En français!

Last night, I attended my first Interactive French class at a place called 'A French Journey.' It's a sweet little set of studios at the back of a French patisserie in Hampton. I have always wanted to learn French fluently. I studied it in high school for 4 years, I had a Swiss pen-pal in those years who wrote to me in French and I wrote to her in English (I met up with her for the first time last year in Geneva but her English was so far more superior to my French). I will admit, I let some of the learning fade away over the years, but some of it stuck with me, and last night, it was like all these words and memories were coming back to me like they were all inside me waiting to be set free.

The romantic in me was hoping that there would be some beautiful single man either teaching the class or attending the class… but no… sorry to disappoint me again! The French teacher was a 29 year old French native from Biarritz in the south of France named Sarah, who is just beautiful in every way and the class was two old high school friends in their mid 50s, one who brought her whinging husband along, and a very quiet 44 year old woman only 6 weeks away from her trip to Paris.

Our first class was about introducing ourselves… hence the reason why I know the ages of my classmates! We learnt formal and informal greetings and ways we can talk about ourselves, from what we do, where we are from, if we are married/single, how many children we have, if we have a pet, what our name is, how old we are, etc. All the masculine and feminine articles came back, but we were given a few hints on how to recognise the gender of the words, which I never got at school. Also there were some helpful hints in pronunciation that I don't recall getting from school.

At the end, we were given a little slice of French cake - it was like a chocolate hazelnut mousse, with a slice of lemon tart and sponge cake all in one. Very yummy, but very decadent. I actually requested to be part of a French and food class, but unfortunately, they didn't have the numbers to substantiate a class, so I joined the Interactive French class instead (I would have preferred to have been cooking and trying out different French foods!)

I read something the other day, that learning a language in your adult years is better than doing all those brain games on Lumosity, Brain Training, etc, and actually stops you from developing diseases like Alzheimer's etc. As I said, I would love to be fluent in French, and I hope I can keep it up to become fluent, then immerse myself in the French culture for a year or so in a provence in France. But that's the dream… one day, it will (I will be positive)... happen!

USA vs Canada Ice Hockey… in Melbourne?!

Last night, the boys and I went to see our first ice-hockey match. Now as a bit of a background, my oldest son has always wanted to play ice-hockey, but as it's very limited in Melbourne to play it, he took up field hockey about 5 years ago. When we planned to move to the States a few years back, he was excited that he could at last play with a regular team, however, that didn't happen (as we never made it there). He now plays goalie for his hockey club, and we have been ice-skating a few times, but that's as far as we have come. In Melbourne, it's a very expensive sport, possibly $1000 to set yourself up, $1000+ a year in game and rink fees, plus finding the time to travel to the city once or twice a week, as there is only one suburban rink, and it's not very good. So you can imagine how excited he was when we saw on the TV a few months ago that there was a USA vs Canada game playing in our home town. We just had to buy tickets (and it was part of his birthday present).

We decided as we walked up the stairs to the stadium, that I would be on the USA side, the boys on the Canadian side…. but of course, they had to eat the American food of corn dogs and hot dogs!

They converted Rod Laver Arena (famous for being centre court for the Australian Tennis Open) into an ice-rink and the magic began. This was the 4th game of a 5 game series, as they had already played two games in Perth, one in Brisbane and they were off to Sydney for the last game tonight.

The night started with a fireworks display and some ice-dancers, all the hockey players came out for a warm up, we sang (or attempted to) sing the national anthems for each team and the game began.

Within a minute of the game starting, an on-rink fight started, with everything from throwing the gloves and stick to losing the helmet. I gathered this would be a regular occurrence as part of the 'entertainment of the game', but besides one more smaller scuffle, it didn't seem to be so. Canada scored quickly, not one, but 2 goals. I was thinking this was supposed to be like field hockey - a low scoring game, but it didn't seem that way.

By the top of the first period the score was level 2-2.

I was sitting next to a native Canadian with his Australian mates, and literally surrounded by other Canadian supporters, so each time I waved my USA flag, I was getting a light hearted boo from the native Canadian.

With 20 minutes between each game play, there was time for the 'kiss cam' and 'dance cam' to roam around the audience. They had Olympian ice-dancers, unknown singers and 2 marriage proposals throughout the night. The Mexican wave and beach balls made appearances and there was plenty of music to keep us entertained… The main commentator for the evening was losing his voice badly throughout the night. Each time he interviewed a player, he could barely get out the words, and it gave the native Canadian and I something to talk about. (PS, he was really cute, surprisingly only 3 years older than me - I thought he was younger, but married with 2 kids… why are the nice ones always married?) 

