This week, I consider myself, the luckiest mum in the world. It's the first week of school holidays, and I was dreading it, as typically, it's one of the biggest work weeks of the year. My boys are now 12 and 10 years old, so they are fairly self-sufficent when it comes to being able to look after themselves while I'm working, and I worry that they may have episodes of not getting along, annoying each other and just being boys, however this week, they truly excelled themselves.
My 'day' job produced my record week of work. In one day, I had to write up 14 properties and inspect 10. I kept my laptop with me, so between appointments I could write up the work, and I managed to write generally 8 properties on the road, ensuring I didn't have too much work to do at home. But I was away from my boys for 9-10 hours each day. We texted each other every few hours, sometimes a phone call, and I have a lovely new neighbour who checked up on them a couple of times a day for me.
I won't say it started off rosy. On Monday, after the boys had been to the Royal Melbourne Show with their father the day before and had come home with showbags full of lollies, I came home to a mess of lolly wrappers, dishes in places where they shouldn't be, lunch that I prepared them still in the fridge and a complete disregard to the fact that this is 'our home.' So I cracked it. I'd given them a list of things to do throughout the day, which they had done to their credit, but very early on in the day, and then they made a mess after they had cleaned everything up. BOYS!!!
So I gave them the ultimate threat.... if I came home to this again, especially when I am on the road - getting no toilet breaks for 9-10 hours, eating the handful of snacks I prepared before I left while driving madly between appointments, completely thirsty because if I drink too much water I need to go to the toilet and completely mind-numb with the information overload in my head, then there would be consequences.... I will take their iPads with me to work the next day, and as we recently discovered that the tiles in our apartment actually have white grout (thanks to our new neighbour who scrubbed hers back to white, and no thanks to the endless stream of tenants before us who have never scrubbed ours so we thought the grout was grey), I threatened the boys to hard labour of scrubbing each and every tile till they were white. Hmmm... as you can imagine, they didn't like the thought of that, so the rest of the week, our home was perfect.
On Tuesday, I came home with a migraine and my boys made dinner (microwave meals, as I knew that I wouldn't be able to even think of cooking), they gave me neck massages and looked after me.
On Wednesday, after seeing 10 properties (and writing 8 on the road), I had an invite to a girlfriend's house, and my boys were ok with me leaving them for a couple of hours as long as I brought them home chocolate! And it was nice catching up with some girlfriends with a glass of wine, that actually made me sleep really really well!
On Thursday, with 8 properties to see, I was home by 2pm, wrote up the last few I didn't manage doing on the road, and I could give myself to my boys for the evening... We went to see Grown Ups 2 at the movies and bumped into some school friends there, which was a real treat.
On Friday, I only had 5 properties to see which were scattered around the morning, so I was able to pop back home a couple of times, and I was finished by 4pm, so we went to the chiropractor to get straightened up, did some shopping for our new holiday house, and came home for a movie night in.
Every day from Tuesday onwards, the house was clean, my boys were either playing nicely together or quietly in their separate rooms when I came home, they had eaten the lunch I prepared for them, put the rubbish in the bin and taken the bins to the road, dishwasher was stacked or turned on and cleaned, clothes that were washed were folded and put away, and even when I was home, they put the extra care into putting things away when they had finished with them. It was like a 'thunderbolt' of understanding had transformed to actually 'doing.' I am super proud of my boys for working as a team.
And the best thing ever, is that I come home to the most beautiful smiles, positive attitudes and loving boys. They always ask me how my day is, if I want something, and ask me nicely if they want something. It was a big week in so many ways, but fulfilling, successful and most of all, full of love.
Friday, 27 September 2013
Friday, 20 September 2013
What Does the World Need More Of?
