It's that time of year to get rid of the old and prepare for the new. Someone else's trash is someone else's treasure, and if you can make some extra dollars for Christmas by selling some unwanted wares, why not? Who knows, you could actually make enough to pay for all your Christmas presents!
This year, my boys have decided that they do not want their Nintendo DS consoles anymore, as I have replaced them with iPads. So, today I've listed all their consoles and games (actually, I haven't done all yet, but they should be all on before the end of the day!) I've also found a pair of ski-gloves that have been worn once as well, so they will get on there as well.
The great thing about Ebay at the moment (well it is here in Australia, not sure about the rest of the world), but the first 30 items you list each month are free. Yes, there is a small selling fee, but if things don't sell, you don't pay a cent for it. I guess they are competing with gumtree.com, craiglist.com and other free-trading websites, plus all the car boot sales, garage sales and other second-hand get-rich-quick schemes that people tend to make a few dollars.
And really, why not? If you get your children into the concept of selling their pre-loved toys early enough after they have decided that they no longer use or play with them, then you create a child who respects their toys because they know that if they look after their toys, they are sellable in the future, and the money that can be made out of them can either be used for new toys or put into their bank account. It makes them think ahead. It makes them keep all the pieces together. It makes them appreciate what they have. AND it gets rid of clutter that hangs over your head.
Single parents need all the help they can at Christmas time, as the added pressures of a large feast, presents for nieces and nephews, grandparents and those who've helped you throughout the year really do kill the budget. For me, my work slows down, so whatever work I managed to do through October/November, I usually don't get paid until December/January for, then I really don't get paid much again until April. So it's a tight ship for a few months (and always when school fees are due, sports fees are due and tax is due!!). So Ebay has been a huge saviour for me. Last year, I think I turned over about 2-3 weeks wages in unwanted goods, which makes Christmas a more enjoyable time for all.
I know it's takes up a bit of time, but once you start, it does become a little addictive and you can't stop. And, in the end, you'll be so pleased with how much you've been able to get rid of, and how much money you've made.
Friday, 23 November 2012
Thursday, 22 November 2012
The Struggle to Find Honesty
Recently, I had someone say 'Hello' to me from my Twitter account. I had no idea who he was, but he advertised himself as a divorced 40 year old, in a professional career, with a son similar age to my boys, who loves to play golf, surf and lives in the States. He had an attractive pic of himself, in a slightly posed shot. He looked sweet... but I was a little sceptical in announcing so much about himself on his intro line on a Twitter account. After all, Twitter isn't a dating website.
Anyway, we had a bit of a conversation... firstly through Twitter. I asked him, possibly two or three questions into our conversation, 'What do I owe the pleasure of your company?' It didn't get a response. He told me more about his son. I asked him why he was 'up' as I'm very familiar with the time zones in the US, and he said it was 10am where he was, and he told me he was working on a project in Africa and would be back in the US soon. He said he had his son in boarding school as he was away from home a lot, and wanted to protect his son from his drug-using ex-wife/mother of his son. We took the conversation to Yahoo Messenger, and we text chatted. As I understand his profession, as it's in a similar field to what I work in, I asked him questions like 'what stage of his project is he at?,' I asked him about his son and what he was into... and even re-instated why I have the pleasure of his company? Again, all the questions were left unanswered. Of course, he asked me questions too, like what type of food I like, what type of music, where have I travelled to, what type of animals are in Australia, what my boys were into... really basic things. He didn't ask me what my profession was, where I lived in Australia (beach, country, city), things that if you were keen on someone, you'd think would be asked.
Anyway, he eventually gave me his full name and I asked him if he was on Facebook so we could be Facebook friends. He said he was, but rarely went on it. Which is a fair comment. However, as he wasn't answering my questions, questions that were innocent enough to have an honest answer to, I decided to do a little Google searching on him. I looked up his name first, and there was only one of his spelling who was in another profession in the UK. I had a look on websites like Spokeo, Pipl, and there were only 2 others in the US in States that weren't even close to where he said he lived.
About an hour into our conversation, I confronted him. I asked him why he was avoiding my questions. I stayed online for about half an hour, and I didn't get a response. So I signed out and forgot about him.
Three days later, I get an email through Twitter asking if I'm OK and why I haven't been 'online.' I ignored it. Earlier this week, I get a couple more emails, asking me if anything is wrong, if I'm OK... AND I get an anonymous blog comment on my website saying 'haven't heard from you in days, hope you're OK.' Why would he send it as an 'anonymous' person? I decided to write back, to give him one more chance, saying he needed to prove to me that he was real, as he left many of my questions unanswered, and I gave him all the unanswered questions again.
