It's frustrating to no end in this game of love and war. And that's what it feels like… a war to gain love for those you want it from. It's not exactly a 'fist to cuffs' war or a verbal diatribe, but it's a war of miscommunication, courage (or lack of) and rejection. But there is a simple explanation why it is all so…
Men and women think differently. Men compartmentalise everything into boxes - a box for work, a box for wife/lover (or one each for both!), a box for kids, a box for car, a box for finances, a box for home, a box for sport, a box for entertainment, and a box for nothing. You know when you are trying to communicate with a man and he's in dreamy day dream land… yet that's right - he's in his 'box of nothing!' Whereas, women are like the internet… wires connecting everything to anything. Women think that work is related to money, which is related to how much money you can spend on buying/renting a house/car, to what size house/car you need to house your family/kids/pets, to how much entertaining do we need space for in our home or do we want to live close to amenities/restaurants/cafes/beach to entertain ourselves, and the list is continuously in motion. You can kind of understand why men freak out when a woman says 'I thought we were saving the money to buy a bigger house,' when he goes and buys himself a new car without making a decision with her. For him, it's 'his' car, so why should she have a say?
This box theory makes sense to me in my relationships. Recently, I asked a friend who started flirting with me about his 'partner', and his response was 'she knows I will never leave her.' Hmmm… box for me, box for her. My lover constantly talked about his boxes and I asked him once if I was a shiny red box in front of the Christmas tree, or something nearer the trunk, tucked away so no one could see (hmm… I bet you can guess which one!). But when my box started to move to the front of the Christmas tree because our relationship became more emotionally involved, he started to freak out, because he couldn't tell which box was mine and which one was his wife's box as they were starting to become similar (i.e. he was telling me stuff before he told his wife, and then when his wife asked him why he hadn't told her, he thought that he already had!) He wasn't used to his boxes starting to look the same and didn't like that he was confusing them. My ex-husband was a real trooper for boxes, because he couldn't understand that his ability (or I should say 'non ability') to contribute to the welfare of his family would determine if he stayed with us or not. He was dumbfounded when I told him to leave because he thought every box was it's own individual issue and that he could tackle one and forget about the others, yet I saw them as being all interconnected.
Some men blend their boxes… for instant having an affair with someone at work, or an affair with one of their children's friend's mothers, or they need a luxury car to show off at work, but it is fairly rare for a man to be able to combine three or more boxes into a bigger box.
So if we can understand this about men, then we shouldn't have a problem with communicating with them. It's all about keeping it simple. Yet we women are not simple creatures. We analyse, worry and store things in our memory to bring them up ten years down the track after all the built up anger destroys our soul… We have more courage to create a change in thinking than men do. We will ask the hard questions, hoping to move things along rather than staying still. We want to see courage in our men, courage to make a stand and show us how much they desire us, love us and want us in their lives. Yet most are too scared. And the older we get, the more scared men get… as there are too many boxes to worry about - his kids, her kids, living together, not living together, not being burnt again, moving across town or to the other side of the world, wanting more kids, combined money, happy being a bachelor, etc etc… making any decision to make a move to find happiness with someone all too hard.
Arrghhh… so maybe the only thing to do is just enjoy life for what it is…. wait for Mr Brave to ask you a direct question, so you know exactly what he's thinking, exacting what he's wanting, and you can make a decision, because you know that he's found his box of happy in you.
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Monday, 4 August 2014
Judging Children Before they have a Chance
I watched a comedian do a speech on TED today and it made me realise how brainwashed we are in believing that the best most upstanding, professional people in this world come from stable, functional nuclear families. It couldn't be more farther than the truth.
There are thousands, if not millions of people who have made successes out of themselves because of their harsh upbringings. They are either orphans, foster children, adopted children, children from single parent families and even having a stint as a homeless child… yet society expects people to judge these children as 'no hoper,' 'dole-bludging,' 'criminals in the making' children or adolescents because they haven't been given the fine foundation of a loving, happily married family environment.
One thing I have noticed in this world, is that there are possibly as many unhappy marriages as there are divorces in this world… leaving about 5-10% of all marriages actually being happy. Some are happy with the life that they lead by being married to a particular person - either classifying them by occupation or elitism in society, some feel that they couldn't be happier if they left so they stick with what they know. Some 'put up' with their spouse, or co-exist if you like because it's 'easier' than 1) splitting the finances in half, 2) finding a new partner to share your life with or 3) keeping up appearances. But deep down, there is no vitality between them that keeps them 'in love.' Therefore, their children see this idea of love and marriage, and many see it for what it is, and don't want anything to do with it.