Love
Compassion
Honesty
Joy
Understanding
Acceptance
Appreciation
Selflessness
Smiles
Laughter
Cultural Understanding
Equality
Books
Birds Singing
Hugs
Passion
Light
Fresh Air
Harmony
Simplicity
Human Connection
Trees
Renewable Energy
Music
Food
Pleasure
Time
Stories
Random Acts of Kindness
Gratitude
Warmth
Colour
and
Peace
Compassion
Honesty
Joy
Understanding
Acceptance
Appreciation
Selflessness
Smiles
Laughter
Cultural Understanding
Equality
Books
Birds Singing
Hugs
Passion
Light
Fresh Air
Harmony
Simplicity
Human Connection
Trees
Renewable Energy
Music
Food
Pleasure
Time
Stories
Random Acts of Kindness
Gratitude
Warmth
Colour
and
Peace
Honesty
I'm a big advocate for honesty... for as hurtful it can be it can also be joyous, revealing, create greater understanding and give you choices. The problem lies though when people are confused, conflicted and lacking self-esteem, as they are the people who sit on the fence and are not prepared to make any decision that could actually benefit their life and their relationships... they would rather live a life of confusion, torn between the polar opposites in their lives, and create a life that ruins their relationships as their words and actions lose trust with the people who love them, because their lies to themselves become unbelievable, and they fall apart as they don't have the ability to make a clear choice that will move them forward.
And I think that's the point... once you stop living the lie you become more honest with yourself. No one can force you to stop living the life you are unsure you want to be in, YOU need to make that choice for yourself. It's like an alcoholic can't have someone drag him to rehab, he has to want to do it himself. I remember when I first decided to leave my husband and I had a flood of friends from all stages of my life come back to me, so pleased that I had finally seen the light, but also asking me how I had the courage to do it, as many were feeling dissatisfied in their marriages. And I'm astonished in how many people I spoke to who sacrificed a whole side of themselves to be in their marriages - they stopped hiking, chatting to strangers, travelling, running on the beach, hanging out with certain friends, painting, spending time with their family, pumping music around the house, anything that made them feel like themselves, because their 'better half' didn't want to do what they wanted to do.
I think that's the problem... we get into relationships that initially show us the life we think we 'want' to live, but we don't look at the things we have in common. What we then do, is 'look' for the things we have in common, and most of those are superficial - we both like Japanese food, or we both come from good families, we both like walks in the park, we both are morning people, we both like sprinkling sugar on our cereal, we both like to make the bed in the morning, we both like lavender soap, we both like to travel, etc. But I know, from my own marriage, that I was 'made' to like certain things... I was made to like motor sports when all it was to me was seeing cars driving around in a circle, made to like window shopping in trendy streets that made me feel like I didn't fit in, made to like Bruce Lee movies even though I was against violence, made to like sitting in cafes even though I didn't drink coffee. I did that to make compromises in my marriage, but instead I was compromising myself.
I was talking to a widow the other day about her marriage... and even though she made sacrifices in her marriage, she was still allowed to be the same person she was when she entered the marriage. She was still allowed to be the silly guitar playing nursery rhyme singer at the local kindergartens and sing carols at family Christmases, she was still able to hang out with her friends and not feel guilty that she wasn't spending time at home, she was still allowed to be her own person, and at the same time, her husband was able to be the person he was too. They got together as a couple when they could, they raised a family together and they had common goals and a common understanding of what each expected of each other in the marriage, but they were still 'allowed' to be individuals. And now that she's a widow, she hasn't lost her spirit, she hasn't lost the sense of herself because she ALWAYS had it! Yes she's sad her husband died, but it wasn't as devastating to her as it was to some of her friends who had invested their whole lives in being the person their husband wanted them to be. They had real honesty in their marriage.
To me, it's the little white lies that are the give away. The lies people tell to cover up an excuse for not making an effort, explaining where they were or why they didn't do something, the lies people say to you 'thinking' that you asked a certain question, but you never did. Like, when you write someone a note to say you're thinking of them when you saw a mutual friend, something you knew they liked, or a place you went to with them, and they reply 'I'm doing great, thanks for asking,' when in fact, you didn't ask them at all how they are, you just wrote to say that you were thinking of them. Or when a wife asks why her husband was late home from work, and he tells this massive story about a car accident and how he was stuck in traffic, with no phone battery, and he left his car charger for his phone at work (but why did he take his car charger out of his car?) so he couldn't call... You know the story... It makes you question what they are covering up, question why they are so jumpy, question what they are trying to achieve by over-compensating. The more little white lies told, the less trust you have with that person.