He wrote back, saying he was prepared to give me everything to prove to me who he is - his boss's email address, his son's email address and his cell number (that just happened to be from Nigeria) - things I didn't ask for, and AGAIN, he didn't answer the questions I asked. Are guys really that dumb or do they hide behind only what they want to tell you?
He also said that he had no reason to doubt me, and wonders why I'm doubting him so much. And I told him, that I showed him real photos of my boys with Australian animals, and a pic of the three of us... that that gives me integrity AND he had seen my blog, so that tells you that I'm real. His Facebook account had no photos and only secret friends, and his favourite movie was Hannah Montana! Hello! For a 40 year old man with a elementary aged school son, why would they be into Hannah Montana? A lot of things just didn't make sense.
He blamed things like his ex-wife was a bit of a stalker so he keeps quite a private life, especially on the internet, but to me, that's no excuse for not being upfront with me in private conversations.
I just don't know... if you are attracted to someone, want to start a friendship with someone, why wouldn't you begin the friendship with honesty? There was no sexual things going on with him, it was all platonic, but I do know the lengths that some mean go to to tug on a girl's heartstrings. For someone who has quite attractive photos of himself, is available, in a great profession and shows that he is a loving caring father, you wonder why he's still available, if all he says about himself is true? So for me, it's all the little things he doesn't say about himself that tell me he's not as good as makes out for us to believe.
The more he tried to convince me that he was genuine with things I didn't ask for, like saying he had two properties in the US (like I care about materialistic things), the more I criticised that he didn't do the simplest things I asked of him - answer the questions I ask, or I won't believe you. I even asked him why it was so important to him that I'm in his life? He then said I was being too judgemental and that he was tired of proving himself to me. The only thing he proved to me was that he couldn't answer a simple question, or he knew how to avoid the questions he didn't want to answer.
So I've left it... he could be a Nigerian scam artist for all I know, trying to lure me into a web of handing over money. His email address was dodgy too... I won't say it, but he had his first name in it, then had ******stalkn2ya@yahoo.com... doesn't that look like he's 'stalking you?' Things just didn't add up.
Anyway, for anyone who wants something to do with me, honesty is the key to any relationship or friendship with me, as I believe it is for most women. I really don't know why men feel they have to be someone they aren't, when women are genuinely prepared to like them for just the person they are.
Anyway, we had a bit of a conversation... firstly through Twitter. I asked him, possibly two or three questions into our conversation, 'What do I owe the pleasure of your company?' It didn't get a response. He told me more about his son. I asked him why he was 'up' as I'm very familiar with the time zones in the US, and he said it was 10am where he was, and he told me he was working on a project in Africa and would be back in the US soon. He said he had his son in boarding school as he was away from home a lot, and wanted to protect his son from his drug-using ex-wife/mother of his son. We took the conversation to Yahoo Messenger, and we text chatted. As I understand his profession, as it's in a similar field to what I work in, I asked him questions like 'what stage of his project is he at?,' I asked him about his son and what he was into... and even re-instated why I have the pleasure of his company? Again, all the questions were left unanswered. Of course, he asked me questions too, like what type of food I like, what type of music, where have I travelled to, what type of animals are in Australia, what my boys were into... really basic things. He didn't ask me what my profession was, where I lived in Australia (beach, country, city), things that if you were keen on someone, you'd think would be asked.
Anyway, he eventually gave me his full name and I asked him if he was on Facebook so we could be Facebook friends. He said he was, but rarely went on it. Which is a fair comment. However, as he wasn't answering my questions, questions that were innocent enough to have an honest answer to, I decided to do a little Google searching on him. I looked up his name first, and there was only one of his spelling who was in another profession in the UK. I had a look on websites like Spokeo, Pipl, and there were only 2 others in the US in States that weren't even close to where he said he lived.
About an hour into our conversation, I confronted him. I asked him why he was avoiding my questions. I stayed online for about half an hour, and I didn't get a response. So I signed out and forgot about him.
Three days later, I get an email through Twitter asking if I'm OK and why I haven't been 'online.' I ignored it. Earlier this week, I get a couple more emails, asking me if anything is wrong, if I'm OK... AND I get an anonymous blog comment on my website saying 'haven't heard from you in days, hope you're OK.' Why would he send it as an 'anonymous' person? I decided to write back, to give him one more chance, saying he needed to prove to me that he was real, as he left many of my questions unanswered, and I gave him all the unanswered questions again.
He wrote back, saying he was prepared to give me everything to prove to me who he is - his boss's email address, his son's email address and his cell number (that just happened to be from Nigeria) - things I didn't ask for, and AGAIN, he didn't answer the questions I asked. Are guys really that dumb or do they hide behind only what they want to tell you?