By the top of the second period, the score was level 4-4. It was going to be a close game.

My youngest actually LOVED the night. He is usually a pain to get him to go anywhere, especially stadium events, as his ears can't tolerate loud noises (due to ear infections at a young age) and he can't cope with crowds, so we've been avoiding stadiums, theatres, concerts, etc. So hopefully we can be a bit more adventurous and see a few more live events.

At the third period, USA ran away from Canada, and the crowd was getting a little quiet (as it would have been an 80% Canadian crowd, 20% USA crowd). 

By the end of the game, it was USA 7 - Canada 4. 

But in the end, it didn't matter, we all had an awesome time. It was a full house in a country that doesn't  consider ice-hockey a local sport, which is amazing. And of course, I had to buy the boys Canada jerseys to take home. It's all part of the fun.

Day 5 - Social Media Ignorance! :)

I can't believe how much I've actually fitted into the last few days. Between work and the boys, we've had a pretty jam packed timetable, and I really don't know how I've managed to include social media into my life and kept going…. so some positives about social media not being in my life.

1. Low-carb, paleo-esque diet is keeping me awake, happy and less moody, which I guess equals more energy. Generally have eggs and either veggies or bacon for breakfast, either yoghurt with fruit, cold meat and salad or a protein shake for lunch, and dinner is meat (chicken, pork, salmon, meatballs, steak, etc) with steamed, roasted or stir-fried veggies. I've been snacking on almonds and shredded coconut. Drinking lots of lemon-infused water and peppermint tea. My naughty indulgences have been a handful of jelly lollies, two bites of white chocolate, a tablespoon of mashed potato, a glass of wine and some butterscotch self-saucing pudding. I guess it's not too bad for 4 days. I have lost 1.1 kilos, so I guess that's a good start.

2. Morning walks to the beach and up and down the 108 steps a couple of times. That really is my only exercise.

3. Getting more work done during the day so I can sleep better at night, not worrying that I still have to work in the morning. That really all depends on when my last appointments are in the day… The later the appointment, the harder it is to get it done before the onslaught of family time invades the evening.

4. Time to read a book.

5. Time to have more laughs with my boys, as well as help them with their homework.

6. I've organised a couple of coffee catch ups with old friends.

7. Being ignorant to what everyone thinks, does and posts.

8. Not thinking about what I'm missing out on!

Negatives about not having social media in my life:

1. Saying Happy Birthday to friends who I don't have contact with outside of Facebook.

2. Getting messages through Facebook that pop up on my phone that I really want to answer (ok, ok… I did once, hence one of the coffee dates.) (I have moved Facebook and Messenger to the back lists on my phone rather than deleting them… more out of sight, out of mind).

Life is good… and can only get better, by staying positive and being in-tune with what your body, mind and spirit need.

Day One of Social Media Ignorance!

At midnight, I announced to my friends and colleagues on my personal Facebook account that I will be having a sabbatical from Facebook for a month to focus on things that I need to do. It was weird, as I fell straight asleep, the first time in months, if not years, without worrying about what news, comments or funny anecdotes I was missing throughout the middle of the night.

The point of the exercise is to focus my time on the things that are important - my kids, my work, my bills, my health, my face-to-face friendships and my personal development to actually make things happen. To help my kids in any way I can with their homework and upbringing, to dedicate more time to writing my next best-seller and pursue new avenues for my novel, to exercise more and come up with a healthier style of eating that works for us all, to enjoy more lunch and evening dates with friends,  to develop a better inner balance, to nurture my mind with different cultures and professional opportunities and be helpful to whomever needs my help.

So far, Day One was a breeze! Dexter and I went for a longer walk than usual to the beach and up and down its steep staircases and ramped paths. We bumped into two people we knew, with just a short chat with an ex-neighbour, which was really nice. I have decided to go on a low-carb diet (well, I should actually say 'lifestyle change'), so the morning started with boiled eggs and lemon infused water. After tackling my quarterly tax statement, I went grocery shopping for the new lifestyle foods, trying to stay away from processed foods where I could (just a few snacks for the boys, and bread for their sandwiches). After getting all the groceries in the fridge and pantry, I made the boys and I some lunch, and a tomato salsa to accompany dinner, tackled a little bit of homework for my youngest son, then we had a little table tennis tournament, before heading out to see 'Jersey Boys', thanks to a generous gift of movie tickets from a family I helped edit their webpages for their daughter's dance studio website. We came home and I took Dexter for a wee walk before finishing dinner, then had some TV time, where after some light entertainment of "The Voice Kids" came the horrors that have lit up the Australian news in the last week of The Alison Baden-Clay murder and the MH17 flight.

