The one thing that drove me more insane with my ex-husband's behaviour when we were married more than anything was that he made me feel like I didn't matter. And some of that feeling was due to his phone etiquette. If we went out for lunch when the boys were at school, it would only be a couple of minutes into sitting down, and his phone would ring, he would check his email and have to respond immediately or he would be blatant enough to initiate a call. The worst was when he left the table to talk to 'whoever it was' like it was something private he didn't want me to hear, but he would say that the restaurant was too noisy so he had to go outside and hear the person. I always felt lost as to why we were out, why I was being ignored and why life couldn't stop to enjoy each other without work or kids in the way. Really, what can be so important that you miss out on spending some rare but valuable one-on-one time with your wife? The thing is, he's not the only one.
Then I saw the 10 year olds doing something similar the other night... two of them had their own iPhones, and two had their iPads. Occasionally, they would all grab them at once and just not talk to each other. Other times, they all tried to contact the same friend in Malaysia to Skype with them, essentially trying to include this other boy in the party... which was sweet. Luckily, it was 80% of the time that they were actually interacting together, not on their phones and tablets. It's something adults should look at and learn from, as I'm sure adults have the statistics swinging the other way.
So why are we so obsessive that the people outside our current world - the ones we can touch, hug, kiss, love - aren't being treated with the respect that they deserve? Yet the people on the net, our phone or even a stupid website where we can live vicariously through other people's lives, has become more important to us? Do we need to have a good look at our habits and see what we can change?
I know that I've made some changes... I've turned my phone on to silent between the hours of 10pm and 7am, so I don't get the annoying beeps of emails coming in, late night messaging, or game plays when I need to sleep. I refuse to have my phone or computer near me when I spend time with my boys if it's at home. When we go out, it's on silent and I only pull it out to take photos of a memorable time. But then they know, that sometimes I do have to catch up with work and I just need a half hour of quiet time while I answer emails, phone calls, etc and they do the same with their iPads. However, I know that sometimes I might have an indulgent play of a game or Facebook check if the boys leave me to go to the toilet at a restaurant and I get that horrible feeling that my ex used to do, of feeling ignored and alone, so I find comfort in checking my phone.
It just seems we are so reliant on our phones these days... When the boys and I were travelling around Europe, it was a breath of fresh air not having phone/email/internet contact with anyone for the 5-7 hours we were on the road each day. The phone was only good (actually amazing) as our Sat-Nav and for taking photos of all the magical places we were driving through.
The problem is that, as we vicariously live through other people's lives because it's at our fingertips, we feel like whatever we are doing isn't good enough, so we find escapes through our phones of feel good anecdotes to push us through the boring moments, when in reality, if we used our imagination, we could actually be making some of those feel good moments for ourselves if we stop worrying about what the rest of the world is doing.
Make some conscious decisions, switch off the phone and enjoy what you have around you.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
Friday, 30 August 2013
The Funniest 10 Year Old Birthday Party
My son has his birthday today. When we were in Europe we planned who he would invite for his sleepover party, what they would eat and what they would do. He was super excited about it. We sent invitations out last week, and since then, he and his friends have been planning every minute detail. He convinced his friends to bring corn chips & salsa to make nachos, and other friends to bring lollies. Another friend brought Nerf guns so that they could have a Nerf war... truly funny how they orchestrated it all by themselves.
The invitation was to start at 5pm... but on the way home from school, I get a phone call from one of the kids asking if we are home yet as he had already arrived.. it was 3.40pm... Told him we would be 2 minutes! Funny! We got home, and this little boys' Dad's apprentice dropped him off - cute, possibly 20 years old, dragged in a bag full of corn chips, cheese and salsa. Stayed for a few minutes, told me the boys will be happy sleeping on the floor and left.
The boys played their Nerf wars outside, played a bit of tiggy and came inside for some nachos or a drink between running around. It was truly great to see them running around and being active. Occasionally they would come inside and play my son's new drum kit! Oh, my poor neighbours.
Gradually the others arrived... 5 in total (5 is all I could handle), with the last one's mum happy to open a bottle of sparkling with me and have a chat. I blew up the air mattress, and they decided to make it a wrestling pit. But completely orchestrated - complete with videographer, commentator and taking turns being the two wrestlers. Hilarious! After they fought each other too much, they decided to give each other 'time out' corners on every corner of the room - knowing exactly whose corner was whose. And it wasn't once they did it, it was probably five or six times. And they stayed there for 5 minutes, catching their breath, reducing the sting of any hurts and psyching themselves up for the next battle. And they did this all themselves.
After 4 packets of corn chips, 2 bottles of salsa and plenty of drinks, pizza arrived. They all agreed for me to buy 5 pizzas, but only ate two (guess what I'm having for lunch and dinner over the next 2 days).
While they ate their pizza, they talked about how their teachers are teaching them how to dance for their school concert. I had some wildly graphic descriptions how the teachers are showing them how to jiggle, but they aren't even moving, it's only their 'flubber' that's moving!
I gave them some jelly and one of the boys brought the book "Go the F*&^ to Sleep." So they all huddled up together eating their jelly, listening to one of the boys read them this feral bedtime story. We then had birthday cake, and one of the boys had to go, even though you could see he was having the best time!
After another Nerf war and the revelation of a big bowl of lollies, they asked me to show them 'Ernest The Engine' (You Tube it! It's hilarious!). They couldn't stop laughing. Now they are sitting sedately watching a movie most mothers wouldn't approve of... but luckily, most of the boys' parents are ok with it.
I just think it's funny how the boys have essentially organised all the fun for themselves... I've just provided a place for them to do it and pizza. Kids have come a long way since I was 10. There would be no way that I would have a say in my party, let alone have a party at all. All the kids are great kids... all have thanked me endlessly for drinks and the pizza, apologise if something has gone a little wrong, have stopped when I've told them they are too rowdy or the noise level is too much, and they have listened and settled down. It's so good that kids these days can actually feel confident enough to say what they want, yet have the manners to show respect to their environment and people providing or helping them.
The invitation was to start at 5pm... but on the way home from school, I get a phone call from one of the kids asking if we are home yet as he had already arrived.. it was 3.40pm... Told him we would be 2 minutes! Funny! We got home, and this little boys' Dad's apprentice dropped him off - cute, possibly 20 years old, dragged in a bag full of corn chips, cheese and salsa. Stayed for a few minutes, told me the boys will be happy sleeping on the floor and left.
The boys played their Nerf wars outside, played a bit of tiggy and came inside for some nachos or a drink between running around. It was truly great to see them running around and being active. Occasionally they would come inside and play my son's new drum kit! Oh, my poor neighbours.