He also said that he had no reason to doubt me, and wonders why I'm doubting him so much. And I told him, that I showed him real photos of my boys with Australian animals, and a pic of the three of us... that that gives me integrity AND he had seen my blog, so that tells you that I'm real. His Facebook account had no photos and only secret friends, and his favourite movie was Hannah Montana! Hello! For a 40 year old man with a elementary aged school son, why would they be into Hannah Montana? A lot of things just didn't make sense.
He blamed things like his ex-wife was a bit of a stalker so he keeps quite a private life, especially on the internet, but to me, that's no excuse for not being upfront with me in private conversations.
I just don't know... if you are attracted to someone, want to start a friendship with someone, why wouldn't you begin the friendship with honesty? There was no sexual things going on with him, it was all platonic, but I do know the lengths that some mean go to to tug on a girl's heartstrings. For someone who has quite attractive photos of himself, is available, in a great profession and shows that he is a loving caring father, you wonder why he's still available, if all he says about himself is true? So for me, it's all the little things he doesn't say about himself that tell me he's not as good as makes out for us to believe.
The more he tried to convince me that he was genuine with things I didn't ask for, like saying he had two properties in the US (like I care about materialistic things), the more I criticised that he didn't do the simplest things I asked of him - answer the questions I ask, or I won't believe you. I even asked him why it was so important to him that I'm in his life? He then said I was being too judgemental and that he was tired of proving himself to me. The only thing he proved to me was that he couldn't answer a simple question, or he knew how to avoid the questions he didn't want to answer.
So I've left it... he could be a Nigerian scam artist for all I know, trying to lure me into a web of handing over money. His email address was dodgy too... I won't say it, but he had his first name in it, then had ******stalkn2ya@yahoo.com... doesn't that look like he's 'stalking you?' Things just didn't add up.
Anyway, for anyone who wants something to do with me, honesty is the key to any relationship or friendship with me, as I believe it is for most women. I really don't know why men feel they have to be someone they aren't, when women are genuinely prepared to like them for just the person they are.
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Can someone be too giving?
If you value a friendship, a working relationship or a family member, can you be too giving?
As friendships go, if you remember every little incident in your friend's lives that they tell you - that they were seeing a specialist for something in two weeks time, that their husband was finding out about a promotion, that their daughter was graduating or they were going away on a holiday and you wanted to wish them safe travels, can your thoughts and cares going out to your friend be misconstrued as 'stalking,' obsessive or too overwhelming to them? Or is it your friend who has the problem when they get offended because you are putting more effort into your friendship than they do with you and is not as accepting of your well wishes, thoughts and prayers? Are they the ones with their own personal struggle that they can't reciprocate the friendship as much as they want to or that they realise that they themselves just aren't as giving to you, so it sits badly on them because they always thought they were a giving person, until they met you, and felt that your giving of yourself was beyond anything they could match?
It was recognised in my 9 year old recently, that maybe he 'buys' his friendships at school, because he constantly wants to bring a rubber ball, Bey Blades or a special toy to school so people will interact with him, or he can be 'in charge' of the game that everyone wants to play with him. He actually brought a toy to school where one of his best friends asked if he could take it home to show his mum. He was a little worried that he wouldn't get it back, but luckily I am good friends with his mum, and she's the kind of person who would tell her son to give it back, which he did thankfully. But it does make you realise that some people just take advantage of those with a good heart and leave 'the giver' disappointed.
But I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this instance. I've always gone out of my way to buy something special for my loved one that's specifically for them as a birthday or Christmas gift with very little thought ever being reciprocated. In recent years, I've been so disappointed with the lack of understanding of my self-sacrifices, that I haven't been true to myself (which also eats away inside of me), unless they are people who have really touched me. So it makes me think, are we givers in a way that we give to those who we believe are special to us, and are essentially buying their love? Are we buying their love by sacrificing our own time, money or lives by giving them as much of ourselves as possible to them, not wanting anything physically in return except acceptance and hopefully love?
I guess it all comes down to what you personally value. If you value a friendship, working relationship or family member, you give what you can of yourself to be there for them in any way possible. If you don't value them, then you don't make life easier or nicer for them... it's that plain and simple. Value, is the same as respect, love, honour and cherish... and many people abuse the love others have for them, especially children with parents, because it's expected that they will always be there for them. It's when they aren't there anymore, that they realise that they should have been more appreciative.
I find with my work, I shouldn't, but I do, I tend to put my work above my boys, on the basis that if I lose a client, can't be at an appointment or write substandard copy, then I risk losing that client, which could mean losing $8000-$25,000 a year. And it can also ruin my reputation, as most the clients I work with are integrated. So I can't afford not to be there for my clients and get the work done by the deadline. However, if my child is sick, hurt at school or needing immediate attention, then I will be there for them and sacrifice sleep, food or social activities to tend to their needs, as my kids have no one else. Do I get anything in return from my clients for always being there for them? No, not really, except a regular (sometimes semi-regular) pay check each month that is vendor paid. Occasionally, I'm invited to a corporate movie night, Christmas drinks in the pub, some movie tickets, or a corporate Christmas hamper as a thank you, which is very much appreciated, but I definitely don't do the work for the gifts.
