I can't believe how much I've actually fitted into the last few days. Between work and the boys, we've had a pretty jam packed timetable, and I really don't know how I've managed to include social media into my life and kept going…. so some positives about social media not being in my life.
1. Low-carb, paleo-esque diet is keeping me awake, happy and less moody, which I guess equals more energy. Generally have eggs and either veggies or bacon for breakfast, either yoghurt with fruit, cold meat and salad or a protein shake for lunch, and dinner is meat (chicken, pork, salmon, meatballs, steak, etc) with steamed, roasted or stir-fried veggies. I've been snacking on almonds and shredded coconut. Drinking lots of lemon-infused water and peppermint tea. My naughty indulgences have been a handful of jelly lollies, two bites of white chocolate, a tablespoon of mashed potato, a glass of wine and some butterscotch self-saucing pudding. I guess it's not too bad for 4 days. I have lost 1.1 kilos, so I guess that's a good start.
2. Morning walks to the beach and up and down the 108 steps a couple of times. That really is my only exercise.
3. Getting more work done during the day so I can sleep better at night, not worrying that I still have to work in the morning. That really all depends on when my last appointments are in the day… The later the appointment, the harder it is to get it done before the onslaught of family time invades the evening.
4. Time to read a book.
5. Time to have more laughs with my boys, as well as help them with their homework.
6. I've organised a couple of coffee catch ups with old friends.
7. Being ignorant to what everyone thinks, does and posts.
8. Not thinking about what I'm missing out on!
Negatives about not having social media in my life:
1. Saying Happy Birthday to friends who I don't have contact with outside of Facebook.
2. Getting messages through Facebook that pop up on my phone that I really want to answer (ok, ok… I did once, hence one of the coffee dates.) (I have moved Facebook and Messenger to the back lists on my phone rather than deleting them… more out of sight, out of mind).
Life is good… and can only get better, by staying positive and being in-tune with what your body, mind and spirit need.
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Saturday, 12 July 2014
Is Ignorance Really Bliss?
Somedays I wonder, in my single mother life, if I could do without the loves and loathes, and really time-wasting of social media. For me, as a self-employed sole trader, adult conversation can be rare, but is becoming more regular as my boys get older and more independent/social. For so many years, I relied on social media, Skype and the phone as my only adult outlet to talk to friends, as many of my closest friends live overseas or interstate, but as social media sites like Facebook get bombarded with advertising, campaigning and protesting, you wonder if, for that small snippet of seeing that your friends are enjoying life, is it worth scanning through your news feed, through all the 'junk mail' to see something that makes you happy or laugh?
But then you see something you don't like, for instance, a bit of cyber-bullying, the repercussions of a conversation you've had off social media that's gone wrong, or even one of your friends becoming friends with someone you would rather steer away from. Wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant of it all?
The joy of being focused on 'you' rather than on others is quite liberating. You don't have to worry about what others are thinking of you, you don't have to worry about the outcomes of other's posts on something you've written or posted. You can be yourself, you can do what you want, and you have time to do it, as you aren't focusing on others through social media outlets.
Yet the Catch 22 of it all, is that you want to share your joys with people, shout it out to the world that you're proud of your kids, managed to cross something off your bucket list, got a promotion at work, met the man of your dreams… whatever it is, you want people to be happy for you, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc are great places to get that instant gratification (or not, when you hope for more likes that you actually get).
It is hard as a single parent to get the balance of real people time and social media people time… There are some absolutely beautiful moments to be shared between friends on social media, and other times the worry, hurt and frustrations can be overwhelming and dominate your thoughts. Yet the best moments are always shared in person… some are easy, others almost impossible due to finances, time and opportunity restrictions.
I am going to challenge myself to be social media free for a month, maybe more, just to make time to focus on me, my boys and my dreams. I will start next weekend… July 20. I will write a diary style blog of how I'm feeling about removing myself from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter, any benefits, and any losses… and see if I cave. I will post on Facebook/Twitter directly from my blog without actually looking at the websites. I've put it in my calendar, and I will see if ignorance is really bliss! Happy to have any of my readers face the same challenge.
But then you see something you don't like, for instance, a bit of cyber-bullying, the repercussions of a conversation you've had off social media that's gone wrong, or even one of your friends becoming friends with someone you would rather steer away from. Wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant of it all?
The joy of being focused on 'you' rather than on others is quite liberating. You don't have to worry about what others are thinking of you, you don't have to worry about the outcomes of other's posts on something you've written or posted. You can be yourself, you can do what you want, and you have time to do it, as you aren't focusing on others through social media outlets.
Yet the Catch 22 of it all, is that you want to share your joys with people, shout it out to the world that you're proud of your kids, managed to cross something off your bucket list, got a promotion at work, met the man of your dreams… whatever it is, you want people to be happy for you, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc are great places to get that instant gratification (or not, when you hope for more likes that you actually get).