Gradually the others arrived... 5 in total (5 is all I could handle), with the last one's mum happy to open a bottle of sparkling with me and have a chat. I blew up the air mattress, and they decided to make it a wrestling pit. But completely orchestrated - complete with videographer, commentator and taking turns being the two wrestlers. Hilarious! After they fought each other too much, they decided to give each other 'time out' corners on every corner of the room - knowing exactly whose corner was whose. And it wasn't once they did it, it was probably five or six times. And they stayed there for 5 minutes, catching their breath, reducing the sting of any hurts and psyching themselves up for the next battle. And they did this all themselves.
After 4 packets of corn chips, 2 bottles of salsa and plenty of drinks, pizza arrived. They all agreed for me to buy 5 pizzas, but only ate two (guess what I'm having for lunch and dinner over the next 2 days).
While they ate their pizza, they talked about how their teachers are teaching them how to dance for their school concert. I had some wildly graphic descriptions how the teachers are showing them how to jiggle, but they aren't even moving, it's only their 'flubber' that's moving!
I gave them some jelly and one of the boys brought the book "Go the F*&^ to Sleep." So they all huddled up together eating their jelly, listening to one of the boys read them this feral bedtime story. We then had birthday cake, and one of the boys had to go, even though you could see he was having the best time!
After another Nerf war and the revelation of a big bowl of lollies, they asked me to show them 'Ernest The Engine' (You Tube it! It's hilarious!). They couldn't stop laughing. Now they are sitting sedately watching a movie most mothers wouldn't approve of... but luckily, most of the boys' parents are ok with it.
I just think it's funny how the boys have essentially organised all the fun for themselves... I've just provided a place for them to do it and pizza. Kids have come a long way since I was 10. There would be no way that I would have a say in my party, let alone have a party at all. All the kids are great kids... all have thanked me endlessly for drinks and the pizza, apologise if something has gone a little wrong, have stopped when I've told them they are too rowdy or the noise level is too much, and they have listened and settled down. It's so good that kids these days can actually feel confident enough to say what they want, yet have the manners to show respect to their environment and people providing or helping them.
Friday, 23 August 2013
Fighting Against the World, then Finally Getting a Win.
There's the old adage, 'if something is worth it, it's worth fighting for.' And, oh my goodness, have I fought some major battles over the last few years. And most of the battles I lost - lawyers won, Homeland Security won, my ex-husband won, schools won, banks won, my parents won, everyone seemed to win, except me. My lover used to say to me 'the world 4,395,403, Suzy 0.' And that's what it felt like... like no one was ever on my side. Only those who have been consumed by divorce and separation can truly understand the heartache, the emotional stress and the unbelievable feeling of feeling worthless because everything you are fighting for is going against you, but you pick yourself up and keep going hoping like buggery that someone will just give you a break.
Everyday feels like a fight to me... fighting the school system and government to ensure my son gets the education he needs, fighting myself to get my book written, fighting my kids to just get things done around the house or their homework, fighting a losing battle against my weight, fighting politicians who say one thing then do another, sticking up for my kids when other kids are bullying them, fighting to get cashflow from my clients, fighting to get child support, fight fight fight... you always feel like there is that underlying tension in your stomach that won't go away because if it's not one thing your fighting for, there is always something new around the corner. The hard thing about it, as a single parent, is that you're doing it alone. You get no support or listening ear from a spouse or partner, and no one takes on your problems like you do yourself... as they have their own problems. It really does leave you empty inside when you do it solo.
But then, after years of fighting, the tension starts to fade away. Is it a sign that things are getting better, or a false illusion with more fighting around the corner? But some of the issues you fight for start to fall into place... governments legislate to create new school systems that your children will benefit from, people start paying without you harassing them, your kids are willing to do their homework, child support suddenly appears in your bank account and even the tax system is on your side. Your voice is being heard by people that matter, and it just makes life so much easier.
We had two wins this week... one for us as a family, one for my oldest son. Finally, it felt like someone is giving us a chance to get ahead and do the things we want to do. Don't get me wrong, we still had plenty of losses this week, but for some reason, the wins stand out like the sun is finally shining on us. Maybe the things we have fought for weren't right for us at the time, and maybe the things we have been given this week are the things the universe decides we deserve or require to ensure our lives go in the right direction... who knows. Whatever it is, it's making us feel less alone and less of a struggle so we can get on with things that matter - loving and caring for each other.
Everyday feels like a fight to me... fighting the school system and government to ensure my son gets the education he needs, fighting myself to get my book written, fighting my kids to just get things done around the house or their homework, fighting a losing battle against my weight, fighting politicians who say one thing then do another, sticking up for my kids when other kids are bullying them, fighting to get cashflow from my clients, fighting to get child support, fight fight fight... you always feel like there is that underlying tension in your stomach that won't go away because if it's not one thing your fighting for, there is always something new around the corner. The hard thing about it, as a single parent, is that you're doing it alone. You get no support or listening ear from a spouse or partner, and no one takes on your problems like you do yourself... as they have their own problems. It really does leave you empty inside when you do it solo.
But then, after years of fighting, the tension starts to fade away. Is it a sign that things are getting better, or a false illusion with more fighting around the corner? But some of the issues you fight for start to fall into place... governments legislate to create new school systems that your children will benefit from, people start paying without you harassing them, your kids are willing to do their homework, child support suddenly appears in your bank account and even the tax system is on your side. Your voice is being heard by people that matter, and it just makes life so much easier.
We had two wins this week... one for us as a family, one for my oldest son. Finally, it felt like someone is giving us a chance to get ahead and do the things we want to do. Don't get me wrong, we still had plenty of losses this week, but for some reason, the wins stand out like the sun is finally shining on us. Maybe the things we have fought for weren't right for us at the time, and maybe the things we have been given this week are the things the universe decides we deserve or require to ensure our lives go in the right direction... who knows. Whatever it is, it's making us feel less alone and less of a struggle so we can get on with things that matter - loving and caring for each other.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Deciding Life's Path...
I had a lovely chat with an elderly couple today, selling their home to be closer to their family and move into an 'independent lifestyle resort.' They were excited about their new venture but told me that fourteen years ago, when they bought the home they are now selling, they would only leave it when they were being 'taken out in a box.' I didn't ask them how old they are, but they were sprightly great-grandparents who absolutely adored their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
And it got me thinking... how many times are we adamant about what we will do with our lives, only for 'life' to make that decision for us. I know I've harped on about the 'till death do us part' marriage vow and how cynical I am about it, due to so many people I personally know who have broken their marriage vows, divorced or purely just live a lie of a life. I snicker at Facebook pages of people I know who I know have had affairs, yet write soppy public notes to their wives and husbands dedicating their loyalty to each other, when in reality, there is no loyalty. Even the soppy love notes on Facebook that I read, and I have no idea if there have been infidelities within the marriage, make me think that something isn't right and someone is trying to right their wrongs. Or it's the constant pics of themselves with the kids, but nothing of their spouse... the idea that there is no unity within the family. So I'm sure you can understand my cynical thoughts.