As for family members or school parent friends, I struggle to be giving of my time, because my time is dedicated to my boys and my work, and I struggle to take up offers of help because I can't reciprocate. If I can't reciprocate but someone insists on helping me, I generally buy a gift of appreciation - flowers, movie tickets, chocolates - something that they wouldn't expect, but I want them to know that I value the efforts they have made to make my life easier, and I am truly humbled by what they have done for me.
So, can people be too giving or too generous? I don't think so... I think with such busy lives these days and the emphasis on materialism, society forgets about just standing back and appreciating all those who are giving in our lives, and forget to receive with grace and acceptance; and what tends to happen to those who are givers, is that they are forgotten because it is accepted by those around them that they are exceptionally caring people and the 'receivers' in this world just walk all over them. Givers are people who need to feel appreciated for their time and effort too. We need more givers in our world, more people who are prepared to open their hearts and help. And if we all have a bigger spirit in giving rather than receiving, maybe this world might just be a better place to live and be more at peace.
Happy Thanksgiving to our American friends.
As friendships go, if you remember every little incident in your friend's lives that they tell you - that they were seeing a specialist for something in two weeks time, that their husband was finding out about a promotion, that their daughter was graduating or they were going away on a holiday and you wanted to wish them safe travels, can your thoughts and cares going out to your friend be misconstrued as 'stalking,' obsessive or too overwhelming to them? Or is it your friend who has the problem when they get offended because you are putting more effort into your friendship than they do with you and is not as accepting of your well wishes, thoughts and prayers? Are they the ones with their own personal struggle that they can't reciprocate the friendship as much as they want to or that they realise that they themselves just aren't as giving to you, so it sits badly on them because they always thought they were a giving person, until they met you, and felt that your giving of yourself was beyond anything they could match?
It was recognised in my 9 year old recently, that maybe he 'buys' his friendships at school, because he constantly wants to bring a rubber ball, Bey Blades or a special toy to school so people will interact with him, or he can be 'in charge' of the game that everyone wants to play with him. He actually brought a toy to school where one of his best friends asked if he could take it home to show his mum. He was a little worried that he wouldn't get it back, but luckily I am good friends with his mum, and she's the kind of person who would tell her son to give it back, which he did thankfully. But it does make you realise that some people just take advantage of those with a good heart and leave 'the giver' disappointed.
But I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this instance. I've always gone out of my way to buy something special for my loved one that's specifically for them as a birthday or Christmas gift with very little thought ever being reciprocated. In recent years, I've been so disappointed with the lack of understanding of my self-sacrifices, that I haven't been true to myself (which also eats away inside of me), unless they are people who have really touched me. So it makes me think, are we givers in a way that we give to those who we believe are special to us, and are essentially buying their love? Are we buying their love by sacrificing our own time, money or lives by giving them as much of ourselves as possible to them, not wanting anything physically in return except acceptance and hopefully love?
I guess it all comes down to what you personally value. If you value a friendship, working relationship or family member, you give what you can of yourself to be there for them in any way possible. If you don't value them, then you don't make life easier or nicer for them... it's that plain and simple. Value, is the same as respect, love, honour and cherish... and many people abuse the love others have for them, especially children with parents, because it's expected that they will always be there for them. It's when they aren't there anymore, that they realise that they should have been more appreciative.
I find with my work, I shouldn't, but I do, I tend to put my work above my boys, on the basis that if I lose a client, can't be at an appointment or write substandard copy, then I risk losing that client, which could mean losing $8000-$25,000 a year. And it can also ruin my reputation, as most the clients I work with are integrated. So I can't afford not to be there for my clients and get the work done by the deadline. However, if my child is sick, hurt at school or needing immediate attention, then I will be there for them and sacrifice sleep, food or social activities to tend to their needs, as my kids have no one else. Do I get anything in return from my clients for always being there for them? No, not really, except a regular (sometimes semi-regular) pay check each month that is vendor paid. Occasionally, I'm invited to a corporate movie night, Christmas drinks in the pub, some movie tickets, or a corporate Christmas hamper as a thank you, which is very much appreciated, but I definitely don't do the work for the gifts.
As for family members or school parent friends, I struggle to be giving of my time, because my time is dedicated to my boys and my work, and I struggle to take up offers of help because I can't reciprocate. If I can't reciprocate but someone insists on helping me, I generally buy a gift of appreciation - flowers, movie tickets, chocolates - something that they wouldn't expect, but I want them to know that I value the efforts they have made to make my life easier, and I am truly humbled by what they have done for me.