For those who don't know, Alison Baden-Clay was a beautiful wife, mother, daughter sister and friend, murdered by her own husband in Brisbane, Australia. He was having constant affairs and always putting his wife down for her cooking, her housework, her appearance and her mothering. He had one affair for 4 years, sometimes even cheating on his mistress with other women. The thing is… I can so relate to this. The stories coming out after he was found guilty, all the characteristics and all the events leading up to her disappearance and murder, all were characteristics of my marriage and affair I had with a married man. The narcissistic demeanour of the men I have been involved with in my 22 years of adulthood screamed to me that if I allowed either relationship to continue, or if I had actually moved to be nearer to my internet lover, then someone would have been killed. Both men were highly derogatory if things weren't going their way. Both men struggled with their ability to live within their means and debts to possibly consider doing away with someone for the sake of life insurance. Both of them had violent tempers. One of them even admitted to me one day that he had the knowledge in how to kill someone without it looking like a murder because of his profession, while the other had learnt specific martial art moves that could kill, and would freely suggest he could do them. One of them even pull out a gun in front of me with the intent to use it on himself. These are not normal conversations and actions of someone with a sound mind. But for the mistress, all her confessions about the love she had for the murderer, sounds so familiar. I loved him unconditionally and was ultra forgiving towards him, as she was, but now hope never to be in the same space as him ever again… they both disgust me… yet I'm also regretful for allowing things to last as long as they did, and that I was so naive to not get out sooner.

So that's my reflection on the day… no Facebook, quite productive and really not a minute of time missing Facebook or twiddling my thumbs. I got lots of cuddles from my boys and Dexter the dog and don't feel a bit hungry or lacking in energy after Day One of the Low-Carb lifestyle. We'll see how the work week goes! But now, time to read my book… Night x

Is Ignorance Really Bliss?

Somedays I wonder, in my single mother life, if I could do without the loves and loathes, and really time-wasting of social media. For me, as a self-employed sole trader, adult conversation can be rare, but is becoming more regular as my boys get older and more independent/social. For so many years, I relied on social media, Skype and the phone as my only adult outlet to talk to friends, as many of my closest friends live overseas or interstate, but as social media sites like Facebook get bombarded with advertising, campaigning and protesting, you wonder if, for that small snippet of seeing that your friends are enjoying life, is it worth scanning through your news feed, through all the 'junk mail' to see something that makes you happy or laugh?

But then you see something you don't like, for instance, a bit of cyber-bullying, the repercussions of a conversation you've had off social media that's gone wrong, or even one of your friends becoming friends with someone you would rather steer away from. Wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant of it all?

The joy of being focused on 'you' rather than on others is quite liberating. You don't have to worry about what others are thinking of you, you don't have to worry about the outcomes of other's posts on something you've written or posted. You can be yourself, you can do what you want, and you have time to do it, as you aren't focusing on others through social media outlets.

Yet the Catch 22 of it all, is that you want to share your joys with people, shout it out to the world that you're proud of your kids, managed to cross something off your bucket list, got a promotion at work, met the man of your dreams… whatever it is, you want people to be happy for you, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc are great places to get that instant gratification (or not, when you hope for more likes that you actually get).

It is hard as a single parent to get the balance of real people time and social media people time… There are some absolutely beautiful moments to be shared between friends on social media, and other times the worry, hurt and frustrations can be overwhelming and dominate your thoughts. Yet the best moments are always shared in person… some are easy, others almost impossible due to finances, time and opportunity restrictions.

I am going to challenge myself to be social media free for a month, maybe more, just to make time to focus on me, my boys and my dreams. I will start next weekend… July 20. I will write a diary style blog of how I'm feeling about removing myself from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter, any benefits, and any losses… and see if I cave. I will post on Facebook/Twitter directly from my blog without actually looking at the websites. I've put it in my calendar, and I will see if ignorance is really bliss! Happy to have any of my readers face the same challenge.

