Thursday, 28 February 2013

Single Mum Friends

Why is it that once your divorced, separated, widowed or just down right single, all your 'couple' friends don't seem to want to be around you? Is it because you're drawn to other single parents, because you need to talk out all your problems and hardships, or is it because you maybe are a potential threat to the marriage of all your 'coupled-up' friends?

But it's not just women it affects, it's also men... I have many single mum friends, even single recently divorced friends with no kids, and all of them will say that the majority of their friends they see frequently will be single OR only see you without their partners.

In some ways, it is quite liberating being with your single friends, as you don't have to deal with a nagging partner who wants to go home while your friend is enjoying herself, or a partner who embarrasses your friend with his daddy jokes or drunken stupidity, but in other ways, you'd wish you had someone to deal with the kid's problems of being fed, toilet time or needing a change of clothes while you can let your hair down with your friends.

The other good thing about 'single mum friends' is that they too attract other single parents, and through their network, you can meet other 'single dad friends' and maybe just start something up.

So as we all can laugh about being desperate and dateless, or confide in each other about what we would normally confide in a partner about if we actually had one, it's good to know that you can count on your 'single mum friends' no matter what.

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Don't Cha Ever...?

...wish that someone would step inside your shoes for a day and see what it's really like to be a single mother? Where they see what 'a flexible' job really means so that you can fit your children's lives in between? Where you cope with all the sleep deprivation as every small cough that comes from the next room wakes you out of that REM sleep? Where you feel embarrassed putting in ready made meals into the shopping cart because you literally haven't time to prepare a freshly-made meal, even though you dearly want to? Don't you just wish someone could just see exactly what you go through to have a small amount of appreciation of exactly what you do in your day?

I watched part of an episode of 'The View' while having a rare 'sit down and eat some lunch' time today  (for me) and they talked about a 'Celebrity Wife Swap' where a celebrity with one child and a beautiful husband (and a nanny, cook and housekeeper) would be swapping her life with a single mother of 8 children (one set of twins (12 year olds) and one set of sextuplets (8 year olds)). Her 'manual' for keeping her children organised and her day sane was so particular, it included things like the children will be coming downstairs for breakfast at about 6.03am, homework for the older children needs to be started by 4.12pm, brush teeth before bed at 7.26pm, etc. The celebrity mother couldn't understand why it was so exact, as the celebrity's life included so much 'me time' to enjoy her beauty schedule, physical activity and social life. She also had a husband who kept her happy and believed that if 'she' was happy, the whole family will be happy. The single mother understood that, as she felt if her children were happy, she would be happy to. It was so refreshing for me to hear that this single mother felt that her children's happiness is what made everything worthwhile, and being a mother WAS NOT A CHORE!!!

I am so tired of hearing mothers saying parenting is hard work, as I completely disagree with it. If you love your children, if you love being there for them, then how can parenting be a 'chore' or 'hard work?' Love should never be 'hard work,' love comes from the heart and you do what comes from your heart to remain happy. It seems to me that the only ones who think it is hard work are those who are selfish.

So as I get ready for another 6am start to get work done in the quiet of the morning before the boys wake up, but struggle to sleep because my head is full of work things to complete before my 9am deadline in the morning, as it is every weekday morning, I end up watching re-runs on TV to quiet my mind till 1am, 2am or even 3am or surf the web for feel good stories to put some perspective in my life that 'life really ain't that bad, it's just busy.' I still would love a day where someone close to me would step in my shoes and realise how much I pack into a day and appreciate me more for it.... as the only ones who do seem to appreciate me and all the self-sacrificing I do for my boys, my work and many others in my life, are my boys, as they see it every day.

Monday, 25 February 2013

Is Chivalry Dead?

Most men these days have no idea how to romance a woman. They expect the bill to be paid equally, they choose to be germ-a-phobes when their girlfriend has the flu, they can't make a decision in where to go or what to do on a date, and no matter how they feel, there isn't a gift given without the expectation of a gift received. There are no doors held open, there are no unexpected delivery of flowers, there are no love letters sent in the mail. Emails and text messages are filled with text slang, so the lyrical poetry that the written word can have is lost through cyber translation. Is it the sign of the times, or have the men of our times, never been taught how to treat a woman with love and kindness?

Young men seem to want their 'sugar mummies' or MILFs. They love the 'experienced woman' and what she can teach him. All too often, some of my friends and I get approached by the 20 something year old and you can see they are only after you for one thing. Not once will they call you to see how you are if you are sick, not once will they send you flowers on your birthday, not once will they call around with some chicken soup when you're sick. They are truly, all in it for themselves, they have not worked out that you have to actually care about a woman, look after her and seduce her before she will succumb to any sexual pleasure.