But then, even if there is the happy marriage, once the children leave the nest, the parents decide to enjoy life as a couple again! Yippee! They spend their hard-earned and saved money on trips overseas, expensive toys and jewellery, pretend they are 20 again with the high-adrenalin sports like sky-diving, gliding or sailing, they take up expensive memberships at golf clubs and tell their kids that they are in the SKI club: the 'Spend the Kids Inheritance' Club. Most the kids don't think much of it, as they are happy they are enjoying their twilight years and at last spending their own money on doing things they love and have sacrificed for. They move out of the family home as the house is too big for them and find something small enough so the kids never come back. It's the dream house they always wanted - low maintenance, single level and room for all their hobbies and play equipment. It's the house that they want to be 'carried out of in a box.'
But then they have some health scares - a heart attack, arthritis, even the big 'C' word. And they realise that they aren't 20 anymore. Picking up a hot saucepan becomes dangerous as their fingers don't have the strength to carry it anymore. Or the porcelain tiled floor is too slippery and they have had one too many falls. There is too many steps between the garage and the house... The garden is out of control because their knees hurt too much to kneel down and weed. All the pleasures of life aren't so pleasurable anymore. And they just can't let their pride get in the way... they need to get some help.
So at some stage, if it's their own decision or a decision made for them, they need to get some assisted help living. They either need to move in with their family members (God forbid, their children's homes!) or into a retirement home style complex where there is 24/7 medical help if needed. It's about 50/50 of the homes that I see that people choose to move out of their 'carry me out in a box' home on their own accord, and the other 50% are made to do it by family members after a slip and a broken hip, a pot of boiling water spilling on them or a trip in the ambulance for something that was life threatening. They are the ones who sob when I come to their homes as the reality has hit them that they have lost their independence forever.
And for all the sniggering that our parents do when they are in the SKI club, thinking they are invincible and don't need their kids, or need to spend time and/or help out their kids when they need it most, there is always a time that they will need to lose their sense of pride and put their hand out for help. Most would love it if their children had the time, love and energy to look after them and spend their valuable last years with them, but some have burnt their bridges and their children don't want to help shoving them off into a soulless nursing home to wither away. It's so sad. But it also works the other way... I have seen children bend over backwards for their elderly parents only for their parents to be so un-accepting, cruel and ungrateful to their children for just wanting to help and have a bond with their mother or father before losing them completely.
What inspired this blog, was a saying I read on Facebook... "The most dangerous risk of all - the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later." Whatever you can do... DO IT NOW!!! Life will never work out the way you want it to. Life will give you so many more positive surprises than you ever expected if you aren't steadfast on how your life 'should be.' Be prepared to change the vision you have for your life as your circumstances change. Life presents us with challenges to 'change our direction' not keep us where we find ourselves stagnate and safe. Nothing you can do can ever be wrong for you, it's a life lesson - you learn from it and move on, twist your thought patterns and come up with something new and better than what you had your heart set on.
'Till death do us part' happens for a very rare number of people who truly are 'in love with' each other and have no resentments towards each other in life. They are the ones who die only a few days or weeks apart from each other, or in the same tragic accident. They are the ones who remain completely faithful to each other, the ones who help their children raise their grandchildren, the ones who remain youthful in their hearts because they have no animosity with their loved ones. They are the ones who have lived life, enjoyed life and have no regrets. And the only way you can live with no regrets is if you allow yourself the freedom to what you can 'when' you physically have the ability to do so...
And it got me thinking... how many times are we adamant about what we will do with our lives, only for 'life' to make that decision for us. I know I've harped on about the 'till death do us part' marriage vow and how cynical I am about it, due to so many people I personally know who have broken their marriage vows, divorced or purely just live a lie of a life. I snicker at Facebook pages of people I know who I know have had affairs, yet write soppy public notes to their wives and husbands dedicating their loyalty to each other, when in reality, there is no loyalty. Even the soppy love notes on Facebook that I read, and I have no idea if there have been infidelities within the marriage, make me think that something isn't right and someone is trying to right their wrongs. Or it's the constant pics of themselves with the kids, but nothing of their spouse... the idea that there is no unity within the family. So I'm sure you can understand my cynical thoughts.
But then, even if there is the happy marriage, once the children leave the nest, the parents decide to enjoy life as a couple again! Yippee! They spend their hard-earned and saved money on trips overseas, expensive toys and jewellery, pretend they are 20 again with the high-adrenalin sports like sky-diving, gliding or sailing, they take up expensive memberships at golf clubs and tell their kids that they are in the SKI club: the 'Spend the Kids Inheritance' Club. Most the kids don't think much of it, as they are happy they are enjoying their twilight years and at last spending their own money on doing things they love and have sacrificed for. They move out of the family home as the house is too big for them and find something small enough so the kids never come back. It's the dream house they always wanted - low maintenance, single level and room for all their hobbies and play equipment. It's the house that they want to be 'carried out of in a box.'
But then they have some health scares - a heart attack, arthritis, even the big 'C' word. And they realise that they aren't 20 anymore. Picking up a hot saucepan becomes dangerous as their fingers don't have the strength to carry it anymore. Or the porcelain tiled floor is too slippery and they have had one too many falls. There is too many steps between the garage and the house... The garden is out of control because their knees hurt too much to kneel down and weed. All the pleasures of life aren't so pleasurable anymore. And they just can't let their pride get in the way... they need to get some help.
So at some stage, if it's their own decision or a decision made for them, they need to get some assisted help living. They either need to move in with their family members (God forbid, their children's homes!) or into a retirement home style complex where there is 24/7 medical help if needed. It's about 50/50 of the homes that I see that people choose to move out of their 'carry me out in a box' home on their own accord, and the other 50% are made to do it by family members after a slip and a broken hip, a pot of boiling water spilling on them or a trip in the ambulance for something that was life threatening. They are the ones who sob when I come to their homes as the reality has hit them that they have lost their independence forever.
And for all the sniggering that our parents do when they are in the SKI club, thinking they are invincible and don't need their kids, or need to spend time and/or help out their kids when they need it most, there is always a time that they will need to lose their sense of pride and put their hand out for help. Most would love it if their children had the time, love and energy to look after them and spend their valuable last years with them, but some have burnt their bridges and their children don't want to help shoving them off into a soulless nursing home to wither away. It's so sad. But it also works the other way... I have seen children bend over backwards for their elderly parents only for their parents to be so un-accepting, cruel and ungrateful to their children for just wanting to help and have a bond with their mother or father before losing them completely.
What inspired this blog, was a saying I read on Facebook... "The most dangerous risk of all - the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later." Whatever you can do... DO IT NOW!!! Life will never work out the way you want it to. Life will give you so many more positive surprises than you ever expected if you aren't steadfast on how your life 'should be.' Be prepared to change the vision you have for your life as your circumstances change. Life presents us with challenges to 'change our direction' not keep us where we find ourselves stagnate and safe. Nothing you can do can ever be wrong for you, it's a life lesson - you learn from it and move on, twist your thought patterns and come up with something new and better than what you had your heart set on.
