex with a man with his kids' names on his shoulder or chest because it would be a constant reminder of a life before me... it would really be a turn off, especially when you're 'in the moment.'
But in all essence, if a tattoo is a symbol of something permanent in your life, is it really possible to have something permanent? A child, a grandmother, a parent can always die before you, yet their spirit lives on in your heart... but they could abandon you as they search for their own wellbeing, and what are you left with? Their name etched in ink on your skin and an empty reminder of the loss you feel.
In reality, people come and go from your lives constantly. The important ones stay or come back, the not so important ones drift away. Through the advent of Facebook, many many more are coming back in leaps and bounds, but most sit in the background not really taking much notice of a name they once knew. Nothing is permanent, nothing will ever last a lifetime and we all have to subject ourselves to change, no matter how painful it may be. We either change for ourselves, to be better and happier, or we change for the people around us, who know and love us. It can't be both, because no matter what, you are either pleasing yourself or pleasing others. You may get a little happiness in pleasing others, but not as much as you are when you please yourself... and the opposite works the same way... you can't live a life of equal happiness as reality tears your heart one way or the other once you make a choice. You can't please everyone... I know... as I've learnt the hard way.
So if we can't please everyone, how can 'permanency be possible?' You're love life cannot be on a high all the time, your family life can't be happy and full of amazing memories forever, your financial success can't keep steamrolling making you mega dollars every day. There are going to be ups and downs. But some get stuck... usually stuck on the downward plane... unless they are on the upward plane and fall dramatically, unsure of how it happened.
Radical change is how we get ourselves out of a rut, courage is what gets us out of a life of sadness and uncertainty; effort, integrity and strength is what make dreams come alive. Yet, so many people linger in their old life hoping that one day it will get better, hoping that a decision will be made for them and somehow stay holding onto the memories that happened decades ago wishing those times will be back again. They have no courage, they make no efforts and they aren't prepared for change. They find themselves as the faded tattoo on their left shoulder that they shouldn't have had done when they were nineteen.
I see so many people lie through their teeth about their own happiness, success or reality stuck in what they feel is a permanent way of life for them. It's what they envisaged as a young adult or it's what their life has succumbed to due to circumstance not knowing how to be better. When in reality, they are so stuck in not knowing what is right anymore or if they truly knew what was right... they do what they think everyone else wants for them, not what really sits true in their heart, unless they are a narcissist. Who wants permanency anyway? It means boredom, stability and in some cases abuse, fear and an unadventurous life. There is no certainty in marriage anymore, there is no truth in politics anymore, there isn't even fairness in sport anymore. If we didn't have change and get outside our comfort zone we wouldn't know what we are made of and what truly is better out there for us.
Permanency is possible... but you might as well die if you have nothing new to live for.
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