But the older man, he may still have it. I heard a story recently about a couple who were dating and enjoying there times together immensely. He had dated a few other girls over the last few years, and they were all too eager to ask 'What are we actually doing here? Are we dating or are we exclusive?' He had never been too eager to answer the question because he didn't feel comfortable enough in the 'dating' to move it to a 'relationship.' So when he found this new woman, he was so smitten he actually asked her a question 'Do you want to be my girlfriend?' The woman was so flattered by his sweetness and how he cared enough to take her to the next step to actually have a 'relationship' with her, she of course said 'yes.' They were falling so much in love with each other they felt like teenagers again, loving every moment of their time together. No matter how clumsy, how juvenile or how pathetic is sounded, it was entirely romantic.

I think men got a little confused when the women's lib came in and they didn't know what was right or wrong in the romance department. They didn't want to offend their girlfriend or those they dated, yet they didn't know which way would offend them - the romantic 'I'll take care of everything' way, or the 'let's be equals in this relationship' way. It really does depend on the woman to work out which way to go, so I guess a few questions asked would always be the way to know how to treat the situation. But I think, all in all, men need to be prepared always to 'take care of everything' and not be offended if she'd prefer to pay her way. Especially a single mum, because most of us, just want someone to take care of us for a change.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

A few more chapters to go and I'm done!

I'm really getting into the tail end of my third draft of my book 'On the Road to the Best Orgasm Ever' at the moment and I've come to a point where my protagonist is questioning what 'love' is. She always felt she never had it as she grew up in her family, she thought she found it when she found someone to marry her, but really, all she was doing was transferring the love she wanted from her parents to someone who gave her the love she thought she wanted from them yet it still didn't feel right, and then she found someone she felt immensely comfortable with but at the same time, felt comfortable in her own skin. She had learned to love herself by being with this person.

Everything is wonderful with this man... she felt so alive, so in tune with herself and everything about him made her feel like he was almost a male version of herself. Because of her background in love, she rarely offered those three little words to anyone unless she truly meant it, yet he offered them to all the people around him - work colleagues, old school mates, the kids he coached in soccer, his kids' friends, anyone... something she couldn't comprehend, something that made her question his love for her, because he offered his love so freely.

She questioned how he could love her when he has so much in his life that he can't let go for her. She wonders if his love is conditional or unconditional, based on the fact she has 'baggage' in terms of having younger children. But then he sends her so many mixed signals by being there for her when she needed him, yet had moments where he wouldn't be there at all.

So as you can see, her 'idea' of love and her 'ideals' of love are conflicted. Yes, she's a romantic and feels this man is 'the one' yet she wants to be a priority in his life, but she doesn't feel it. Does she give him the ultimatum and salvage any self-pride and dignity by demanding that she be his number one, or does she leave him, knowing she deserves so much more, even though she may never feel the love for someone, and herself again, as she did with him?

It's a tricky one, as it's about self-love as well as being loved by someone, and to accept self-love you generally need to feel that you are worthy of being loved and you can only feel worthy if someone is actually loving you for you, not the role that you provide them.

So that's where I'm at. It will be interesting to see where I take it. I know in my head how it will end, and hope it's what the publishers see in it to be published.

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Health and Heartache

It saddened me today, when I saw a little girl at school, a little girl I've known for just over 7 years, crying holding onto her Daddy, saying that she's worried about her Momma. Since I've known her, her 'Momma' has been this positive burst of energy, always thinking about and helping others, but she was diagnosed with breast cancer that has now turned into an in-operatable brain tumour. I haven't seen her Momma at school for months, so when you see her daughter upset, you really hope that it's not the end. It truly breaks your heart.

I've heard so many stories of health heartaches this week, and I think how lucky we are that my boys and I are healthy, despite five visits to the chiropractor between us, one spinal X-ray, one visit to the osteopath & a trip to the dentist for a chipped tooth this week, plus a threat to take my youngest to the GP yet again because he keeps getting blood noses and can't shack off the cough he's had that has now led him to throwing up some of his meals. But generally, we don't have the heartache, just the frustration, that poor health with one can affect the entire family.