So why do people do it? A deep-seated insecurity? Conflict in their family foundations? Not ready to tell the world who they really are? I think a new generation of honesty is coming up through the ranks. There was a time where people loved going to funerals as it aired out all the lies within the family - the illegitimate children, the affairs, the hurts, the reasons why cousin Joe disappeared, etc, because no one spoke of how they felt or what they knew as it would be damaging to the family reputation, unless the matriarch or patriarch of the family were dead and safely buried. But now society has created more acceptance so people are more willing to take ownership of who they are and what they want from life... and we don't need to conform to the moral, religious or societal expectations that our parents and grandparents had to deal with. More people are proud of being gay, more people are happy to not have children or are waiting till the time is right, more people are travelling and discovering themselves through the world rather than stuck in their family ways, more people are voicing their political opinion, more people are becoming more informative of their choices... And that's what life is... a choice... a choice to make the most of your life and find happiness in who YOU are, not what people expect you to be or blaming someone for who you are. And once you realise that, and accept the honesty within yourself, then your life will open up to a new sense of wonderment and joy.
And I think that's the point... once you stop living the lie you become more honest with yourself. No one can force you to stop living the life you are unsure you want to be in, YOU need to make that choice for yourself. It's like an alcoholic can't have someone drag him to rehab, he has to want to do it himself. I remember when I first decided to leave my husband and I had a flood of friends from all stages of my life come back to me, so pleased that I had finally seen the light, but also asking me how I had the courage to do it, as many were feeling dissatisfied in their marriages. And I'm astonished in how many people I spoke to who sacrificed a whole side of themselves to be in their marriages - they stopped hiking, chatting to strangers, travelling, running on the beach, hanging out with certain friends, painting, spending time with their family, pumping music around the house, anything that made them feel like themselves, because their 'better half' didn't want to do what they wanted to do.
I think that's the problem... we get into relationships that initially show us the life we think we 'want' to live, but we don't look at the things we have in common. What we then do, is 'look' for the things we have in common, and most of those are superficial - we both like Japanese food, or we both come from good families, we both like walks in the park, we both are morning people, we both like sprinkling sugar on our cereal, we both like to make the bed in the morning, we both like lavender soap, we both like to travel, etc. But I know, from my own marriage, that I was 'made' to like certain things... I was made to like motor sports when all it was to me was seeing cars driving around in a circle, made to like window shopping in trendy streets that made me feel like I didn't fit in, made to like Bruce Lee movies even though I was against violence, made to like sitting in cafes even though I didn't drink coffee. I did that to make compromises in my marriage, but instead I was compromising myself.
I was talking to a widow the other day about her marriage... and even though she made sacrifices in her marriage, she was still allowed to be the same person she was when she entered the marriage. She was still allowed to be the silly guitar playing nursery rhyme singer at the local kindergartens and sing carols at family Christmases, she was still able to hang out with her friends and not feel guilty that she wasn't spending time at home, she was still allowed to be her own person, and at the same time, her husband was able to be the person he was too. They got together as a couple when they could, they raised a family together and they had common goals and a common understanding of what each expected of each other in the marriage, but they were still 'allowed' to be individuals. And now that she's a widow, she hasn't lost her spirit, she hasn't lost the sense of herself because she ALWAYS had it! Yes she's sad her husband died, but it wasn't as devastating to her as it was to some of her friends who had invested their whole lives in being the person their husband wanted them to be. They had real honesty in their marriage.
To me, it's the little white lies that are the give away. The lies people tell to cover up an excuse for not making an effort, explaining where they were or why they didn't do something, the lies people say to you 'thinking' that you asked a certain question, but you never did. Like, when you write someone a note to say you're thinking of them when you saw a mutual friend, something you knew they liked, or a place you went to with them, and they reply 'I'm doing great, thanks for asking,' when in fact, you didn't ask them at all how they are, you just wrote to say that you were thinking of them. Or when a wife asks why her husband was late home from work, and he tells this massive story about a car accident and how he was stuck in traffic, with no phone battery, and he left his car charger for his phone at work (but why did he take his car charger out of his car?) so he couldn't call... You know the story... It makes you question what they are covering up, question why they are so jumpy, question what they are trying to achieve by over-compensating. The more little white lies told, the less trust you have with that person.
