Thinking about all the marriages I know, the ones that failed, the ones that have succeeded, the ones that exist, the ones that still have twinkles in their eyes for each other, it's interesting to see how their wedding actually represents their married life.
I will start with mine... I wanted it to be small, generally because I don't like ostentation, and I really didn't want it to be more than 30 people (immediate family and a couple of close friends), but my parents insisted that their friends come to it because they were paying the lion's share of the wedding... so it stretched out to 60 people. I had one bridesmaid, who after several years and her own wedding, realised what a poor job she did for me. I had no kitchen tea, no bachelorette party, no engagement party, nothing. And I was OK with that, because I didn't want to be 'fussed' over. And we were married at the Melbourne Zoo... and what a 'zoo' my married ended up being, but more so my divorce. (Almost 11 years together).
My best friend from high school ended up married a Greek boy. She had the richest of rich weddings and everything was celebrated: her Greek Christening, their engagement and then a month before the wedding came the kitchen tea, the bachelorette party, the traditional Greek bed making ceremony and then the wedding... a present or an expense for each and every occasion for the guests plus a new outfit for each event as you were seeing the same people each time. They were married in a Greek Orthodox church (in Greek) and a I remember wondering if she knew what she was getting herself into with the language barrier, then the reception at one of Melbourne's respected historical homes. Yet their marriage didn't even last 2 years.
I know another couple who chose to have a civil ceremony at City Hall. For the first 20 years, their marriage was beautiful and surrounded by love and family. After that, it went downhill with infidelities, public fighting and living separately - sometimes in the same house in separate rooms and sometimes in different houses, as they couldn't stand each other. And even if they were actually liking each other again, the habit of having their own rooms and space had become ingrained. There is no trust in their relationship, yet they continue miserably for the past... constantly pulling out old photo albums to remind themselves that there is something 'good' to hold onto, constantly reflecting on the romantic notions they had as newly-weds that they would grow old together no matter what, constantly thinking that they have to show their adult children what it means to be committed in a married relationship... yet they remain miserable and untrusting towards each other.
Another couple I know, again didn't have the big wedding and have been together now for about 40 years. They too fight like cats and dogs but always have, live regularly in different places around the world (although always the same places, not like the couple above who have a combination of theirs, his and her houses), yet there have been no infidelities or trust issues between them. They do spend a lot of time travelling, both individually and together, but generally to be together somewhere or for a common cause.
Then there is the married couple who had the full traditional wedding - the church then the reception at his parent's home. They have been married for almost 50 years, but their success, they believe is due to the fact that they fled the country and their family to create their own successes and place their own parenting ways on their children without the interference of family around them. Now, they are fully dependent on each other and refuse to allow anyone or anything to come between them, including their children or grandchildren. Yet their children resent the fact that they had no grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around them to understand the true meaning of what family really is.
So I, guess, if you go for something different, quiet or the opposite, 'over the top,' you are more likely to have struggles on the basis that you put either too much emphasis on the wedding and not enough on the love and marriage requirements, or the marriage didn't mean that much to you in the first place and was only a 'procedure' of societal expectation rather than a public commitment to each other, and you treat each other accordingly or the marriage doesn't last. Whereas, the traditional vows and ceremony seem to be boring, but long-lasting and true.
In the end, some people are meant to be together, others are only meant to be together for a certain period of time... There is no romance in holding onto something that doesn't want to exist. Once the harmony is no longer there consistently, then you can love each other, but the marriage is not worth holding onto if you aren't individually happy together. Life is too short to be stuck...
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