Another instance was at a home I went to write up this week. The house was large but cluttered. When we arrived (we being the floorplan artist, the photographer, the agent and me), we were greeted by seven adults in the home, so it felt overly cluttered. The house was divided into two homes - one for the grandparents and a brother and one for their son with his adult children. One of the grandchildren started to cry, because she knew how bad her grandparents' health was getting, and that they as a family didn't have the skills or knowledge in how to care for them properly. But the saddest part of it all, was that the house originally belonged to her Nanna's grandmother... the house had been in the same family for five generations. How do you let something go when it's your family's legacy and it's all you've ever known? You could see it caused terrible heartache for all who were there, but they had to, because they could no longer cope.

So for this little girl, I just wanted to say something to show I cared, but I don't know her father well enough to say something. I did send her Momma a get well card a few months back, but sometimes you just want to help more... but don't know how or what needs to be done. Her family is in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that things will only get better.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

A Pain in the Back

Since I was 16 years old, I have had this excruciating pain that feels like it swells my internal organs against my rib cage and my spine making it impossible to lie down, have the strength to sit up or even comfortable to stand up and walk around. When I first started getting it, it would last 4-5 days and would normally turn up at the start of school holidays or the start of school term... almost like it was a change of pace that brought it on. Now, I've noticed that it happens when I'm overly stressed about something and the thing that stressed me has disappeared, which makes it worse, because you want to relax and you just can't because you're in so much pain, but sometimes it just appears out of nowhere.

When I was 16, my doctor recommended me to an infectious diseases specialist - he thought it might be a Vitamin C deficiency, which was weird, as the acid in orange juice used to make it worse. But it was also hard, because you usually had to wait 4-6 weeks to see a specialist, and when I eventually saw him, the pain had disappeared, so he really had no idea what was going on.

After I left home at 18, I would book into see my doctor, but then she would have a wait list of 4-7 days, so again, she couldn't put a finger on it either. So it was paramount, that once it started happening, I needed to see a doctor then and now.

I remember when I was about 24, and it was happening, so my doctor recommended I see a naturopath. For 6 months, I took 8-10 pills a day of different types of natural remedies, but nothing seem to treat what was actually going on, and the aches would still come back.

I cut out coffee in my life just before I became pregnant with my first son, as caffeine seemed to really trigger it off at least every couple of weeks, yet it still seemed to come back, luckily not as frequently as every two weeks.

In my late 20s, I remember having an ultrasound for gall stones, but again, nothing showed up. By then, I had worked out that 2 cups of peppermint tea helped, heat bags, massage and hot showers worked wonders for a temporary fix, yet any type of pain killer did nothing.

By my mid 30s, I had been to an osteopath, had plenty of remedial massages, went to a physiotherapist for about 6 months, even a hypnotherapist and yoga to ease the stress in my life, but nothing seemed to make any difference, besides give me temporary, but not complete relief. I went back to my normal doctor, and after years of research and experience, she thought it might be an overactive rectus abdominal muscle putting pressure on everything. She recommended I go get some dry needling done. And you guessed it, it didn't make a difference.

I even was with a friend who is a doctor when it happened once, and he thought it was a gastric-acid problem and that I essentially needed to stretch out to allow any 'wind' to pass through me to ease the pain...  but again, it helped, but it was short lived.

So now, as I've started taking my boys to a chiropractor for their nagging ailments and I'm seeing that there is actually some positive results coming from their concerns, why not see if he can help me. As I had a re-occurence on Saturday night that made it impossible to sleep, I asked him yesterday if he could help me. I still had a dull ache under my ribcage, and he prodded at my spine seeing where he could identify my aches, and he got every one of them. He said it was pretty bad, and after all these years, he told me to get a spinal x-ray done immediately. For the number of times I had told a doctor or someone in the medical profession that it feels like something's putting pressure on my rib cage and spine, why had no one suggested I get a spinal x-ray before?  It just seems so obvious, doesn't it?

Anyway, I'm off to the chiropractor to get my back cracked and any other adjustments he sees fit, to hopefully find an answer to what has been going on. I have a bag full of x-rays (I think I had about 8 done), so hopefully he can see something and it's not a figment of my imagination. I think I have been patient, don't you think? ;)




Is Permanency Possible?

When I started writing today's blog I was thinking about a tattoo.. A tattoo is something you do to mark yourself of something that means something to you, let it be a person, a philosophy, a symbol, an icon. Most women will start with a tattoo of something small in a fairly indiscreet place on their bodies - a heart, a butterfly, a tribal pattern, an angel... something sweet that they believe they can live with for the rest of their lives. Men generally go big - tattoo a calf muscle, their shoulder, their back or even their chest with elaborate designs of tigers, people's faces, numbers representing birthdays of important people, even holiday or military destinations. You have to be loyal to your tattoo, know you will love it forever, love what it symbolises and what it means to you, because removing a tattoo is almost as expensive as a divorce (in some cases, it can be more expensive), so you need to really know it's exactly what you want.