'Till death do us part' happens for a very rare number of people who truly are 'in love with' each other and have no resentments towards each other in life. They are the ones who die only a few days or weeks apart from each other, or in the same tragic accident. They are the ones who remain completely faithful to each other, the ones who help their children raise their grandchildren, the ones who remain youthful in their hearts because they have no animosity with their loved ones. They are the ones who have lived life, enjoyed life and have no regrets. And the only way you can live with no regrets is if you allow yourself the freedom to what you can 'when' you physically have the ability to do so...
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
What do Men Really Want?
I was reading an article the other day on a sure fail safe way to attract a man and keep him. I understand the principles behind 'what men really want' but feel that they are totally self-centred and have nothing to do with actually being in a relationship... it's all about them! What do you think?
No 1: A man always likes to know that he will win.
A man's expected thought process: A woman just sits there and accepts that no matter what, he is ALWAYS in control.
A woman's expected thought process: Does that make us women play the game to make them 'think' they are winning, or that we change the wording around to make them 'think' that they came up with the idea? Or do we just accept that we can never be right unless we agree with him?
No 2: A man can only focus on one thing at a time. So, if we interrupt them with emails, text messages, phone calls, etc when they are completely focused on something else - that is work, fixing the car, getting a haircut, shopping for groceries, at the gym, etc, and he doesn't respond in 'our' expected timeframe, then start pestering him to find out why in't he answering, then he will only think that we are a pain in the ass and start walking away. But when he is with you, he expects your total devotion and attention to him, and if you don't give it to him, then he will start to stray and find it elsewhere.
A man's expected thought process: Why can't she leave me alone? This is starting to get annoying. OR Why isn't she with answering my calls? This is making me so horny right now, I need someone to help me take the edge off, and she's not there when I want her. I want her when I want her!!!
A woman's expected thought process: A return text, email or phone call is just common courtesy just to say 'I'm busy, give me half an hour/two hours/till tomorrow and I will get back to you.'
No 3: A man feels safe when the relationship brings him calm and happiness. This relates a little to No 2 on the basis that excessive attempts to contact him when 'he is not ready' can be irritating for him and take him away from his calm and happy place. Whereas, a peaceful voice, dinner on the table, a beer in the hand and his favourite TV show on the box would bring him happily home to his inner sanctum (or back to the 1950s).
A man's expected thought process: If she talks about her issues with her mother one more time, I think I might just have a couple more beers at the pub with my mates before I get home to numb the whinging. But, if I come home from work and someone gets promoted before me, and I want to air it out, I want to know she will be there for me.
A woman's expected thought process: So if I have troubles at work, with friends, family or a neighbour, and I want to air it out my vulnerabilities with someone who is 'supposed' to have my side, I risk losing him on the basis that my life is shit and he is sick of hearing about it, when all I want is someone who says he loves me to be supportive.
No 4: A man is attracted to a woman who can 'give' him something of value.
OK, this doesn't mean materialistic things, but it definitely can. It means that the man can get his 'calm' and 'happy' place within a relationship if he can feed off the woman's happy exuberance, good friendships, loving family, great looking kids, and give him a sense that he 'deserves to 'belong' with this woman.
A man's expected thought process: I've hit the jackpot!
A woman's expected thought process: If I'm so good, what does he offer me in return?
No 5: It all goes back to a man wants to 'WIN.'
Including him 'winning' you over, not you wanting to 'win' him over. It's official, women are not allowed to chase.
Arrggh... it kills me inside that if all this psychology is true and men are only in a relationship for their own selfish needs, then what is the point? Will a woman ever find happiness in a heterosexual relationship? The only way I see it being possible is if she constantly tortures him by not making herself available to him, making him want her more and more. But love shouldn't be a game... it should be mutuality, sharing and caring. We should all be more considerate to each other's needs and communicate our strengths and weaknesses to each other, have them instilled in our brains so that when the time comes, we can acknowledge each other respectfully with our communication, not just be ignored or treated like our feelings don't matter.
But sadly, with the relationships I've been in, and I'm sure many other women have been in, those five points are generally what keeps a man interested in you, yet you can't have the same expectations when you are just following your heart.
No 1: A man always likes to know that he will win.
A man's expected thought process: A woman just sits there and accepts that no matter what, he is ALWAYS in control.
A woman's expected thought process: Does that make us women play the game to make them 'think' they are winning, or that we change the wording around to make them 'think' that they came up with the idea? Or do we just accept that we can never be right unless we agree with him?
No 2: A man can only focus on one thing at a time. So, if we interrupt them with emails, text messages, phone calls, etc when they are completely focused on something else - that is work, fixing the car, getting a haircut, shopping for groceries, at the gym, etc, and he doesn't respond in 'our' expected timeframe, then start pestering him to find out why in't he answering, then he will only think that we are a pain in the ass and start walking away. But when he is with you, he expects your total devotion and attention to him, and if you don't give it to him, then he will start to stray and find it elsewhere.
A man's expected thought process: Why can't she leave me alone? This is starting to get annoying. OR Why isn't she with answering my calls? This is making me so horny right now, I need someone to help me take the edge off, and she's not there when I want her. I want her when I want her!!!
A woman's expected thought process: A return text, email or phone call is just common courtesy just to say 'I'm busy, give me half an hour/two hours/till tomorrow and I will get back to you.'
No 3: A man feels safe when the relationship brings him calm and happiness. This relates a little to No 2 on the basis that excessive attempts to contact him when 'he is not ready' can be irritating for him and take him away from his calm and happy place. Whereas, a peaceful voice, dinner on the table, a beer in the hand and his favourite TV show on the box would bring him happily home to his inner sanctum (or back to the 1950s).
A man's expected thought process: If she talks about her issues with her mother one more time, I think I might just have a couple more beers at the pub with my mates before I get home to numb the whinging. But, if I come home from work and someone gets promoted before me, and I want to air it out, I want to know she will be there for me.
A woman's expected thought process: So if I have troubles at work, with friends, family or a neighbour, and I want to air it out my vulnerabilities with someone who is 'supposed' to have my side, I risk losing him on the basis that my life is shit and he is sick of hearing about it, when all I want is someone who says he loves me to be supportive.
No 4: A man is attracted to a woman who can 'give' him something of value.
OK, this doesn't mean materialistic things, but it definitely can. It means that the man can get his 'calm' and 'happy' place within a relationship if he can feed off the woman's happy exuberance, good friendships, loving family, great looking kids, and give him a sense that he 'deserves to 'belong' with this woman.
A man's expected thought process: I've hit the jackpot!
A woman's expected thought process: If I'm so good, what does he offer me in return?