When it comes to famous or successful people in this world who were either orphaned, fostered, adopted or from a single parent family, the first people I think of are Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, Steve Jobs, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela. All were influential people of their time, and still are. Homeless celebrities include Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Drew Carrey, Kurt Cobain, Dr Phil, Martin Sheen, Kelsey Grammar, just a few to do what it takes to make a career in Hollywood, comedy or music. Other actors and singers include Eddie Murphy, Pierce Brosnan, James Dean, Willie Nelson, Madonna, Ingrid Bergman, Jodie Foster, Paul McCartney, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore, Eartha Kitt, Cher and Ice T. Other celebrities who have been influential people in our lives include Babe Ruth, Dr Ruth, Dr Wayne Dyer, Jesse Jackson, Eleanor Roosevelt, Dave Thomas (founder of Wendys), Bill Clinton, Lance Armstrong and the lists seriously go on and on.
So don't you find it interesting, that it most beloved stories of heroes and heroines growing up to fight adversity, almost all are from an orphaned, fostered, adopted or single parent family? Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Jane Eyre, Harry Potter, James Bond, Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, Cinderella, David Copperfield, Green Hornet, Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights), Heidi, Snow White, Tarzan, Oliver Twist, Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Little Orphan Annie, Lone Ranger, Paddington Bear, Pollyanna and Wolverine and even religious icons such as Mohammed, Moses and Saint Nicholas, were orphaned, homeless or from single parent families? Are authors just glorifying their life path to give the extremes and harshness of no love, no money, no body in their lives to help them overcome their quest for invincibility, magic and power? Or do they write to show that we all have 'happy ever after' stories of someone caring enough to love them?
Can we conclude that children have more resilience and yearn to be better if they have had a 'disadvantaged' start in life, therefore have a bigger hunger to make something of themselves in both fiction and real life? I think so… Children who have been given a hard start know what it's like to miss out, and strive to make their lives better no matter what. These are the people we want to run our countries, these are the people who we want to aspire to be. I will never look down on a homeless person, an adopted person, an orphaned person or one from a single parent family because they will be the stars in this world, and make this place a better place. There's no room for judgement in this world… only happiness and peace, especially for our children.
There are thousands, if not millions of people who have made successes out of themselves because of their harsh upbringings. They are either orphans, foster children, adopted children, children from single parent families and even having a stint as a homeless child… yet society expects people to judge these children as 'no hoper,' 'dole-bludging,' 'criminals in the making' children or adolescents because they haven't been given the fine foundation of a loving, happily married family environment.
One thing I have noticed in this world, is that there are possibly as many unhappy marriages as there are divorces in this world… leaving about 5-10% of all marriages actually being happy. Some are happy with the life that they lead by being married to a particular person - either classifying them by occupation or elitism in society, some feel that they couldn't be happier if they left so they stick with what they know. Some 'put up' with their spouse, or co-exist if you like because it's 'easier' than 1) splitting the finances in half, 2) finding a new partner to share your life with or 3) keeping up appearances. But deep down, there is no vitality between them that keeps them 'in love.' Therefore, their children see this idea of love and marriage, and many see it for what it is, and don't want anything to do with it.
When it comes to famous or successful people in this world who were either orphaned, fostered, adopted or from a single parent family, the first people I think of are Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, Steve Jobs, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela. All were influential people of their time, and still are. Homeless celebrities include Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Drew Carrey, Kurt Cobain, Dr Phil, Martin Sheen, Kelsey Grammar, just a few to do what it takes to make a career in Hollywood, comedy or music. Other actors and singers include Eddie Murphy, Pierce Brosnan, James Dean, Willie Nelson, Madonna, Ingrid Bergman, Jodie Foster, Paul McCartney, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore, Eartha Kitt, Cher and Ice T. Other celebrities who have been influential people in our lives include Babe Ruth, Dr Ruth, Dr Wayne Dyer, Jesse Jackson, Eleanor Roosevelt, Dave Thomas (founder of Wendys), Bill Clinton, Lance Armstrong and the lists seriously go on and on.
So don't you find it interesting, that it most beloved stories of heroes and heroines growing up to fight adversity, almost all are from an orphaned, fostered, adopted or single parent family? Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Jane Eyre, Harry Potter, James Bond, Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, Cinderella, David Copperfield, Green Hornet, Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights), Heidi, Snow White, Tarzan, Oliver Twist, Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Little Orphan Annie, Lone Ranger, Paddington Bear, Pollyanna and Wolverine and even religious icons such as Mohammed, Moses and Saint Nicholas, were orphaned, homeless or from single parent families? Are authors just glorifying their life path to give the extremes and harshness of no love, no money, no body in their lives to help them overcome their quest for invincibility, magic and power? Or do they write to show that we all have 'happy ever after' stories of someone caring enough to love them?