So why do people do it? A deep-seated insecurity? Conflict in their family foundations? Not ready to tell the world who they really are? I think a new generation of honesty is coming up through the ranks. There was a time where people loved going to funerals as it aired out all the lies within the family - the illegitimate children, the affairs, the hurts, the reasons why cousin Joe disappeared, etc, because no one spoke of how they felt or what they knew as it would be damaging to the family reputation, unless the matriarch or patriarch of the family were dead and safely buried. But now society has created more acceptance so people are more willing to take ownership of who they are and what they want from life... and we don't need to conform to the moral, religious or societal expectations that our parents and grandparents had to deal with. More people are proud of being gay, more people are happy to not have children or are waiting till the time is right, more people are travelling and discovering themselves through the world rather than stuck in their family ways, more people are voicing their political opinion, more people are becoming more informative of their choices... And that's what life is... a choice... a choice to make the most of your life and find happiness in who YOU are, not what people expect you to be or blaming someone for who you are. And once you realise that, and accept the honesty within yourself, then your life will open up to a new sense of wonderment and joy.
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Forbidden Love
Over the months, I've harped on about affairs, past loves and family love, and have sometimes touched on workplace love, friendship love and homosexual love... I've talked about the incredible difficulty in finding love, especially mutual love - a love that defies all sense of 'you' and 'me' and unites you in a way that complements who you both are and makes you BOTH shine - not just one partner or the other.
So when people say they can't love someone because it's taboo - if it's a good friend's ex boyfriend, a married person, your best friend, etc and if you are afraid of taking the relationship to a new level, isn't that defying your heart of true happiness, and possibly their true happiness? If you feel alive with that person, feel complete, feel like you're not trying, feel comfortable, feel happy and catch yourself always smiling and laughing with this person, don't you owe yourself a chance of finding out if the feeling is mutual? I know it's a big risk, but isn't the point of love finding something that transcends normality by finding a love so special you can't live without it?
But for some people, they are scared of breaking the barrier of normality... they have to live within the traditions of how they were raised, how society see them, how they expect their lives to be... They get a glimmer of that transcending feeling - that chance to feel complete, whole, loved, embraced and accepted for the REAL person that they are, not the person they portray to the world, and they actually learn to love themselves in the process. They love that inner sanctum they have created within themselves by this 'forbidden love.' But they convince themselves that it's not practical, it's not what their mother wanted for them, it's not responsible, it's not viable to actually love themselves in the way that all people deserve because they had already chosen a life path and they must stick to it.
But who benefits from that 'chosen life path' that you don't really want to live? Do your children see that marriage only means hurting, fighting and existing together? Or are you teaching them the concepts of commitment, that marriage has highs and lows, and united responsibility? Do your friends and family actually appreciate you if you are constantly miserable, angry at the world or wallowing in your own silence? Or do they somehow drift away not wanting to spend time with you because YOU ARE NOT HAPPY and enjoyable to be around? Will your same-gendered best friend stick around when you suddenly realise your gay thoughts but become reserved in your conversational intimacy and become 'weird' as you don't explain your real feelings and thoughts?
That's the thing - NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW YOU IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY in who YOU are and don't act on the aspects in your life that 'transcend' you. So what are the risks in taking action - real action, with your forbidden love? That you will actually BE HAPPY, that you will actually BE ENJOYABLE to be around, that you will actually TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for living the life you deserve, not the one you dreamt of as a young child? So for the slim chance of losing your job if your forbidden love is a work colleague, for the slim chance of splitting your finances with disdain if you are unhappily married, for the chance that your gay feelings for your best friend aren't mutual, isn't it a greater risk to stay unhappy, unfulfilled and unloved than to be honest with yourself and take that chance?
Life is too short to not be happy and be true to yourself. Find the courage, take the steps and find yourself in love.
So when people say they can't love someone because it's taboo - if it's a good friend's ex boyfriend, a married person, your best friend, etc and if you are afraid of taking the relationship to a new level, isn't that defying your heart of true happiness, and possibly their true happiness? If you feel alive with that person, feel complete, feel like you're not trying, feel comfortable, feel happy and catch yourself always smiling and laughing with this person, don't you owe yourself a chance of finding out if the feeling is mutual? I know it's a big risk, but isn't the point of love finding something that transcends normality by finding a love so special you can't live without it?
But for some people, they are scared of breaking the barrier of normality... they have to live within the traditions of how they were raised, how society see them, how they expect their lives to be... They get a glimmer of that transcending feeling - that chance to feel complete, whole, loved, embraced and accepted for the REAL person that they are, not the person they portray to the world, and they actually learn to love themselves in the process. They love that inner sanctum they have created within themselves by this 'forbidden love.' But they convince themselves that it's not practical, it's not what their mother wanted for them, it's not responsible, it's not viable to actually love themselves in the way that all people deserve because they had already chosen a life path and they must stick to it.