So, can people be too giving or too generous? I don't think so... I think with such busy lives these days and the emphasis on materialism, society forgets about just standing back and appreciating all those who are giving in our lives, and forget to receive with grace and acceptance; and what tends to happen to those who are givers, is that they are forgotten because it is accepted by those around them that they are exceptionally caring people and the 'receivers' in this world just walk all over them. Givers are people who need to feel appreciated for their time and effort too. We need more givers in our world, more people who are prepared to open their hearts and help. And if we all have a bigger spirit in giving rather than receiving, maybe this world might just be a better place to live and be more at peace.
Happy Thanksgiving to our American friends.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Celebrations and commiserations
Yesterday I turned 39 and I said to myself at the start of the day, I wouldn't let anyone get me down. It was my birthday, and if I'm special to those who make the effort, they are the people who mean the most to me. As a single mum, and most single mums will feel this heartache, your birthday is the day that you really want people to recognise you because every other day feels like a thankless grind of unappreciative kids, mundane chores and squeezing in a day's work between trips to the doctors, after school sports and quick stops to the grocery store. And if you don't have that special someone to spoil you, you have to do the spoiling yourself.
I did everything I could to enjoy my day. The boys and I took our bikes and rode to the Village to have breakfast alfresco style watching the train commuters rushing off to work. I indulged in French toast with banana and bacon, with a strawberry/banana smoothie, while the boys had a combination of poached eggs and pancakes between them. After I rode to school with the boys, I went a spoiled myself with a therapeutic massage finishing off with a little bit of retail therapy, which was more of a waste of time, because I just can't stand the 80s colours that line the shop floors. I then had a beautiful lunch with a girlfriend of tapas and calamari Asian style salad, a couple of glasses of sparkling and two hours of light conversation and laughter before picking up the boys from school and riding home with them. Somehow, after my two glasses of sparkling, I felt like an afternoon kip, and slept for about an hour and a half, before I took the boys out for Mexican watching the sun set over the bay. My day was interwoven with phone calls, text messages and Facebook love, some from a few surprises, others who you'd expect to say something, didn't... But that's OK, because I refuse to focus my energy on those who don't feel I'm deserving, but do to those who believe I am.
My girlfriend who I went to lunch with, had her birthday a month ago, and she loved that her birthday extended into a week of celebrations. I guess my birthday started on Sunday with lunch out with my parents, and I have a friend taking me out to dinner next Wednesday, so it will be an elongated 10 day event. I know people's lives are busy, because you know how busy your life is, and really, that's OK. But it does make you think, have you done something to offend someone this year, or did you not make the effort to be a friend when your friend needed you the most, or have you been a little bit self-absorbed because there has been way too much going on in your life to concern yourself with other's dilemmas and friends have felt your neglect? Who knows... but this is a public apology to all those who I haven't been there at all the times when they needed a friend.
I know my blog has offended people who are close to me in the past because no matter who they are, they all think that I'm writing about them, and in most cases, I'm not, they are general statements. So I've learnt now, not to tell new friends or acquaintances about my blog so I can keep the harmony.
So I thank those from the depths of my hearts who have chosen to celebrate my birthday with me - even if it was just a phone call, a message or a glass of bubbly, it touched me that I mean so much to you for you to remember (or made the effort from seeing that my birthday was posted on Facebook ;) ). I look forward to 39 being a year of positivity, new adventures, beautiful friends, fabulous working relationships, seeing my boys be happy and hopefully a book deal before I'm 40. Not long now, but I'm determined to make it happen! :)
I did everything I could to enjoy my day. The boys and I took our bikes and rode to the Village to have breakfast alfresco style watching the train commuters rushing off to work. I indulged in French toast with banana and bacon, with a strawberry/banana smoothie, while the boys had a combination of poached eggs and pancakes between them. After I rode to school with the boys, I went a spoiled myself with a therapeutic massage finishing off with a little bit of retail therapy, which was more of a waste of time, because I just can't stand the 80s colours that line the shop floors. I then had a beautiful lunch with a girlfriend of tapas and calamari Asian style salad, a couple of glasses of sparkling and two hours of light conversation and laughter before picking up the boys from school and riding home with them. Somehow, after my two glasses of sparkling, I felt like an afternoon kip, and slept for about an hour and a half, before I took the boys out for Mexican watching the sun set over the bay. My day was interwoven with phone calls, text messages and Facebook love, some from a few surprises, others who you'd expect to say something, didn't... But that's OK, because I refuse to focus my energy on those who don't feel I'm deserving, but do to those who believe I am.
