How many times have you been in a situation that someone tells you they like you, someone you never really could see yourself with or never even considered him/her, only to find yourself thinking of the possibilities?
I've decided that that particular situation is called 'settling.' Someone likes you, they boost your ego because you feel adored by that person, they give you so much attention, yet that person really isn't the person for you. You talk yourself into taking on their interests, or enjoying that side to their personality, but one day you know, you will resent them for things that weren't true to you.
The hardest thing of all is finding mutual attraction, mutual interests and a mutual love. And then it's being on the same page at the same time. So many factors that can make the right people for each other not ever actually be together. It's so frustrating.
For instance, my very first boyfriend said to me when we broke up back in 1988 that he loved me but now is not the right time, but one day it will be the right time. I held onto that thought… possibly naively knowing that one day we would find each other again. And we did… but he now lives in London, and me in Melbourne. We've communicated now for almost 5 years, initially when he had a girlfriend, but now, we are both single, yet on other sides of the world. But through those 5 years of communicating, I've worked out that we could never be a couple for many reasons, but it's so good still having him as a friend.
As for my most recent love interest, everything on paper makes us perfect to be together - we get along like a house on fire, we have kids the same age, we are both divorced, there isn't any huge age difference between us, we work in similar fields, we both have a love for travel and our kids, everything feels right in so many ways, yet the one little thing that's holding him back is that his separation was about a year ago, and I just feel he's just not ready to jump into anything… or maybe he feels he would be 'settling' with me (even though I am a fabulous catch!).
I had another interested party contact me recently who showed some serious interest in me, but for how sweet and loveable he is, I know I would be settling, as I'm not attracted to him and in the situation he's in now, I know I'm worth more.
And that's the reality of it all… you have to work out your self worth. It's not about being picky or having someone give you an ego boost because it's been so long since you've felt wanted, desired or even just loved; it's about what sits right for you, how comfortable you are with that person, and how much they treasure and respect the beauty that's in you and you can reciprocate. That's when you know you have mutuality… that's when you know it's right.
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