But who benefits from that 'chosen life path' that you don't really want to live? Do your children see that marriage only means hurting, fighting and existing together? Or are you teaching them the concepts of commitment, that marriage has highs and lows, and united responsibility? Do your friends and family actually appreciate you if you are constantly miserable, angry at the world or wallowing in your own silence? Or do they somehow drift away not wanting to spend time with you because YOU ARE NOT HAPPY and enjoyable to be around? Will your same-gendered best friend stick around when you suddenly realise your gay thoughts but become reserved in your conversational intimacy and become 'weird' as you don't explain your real feelings and thoughts?
That's the thing - NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW YOU IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY in who YOU are and don't act on the aspects in your life that 'transcend' you. So what are the risks in taking action - real action, with your forbidden love? That you will actually BE HAPPY, that you will actually BE ENJOYABLE to be around, that you will actually TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for living the life you deserve, not the one you dreamt of as a young child? So for the slim chance of losing your job if your forbidden love is a work colleague, for the slim chance of splitting your finances with disdain if you are unhappily married, for the chance that your gay feelings for your best friend aren't mutual, isn't it a greater risk to stay unhappy, unfulfilled and unloved than to be honest with yourself and take that chance?
Life is too short to not be happy and be true to yourself. Find the courage, take the steps and find yourself in love.
Sunday, 15 September 2013
Our New Slice of Heaven
Yesterday, the boys and I drove up to our new holiday house in Goughs Bay just to check a few things out before we settle. We are so excited that the water level of the lake is up to 90%, the view is divine, the house is better than we first inspected and we have a fabulous back garden with so much potential with its elevation.
In my entrepreneurial ways, we plan to use it as a holiday house for us, but also as a vacation rental so others can enjoy it too. We love that its in a sleepy town that comes alive over the summer with holiday makers wanting to enjoy the boating life, the hiking, the wine country and the wildlife. We love that its so close to Mt Buller, one of Victoria's most popular alpine resorts so that our little house can be used in the winter season as well.
While we were there, we introduced ourselves to the people at the General Store - a store that sells everything from beer & wine to lattes, deli meats, ice, gas and all your standard groceries. We also checked out the information centre in Mansfield to find out about all the festivals, the activities and the local produce farms. And we went for a walk along our street in search of the boat ramp (it wasn't far!) and the local caravan park and saw some million properties along the way. Such as sweet place to be - perfect in the off season for those who want a quiet getaway, great in the high season for those who love the lake lifestyle.
Anyway, here are a few pics!
In my entrepreneurial ways, we plan to use it as a holiday house for us, but also as a vacation rental so others can enjoy it too. We love that its in a sleepy town that comes alive over the summer with holiday makers wanting to enjoy the boating life, the hiking, the wine country and the wildlife. We love that its so close to Mt Buller, one of Victoria's most popular alpine resorts so that our little house can be used in the winter season as well.
While we were there, we introduced ourselves to the people at the General Store - a store that sells everything from beer & wine to lattes, deli meats, ice, gas and all your standard groceries. We also checked out the information centre in Mansfield to find out about all the festivals, the activities and the local produce farms. And we went for a walk along our street in search of the boat ramp (it wasn't far!) and the local caravan park and saw some million properties along the way. Such as sweet place to be - perfect in the off season for those who want a quiet getaway, great in the high season for those who love the lake lifestyle.
Anyway, here are a few pics!
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Are We Raising Babies?
With the media blowing everything out of proportion from scaring our kids to just walk in the street or eating the wrong types of foods, we are seriously going to be stuck with a generation of whimpy, fragile kids who just won't try anything, stand up for themselves, or just allow everything the media, insurance companies and anyone of authority to walk right over them.
I was talking to a financial planner the other day and we were working out my life insurance in the event that I die. She thought I had over-insured myself, but when she worked out the figures - assuming I die tomorrow, that I need to clear my debts and provide for my two boys to a certain age, I had the figure pretty spot on until my boys were 20 years old. But then she suggested that there was no way that they will leave home then, that I will need to provide for their university courses, maybe buy them a car and should be their primary carer until at least 25 years of age. I was blown away at that thought! I am NOT raising boys who cannot and will not have the ability to look after themselves.