My girlfriend who I went to lunch with, had her birthday a month ago, and she loved that her birthday extended into a week of celebrations. I guess my birthday started on Sunday with lunch out with my parents, and I have a friend taking me out to dinner next Wednesday, so it will be an elongated 10 day event. I know people's lives are busy, because you know how busy your life is, and really, that's OK. But it does make you think, have you done something to offend someone this year, or did you not make the effort to be a friend when your friend needed you the most, or have you been a little bit self-absorbed because there has been way too much going on in your life to concern yourself with other's dilemmas and friends have felt your neglect? Who knows... but this is a public apology to all those who I haven't been there at all the times when they needed a friend.
I know my blog has offended people who are close to me in the past because no matter who they are, they all think that I'm writing about them, and in most cases, I'm not, they are general statements. So I've learnt now, not to tell new friends or acquaintances about my blog so I can keep the harmony.
So I thank those from the depths of my hearts who have chosen to celebrate my birthday with me - even if it was just a phone call, a message or a glass of bubbly, it touched me that I mean so much to you for you to remember (or made the effort from seeing that my birthday was posted on Facebook ;) ). I look forward to 39 being a year of positivity, new adventures, beautiful friends, fabulous working relationships, seeing my boys be happy and hopefully a book deal before I'm 40. Not long now, but I'm determined to make it happen! :)
Monday, 19 November 2012
For all the beautiful people...
...who've touched my life. I just want to say 'Thank You.' There are many days that are extremely hard being a single mother 100% of the time, working stupid hours to essentially keep my clients happy to ultimately ensure I retain repeat business and maintain a certain lifestyle for my boys, having to deal with the ups and downs of raising children especially one who has learning difficulties, keeping up with paying the bills and dealing with a narcissistic ex who causes more pain than what is necessary to my boys.
But it's all the beautiful people in my life that give me the strength to carry on... I have friends in Sydney, the Gold Coast and two just up the street who have been there in the most incredible way for me over the last couple of days. I had a complete stranger at a property I went to this morning, greet me with a hug and a kiss as I walked in her door today and we both just needed a chat. I have clients who keep me smiling with their real estate antics and take my mind off all the things that make me upset... and they generally make me upset because it's a lonely job being a single parent, and all those married people who have had their families intact throughout their lives really have no idea what it's like, day in day out.
But I also thank all those who put my life into perspective... like the man who had to cancel his appointment with me for the second time in a week, because he was too sick from his chemotherapy drugs to answer the door. And the developer who lost $400,000 off a development project due to the market turning, when I whinge about losing $100,000 last year off my last real estate transaction. My life ain't that bad in the whole scheme of things... I have my health, my children, my business, a roof over my head, no debt, my dreams and many people who care about me all over the world, even if they have a quirky way of showing it, and I have a quirky way of appreciating it, I do have them, and that's a whole lot more than millions of others in this world.
Thank you to the friend who made me realise that old age does strange things to your loved ones. Thank you to the friend who sent me a surprise pre-birthday message and promised to call me tomorrow. Thank you to the friend who said she'll take me to lunch tomorrow so I'm not alone. Thank you to my boys for being the best brothers they could be to each other... and the most loving sons a mum could ask for. Thank you to my most beautiful friend for letting me let off my steam and shed my tears without any judgement and only praise for who I am.
I am so lucky to have so many beautiful, caring, loving people in my life... I am truly grateful... Thank you all for being there... xx
But it's all the beautiful people in my life that give me the strength to carry on... I have friends in Sydney, the Gold Coast and two just up the street who have been there in the most incredible way for me over the last couple of days. I had a complete stranger at a property I went to this morning, greet me with a hug and a kiss as I walked in her door today and we both just needed a chat. I have clients who keep me smiling with their real estate antics and take my mind off all the things that make me upset... and they generally make me upset because it's a lonely job being a single parent, and all those married people who have had their families intact throughout their lives really have no idea what it's like, day in day out.
But I also thank all those who put my life into perspective... like the man who had to cancel his appointment with me for the second time in a week, because he was too sick from his chemotherapy drugs to answer the door. And the developer who lost $400,000 off a development project due to the market turning, when I whinge about losing $100,000 last year off my last real estate transaction. My life ain't that bad in the whole scheme of things... I have my health, my children, my business, a roof over my head, no debt, my dreams and many people who care about me all over the world, even if they have a quirky way of showing it, and I have a quirky way of appreciating it, I do have them, and that's a whole lot more than millions of others in this world.
Thank you to the friend who made me realise that old age does strange things to your loved ones. Thank you to the friend who sent me a surprise pre-birthday message and promised to call me tomorrow. Thank you to the friend who said she'll take me to lunch tomorrow so I'm not alone. Thank you to my boys for being the best brothers they could be to each other... and the most loving sons a mum could ask for. Thank you to my most beautiful friend for letting me let off my steam and shed my tears without any judgement and only praise for who I am.