No 5: It all goes back to a man wants to 'WIN.'
Including him 'winning' you over, not you wanting to 'win' him over. It's official, women are not allowed to chase.
Arrggh... it kills me inside that if all this psychology is true and men are only in a relationship for their own selfish needs, then what is the point? Will a woman ever find happiness in a heterosexual relationship? The only way I see it being possible is if she constantly tortures him by not making herself available to him, making him want her more and more. But love shouldn't be a game... it should be mutuality, sharing and caring. We should all be more considerate to each other's needs and communicate our strengths and weaknesses to each other, have them instilled in our brains so that when the time comes, we can acknowledge each other respectfully with our communication, not just be ignored or treated like our feelings don't matter.
But sadly, with the relationships I've been in, and I'm sure many other women have been in, those five points are generally what keeps a man interested in you, yet you can't have the same expectations when you are just following your heart.
Saturday, 10 August 2013
The Paleo Diet
'Paleo' is becoming a little buzz word around me at the moment. I first heard it at a Thermomix demonstration a couple of weeks ago, as my friend, who is tall, skinny (even after having two kids) and beautiful lives by it, and then there was a comment yesterday at a friend's house, who had a friend come over - a friend she hadn't seen in a month - and couldn't believe the transformation that he had gone through. So we asked him what he was doing, and in the end, after describing his new way of eating, it was the 'paleo diet.'
So what is it? The essence is that it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days... the foods that we ate prior to the farming years. Foods that are not processed, foods that are not farmed to create mass bulking such as carbohydrates - rice, grain, wheat, sugar etc. and foods we aren't supposed to have after we are infants (milk, dairy, etc). That sounds like removing everything out of our diet, doesn't it? Well yes and no. What you are allowed to have is grass-fed meats, flying animals (chicken, turkey, duck, etc), eggs, vegetables, nuts and seeds (not legumes) and fruit. Make your own sauces with herbs and spices rather than packet sauces that are high in sugar. If you need sugar, eat more fruit. If you like to snack, eat nuts (not peanuts, as they are a legume, but nuts like almonds and walnuts). Replace dairy with almond and coconut milk (not soya or rice milk).
The Thermomix demonstration showed how you can make your own coconut milk by buying shaved coconut, adding water and heat and straining the coconut pulp from the liquid to make your own. And as like virgin olive oil is the first pressing of the olives, giving you a stronger taste and flavour, as too is using the coconut pulp to make more and more batches of coconut milk with the same coconut, but with each batch it gets weaker. It showed you how you can make your own ice-cream or sorbet by only using egg white and strawberries. Or chocolate mousse that can be frozen to think its chocolate ice-cream by blending cocoa powder, avocado, dates and cashews.
The great thing about this diet, as the hunter-gatherers existed, is that you don't need to have your 3 square meals or planned out snack times, because as hunter-gatherers ate, they ate when they were hungry or when they found something edible. You can have a big breakfast of eggs with mushrooms, tomatoes and spinach, have a handful of nuts at about 3pm and eat dinner normally. Or have your 3 meals if it suits your lifestyle. You can eat as much or as little as you want because the calories are more sustaining (low GI) and you feel better for it.
Most Paleo converters are big on the vegetable front, as probably most hunter-gatherers were, and pick at nut and seed snacks, or fruit when they want a burst of energy throughout the day. Some go to the extreme and don't even cook their meat, as the hunter-gatherers did over 10,000 years ago before farming, but as we aren't actually hunting our own food personally, I think it's best to cook it.
As grass-fed meat, organic vegetables and fruit, Omega 3 enriched eggs and nuts can be expensive, you really need to stop shopping from the major chains and discover the farmer's markets (which is, I know, a little ironic), or growing your own. Have your own chickens in the back garden, build yourself a vegetable patch mainly for broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes and kale. Eat sweet potatoes instead of potatoes. Use olive oil or avocado oil. If you really think about it and research it, you could probably make it cheaper than your current shop full of processed junk, and your body will be rewarded.
The main problem is that we are all time poor. Not enough time in the day to do the things we have to do let alone the things we want to do. But think of it this way... if we had less carb loaded processed foods in our system, it would burn away all our excess fat stores, giving us more energy in our day, more focus to what we need to do in our lives and give us the time to be creative with our foods and cooking using 'simple ingredients.'
I will admit, the Thermomix demonstration really showed me how we can be creative using naturally created foods, ensuring you know exactly what ingredients you are giving yourself and your children. And it is possible to make things look processed, but at least you know what's in them. But for $2000, I just can't justify the expense on a maybe...
Will I try the Paleo diet? Most likely... as I have been thinking for a while that my intake of breads, grains, etc has been possibly the reason why my body knows how to gain weight easily and that I need to up my intake of water to 'wash it all away.' My main problem is that when I'm on the road for hours at a time, I've trained my body not to need to find a bathroom by not drinking too much... which I know I shouldn't... What will be my hardship will be taking milk and cheese out of my diet.
The thing is, the diet, or lifestyle change, makes sense to me. Most Paleo converters made it a gradual change to their diet rather than a radical change, by just being conscious of what they are buying, discovering new places to shop that provides organic grown fruit and vegetables and grass fed meats. And it is possible to have a 'paleo free' day once in a while (and when you do, you will convert right back because you feel so bad!). You don't have to be a dictator to friends and family, just aware of what's going into your mouth.
It's all food for thought!
So what is it? The essence is that it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days... the foods that we ate prior to the farming years. Foods that are not processed, foods that are not farmed to create mass bulking such as carbohydrates - rice, grain, wheat, sugar etc. and foods we aren't supposed to have after we are infants (milk, dairy, etc). That sounds like removing everything out of our diet, doesn't it? Well yes and no. What you are allowed to have is grass-fed meats, flying animals (chicken, turkey, duck, etc), eggs, vegetables, nuts and seeds (not legumes) and fruit. Make your own sauces with herbs and spices rather than packet sauces that are high in sugar. If you need sugar, eat more fruit. If you like to snack, eat nuts (not peanuts, as they are a legume, but nuts like almonds and walnuts). Replace dairy with almond and coconut milk (not soya or rice milk).
The Thermomix demonstration showed how you can make your own coconut milk by buying shaved coconut, adding water and heat and straining the coconut pulp from the liquid to make your own. And as like virgin olive oil is the first pressing of the olives, giving you a stronger taste and flavour, as too is using the coconut pulp to make more and more batches of coconut milk with the same coconut, but with each batch it gets weaker. It showed you how you can make your own ice-cream or sorbet by only using egg white and strawberries. Or chocolate mousse that can be frozen to think its chocolate ice-cream by blending cocoa powder, avocado, dates and cashews.