I will expect my boys to have part time jobs when they are 15 years old, they will pay for their own university degrees upfront or through student loans, if that's the road they choose and if they choose to live at home, they will pay board and contribute to the running of the household when they have finished high school. In fact, at the ages of 12 and 10 that they are now, they are already saving for their cars and university fund by putting all their birthday & pocket money into their bank accounts as well as selling their unwanted toys. They have been doing chores around the house for the past 4 years like emptying the dishwasher, drying the dishes, putting their clothes away, vacuuming, wiping tables & benches, watering plants & putting the rubbish bins out to EARN their pocket money.
My boys are very proud of the money they have sitting in the bank. They understand the value of a dollar (and even in foreign currencies), so they look after their toys, especially the ones they know they will grow out of and want to Ebay in the future. I don't actually buy them any toys anymore... I give them a certain amount of pocket money to save each week and a certain amount to spend (its about 25% spend, 75% save), so if they want something, they save their spending money until they can afford it.
But when I look around and see what 'men' are out there these days, most, if not all, are looking for a 'mother' figure as a girlfriend or wife to look after them. And it doesn't matter how old they are - 25, 40, 57, 70... they all want the 'comfort' of being looked after by a woman. I want my boys to be strong, independent, caring and compassionate men who know how to earn a living, know how to pay their own bills on time and be successful without being cocky.
I'm not saying all parents are wrapping their kids in cotton blankets, but there is a good percentage that do. I urge all parents to allow your children the freedom to find their feet, get the courage to walk out the door on their own, find their way home and let them know it's ok to make mistakes as long as they learn from them. Make them understand responsibility for themselves and others, make them unselfish and have a desire to give. But please don't be raising your child well into his or her 20s or even 30s expecting them to somehow fend for themselves when your dead and buried, but not give them the tools to know how to be their own person NOW! No matter how old they are, it's never to young to start.
I was talking to a financial planner the other day and we were working out my life insurance in the event that I die. She thought I had over-insured myself, but when she worked out the figures - assuming I die tomorrow, that I need to clear my debts and provide for my two boys to a certain age, I had the figure pretty spot on until my boys were 20 years old. But then she suggested that there was no way that they will leave home then, that I will need to provide for their university courses, maybe buy them a car and should be their primary carer until at least 25 years of age. I was blown away at that thought! I am NOT raising boys who cannot and will not have the ability to look after themselves.
I will expect my boys to have part time jobs when they are 15 years old, they will pay for their own university degrees upfront or through student loans, if that's the road they choose and if they choose to live at home, they will pay board and contribute to the running of the household when they have finished high school. In fact, at the ages of 12 and 10 that they are now, they are already saving for their cars and university fund by putting all their birthday & pocket money into their bank accounts as well as selling their unwanted toys. They have been doing chores around the house for the past 4 years like emptying the dishwasher, drying the dishes, putting their clothes away, vacuuming, wiping tables & benches, watering plants & putting the rubbish bins out to EARN their pocket money.
My boys are very proud of the money they have sitting in the bank. They understand the value of a dollar (and even in foreign currencies), so they look after their toys, especially the ones they know they will grow out of and want to Ebay in the future. I don't actually buy them any toys anymore... I give them a certain amount of pocket money to save each week and a certain amount to spend (its about 25% spend, 75% save), so if they want something, they save their spending money until they can afford it.
But when I look around and see what 'men' are out there these days, most, if not all, are looking for a 'mother' figure as a girlfriend or wife to look after them. And it doesn't matter how old they are - 25, 40, 57, 70... they all want the 'comfort' of being looked after by a woman. I want my boys to be strong, independent, caring and compassionate men who know how to earn a living, know how to pay their own bills on time and be successful without being cocky.
I'm not saying all parents are wrapping their kids in cotton blankets, but there is a good percentage that do. I urge all parents to allow your children the freedom to find their feet, get the courage to walk out the door on their own, find their way home and let them know it's ok to make mistakes as long as they learn from them. Make them understand responsibility for themselves and others, make them unselfish and have a desire to give. But please don't be raising your child well into his or her 20s or even 30s expecting them to somehow fend for themselves when your dead and buried, but not give them the tools to know how to be their own person NOW! No matter how old they are, it's never to young to start.