I am so lucky to have so many beautiful, caring, loving people in my life... I am truly grateful... Thank you all for being there... xx
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Friends and Lovers
Since the advent of Facebook, Google searches and other social media, people have tried to rekindle friendships from another era. They could be friends, they could be lovers, they could be work colleagues, they could be inspirational teachers... whoever they are, they are people who have touched our lives in someway. Once we find them and connect with them, either through Facebook, email or even in person, we love the fact that we have found them and that in a small way, we have them back in our lives. It doesn't mean we want to rekindle a romance, it doesn't mean we want to be best friends again, we are just happy that we know that they are OK and have succeeded in their life... well succeeded in their life to the point that they have 'put themselves out there' in the internet world to be found.
So when someone, usually someone who says they love you, restricts those who you maintain contact with, in fear of you rekindling a relationship or starting something that they feared may have happened then but the timing wasn't right, what do you do? Do you tell them that no one, under any circumstances, will tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't? Do you try to appease them and say that you don't have feelings for that person anymore? Do you obey their every order? Really, with so many people having hundreds of friends on their Facebook account, how many people, from your high school days, your college days, your pre-married days, your post-married days and possibly your married days, have you kissed, had a crush on or had sex with? It would be fair to say, that on my current Facebook account, there are 11 guys there who, over the years (including my primary school crushes!) that I have had a romantic fondness for, kissed, gone to 3rd base with or had sex with. (with most being crushes!). And I would say my list is ultra conservative. And I know there are guys on my list who aren't included in that 11, who had crushes on me. So for one person to say to me that I cannot have any contact with someone because I have had 'feelings' for that person somewhere in my 38 (almost 39) years, it's just preposterous!
I can tell you now, that those 11 guys on my list live all over the world, are happily married and some are single but either they have no interest or I don't (mostly I don't!). But it doesn't stop me from being friends with them from a distance via Facebook.
So why do partners get exceedingly jealous if they see past lovers on their spouse's Facebook account? What is wrong with that? Are they so insecure in their own relationship that they couldn't comprehend allowing their partner to even have a friendship by social media distance? To me, it is utterly sad that someone could be so controlling over someone else's life to stop them having some harmless reconnecting and trips down memory lane. And most the time, most your friends on Facebook don't even interact with you on a one-on-one level... it's just a 'like' here or a 'birthday wish' there.
Personally for me, it would be a deal breaker. It would show that there is no trust in our relationship, no care for our own feelings and no respect for our choices. I would not apologise to anyone for having someone in my life because, no matter what, that person touched my life in either a small way or big way, and they mean something to me. If my partner, spouse or even child disapproved of who I keep company with, it's their problem not mine, and if our relationship couldn't cope with a little connection from a long-distant friendship, then there is not something mildly wrong with our relationship, there are massive underlying issues that cannot be resolved... especially trust. So I'd walk away... because you cannot have a relationship when there is no trust as there is no relationship without trust.
So when someone, usually someone who says they love you, restricts those who you maintain contact with, in fear of you rekindling a relationship or starting something that they feared may have happened then but the timing wasn't right, what do you do? Do you tell them that no one, under any circumstances, will tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't? Do you try to appease them and say that you don't have feelings for that person anymore? Do you obey their every order? Really, with so many people having hundreds of friends on their Facebook account, how many people, from your high school days, your college days, your pre-married days, your post-married days and possibly your married days, have you kissed, had a crush on or had sex with? It would be fair to say, that on my current Facebook account, there are 11 guys there who, over the years (including my primary school crushes!) that I have had a romantic fondness for, kissed, gone to 3rd base with or had sex with. (with most being crushes!). And I would say my list is ultra conservative. And I know there are guys on my list who aren't included in that 11, who had crushes on me. So for one person to say to me that I cannot have any contact with someone because I have had 'feelings' for that person somewhere in my 38 (almost 39) years, it's just preposterous!
I can tell you now, that those 11 guys on my list live all over the world, are happily married and some are single but either they have no interest or I don't (mostly I don't!). But it doesn't stop me from being friends with them from a distance via Facebook.
So why do partners get exceedingly jealous if they see past lovers on their spouse's Facebook account? What is wrong with that? Are they so insecure in their own relationship that they couldn't comprehend allowing their partner to even have a friendship by social media distance? To me, it is utterly sad that someone could be so controlling over someone else's life to stop them having some harmless reconnecting and trips down memory lane. And most the time, most your friends on Facebook don't even interact with you on a one-on-one level... it's just a 'like' here or a 'birthday wish' there.
Personally for me, it would be a deal breaker. It would show that there is no trust in our relationship, no care for our own feelings and no respect for our choices. I would not apologise to anyone for having someone in my life because, no matter what, that person touched my life in either a small way or big way, and they mean something to me. If my partner, spouse or even child disapproved of who I keep company with, it's their problem not mine, and if our relationship couldn't cope with a little connection from a long-distant friendship, then there is not something mildly wrong with our relationship, there are massive underlying issues that cannot be resolved... especially trust. So I'd walk away... because you cannot have a relationship when there is no trust as there is no relationship without trust.