I remember seeing a singer on Australian Idol that had a tattoo on her arm that was all wrong - she had a treble clef on her arm that had one too many swirls in it. I can understand that music is her life, but someone obviously got it wrong, as she would have to constantly explain herself. How can you live like that? I've seen people with their kids names or birthdays etched into them, which in reality, they will always be a part of you, which is a good thing... but sometimes it can look like a string of women you've been with, especially if you have daughters. I couldn't imagine having sex with a man with his kids' names on his shoulder or chest because it would be a constant reminder of a life before me... it would really be a turn off, especially when you're 'in the moment.'

But in all essence, if a tattoo is a symbol of something permanent in your life, is it really possible to have something permanent? A child, a grandmother, a parent can always die before you, yet their spirit lives on in your heart... but they could abandon you as they search for their own wellbeing, and what are you left with? Their name etched in ink on your skin and an empty reminder of the loss you feel.

In reality, people come and go from your lives constantly. The important ones stay or come back, the not so important ones drift away. Through the advent of Facebook, many many more are coming back in leaps and bounds, but most sit in the background not really taking much notice of a name they once knew. Nothing is permanent, nothing will ever last a lifetime and we all have to subject ourselves to change, no matter how painful it may be. We either change for ourselves, to be better and happier, or we change for the people around us, who know and love us. It can't be both, because no matter what, you are either pleasing yourself or pleasing others. You may get a little happiness in pleasing others, but not as much as you are when you please yourself... and the opposite works the same way... you can't live a life of equal happiness as reality tears your heart one way or the other once you make a choice. You can't please everyone... I know... as I've learnt the hard way.

So if we can't please everyone, how can 'permanency be possible?' You're love life cannot be on a high all the time, your family life can't be happy and full of amazing memories forever, your financial success can't keep steamrolling making you mega dollars every day. There are going to be ups and downs. But some get stuck... usually stuck on the downward plane... unless they are on the upward plane and fall dramatically, unsure of how it happened.

Radical change is how we get ourselves out of a rut, courage is what gets us out of a life of sadness and uncertainty; effort, integrity and strength is what make dreams come alive. Yet, so many people linger in their old life hoping that one day it will get better, hoping that a decision will be made for them and somehow stay holding onto the memories that happened decades ago wishing those times will be back again. They have no courage, they make no efforts and they aren't prepared for change. They find themselves as the faded tattoo on their left shoulder that they shouldn't have had done when they were nineteen.

I see so many people lie through their teeth about their own happiness, success or reality stuck in what they feel is a permanent way of life for them. It's what they envisaged as a young adult or it's what their life has succumbed to due to circumstance not knowing how to be better. When in reality, they are so stuck in not knowing what is right anymore or if they truly knew what was right... they do what they think everyone else wants for them, not what really sits true in their heart, unless they are a narcissist. Who wants permanency anyway? It means boredom, stability and in some cases abuse, fear and an unadventurous life. There is no certainty in marriage anymore, there is no truth in politics anymore, there isn't even fairness in sport anymore. If we didn't have change and get outside our comfort zone we wouldn't know what we are made of and what truly is better out there for us.

Permanency is possible... but you might as well die if you have nothing new to live for.

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Kids and Phones

What age is an appropriate age to give your child a phone? It's a tricky one, it really does depend on your circumstances. I personally think high school (7th grade) is possibly the age that all children should have a phone, but there are many cases that need them earlier. The problem is assessing the child's understanding of responsibility with a phone.

For instance, I gave my older son a phone when I first started leaving them home by themselves for an hour or so, to get the groceries, do a work appointment and it was about the same time he was walking home from school by himself. However, as it was a push button, 'press a button three times to get a 'c'  to text message phone, he didn't see the value in it or the excitement of playing games, looking at the internet, etc as my smart phone. Therefore, he'd forget to take it to school, forget to charge it and once he even left it in his tracksuit pant pocket and it made it's way into the washing machine.

But now, he's contacting his friends on Skype and trying to arrange play dates or trips to the movies, and it gets a little frustrating that he can't contact them instantly, because their friends aren't necessarily on Skype as they are. He's getting more independent, wanting to walk to the milk bar by himself, go for a bike ride by himself and I'm tending to leave them home longer, and Skype really isn't cutting it for communicating with them. So I bit the bullet, and bought both my boys phones so that they can feel safe.