Sunday, 8 September 2013
A Touch of Europe in Melbourne
Yesterday, the boys and I went to the city (after we voted in our nation's election) to see if we actually could love the culture in our own city as we did love many parts of Europe. We started off at the iconic Flinders Street station and found Degraves Street... a truly European slice of heaven in Melbourne.
We went there, as I had heard the best waffles in town was a little place called 'Waffle On' in Degraves Street... but as we hadn't ventured too much into our own town, we hadn't realised that Degraves Street was rich in European style cafes from every corner of the continent, and the language truly made us feel like we had been teleported back to our 6 week holiday. We found 'Waffle On' and enjoyed some delicious maple syrup waffles with a bottle of Orangina (our favourite drink from France & Belgium) and enjoyed the sunshine and the vibrant cafe life.
We went there, as I had heard the best waffles in town was a little place called 'Waffle On' in Degraves Street... but as we hadn't ventured too much into our own town, we hadn't realised that Degraves Street was rich in European style cafes from every corner of the continent, and the language truly made us feel like we had been teleported back to our 6 week holiday. We found 'Waffle On' and enjoyed some delicious maple syrup waffles with a bottle of Orangina (our favourite drink from France & Belgium) and enjoyed the sunshine and the vibrant cafe life.
We then walked along the Yarra down Southbank, and had our dose of outdoor buskers - fire jugglers, gold statues, homeless beggars - all outside some of the city's most exclusive restaurants... a feeling that was a cross between Covent Garden in London and the Seine in Paris.
We ended up at Crown Casino to watch the movie 'Red 2' and were surprised to see places we had been to in Paris and London sprayed across the screen... Tower Bridge, Eiffel Tower, Westminister Abbey, the Gherkin Building, the streets of Paris... it was all there. I think it was the first big screen movie we had seen since being back that made us know what it was like to be where all these 'big stars' were. I think that's what made the movie more exciting to watch (even though it really is a fabulous and very funny movie).
So the day that started out with lots of moaning and groaning from my No 2 son (as he was happy just to stay home), ended up being a lovely day out with my two favourite boys, with lots of appreciative hugs and a cuddle on the couch watching 'Harry Potter' because he wanted more 'family time' with his big brother and mum. I really do have two very special little men in my life. :)
Saturday, 7 September 2013
What is it with men?
Where is the romance? Where is the responsibility? Where is the manliness of 'men' these days? It seems like they all want to go from A to F (assuming 'F' is sex and 'Z' is married 80 year olds who are destined to death do us part, as who can be bothered divorcing at 80?). In the almost 4 years I've been separated from my husband, I don't think I have been ever asked to go on a 'date' before the words of sex spews out of the man's mouth.
No one has sent me flowers as an admirer, no one has taken me out to dinner or a coffee that hasn't been a work meeting or a male friend just catching up and the only dates I've actually ever been on (where I paid for half of them) was with my lover (but of course, after sex was initiated), whose attempted acts of chivalry, where he opened the car or restaurant door for me, pulled out his own money clip to pay for anything or even paid for a hotel were a little bit left field of his 'declared' chivalrous traditions... yes they were there at the start, but diminished over time - I'm not sure if it was because Australian men don't act chivalrous and I hadn't been used to being doted over without agenda, which I explained to him (and it was difficult to accept his courtesies, even though I did love them), or if it was all an act to start with and he got lenient over time (though, he was adamant that his daughters shouldn't date a man who wasn't prepared to treat her like a princess and open doors, let them take the only seat or pay for them... so why should he treat a woman any differently?)
In the last few days, I've had men from my past keen to 'hitch' up again, yet they aren't prepared to sweep me off my feet. The issue I have is that they want me to essentially be their Mum... they love what I do with my boys, they think I'm the coolest Mum ever, they love how my boys love and appreciate me, and they want a piece of it. But what are they offering ME? Another child (in themselves, not to have one conceived)? I don't need another child, I need a man who is prepared to look after me, not me look after him... I looked after my ex-husband pretty much from Day One and I've definitely looked after my own boys since they were born, so I don't need to be looking after another man who's not prepared to look after me... And what they don't realise, is that as a single mother, NO ONE is looking after me!!!