It is hard as a single parent to get the balance of real people time and social media people time… There are some absolutely beautiful moments to be shared between friends on social media, and other times the worry, hurt and frustrations can be overwhelming and dominate your thoughts. Yet the best moments are always shared in person… some are easy, others almost impossible due to finances, time and opportunity restrictions.
I am going to challenge myself to be social media free for a month, maybe more, just to make time to focus on me, my boys and my dreams. I will start next weekend… July 20. I will write a diary style blog of how I'm feeling about removing myself from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter, any benefits, and any losses… and see if I cave. I will post on Facebook/Twitter directly from my blog without actually looking at the websites. I've put it in my calendar, and I will see if ignorance is really bliss! Happy to have any of my readers face the same challenge.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
When Actions Speak Louder than Words
I often say to my kids that people can say all they want in the world to you, but unless they don't back them up with actions, then what they say, doesn't mean diddly-squat. So, I insist that if they are going to say they are going to do something, DO IT!! If you say to someone you are going to be their friend, BE their friend, if you say you love someone, SHOW them that you love them by being affectionate or thinking outside yourself and offering some help, guidance or friendship, if you say you're going to help them move house, DO it in the way they need help, not in the way you THINK they need help. Never backtrack on the words you say...
Life is always a string of disappointments, but once you start hiding from your responsibilities, your friendships or even hiding the reality of who you are because you are fearful of who you've actually become, then those disappointments compound and the people who care for you question the virtues in who you are. If you stay true to yourself, be honest in how you feel, and honour your word, your actions will be felt ten fold by the people in your life to whom you have touched.
Many of my friends who are single mums, see ulterior motives behind their ex-husbands who want to care for their kids. And those same mums go on dates and see the potential in men showing they care, but in reality, they only want to get laid, or worse, need someone to look after them again. Most single men don't care for the needs of their women and kids, they only care for their own needs. They tend to divorce their kids as well as their ex-wives as they feel they have lost their primary carer and don't know how to make the effort to be a responsible parent. Some people would classify them as a narcissist.
I have one friend who's husband tells the world how much he loves and misses his kids, but does he call them, make time to see them, attend their school or sports functions, make them feel special on their birthdays? No. Doesn't do a thing. But then blames his ex-wife for poisoning his kids into thinking horrible things about him. What he doesn't get is, it is HE who is constantly disappointing his kids, not his ex-wife as he doesn't make them a priority in his life.
And the same goes with friendships... if a friend cares about you, loves you and appreciates your friendship, they will do anything to make sure they are ok. I have friends who I know are in the flood-stricken areas of Australia right now, so I check to see if they are ok. Some of these friends are people who just linger in the distance on my Facebook pages, others are some of the best friends I've ever had. But a friend will always be there to say Hi, see how they are, and share with you the highlights, and sometimes lowlights of their life. But when a friend says that they are a 'friend' and your friendship is a little one sided, you wonder why they say one thing, and do another. They are being untruthful to themselves because they can't honour their own word.
So no matter how many people disappoint you, know that the best thing you can ever do is back your words up with your actions. Know that you're doing the right thing, and somehow, people will come into your life who respect you and value your friendship and all the riff-raff will fade away.
Life is always a string of disappointments, but once you start hiding from your responsibilities, your friendships or even hiding the reality of who you are because you are fearful of who you've actually become, then those disappointments compound and the people who care for you question the virtues in who you are. If you stay true to yourself, be honest in how you feel, and honour your word, your actions will be felt ten fold by the people in your life to whom you have touched.
Many of my friends who are single mums, see ulterior motives behind their ex-husbands who want to care for their kids. And those same mums go on dates and see the potential in men showing they care, but in reality, they only want to get laid, or worse, need someone to look after them again. Most single men don't care for the needs of their women and kids, they only care for their own needs. They tend to divorce their kids as well as their ex-wives as they feel they have lost their primary carer and don't know how to make the effort to be a responsible parent. Some people would classify them as a narcissist.
I have one friend who's husband tells the world how much he loves and misses his kids, but does he call them, make time to see them, attend their school or sports functions, make them feel special on their birthdays? No. Doesn't do a thing. But then blames his ex-wife for poisoning his kids into thinking horrible things about him. What he doesn't get is, it is HE who is constantly disappointing his kids, not his ex-wife as he doesn't make them a priority in his life.
And the same goes with friendships... if a friend cares about you, loves you and appreciates your friendship, they will do anything to make sure they are ok. I have friends who I know are in the flood-stricken areas of Australia right now, so I check to see if they are ok. Some of these friends are people who just linger in the distance on my Facebook pages, others are some of the best friends I've ever had. But a friend will always be there to say Hi, see how they are, and share with you the highlights, and sometimes lowlights of their life. But when a friend says that they are a 'friend' and your friendship is a little one sided, you wonder why they say one thing, and do another. They are being untruthful to themselves because they can't honour their own word.