However, there is already a distinction in how my boys use their phones... I have one who wants to call everyone! His friends, his dad and me, just to tell them that he has a phone. He sees that there is internet on it, but I've told him he can only use it in WiFi mode, otherwise his internet costs will go through the roof. I've told him that it would be cheaper him texting, and then the other person call him, because his plan will run out in such a short space of time... and then I'll be stuck with the $300 phone bill. So I've had to really pull him back and explain what he can do and what he can't.

My older son, is definitely more responsible as he has done nothing except look to see what it can do and charge it. I'm sure on Monday, they will both go to school and input their friend's phone numbers, and then that will be a different story when they want to chat. I'm already getting a little worried... but I guess I can always up their plans if things are getting out of hand.

It's funny though, as when I spoke to my boys about which friends had phones, most of them had parents who had split. Generally their father paid for their phones to communicate with them, but sometimes, even when they have sleep overs at friends' houses, they generally feel safe knowing they can call Mum to pick them up at 11pm if they want. If the parents hadn't split, they spent significant time with their grandparents or in after school care as their parents both worked full time.

It is a sign of the times. We want to know our children are safe, that they can contact you whenever they need you. But for that peace of mind, you really want peace of mind with your phone plan as well. It's a double edged sword. Both my boys know that if they go over, it comes out of their allowance. I'm sure they will be fine, it's just the unknown, and the initial excitement in having a phone.

Friday, 15 February 2013

Couch Potato Fitness

For all the time I've spent in front of the television over the years, I always thought someone could market a fantastic concept of 'Couch Potato Fitness' for those who struggle to give up their favourite television shows for fitness. Can you imagine writing a book or bringing out a DVD, or even put a special box together of small pieces of fitness equipment so you could do all your exercise in the comfort of your own couch?

My funky little concept uses the 5 minute commercial breaks as opportunities to exercise. Either by yourself or with a partner. You could use a partner to do resistance training in the legs pushing against each other, use light weights to do arm curls, do sit ups and other abdominal curls, push-ups with your feet on the couch or even use a fit ball to do leg raisers and core-strengthening balancing exercises with a partner. And I'm sure that's just a few options to do, I'm sure there's plenty more.

I see it in my boys, they always get restless when the commercial breaks come on - either roughhousing each other or simply have ants in their pants, so if you gave them something challenging to do with a fit ball, maybe they might act more like a team and do something constructive with their non-focused TV time. But, really, it's a fabulous concept for mums wanting to have some down time at the end of the day, feel guilty for eating a bowl of ice-cream after dinner, and thinking 'how am I going to work this off?' You don't need to go far... just lie on the couch and start raising those legs!

As my time is way too busy, I'd be happy for someone to create an exercise program, test its feasibility and start making some money from it. Who knows, it could be revolutionary!

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Valentine's Day

Oh, how I could believe what my ex-lover were true... that I should accept all the invitations from all the men who have interest in me and enjoy them for what they are... ummm... what men? As it's now 10.08pm on the annual day of love, why haven't they come out of the woodwork on Valentine's Day? Because he is full of shit and there is no one who is genuinely interested in thinking I'm special enough to spoil on this day of love. Yes, us single people do get upset when no one shows us affection on this commercialised day, yes, us single people do wish we had someone who thinks that we are special to them, more than just being a mum, a daughter or a girlfriend. And no, we get no extra love in the process...

That's my bitch for the day... so here are the more positive things that I took from it.

I started the day with a little surprise for my boys... I gave them a card telling them how much they are the 'smiley' part of my day, and how much I love them. I gave them both 3 chocolate roses on fake long stems with leaves as my Valentine's gift to them. I placed them on the coffee table, knowing that they will migrate to the television on the day the teacher's took off to strike for better pay, when they woke up. My older son, just turned on the TV and didn't see them. My younger son woke up and saw them immediately... and what was good for my heart was to see him trying to read the card first before diving into the chocolate. I came out of the shower after I observed all of this, to see my older son had disappeared from the room. He went into the playroom to write me a Valentine's Day card.  He wrote "Happy Valentine's Day Mum! Dear Suzy, Hope you have a wonderful day and you have your one wish come true! You're my Valentine!" Which was sweet... I did ask him what my 'one wish' was... but he had no idea.  My younger son drew me a picture of this cute little monkey man and wrote "To My Mum, Happ Vales Day" (we have to excuse his spelling, as he has dyslexia). They were very sweet, and touched my heart.