The great thing about this diet, as the hunter-gatherers existed, is that you don't need to have your 3 square meals or planned out snack times, because as hunter-gatherers ate, they ate when they were hungry or when they found something edible. You can have a big breakfast of eggs with mushrooms, tomatoes and spinach, have a handful of nuts at about 3pm and eat dinner normally. Or have your 3 meals if it suits your lifestyle. You can eat as much or as little as you want because the calories are more sustaining (low GI) and you feel better for it.
Most Paleo converters are big on the vegetable front, as probably most hunter-gatherers were, and pick at nut and seed snacks, or fruit when they want a burst of energy throughout the day. Some go to the extreme and don't even cook their meat, as the hunter-gatherers did over 10,000 years ago before farming, but as we aren't actually hunting our own food personally, I think it's best to cook it.
As grass-fed meat, organic vegetables and fruit, Omega 3 enriched eggs and nuts can be expensive, you really need to stop shopping from the major chains and discover the farmer's markets (which is, I know, a little ironic), or growing your own. Have your own chickens in the back garden, build yourself a vegetable patch mainly for broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes and kale. Eat sweet potatoes instead of potatoes. Use olive oil or avocado oil. If you really think about it and research it, you could probably make it cheaper than your current shop full of processed junk, and your body will be rewarded.
The main problem is that we are all time poor. Not enough time in the day to do the things we have to do let alone the things we want to do. But think of it this way... if we had less carb loaded processed foods in our system, it would burn away all our excess fat stores, giving us more energy in our day, more focus to what we need to do in our lives and give us the time to be creative with our foods and cooking using 'simple ingredients.'
I will admit, the Thermomix demonstration really showed me how we can be creative using naturally created foods, ensuring you know exactly what ingredients you are giving yourself and your children. And it is possible to make things look processed, but at least you know what's in them. But for $2000, I just can't justify the expense on a maybe...
Will I try the Paleo diet? Most likely... as I have been thinking for a while that my intake of breads, grains, etc has been possibly the reason why my body knows how to gain weight easily and that I need to up my intake of water to 'wash it all away.' My main problem is that when I'm on the road for hours at a time, I've trained my body not to need to find a bathroom by not drinking too much... which I know I shouldn't... What will be my hardship will be taking milk and cheese out of my diet.
The thing is, the diet, or lifestyle change, makes sense to me. Most Paleo converters made it a gradual change to their diet rather than a radical change, by just being conscious of what they are buying, discovering new places to shop that provides organic grown fruit and vegetables and grass fed meats. And it is possible to have a 'paleo free' day once in a while (and when you do, you will convert right back because you feel so bad!). You don't have to be a dictator to friends and family, just aware of what's going into your mouth.
It's all food for thought!
Thursday, 8 August 2013
How Does Your Wedding Represent Your Married Life?
Thinking about all the marriages I know, the ones that failed, the ones that have succeeded, the ones that exist, the ones that still have twinkles in their eyes for each other, it's interesting to see how their wedding actually represents their married life.
I will start with mine... I wanted it to be small, generally because I don't like ostentation, and I really didn't want it to be more than 30 people (immediate family and a couple of close friends), but my parents insisted that their friends come to it because they were paying the lion's share of the wedding... so it stretched out to 60 people. I had one bridesmaid, who after several years and her own wedding, realised what a poor job she did for me. I had no kitchen tea, no bachelorette party, no engagement party, nothing. And I was OK with that, because I didn't want to be 'fussed' over. And we were married at the Melbourne Zoo... and what a 'zoo' my married ended up being, but more so my divorce. (Almost 11 years together).
My best friend from high school ended up married a Greek boy. She had the richest of rich weddings and everything was celebrated: her Greek Christening, their engagement and then a month before the wedding came the kitchen tea, the bachelorette party, the traditional Greek bed making ceremony and then the wedding... a present or an expense for each and every occasion for the guests plus a new outfit for each event as you were seeing the same people each time. They were married in a Greek Orthodox church (in Greek) and a I remember wondering if she knew what she was getting herself into with the language barrier, then the reception at one of Melbourne's respected historical homes. Yet their marriage didn't even last 2 years.
I know another couple who chose to have a civil ceremony at City Hall. For the first 20 years, their marriage was beautiful and surrounded by love and family. After that, it went downhill with infidelities, public fighting and living separately - sometimes in the same house in separate rooms and sometimes in different houses, as they couldn't stand each other. And even if they were actually liking each other again, the habit of having their own rooms and space had become ingrained. There is no trust in their relationship, yet they continue miserably for the past... constantly pulling out old photo albums to remind themselves that there is something 'good' to hold onto, constantly reflecting on the romantic notions they had as newly-weds that they would grow old together no matter what, constantly thinking that they have to show their adult children what it means to be committed in a married relationship... yet they remain miserable and untrusting towards each other.
Another couple I know, again didn't have the big wedding and have been together now for about 40 years. They too fight like cats and dogs but always have, live regularly in different places around the world (although always the same places, not like the couple above who have a combination of theirs, his and her houses), yet there have been no infidelities or trust issues between them. They do spend a lot of time travelling, both individually and together, but generally to be together somewhere or for a common cause.
Then there is the married couple who had the full traditional wedding - the church then the reception at his parent's home. They have been married for almost 50 years, but their success, they believe is due to the fact that they fled the country and their family to create their own successes and place their own parenting ways on their children without the interference of family around them. Now, they are fully dependent on each other and refuse to allow anyone or anything to come between them, including their children or grandchildren. Yet their children resent the fact that they had no grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around them to understand the true meaning of what family really is.
So I, guess, if you go for something different, quiet or the opposite, 'over the top,' you are more likely to have struggles on the basis that you put either too much emphasis on the wedding and not enough on the love and marriage requirements, or the marriage didn't mean that much to you in the first place and was only a 'procedure' of societal expectation rather than a public commitment to each other, and you treat each other accordingly or the marriage doesn't last. Whereas, the traditional vows and ceremony seem to be boring, but long-lasting and true.
In the end, some people are meant to be together, others are only meant to be together for a certain period of time... There is no romance in holding onto something that doesn't want to exist. Once the harmony is no longer there consistently, then you can love each other, but the marriage is not worth holding onto if you aren't individually happy together. Life is too short to be stuck...
I will start with mine... I wanted it to be small, generally because I don't like ostentation, and I really didn't want it to be more than 30 people (immediate family and a couple of close friends), but my parents insisted that their friends come to it because they were paying the lion's share of the wedding... so it stretched out to 60 people. I had one bridesmaid, who after several years and her own wedding, realised what a poor job she did for me. I had no kitchen tea, no bachelorette party, no engagement party, nothing. And I was OK with that, because I didn't want to be 'fussed' over. And we were married at the Melbourne Zoo... and what a 'zoo' my married ended up being, but more so my divorce. (Almost 11 years together).