Dating 101

Over the weekend, I had three encounters with three different men. All with different intentions, but all trying somehow to win me over. If I could take the good out of all of them and put them into one person, that would be perfect, but sadly, all but one had some positives and negatives. I'm going to put a compilation of all the goods and the bads, to show potential suitors of any single mother what they want to hear, and what will send them away. But first I must outline the scenarios.

Encounter One: A married work colleague who I told only a few weeks ago that I wasn't prepared to go out with him because I was tired of being someone's second or someone's secret, and he told me that he would contact me again in this capacity when he had moved out of home. However, he thinly disguised a 'date' by asking me to lunch to talk 'business' in a marketing capacity, which I didn't really appreciate, but because it's work, I sort of had to go.

Encounter Two: A brunch date with a guy I kissed back in high school, 27 years ago. We met up on Facebook about 18 months ago and have been keen to see each other since. He currently is in a committed relationship with a woman and they have a toddler, and home is almost 2000kms away. To me, it was a catch up chat and it would be awesome to see him after so long as a mate.

Encounter Three: A Skype date with my first love from about the same time frame as Encounter Two. We have been friends again for the last 5 years, but he lives in another country. I'm enjoying being friends with him, and we get along really well. It's just hard that we live so far away, because we do have a lot in common, and we are currently both single. Thank goodness for Skype!

Negatives first I think….

• Don't be late. One of these men were over 20 minutes late and I was about to walk out. The other was waiting for half an hour for me (I turned up on time) and explained that he was early because he didn't know how long it would take for him to get there. The other was right on time.
• Don't tell a woman that she had such a hot body when she was in high school and that she could do with some exercise now. Ummm… this is what happens when you've had 2 kids, and an exceptional amount of stress from a volatile marriage and then divorce. Live with it!
• Don't tell a woman that you think her kids are spoiled. As a single mum, you are both mum and dad, and you give your kids all you've got, and are self-sacrificing as a result.
• Don't tell a woman that you think that we should make a go of it, because we chatted for 2 hours and were never lost for words, so we must do it again. Ummm… you talk to be polite and to get to know someone. My longest first date ever was 5.5 hours of just talking, and you could feel the relationship growing as we went along, so 2 hours is nothing, and it means nothing.
• Don't tell another woman that your partner knows that you will never leave her. Doesn't ever make the other woman feel any good about herself.
• Don't kiss and run.
• Don't try to get a woman drunk by buying 2 bottles of wine on a lunch date, hoping to seduce her. She is only going to think you are a pisshead and you have complete disregard for driving laws and the rest of society.
• Don't be arrogant.
• Don't put down the way she lives her life, believing that you have a better way of life.
• Don't take advantage of her time.
• Don't undermine her intelligence.
• Don't have your cell/mobile phone on. It will never make her feel important if you keep checking it or talking to it. Make her feel wanted.
• Never make her sit and wait for you. There is nothing worse than feeling alone and out of place.
• Don't bring up the negatives from past relationships.

Positives:

• Order for your woman. It's nice to see a man take charge.
• Pay for the date, but don't be over the top in wasting money/showing off your wealth.
• Compliment her… tell her she looks nice.
• Smile at her from across the room, like you are mesmerised by her.
• Laugh at your weaknesses, to show you are vulnerable too.
• Enjoy her company.
• Hesitate to say goodbye/end the date.
• Tell her when there will be a next time… courage and confidence in knowing exactly when you can see each other again is always something to look forward to, for both parties.
• Listen to her.
• Give her your undivided attention always.
• Take her for a walk after your meal… it's nice to have a chat without having the background noise of a cafe/restaurant.
• Stare at her affectionately, not like a stalker.
• Engage in eye contact.
• Talk about positive things in your life and bring out the positive things in your date's life. 
• Enjoy her.
• Make her feel safe.
• Acknowledge her children - either talk to them, talk about them positively or ask her to say hello to them. She is a package deal, and if you can't accept them in her life, she can't accept you.
• Most importantly, MAKE HER LAUGH!

And then there is Encounter No 4 (a phone call today)… someone who knows I like him, does everything to flirt with me, feels compassionate about the fact that I like him, yet does nothing about it besides tease me with his irresistible wit and charismatic voice. Calls me today to ask for something (work related), then tells me that he gets to see me in a couple of days and is looking forward to it! AARRGGHH!! Super frustrating because he is single, local and we get along so well!

But then I guess it's good to finally start getting some attention, even if the attention doesn't always have the right intentions, it's nice to feel wanted. Oh, the conflict!