I worked a fairly full work day, with a friend of mine calling me yesterday saying that a man we had a night out with a couple of weekends ago wanted my phone number to talk 'real estate.' I told her that I will see if I can help him, but if he's getting my phone number for a date, I'm not interested... as he was over 60 and just not my type. He called me at 9.05am and I was at an appointment, so I ignored his call, and he didn't leave a message. He called again just before 10am, but left a message explaining what he wanted. I called him back, and all he talked about, as dumb as it was because they were answers he could easily find out himself, was real estate.... but you see, now he has my number.

As a Valentine's Day treat, I took the boys to the beach to watch the sunset and have fish-n-chips, and hopefully get the forecasted display of a lightning show (that didn't happen). My friend came down too, and she told me that she had written a secret admirer Valentine to a guy she has liked for a few months, sent it off on Tuesday, but has yet to respond. She'd hope that he would have received it by now, check his mailbox, or something... but by the end of Valentine's Day, he'd shown no interest... She was a little disappointed, but knew, at her age, it wasn't about the day, more about showing the interest that could happen 'any' day. Anyway, it will be something we can talk about over the next few days to see if he makes any effort.

So, that was my Valentine's Day... hoping you have a day that's not living vicariously through someone else's life, but have someone special for you.

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

The Family Breakdown

I had a chat with a beautifully-hearted lady the other day about why she was selling her home. She was close to 60 years old, never married, never had children and believed in God through the Greek Orthodox church. She believed in the goodness of people - the goodness of friends and family, the goodness of her employer and the goodness of people. But her poor heart had been completely taken advantage of by the people she loved and trusted.

She was the oldest child of two. Her father supported her and her brother always, however it was her brother who 'needed' his support more than she. He had 'bright ideas' when it came to business, always asking dad for a handout when he couldn't get the money from the bank. Her dad worked hard to set up a life for her and her brother, so whatever they asked, they essentially got. While they were growing up, their parents had accumulated a few investment properties so that her and her brother would have a solid future. Year after year went by, and her Dad sold his investments to 'invest' in his son's businesses, which just so happened to fall down each and every time. Her brother asked her to help him out too, and as the kind-hearted sister she is, she did the same, however she never asked for a cent from her Dad.

After her father died, her mum got sick, and as a nurse, she was the primary carer for her mother... for 15 years. For all the handwork and dedication she put into her mother and all the money that her father had invested in her brother, her mother signed her Will to say that she would be the sole beneficiary of the last family property in which she and her mother lived. Her mother died two years ago, the Will stood, and she was able to keep the home. But her brother kept asking for monetary handouts, and slowly but surely, she had re-mortgage the house to help her brother. Now her repayments, on a house that has been in the family for 48 years, costs her $4000 a month. Her brother and his wife and daughter have moved in with her, as they have no where to go, and she has no equity left in the house to start over once it's sold.

She prays every day to get herself out of thing financial mess and for God to help her brother find something he will be successful in, but her prayers don't get answered. She is left working in an aged-care facility to pay the bills to survive, while her brother doesn't think anything of it. How can one sibling be so selfish to their own blood, especially when the other sibling has been so self-sacrificing for their mistakes? I just don't get how someone can be so heartless.

I told her she needs to find herself a beautiful, caring man who can look after her and give her happiness, but she is so worn down by it all, she thinks she's too old to start again. She speaks 3 languages, in her time has spent many weeks in Europe, including living in Italy for a year, but she sees no value in her skills and experience. She is quite worldly, yet considers Melbourne home. She has no idea where she will go, she has no idea how much rent will cost her, but she's come to the point that she's no longer going to help her brother... once the house is sold, she is convinced they have nothing to hold them together anymore. All love is lost.

My heart goes out to her... it really does. No one, who is as loving and thoughtful deserves to go through what she has gone through, and for someone who has a Christian heart yet receives no grace and mercy for what she's done, it really does make you question the strength in Christianity, because God definitely has shown her no path to go on, nor plan to move forward.

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Sex and Love

I just had an epiphany about sex and love. Sex is just sex until you've been 'in love' and then sex is so much more. What does that mean? Well, for those who have experienced the joy of being in love, if you've ever tried having sex with someone else, after you've been in love, and somehow lost that love, then sex feels like such an invasion of privacy with anyone else unless you are one of the lucky and very rare few to fall in love again.

For many who have been through a divorce/separation (depending on who left who) or lost a partner to death, it can take years, sometimes an eternity to get back into bed with another person. That special bond of having sexual pleasure with the love of your life is sacred and sometimes it's almost impossible to fill that void.