Can we conclude that children have more resilience and yearn to be better if they have had a 'disadvantaged' start in life, therefore have a bigger hunger to make something of themselves in both fiction and real life? I think so… Children who have been given a hard start know what it's like to miss out, and strive to make their lives better no matter what. These are the people we want to run our countries, these are the people who we want to aspire to be. I will never look down on a homeless person, an adopted person, an orphaned person or one from a single parent family because they will be the stars in this world, and make this place a better place. There's no room for judgement in this world… only happiness and peace, especially for our children.
Wednesday, 30 July 2014
En français!
Last night, I attended my first Interactive French class at a place called 'A French Journey.' It's a sweet little set of studios at the back of a French patisserie in Hampton. I have always wanted to learn French fluently. I studied it in high school for 4 years, I had a Swiss pen-pal in those years who wrote to me in French and I wrote to her in English (I met up with her for the first time last year in Geneva but her English was so far more superior to my French). I will admit, I let some of the learning fade away over the years, but some of it stuck with me, and last night, it was like all these words and memories were coming back to me like they were all inside me waiting to be set free.
The romantic in me was hoping that there would be some beautiful single man either teaching the class or attending the class… but no… sorry to disappoint me again! The French teacher was a 29 year old French native from Biarritz in the south of France named Sarah, who is just beautiful in every way and the class was two old high school friends in their mid 50s, one who brought her whinging husband along, and a very quiet 44 year old woman only 6 weeks away from her trip to Paris.
Our first class was about introducing ourselves… hence the reason why I know the ages of my classmates! We learnt formal and informal greetings and ways we can talk about ourselves, from what we do, where we are from, if we are married/single, how many children we have, if we have a pet, what our name is, how old we are, etc. All the masculine and feminine articles came back, but we were given a few hints on how to recognise the gender of the words, which I never got at school. Also there were some helpful hints in pronunciation that I don't recall getting from school.
At the end, we were given a little slice of French cake - it was like a chocolate hazelnut mousse, with a slice of lemon tart and sponge cake all in one. Very yummy, but very decadent. I actually requested to be part of a French and food class, but unfortunately, they didn't have the numbers to substantiate a class, so I joined the Interactive French class instead (I would have preferred to have been cooking and trying out different French foods!)
I read something the other day, that learning a language in your adult years is better than doing all those brain games on Lumosity, Brain Training, etc, and actually stops you from developing diseases like Alzheimer's etc. As I said, I would love to be fluent in French, and I hope I can keep it up to become fluent, then immerse myself in the French culture for a year or so in a provence in France. But that's the dream… one day, it will (I will be positive)... happen!
The romantic in me was hoping that there would be some beautiful single man either teaching the class or attending the class… but no… sorry to disappoint me again! The French teacher was a 29 year old French native from Biarritz in the south of France named Sarah, who is just beautiful in every way and the class was two old high school friends in their mid 50s, one who brought her whinging husband along, and a very quiet 44 year old woman only 6 weeks away from her trip to Paris.
Our first class was about introducing ourselves… hence the reason why I know the ages of my classmates! We learnt formal and informal greetings and ways we can talk about ourselves, from what we do, where we are from, if we are married/single, how many children we have, if we have a pet, what our name is, how old we are, etc. All the masculine and feminine articles came back, but we were given a few hints on how to recognise the gender of the words, which I never got at school. Also there were some helpful hints in pronunciation that I don't recall getting from school.
At the end, we were given a little slice of French cake - it was like a chocolate hazelnut mousse, with a slice of lemon tart and sponge cake all in one. Very yummy, but very decadent. I actually requested to be part of a French and food class, but unfortunately, they didn't have the numbers to substantiate a class, so I joined the Interactive French class instead (I would have preferred to have been cooking and trying out different French foods!)
I read something the other day, that learning a language in your adult years is better than doing all those brain games on Lumosity, Brain Training, etc, and actually stops you from developing diseases like Alzheimer's etc. As I said, I would love to be fluent in French, and I hope I can keep it up to become fluent, then immerse myself in the French culture for a year or so in a provence in France. But that's the dream… one day, it will (I will be positive)... happen!
Friday, 25 July 2014
USA vs Canada Ice Hockey… in Melbourne?!
