Dating 101

Over the weekend, I had three encounters with three different men. All with different intentions, but all trying somehow to win me over. If I could take the good out of all of them and put them into one person, that would be perfect, but sadly, all but one had some positives and negatives. I'm going to put a compilation of all the goods and the bads, to show potential suitors of any single mother what they want to hear, and what will send them away. But first I must outline the scenarios.

Encounter One: A married work colleague who I told only a few weeks ago that I wasn't prepared to go out with him because I was tired of being someone's second or someone's secret, and he told me that he would contact me again in this capacity when he had moved out of home. However, he thinly disguised a 'date' by asking me to lunch to talk 'business' in a marketing capacity, which I didn't really appreciate, but because it's work, I sort of had to go.

Encounter Two: A brunch date with a guy I kissed back in high school, 27 years ago. We met up on Facebook about 18 months ago and have been keen to see each other since. He currently is in a committed relationship with a woman and they have a toddler, and home is almost 2000kms away. To me, it was a catch up chat and it would be awesome to see him after so long as a mate.

Encounter Three: A Skype date with my first love from about the same time frame as Encounter Two. We have been friends again for the last 5 years, but he lives in another country. I'm enjoying being friends with him, and we get along really well. It's just hard that we live so far away, because we do have a lot in common, and we are currently both single. Thank goodness for Skype!

Negatives first I think….

• Don't be late. One of these men were over 20 minutes late and I was about to walk out. The other was waiting for half an hour for me (I turned up on time) and explained that he was early because he didn't know how long it would take for him to get there. The other was right on time.
• Don't tell a woman that she had such a hot body when she was in high school and that she could do with some exercise now. Ummm… this is what happens when you've had 2 kids, and an exceptional amount of stress from a volatile marriage and then divorce. Live with it!
• Don't tell a woman that you think her kids are spoiled. As a single mum, you are both mum and dad, and you give your kids all you've got, and are self-sacrificing as a result.
• Don't tell a woman that you think that we should make a go of it, because we chatted for 2 hours and were never lost for words, so we must do it again. Ummm… you talk to be polite and to get to know someone. My longest first date ever was 5.5 hours of just talking, and you could feel the relationship growing as we went along, so 2 hours is nothing, and it means nothing.
• Don't tell another woman that your partner knows that you will never leave her. Doesn't ever make the other woman feel any good about herself.
• Don't kiss and run.
• Don't try to get a woman drunk by buying 2 bottles of wine on a lunch date, hoping to seduce her. She is only going to think you are a pisshead and you have complete disregard for driving laws and the rest of society.
• Don't be arrogant.
• Don't put down the way she lives her life, believing that you have a better way of life.
• Don't take advantage of her time.
• Don't undermine her intelligence.
• Don't have your cell/mobile phone on. It will never make her feel important if you keep checking it or talking to it. Make her feel wanted.
• Never make her sit and wait for you. There is nothing worse than feeling alone and out of place.
• Don't bring up the negatives from past relationships.

Positives:

• Order for your woman. It's nice to see a man take charge.
• Pay for the date, but don't be over the top in wasting money/showing off your wealth.
• Compliment her… tell her she looks nice.
• Smile at her from across the room, like you are mesmerised by her.
• Laugh at your weaknesses, to show you are vulnerable too.
• Enjoy her company.
• Hesitate to say goodbye/end the date.
• Tell her when there will be a next time… courage and confidence in knowing exactly when you can see each other again is always something to look forward to, for both parties.
• Listen to her.
• Give her your undivided attention always.
• Take her for a walk after your meal… it's nice to have a chat without having the background noise of a cafe/restaurant.
• Stare at her affectionately, not like a stalker.
• Engage in eye contact.
• Talk about positive things in your life and bring out the positive things in your date's life. 
• Enjoy her.
• Make her feel safe.
• Acknowledge her children - either talk to them, talk about them positively or ask her to say hello to them. She is a package deal, and if you can't accept them in her life, she can't accept you.
• Most importantly, MAKE HER LAUGH!

And then there is Encounter No 4 (a phone call today)… someone who knows I like him, does everything to flirt with me, feels compassionate about the fact that I like him, yet does nothing about it besides tease me with his irresistible wit and charismatic voice. Calls me today to ask for something (work related), then tells me that he gets to see me in a couple of days and is looking forward to it! AARRGGHH!! Super frustrating because he is single, local and we get along so well!

But then I guess it's good to finally start getting some attention, even if the attention doesn't always have the right intentions, it's nice to feel wanted. Oh, the conflict!