My best friend from high school ended up married a Greek boy. She had the richest of rich weddings and everything was celebrated: her Greek Christening, their engagement and then a month before the wedding came the kitchen tea, the bachelorette party, the traditional Greek bed making ceremony and then the wedding... a present or an expense for each and every occasion for the guests plus a new outfit for each event as you were seeing the same people each time. They were married in a Greek Orthodox church (in Greek) and a I remember wondering if she knew what she was getting herself into with the language barrier, then the reception at one of Melbourne's respected historical homes. Yet their marriage didn't even last 2 years.
I know another couple who chose to have a civil ceremony at City Hall. For the first 20 years, their marriage was beautiful and surrounded by love and family. After that, it went downhill with infidelities, public fighting and living separately - sometimes in the same house in separate rooms and sometimes in different houses, as they couldn't stand each other. And even if they were actually liking each other again, the habit of having their own rooms and space had become ingrained. There is no trust in their relationship, yet they continue miserably for the past... constantly pulling out old photo albums to remind themselves that there is something 'good' to hold onto, constantly reflecting on the romantic notions they had as newly-weds that they would grow old together no matter what, constantly thinking that they have to show their adult children what it means to be committed in a married relationship... yet they remain miserable and untrusting towards each other.
Another couple I know, again didn't have the big wedding and have been together now for about 40 years. They too fight like cats and dogs but always have, live regularly in different places around the world (although always the same places, not like the couple above who have a combination of theirs, his and her houses), yet there have been no infidelities or trust issues between them. They do spend a lot of time travelling, both individually and together, but generally to be together somewhere or for a common cause.
Then there is the married couple who had the full traditional wedding - the church then the reception at his parent's home. They have been married for almost 50 years, but their success, they believe is due to the fact that they fled the country and their family to create their own successes and place their own parenting ways on their children without the interference of family around them. Now, they are fully dependent on each other and refuse to allow anyone or anything to come between them, including their children or grandchildren. Yet their children resent the fact that they had no grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around them to understand the true meaning of what family really is.
So I, guess, if you go for something different, quiet or the opposite, 'over the top,' you are more likely to have struggles on the basis that you put either too much emphasis on the wedding and not enough on the love and marriage requirements, or the marriage didn't mean that much to you in the first place and was only a 'procedure' of societal expectation rather than a public commitment to each other, and you treat each other accordingly or the marriage doesn't last. Whereas, the traditional vows and ceremony seem to be boring, but long-lasting and true.
In the end, some people are meant to be together, others are only meant to be together for a certain period of time... There is no romance in holding onto something that doesn't want to exist. Once the harmony is no longer there consistently, then you can love each other, but the marriage is not worth holding onto if you aren't individually happy together. Life is too short to be stuck...
Monday, 5 August 2013
Conversations with Victims of Affairs
As you all know, I was involved with a married man for a few years... I do try to understand the wife's perspective, and understand all the hurt that she had when she discovered the full extent of our relationship. I do this, no matter how hurt I was in the process, because I knew that the man I love had the majority of his heart with the woman who was showing him no attention, and I just wanted him to be happy. Lots of strange occurrences have happened since that fateful day which was about 13 months ago, and for some reason, we maintain distant contact, as long as his wife has access to everything we talk about. Sometimes she physically comes into the conversation, putting her two bobs worth in, visibly hurt that I am still intruding, yet she honours his decision to maintain contact with me... which I find bizarre. Last week, she told me I couldn't hurt her any more, that I had no 'power' to hurt her. She told me that I'm co-dependent on her husband, that it is unacceptable that I write emails to her husband... yet she continues to allow us to have contact.
Now, I've had conversations with two other victims of affairs in the past week, and both have said that my man is a 'cake-eater.' And yes, I allow it to happen, however, it's all about being friends these days. He will always be my friend, because of all the support he gave me through my divorce, and for that I am eternally grateful that he was there when those who were supposed to be there for me, just weren't.
The first lady I had a conversation with, her husband regretfully had some long term affairs and is willing to fix their marriage. He is going through counselling, both individually and as a couple, and is doing everything, including removing any porn from his computer to be devoted to his wife. He has absolutely no contact with any woman that he has slept with, or thought about sleeping with, and she is working on trusting him again. And that's great for them. She said if she ever caught him looking at a porn site, flirting with another woman or even contacting any woman of suspicion, his clothes would be in rubbish bags out the door. And she would never go back.
The second person I spoke to was a man. His wife fell in love with a married tour-guide on a holiday in Sri Lanka. She came home from the holiday and told her husband it was over, and she was going back to Sri Lanka. He was shocked, as he adored his wife. His wife ended up having a 2 month affair but the tour guide refused to leave his family. So she came home with her tail between her legs asking for her husband's forgiveness and if they could get back together. He said 'No way' as she had betrayed his trust. Their children are now angry with 'him' because she wanted to reconcile, but the damage had been done... he wasn't going to live in a marriage that was a lie. So they are selling up, living under the same roof but under very futile circumstances. He is over the deception and is looking forward to living a life without lies and deception.
So there are three very different circumstances in handling the aftermath of an affair. When I've talked to people about how my ex-lover's wife deals with the situation, they are horrified and say that she is completely stupid for taking him back and allowing us to remain friends... especially when I am not the first infidelity that he's had. She tells me I have no self-esteem, but she is on the bottom lows of self-esteem and co-dependency on him. I really don't understand how a woman, after all the fight for women's equality can be stuck in the dark ages. Possibly, her husband, my lover, has told her too many lies about our relationship and me to appease her. From the conversations she's had with me, it seems like he's told her that I'm an unloved, tortured soul who needs all the help I can get. Hmmm... if it means he'll stay around, I'm fine with that. As he will always be my friend.
Now, I've had conversations with two other victims of affairs in the past week, and both have said that my man is a 'cake-eater.' And yes, I allow it to happen, however, it's all about being friends these days. He will always be my friend, because of all the support he gave me through my divorce, and for that I am eternally grateful that he was there when those who were supposed to be there for me, just weren't.
The first lady I had a conversation with, her husband regretfully had some long term affairs and is willing to fix their marriage. He is going through counselling, both individually and as a couple, and is doing everything, including removing any porn from his computer to be devoted to his wife. He has absolutely no contact with any woman that he has slept with, or thought about sleeping with, and she is working on trusting him again. And that's great for them. She said if she ever caught him looking at a porn site, flirting with another woman or even contacting any woman of suspicion, his clothes would be in rubbish bags out the door. And she would never go back.
The second person I spoke to was a man. His wife fell in love with a married tour-guide on a holiday in Sri Lanka. She came home from the holiday and told her husband it was over, and she was going back to Sri Lanka. He was shocked, as he adored his wife. His wife ended up having a 2 month affair but the tour guide refused to leave his family. So she came home with her tail between her legs asking for her husband's forgiveness and if they could get back together. He said 'No way' as she had betrayed his trust. Their children are now angry with 'him' because she wanted to reconcile, but the damage had been done... he wasn't going to live in a marriage that was a lie. So they are selling up, living under the same roof but under very futile circumstances. He is over the deception and is looking forward to living a life without lies and deception.