Dexter's Diary

Last weekend, when we went to New Zealand, Dexter stayed with some friends in the country. My friend was nice enough to write Dexter's diary while we were away… and here it is…

My Weekend away from my Family

Day 1.
Started out as normal although everyone was home on a  school/work day. That wasn't normal but it was nice. We went for a drive and met Aunty G. Then I found myself in a strange car and my family was gone. I cried a bit, I tried to be brave, but I was a bit sad. Then the car stopped and I got out and I knew where I was. I had a sniff around and tried to lift my leg for a wee but was still a bit wobbly from my travel pills, so I just squatted. I tried to eat some kangaroo poo but Aunty G made me spit it out. We went inside and Rosy was surprised to see me. We played together for a while and had something to eat, then we went for a walk. That was fun! Rosy got to run around off the lead but I had to stay on mine. I still got to run though with Aunty G. When we came back, I decided to sit on the deck and wait for my family to come across the road from my house, but they didn't come.

 I came back inside and played with Rosy for a while. Then Aunty and Uncle G had to go out for dinner, so I had to stay in the laundry but that was OK, cos I needed to rest by then. Luckily Mum put some puppy pads in my bag because I needed a wee while they were out. When they came home, we played a bit more and I forgot to go outside and did a poo in the office - Whoops! I didn't get in trouble though. Rosy and I went outside for a wee then it was bed time. Back to the laundry for me. It wasn't too bad, I was good and slept all night. I didn't have to use the puppy bad again.

Day 2.
Uncle G got up early because he was working. He let me out for a wee and he let me stay in the lounge until Aunty G and Rosy got up. I just curled up on Rosy's spot on the lounge.

Rosy was a bit grumpy when she got up and didn't want to play, but she came around eventually and we played for a little while. I kept going out on the deck waiting for my family to come. I checked out the back yard to see if there was a way out but no luck. Oh Good! It's walks time! We walked around to see Uncle V and Maggie, but Uncle V was in bed and wouldn't get up, but we got to say hello to Maggie. We went to see a friend of Rosy's… that was fun! Her name is Molly. I think she liked me because she kept following me around the backyard. When we got back we were really hungry after all the exercise, so we had a snack and a drink then we got really tired and had a nap… zzzzzzzzz….

Awake now and Uncle G just got home from work. We gave him a nice welcome. Rosy and I had some playtime. We were running around the lounge and chewing up pine cones. We made a bit of a mess but the old people didn't seem to mind. 

It's dinner time and Rosy's having my puppy food. I know that smell, but they won't let me have any. I've just got the same old boring dry food. Oh now it's "Party Time" as Uncle V is here. He finally got out of bed!! After he went home we had some quiet time, watching TV, then it was bed time. I didn't scratch at the door and I didn't need to use the puppy pad… Aunty G was pleased.

Day 3…

Morning again and I had a good sleep. I had some toast for breakfast. I liked that. I spend some time outside in the fresh air, then it was walk time. I nearly got to eat some more kangaroo poo, but Aunty G's right onto me! I don't see the problem with it, I'm sure it's gotta be better than dry food. I'm sitting in the lounge now watching football with Uncle G. I'm not really watching it, as I'm thinking about my family. Uncle V came over again for "Party Time." There is a lot of partying going on in this home. While the olds were having their fun, Rosy and I had lots of our own fun playing. After Uncle V went home, we had a bit of quiet time watching TV then some more play time. I had a few treats tonight. Aunty G gave me a little bit of Rosy's food and I wasn't sick. And Uncle V brought some sausage rolls and they were really yummy. It's bed time now, but I don't really want to sleep in the laundry anymore. I'm trying to avoid it. I'm hiding on the chair hoping she won't notice. Oh no, she found me. Now I'm off… to the laundry… It's not so bad. Goodnight.

Day 4…

Uncle G woke me up this morning. When he let me out of the laundry I was having a lovely sleep. I went outside for a while then I went upstairs to say Good Morning to Aunty G and she gave me lots of morning cuddles. Rosy and I played tug of war then we had some bacon and egg for breakfast. Uncle J came over too, and he was nice to me. After Uncle J left I saw my family's car come up the road, so I got extra excited. They came around the back and I was so happy to see them. I jumped over my brothers and they rolled on the floor with me. I enjoyed my time with Aunty and Uncle G and Rosy, but I was happy to go home with my family. Thanks for looking after me Aunty and Uncle G! xx