I think this is a common problem most women find these days, no matter how old you are... I was speaking to a single lady in her late seventies last night, and she said that men only get worse with age. How is that actually possible? Do they revert back into the womb once they hit eighteen and completely forget that they are actually supposed to be the 'man' in the relationship - a strong, emotionally & financially supportive partner who treats his woman like the queen she should be? Or are the gender roles getting so confusing that no one knows who is supposed to be 'who' anymore? Are we all being selfish in what we want and no one is actually considering what the other half needs?
I had another conversation with a man recently, who was in an unstable marriage for the better half of sixteen years, and he has come to the point in his life that he believes whatever he does then 'he deserves it, and he's worth it.' So despite his children being in their later stage of their teens, he is pretty much doing everything for himself, and not considering the living circumstances of his children because he knows that they will fly the coup in the next two to ten years... so he's decided just to build a two bedroom + study house for himself. With kids staying at home longer now, you'd think that he would understand that he still has a good ten-fifteen years of them actually staying at home, and should accommodate that... but no. Same as my ex... wants to see our boys more, yet has lived in a one bedroom flat for the last 3.5 years... the boys literally have no where to go at his flat, so they stay the night with me 100% of the time.
I am tired of the selfishness of men. Men who have absolutely no consideration for women's needs, men who get offended even if you try to say Hi or show you care; men who turn a purely innocent conversation into a sexual opportunity; men who yearn for you, yet offer nothing in return... nothing of substance. And then there are men who promise one thing and go against it.
Really, why do we bother?
No one has sent me flowers as an admirer, no one has taken me out to dinner or a coffee that hasn't been a work meeting or a male friend just catching up and the only dates I've actually ever been on (where I paid for half of them) was with my lover (but of course, after sex was initiated), whose attempted acts of chivalry, where he opened the car or restaurant door for me, pulled out his own money clip to pay for anything or even paid for a hotel were a little bit left field of his 'declared' chivalrous traditions... yes they were there at the start, but diminished over time - I'm not sure if it was because Australian men don't act chivalrous and I hadn't been used to being doted over without agenda, which I explained to him (and it was difficult to accept his courtesies, even though I did love them), or if it was all an act to start with and he got lenient over time (though, he was adamant that his daughters shouldn't date a man who wasn't prepared to treat her like a princess and open doors, let them take the only seat or pay for them... so why should he treat a woman any differently?)
In the last few days, I've had men from my past keen to 'hitch' up again, yet they aren't prepared to sweep me off my feet. The issue I have is that they want me to essentially be their Mum... they love what I do with my boys, they think I'm the coolest Mum ever, they love how my boys love and appreciate me, and they want a piece of it. But what are they offering ME? Another child (in themselves, not to have one conceived)? I don't need another child, I need a man who is prepared to look after me, not me look after him... I looked after my ex-husband pretty much from Day One and I've definitely looked after my own boys since they were born, so I don't need to be looking after another man who's not prepared to look after me... And what they don't realise, is that as a single mother, NO ONE is looking after me!!!
I think this is a common problem most women find these days, no matter how old you are... I was speaking to a single lady in her late seventies last night, and she said that men only get worse with age. How is that actually possible? Do they revert back into the womb once they hit eighteen and completely forget that they are actually supposed to be the 'man' in the relationship - a strong, emotionally & financially supportive partner who treats his woman like the queen she should be? Or are the gender roles getting so confusing that no one knows who is supposed to be 'who' anymore? Are we all being selfish in what we want and no one is actually considering what the other half needs?
I had another conversation with a man recently, who was in an unstable marriage for the better half of sixteen years, and he has come to the point in his life that he believes whatever he does then 'he deserves it, and he's worth it.' So despite his children being in their later stage of their teens, he is pretty much doing everything for himself, and not considering the living circumstances of his children because he knows that they will fly the coup in the next two to ten years... so he's decided just to build a two bedroom + study house for himself. With kids staying at home longer now, you'd think that he would understand that he still has a good ten-fifteen years of them actually staying at home, and should accommodate that... but no. Same as my ex... wants to see our boys more, yet has lived in a one bedroom flat for the last 3.5 years... the boys literally have no where to go at his flat, so they stay the night with me 100% of the time.
I am tired of the selfishness of men. Men who have absolutely no consideration for women's needs, men who get offended even if you try to say Hi or show you care; men who turn a purely innocent conversation into a sexual opportunity; men who yearn for you, yet offer nothing in return... nothing of substance. And then there are men who promise one thing and go against it.
Really, why do we bother?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)