For most men, they don't have the emotional or spiritual attachment to sex as what women do, until they feel the ethereal force of what being 'in love' does to them. But most men, rarely fall in love with a woman, they fall in love with a lifestyle - a companion who does things for them, someone who complements them with their political/religious/family views, someone who mothers them, someone who takes care of all the things they don't want to take care of. Hence why it's so easy to stray, because the emotional attachment isn't there to the woman, only the lifestyle that their woman gives them. And some women are the same - they love the fact that they are being taken care of by a power man, with a great paying job or employment status, that they make other women jealous of her because she has an attractive man to be by her side, but when that man doesn't provide what she wants when she wants it, then she strays too.

But when you're in love, nothing ever comes between you... in your sex life or your companionship. You devote yourself to each other, the sparkle in your eye for each other never fades, you could never think of another, even if a stunning model crossed your path. You are completely satisfied with your chosen partner as the complement you in every way but most of all, 'you're in love'... you never fight because you think alike, are spiritually united almost like its a sixth sense and can't stand being away from each other, and if you have to be apart, you think of each other incessantly.

You can love as many people in your life as you want, but you can only ever be 'in love' once. That's the truth about love... and how sexual fulfilment can be truly gratifying.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Beach Night and Games Night

This weekend was pretty cruisy for us. It started on Friday night, spending a glorious night at the beach with a girlfriend and our sons just mucking up on the beach. Families came from everywhere to fill up the spaces on the sand, while fish n chips were consumed, glasses of wine and beer were flowing freely and the sun glistened on the beautiful waters.
The boys found a shark's head (just a little one) washed up on the sand near the bluestone wall, and then they jumped off the pier - one of the best thing's a boy could do growing up in our beach culture (unfortunately, my iPhone ran out of battery power when they jumped off the pier).
We left after the sun set and all the families had disappeared. It was simply breathtaking walking along the abandoned sand in the stillness of the night, up the darkened ramp by the light of the moon, through the trees with not a soul around. 

On Saturday, I took my boys and two of their friends to see 'Wreck it Ralph' at the cinema. While they enjoyed the movie, I sat in a cafe below the cinema and wrote another 3000 words of my epic novel (it's feeling quite epic now!). After I paid for my drink at the cafe, I saw from a distance the boys were standing to the side waiting for me, but chatting to a couple of girls. They were a couple of girls from school, but it put a smile on my face that they are 'mingling.'

Saturday night was 'games night.' The boys wanted to play a few board games rather than watch TV. We played Scrabble with my old Scrabble board I probably got thirty years ago, but instead of being 'Scrabble' it was called 'Funworder.' (basically a Scrabble rip-off). My 11 year old won, mainly because he had the Q and Z.
Then we had a game of Cluedo, where Mustard with the candlestick in the games room was guessed by Yours Truly.
And then they were introduced to Pictionary... where I was the 'picturist' and the boys guessed my fairly ordinary drawings. Again my 11 year old won, even though he had a convincing lead for most of the game, he ended up winning by a nose in the end.


Again, bedtime was after midnight after our board game fun, but Sunday was a nothing day, where pancakes were cooked for a late breakfast, a game of Pictionary with my 9 year old being the 'picturest' and an afternoon of work for me. I'm glad the boys and I had a chance of having some 'free' fun for the weekend.







Wednesday, 6 February 2013

School's Back!

So the boys went back to school last week. It's great having some space to myself again during the day, however the eagerness to go everyday, after weeks of camping out on the couch in front of the TV, sleeping in till after 9am because they went to bed close to midnight (some nights) and enjoying the concept that 'life is good' when you don't need to earn a living or get an education because you have a perpetual slave (me), is not quite there yet. (I shouldn't be so mean, my boys do help around the house a lot, even though sometimes I feel like I nag them too much rather than them taking the initiative). My oldest informs me that he will use his college fund to invent some type of useful app that will make him squillions of dollars so he can continue to live on the couch and expect me to be his slave, whereas my youngest, as he has been fairly sick over the past month, tethers about going to school each day due to his horrific cough, which after another trip to the doctors today, turns out to be a chest infection. (And of course, my older one needed the sympathy vote after having a slight sniffle and a cough that he was convinced was full of phlegm, even after I said 'where?' when he had a spit into the bathroom sink, so he was checked over by the doctor too, for 'just in case.')