So there are three very different circumstances in handling the aftermath of an affair. When I've talked to people about how my ex-lover's wife deals with the situation, they are horrified and say that she is completely stupid for taking him back and allowing us to remain friends... especially when I am not the first infidelity that he's had. She tells me I have no self-esteem, but she is on the bottom lows of self-esteem and co-dependency on him. I really don't understand how a woman, after all the fight for women's equality can be stuck in the dark ages. Possibly, her husband, my lover, has told her too many lies about our relationship and me to appease her. From the conversations she's had with me, it seems like he's told her that I'm an unloved, tortured soul who needs all the help I can get. Hmmm... if it means he'll stay around, I'm fine with that. As he will always be my friend.
Sunday, 4 August 2013
The Next Step...
After our trip to Europe, it played on my mind how much the boys and I love being in the mountains. We so wanted to be in Santa Fe last year, in New Mexico to enjoy the extreme weather of hot summers and snowy winters with forests on three of its boundaries. We loved the friendliness of the country towns in both the United States as well as throughout country-side Europe, but when we got back to Melbourne, it was snobbery and rudeness all over again. I couldn't wait to get out, and go for another country drive.
Yesterday, we did it... drove 3.5 hours up the Melba Highway, through some absolutely beautiful countryside and had a lovely pub lunch in Mansfield. Instantly, that warm friendliness was before us. We were the second group of people to enter the pub, and the lovely waitress in her jeans & long sleeve rugby top, as rough as anything, welcomed us to sit wherever we felt comfortable. We ordered our food, and she said that Lachy, the bartender will look after our drinks. When I looked over at the bar, there was no one there. Then she called out for him, and there he was, sitting on the couch next to the open fire 'fixing' the jukebox connections to get it working. I told him that we weren't in any hurry, and within a couple of minutes there were three of us waiting for drinks, he looks up and says 'Fuck! Better get to it then!' I just had to laugh at his candor!
After our pub meal, we ventured down to Goughs Bay... a beautiful little sleepy township about 12 minutes south of Mansfield on Lake Eildon. The boys and I got out of the car, had a walk around, discovered lots of different animal droppings, walked down to the lake to see the mystery that nature is, and admired the beautiful mountains beyond the lake, before meeting with our real estate agent. About two weeks ago, I found on the net this cute little lakeside getaway that seemed more than affordable. A week ago, I went to the bank to see if it was possible to get a loan for it... and they gave me the OK. So we went up to check it out. In some ways, it was so much better than I could ever imagine - the position is just stunning - 100m to the general store, 200m to the boat ramp for fishing, waterskiing and wake boarding, walking/bike track between you and the lake and the lake is perfect for swimming, fishing and kayaking, it's only 30 minutes drive to the snowfields, and there is some magnificent wine country surrounding you. So, in terms of a holiday spot, it has everything for all seasons. But in other ways, I can see that there is still so much potential within it to make it amazing. Million dollar properties are popping up all over the place, and there is 10,000sqft of land for me to play with. It is all predominantly renovated, it just needs a better main bathroom, but that's easy over time. I could build a writer's retreat at the back of the block, I could extend it, I could do so many things with it, because the position is literally perfect!
While we were standing on the front verandah, some beautiful parrots came up to say hello. The ambience was just so wonderful and relaxing. This is the view from the walking track outside. The house I looked at was a lot more elevated so you could see much more of the water As it's winter, the water levels are lowish and come in more after the Spring rains and the snow starts to melt on the nearby snowfields. It has the ability to rise about 2 metres higher, bringing the water's edge that much closer.
Anyway, after looking at a second property which was not even close to this little gem I found, I put an offer on it yesterday, and it was all signed up today, pending on finance (which should be fine as I had the pre-approval). So in two months, I will have my home away from home, and an investment property that can be filled with holiday makers to help me pay for it. And a delightful community to make friends with. So looking forward to kicking back, enjoying the view with a glass of sauv blanc and writing my next book. :)
Yesterday, we did it... drove 3.5 hours up the Melba Highway, through some absolutely beautiful countryside and had a lovely pub lunch in Mansfield. Instantly, that warm friendliness was before us. We were the second group of people to enter the pub, and the lovely waitress in her jeans & long sleeve rugby top, as rough as anything, welcomed us to sit wherever we felt comfortable. We ordered our food, and she said that Lachy, the bartender will look after our drinks. When I looked over at the bar, there was no one there. Then she called out for him, and there he was, sitting on the couch next to the open fire 'fixing' the jukebox connections to get it working. I told him that we weren't in any hurry, and within a couple of minutes there were three of us waiting for drinks, he looks up and says 'Fuck! Better get to it then!' I just had to laugh at his candor!
After our pub meal, we ventured down to Goughs Bay... a beautiful little sleepy township about 12 minutes south of Mansfield on Lake Eildon. The boys and I got out of the car, had a walk around, discovered lots of different animal droppings, walked down to the lake to see the mystery that nature is, and admired the beautiful mountains beyond the lake, before meeting with our real estate agent. About two weeks ago, I found on the net this cute little lakeside getaway that seemed more than affordable. A week ago, I went to the bank to see if it was possible to get a loan for it... and they gave me the OK. So we went up to check it out. In some ways, it was so much better than I could ever imagine - the position is just stunning - 100m to the general store, 200m to the boat ramp for fishing, waterskiing and wake boarding, walking/bike track between you and the lake and the lake is perfect for swimming, fishing and kayaking, it's only 30 minutes drive to the snowfields, and there is some magnificent wine country surrounding you. So, in terms of a holiday spot, it has everything for all seasons. But in other ways, I can see that there is still so much potential within it to make it amazing. Million dollar properties are popping up all over the place, and there is 10,000sqft of land for me to play with. It is all predominantly renovated, it just needs a better main bathroom, but that's easy over time. I could build a writer's retreat at the back of the block, I could extend it, I could do so many things with it, because the position is literally perfect!
While we were standing on the front verandah, some beautiful parrots came up to say hello. The ambience was just so wonderful and relaxing. This is the view from the walking track outside. The house I looked at was a lot more elevated so you could see much more of the water As it's winter, the water levels are lowish and come in more after the Spring rains and the snow starts to melt on the nearby snowfields. It has the ability to rise about 2 metres higher, bringing the water's edge that much closer.
Anyway, after looking at a second property which was not even close to this little gem I found, I put an offer on it yesterday, and it was all signed up today, pending on finance (which should be fine as I had the pre-approval). So in two months, I will have my home away from home, and an investment property that can be filled with holiday makers to help me pay for it. And a delightful community to make friends with. So looking forward to kicking back, enjoying the view with a glass of sauv blanc and writing my next book. :)
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