So no matter how many people disappoint you, know that the best thing you can ever do is back your words up with your actions. Know that you're doing the right thing, and somehow, people will come into your life who respect you and value your friendship and all the riff-raff will fade away.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Friends and Lovers
Since the advent of Facebook, Google searches and other social media, people have tried to rekindle friendships from another era. They could be friends, they could be lovers, they could be work colleagues, they could be inspirational teachers... whoever they are, they are people who have touched our lives in someway. Once we find them and connect with them, either through Facebook, email or even in person, we love the fact that we have found them and that in a small way, we have them back in our lives. It doesn't mean we want to rekindle a romance, it doesn't mean we want to be best friends again, we are just happy that we know that they are OK and have succeeded in their life... well succeeded in their life to the point that they have 'put themselves out there' in the internet world to be found.
So when someone, usually someone who says they love you, restricts those who you maintain contact with, in fear of you rekindling a relationship or starting something that they feared may have happened then but the timing wasn't right, what do you do? Do you tell them that no one, under any circumstances, will tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't? Do you try to appease them and say that you don't have feelings for that person anymore? Do you obey their every order? Really, with so many people having hundreds of friends on their Facebook account, how many people, from your high school days, your college days, your pre-married days, your post-married days and possibly your married days, have you kissed, had a crush on or had sex with? It would be fair to say, that on my current Facebook account, there are 11 guys there who, over the years (including my primary school crushes!) that I have had a romantic fondness for, kissed, gone to 3rd base with or had sex with. (with most being crushes!). And I would say my list is ultra conservative. And I know there are guys on my list who aren't included in that 11, who had crushes on me. So for one person to say to me that I cannot have any contact with someone because I have had 'feelings' for that person somewhere in my 38 (almost 39) years, it's just preposterous!
I can tell you now, that those 11 guys on my list live all over the world, are happily married and some are single but either they have no interest or I don't (mostly I don't!). But it doesn't stop me from being friends with them from a distance via Facebook.
So why do partners get exceedingly jealous if they see past lovers on their spouse's Facebook account? What is wrong with that? Are they so insecure in their own relationship that they couldn't comprehend allowing their partner to even have a friendship by social media distance? To me, it is utterly sad that someone could be so controlling over someone else's life to stop them having some harmless reconnecting and trips down memory lane. And most the time, most your friends on Facebook don't even interact with you on a one-on-one level... it's just a 'like' here or a 'birthday wish' there.
Personally for me, it would be a deal breaker. It would show that there is no trust in our relationship, no care for our own feelings and no respect for our choices. I would not apologise to anyone for having someone in my life because, no matter what, that person touched my life in either a small way or big way, and they mean something to me. If my partner, spouse or even child disapproved of who I keep company with, it's their problem not mine, and if our relationship couldn't cope with a little connection from a long-distant friendship, then there is not something mildly wrong with our relationship, there are massive underlying issues that cannot be resolved... especially trust. So I'd walk away... because you cannot have a relationship when there is no trust as there is no relationship without trust.
So when someone, usually someone who says they love you, restricts those who you maintain contact with, in fear of you rekindling a relationship or starting something that they feared may have happened then but the timing wasn't right, what do you do? Do you tell them that no one, under any circumstances, will tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't? Do you try to appease them and say that you don't have feelings for that person anymore? Do you obey their every order? Really, with so many people having hundreds of friends on their Facebook account, how many people, from your high school days, your college days, your pre-married days, your post-married days and possibly your married days, have you kissed, had a crush on or had sex with? It would be fair to say, that on my current Facebook account, there are 11 guys there who, over the years (including my primary school crushes!) that I have had a romantic fondness for, kissed, gone to 3rd base with or had sex with. (with most being crushes!). And I would say my list is ultra conservative. And I know there are guys on my list who aren't included in that 11, who had crushes on me. So for one person to say to me that I cannot have any contact with someone because I have had 'feelings' for that person somewhere in my 38 (almost 39) years, it's just preposterous!
I can tell you now, that those 11 guys on my list live all over the world, are happily married and some are single but either they have no interest or I don't (mostly I don't!). But it doesn't stop me from being friends with them from a distance via Facebook.
So why do partners get exceedingly jealous if they see past lovers on their spouse's Facebook account? What is wrong with that? Are they so insecure in their own relationship that they couldn't comprehend allowing their partner to even have a friendship by social media distance? To me, it is utterly sad that someone could be so controlling over someone else's life to stop them having some harmless reconnecting and trips down memory lane. And most the time, most your friends on Facebook don't even interact with you on a one-on-one level... it's just a 'like' here or a 'birthday wish' there.
Personally for me, it would be a deal breaker. It would show that there is no trust in our relationship, no care for our own feelings and no respect for our choices. I would not apologise to anyone for having someone in my life because, no matter what, that person touched my life in either a small way or big way, and they mean something to me. If my partner, spouse or even child disapproved of who I keep company with, it's their problem not mine, and if our relationship couldn't cope with a little connection from a long-distant friendship, then there is not something mildly wrong with our relationship, there are massive underlying issues that cannot be resolved... especially trust. So I'd walk away... because you cannot have a relationship when there is no trust as there is no relationship without trust.
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