However school hits the parents hard. So far we have had to pay for house swimming carnival fees of $30 for both boys, $120 each for swimming lessons and $52 for a speciality Grade 6 jumper for their last year of primary school. That's on top of the annual fees of approximately $700 per child that was due at the end of January. This is Victoria's ideal of a free 'public education' (which just so happens to be inflated in our area, because the boys go to a school in an upper middle class suburb). The government give us $410 per child each year to cover 'costs' but as you can see, it hasn't even covered the first week! (and if I tell you the amount of child-support I get from their father, you would cry).

But I breathe easy knowing that I have some space... space to get my work done without interruption, and space to finish my book. Something that I wanted to get done by the end of October, then before the boys finished school... and now, I really want to have it finished by the end of the month, but really who knows. So far I've written almost 81,000 words, or 24 chapters, which converts to 287 pages, and I still think there is another 20,000-30,000 words to go! Arrgghh!! It is getting exciting though. I re read it all a couple of days ago, just to ensure there was continuity (I killed off the protagonist's parents, but then somehow had her parents looking after her kids a few chapters later!! That had to change!) So it was good to have it sink into my head and see how many really good bits there are in it that really make  you crave for more! (even if I may say so myself!)

I'm so very grateful that I've also had some space to be a mum. Yesterday, as the boys came home from school, I did something I don't think I've ever done for them... made chocolate chip pancakes for them so when they arrived home they had something yummy to eat. I've been able to help them with their homework every day (the homework I force them to do, not what school requires them to do) and help them with their reading. I've picked them up from school on hot days and taken them to get a Slurpee from 7-11 and I've made them some delicious home-cooked dinners rather than have ready-made meals, and we've had plenty of trips to the chiropractor and doctor to get them healthy. This week, has been a perfect week for me... a healthy balance of doing what I love - writing my novel and being a mum. If only I was making money from my novel now and not be a copywriter, I would be in heaven. But unfortunately, that's what pays the bills for now. I'm not complaining, I just know where my heart prefers to be.

So if I don't write a blog for a while, you know I'm pounding out the pages of my exciting new novel so I can send it to the States to get re-assessed and hopefully start talking to literary agents. That's my big aim for 2013, wish me luck that they love it!!


Sunday, 3 February 2013

When Something's Not Right

As a single parent, you dread the days that your children are sick. You somehow have to juggle their doctor's appointments, work, activities for your other kids and caring for your sick one, and no matter how you do it, you just don't give anyone the justice they deserve. You don't make yourself available for your boss or clients, you spend too much time with your sick one to give yourself to your other kids, and your sick child needs you just to sit there and be by their side looking after them the best way you can. Your heart is torn because no one is getting the attention they deserve. But unfortunately, it's all part of parenthood.

My little one has been sick now for a good three weeks maybe more, and really doesn't show any signs of getting better soon, as when one thing gets better, something else takes over. The antibiotics helped him get over tonsillitis, but he's lost his appetite leading him to lose 6.5kgs in the past month, he's looked like a ghost walking as he's been constantly pale, he's constantly complaining that his legs and arms are sore, he has been sleeping some days for 12-16 hours, and now he's got a cough that's so horrific, you're not sure if he's going to throw up his dinner or cough up a lung and he says that his chest really hurts after a bout of coughing... We've had blood tests which said that his immune system was down like someone who's had cancer or HIV but supposedly his immune system is better now, he was checked for glandular fever, checked to see if his vital organs were fine and we've had doctor's check him out for asthma. But nothing is coming up... which is good in one way, but not giving us the answers to why he's sick. We've been to the chiropractor to check out why his arms and legs are sore and get a re-adjustment and we're back tomorrow, so we're hoping something helps there. The chiropractor says that the area of his lungs and bowels are of the most concern. I'm going to book him into a naturopath this week to see what else we can do to make him better, because I'm running out of options.

It's hard for all of us, because we just can't do the things we want to do while he's sick. We've just finished 6 weeks of holidays, and we weren't able to do any day trips like I hoped, or mini holidays for a weekend, because he just wasn't in the position to travel for any length of time. He's back at school, and his teacher has said he's been coughing a lot, but seems to be happy being there. He's got swimming sports at school this week, but I'm not sure if he should do it, because they sit around in their wet clothes for lengths of time. What do you do? Let him have some fun with his friends and school community, or be the kill-joy mum who won't let him do a thing?

The great thing is, he hasn't lost his sense of humour, has definitely become more affectionate (if that is at all possible!) knowing that he's been looked after, even his brother is being more affectionate and sympathetic to all that's going on, and he's actively asking for healthy food, even if it's in small amounts. Let's just hope it stays! :)

Just hope my little man will be better soon...