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Why Women Worry?
I guess it's in our nature. We have so many things that concern us in our lives... remembering to pay the bills, picking up the kids from school, making sure our children are liked at school and not bullied, our children's feelings, when are we going to feel loved again, are we eating the right foods, are we getting enough exercise, are we having enough 'me' time, are we devoting enough time to our partners, parents, friends, are we doing the right thing for ourselves, our children or our future? The list is endless. And it's doubly hard when you're a single parent, as you don't have someone to share the responsibilities with... (but in saying that, you only have yourself to rely on, so it takes the stress away a little knowing that you haven't asked someone else to do something and they have forgotten).
There are a lot of pressures in this world and only selfless people help those in need. I remember an episode in 'Friends' where Joey and Phoebe were arguing that there is no such thing as a selfless act. And in someways it's true... Grandparents who help their children raise their grandchildren do so to make them feel young again, continue the family bond and take their thoughts away from their own aches and pains. People who volunteer for charities, donate blood or put their own lives at risk during natural disasters, do so to ensure that they know in their heart that they have made a difference in someone else's life and they hold no regret in their hearts that they didn't try when they could. Parents take on the responsibility of raising a child, teaching them about life, and giving them the resources - mentally, physically, spiritually and intelligently to fly in this world on their own, and by doing so, it gives them a great sense of pride and joy that their child is everything they wanted them to be.
But even after they leave the family nest, mothers still worry. They worry that their children are financially OK, that they had a roof over their head, that they aren't being taken advantage of at work, if they are getting good marks at school, that they haven't been a victim of crime, (or a criminal themselves!), that they aren't addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling or prostitutes, that they can find someone to love them as much as you do so that they can find happiness... they just worry.
And we worry about our best friends... we worry when we don't hear from them for a while, we worry when life isn't treating them well, we worry when they go through the heartache of death or divorce, we worry when they have problems with their own children... we worry because WE CARE!!!
I remember having a conversation with a friend who didn't like the question "How are you?" To me, it's asking you if you're having a good day or a bad day, if you have any concerns that, as a friend, you can either provide levity or advice. It's a question that lets you into the heart of someone's life. But he said that most people don't really care about the answer, so it's a question that he was tired of answering... even though I was adamant that I cared about the answer with him. He chose not to answer the question, but you could see that he'd been hurt by other people in his day, and didn't want to talk about it. I will admit, some people treat the question 'How are you?' as a greeting, but there is a good percentage of people who ask BECAUSE THEY CARE!! (like me!!)
So we worry because we care. Some think it's suffering in advance, but really it's compassion given a different title.
There are a lot of pressures in this world and only selfless people help those in need. I remember an episode in 'Friends' where Joey and Phoebe were arguing that there is no such thing as a selfless act. And in someways it's true... Grandparents who help their children raise their grandchildren do so to make them feel young again, continue the family bond and take their thoughts away from their own aches and pains. People who volunteer for charities, donate blood or put their own lives at risk during natural disasters, do so to ensure that they know in their heart that they have made a difference in someone else's life and they hold no regret in their hearts that they didn't try when they could. Parents take on the responsibility of raising a child, teaching them about life, and giving them the resources - mentally, physically, spiritually and intelligently to fly in this world on their own, and by doing so, it gives them a great sense of pride and joy that their child is everything they wanted them to be.
But even after they leave the family nest, mothers still worry. They worry that their children are financially OK, that they had a roof over their head, that they aren't being taken advantage of at work, if they are getting good marks at school, that they haven't been a victim of crime, (or a criminal themselves!), that they aren't addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling or prostitutes, that they can find someone to love them as much as you do so that they can find happiness... they just worry.
And we worry about our best friends... we worry when we don't hear from them for a while, we worry when life isn't treating them well, we worry when they go through the heartache of death or divorce, we worry when they have problems with their own children... we worry because WE CARE!!!
I remember having a conversation with a friend who didn't like the question "How are you?" To me, it's asking you if you're having a good day or a bad day, if you have any concerns that, as a friend, you can either provide levity or advice. It's a question that lets you into the heart of someone's life. But he said that most people don't really care about the answer, so it's a question that he was tired of answering... even though I was adamant that I cared about the answer with him. He chose not to answer the question, but you could see that he'd been hurt by other people in his day, and didn't want to talk about it. I will admit, some people treat the question 'How are you?' as a greeting, but there is a good percentage of people who ask BECAUSE THEY CARE!! (like me!!)
So we worry because we care. Some think it's suffering in advance, but really it's compassion given a different title.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)