Last night, the boys and I went to see our first ice-hockey match. Now as a bit of a background, my oldest son has always wanted to play ice-hockey, but as it's very limited in Melbourne to play it, he took up field hockey about 5 years ago. When we planned to move to the States a few years back, he was excited that he could at last play with a regular team, however, that didn't happen (as we never made it there). He now plays goalie for his hockey club, and we have been ice-skating a few times, but that's as far as we have come. In Melbourne, it's a very expensive sport, possibly $1000 to set yourself up, $1000+ a year in game and rink fees, plus finding the time to travel to the city once or twice a week, as there is only one suburban rink, and it's not very good. So you can imagine how excited he was when we saw on the TV a few months ago that there was a USA vs Canada game playing in our home town. We just had to buy tickets (and it was part of his birthday present).
They converted Rod Laver Arena (famous for being centre court for the Australian Tennis Open) into an ice-rink and the magic began. This was the 4th game of a 5 game series, as they had already played two games in Perth, one in Brisbane and they were off to Sydney for the last game tonight.
The night started with a fireworks display and some ice-dancers, all the hockey players came out for a warm up, we sang (or attempted to) sing the national anthems for each team and the game began.
Within a minute of the game starting, an on-rink fight started, with everything from throwing the gloves and stick to losing the helmet. I gathered this would be a regular occurrence as part of the 'entertainment of the game', but besides one more smaller scuffle, it didn't seem to be so. Canada scored quickly, not one, but 2 goals. I was thinking this was supposed to be like field hockey - a low scoring game, but it didn't seem that way.
By the top of the first period the score was level 2-2.
I was sitting next to a native Canadian with his Australian mates, and literally surrounded by other Canadian supporters, so each time I waved my USA flag, I was getting a light hearted boo from the native Canadian.
With 20 minutes between each game play, there was time for the 'kiss cam' and 'dance cam' to roam around the audience. They had Olympian ice-dancers, unknown singers and 2 marriage proposals throughout the night. The Mexican wave and beach balls made appearances and there was plenty of music to keep us entertained… The main commentator for the evening was losing his voice badly throughout the night. Each time he interviewed a player, he could barely get out the words, and it gave the native Canadian and I something to talk about. (PS, he was really cute, surprisingly only 3 years older than me - I thought he was younger, but married with 2 kids… why are the nice ones always married?)
By the top of the second period, the score was level 4-4. It was going to be a close game.
My youngest actually LOVED the night. He is usually a pain to get him to go anywhere, especially stadium events, as his ears can't tolerate loud noises (due to ear infections at a young age) and he can't cope with crowds, so we've been avoiding stadiums, theatres, concerts, etc. So hopefully we can be a bit more adventurous and see a few more live events.
At the third period, USA ran away from Canada, and the crowd was getting a little quiet (as it would have been an 80% Canadian crowd, 20% USA crowd).
By the end of the game, it was USA 7 - Canada 4.
But in the end, it didn't matter, we all had an awesome time. It was a full house in a country that doesn't consider ice-hockey a local sport, which is amazing. And of course, I had to buy the boys Canada jerseys to take home. It's all part of the fun.
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Day 5 - Social Media Ignorance! :)
I can't believe how much I've actually fitted into the last few days. Between work and the boys, we've had a pretty jam packed timetable, and I really don't know how I've managed to include social media into my life and kept going…. so some positives about social media not being in my life.
1. Low-carb, paleo-esque diet is keeping me awake, happy and less moody, which I guess equals more energy. Generally have eggs and either veggies or bacon for breakfast, either yoghurt with fruit, cold meat and salad or a protein shake for lunch, and dinner is meat (chicken, pork, salmon, meatballs, steak, etc) with steamed, roasted or stir-fried veggies. I've been snacking on almonds and shredded coconut. Drinking lots of lemon-infused water and peppermint tea. My naughty indulgences have been a handful of jelly lollies, two bites of white chocolate, a tablespoon of mashed potato, a glass of wine and some butterscotch self-saucing pudding. I guess it's not too bad for 4 days. I have lost 1.1 kilos, so I guess that's a good start.
2. Morning walks to the beach and up and down the 108 steps a couple of times. That really is my only exercise.
3. Getting more work done during the day so I can sleep better at night, not worrying that I still have to work in the morning. That really all depends on when my last appointments are in the day… The later the appointment, the harder it is to get it done before the onslaught of family time invades the evening.
4. Time to read a book.
5. Time to have more laughs with my boys, as well as help them with their homework.
6. I've organised a couple of coffee catch ups with old friends.
7. Being ignorant to what everyone thinks, does and posts.
8. Not thinking about what I'm missing out on!
Negatives about not having social media in my life:
1. Saying Happy Birthday to friends who I don't have contact with outside of Facebook.
2. Getting messages through Facebook that pop up on my phone that I really want to answer (ok, ok… I did once, hence one of the coffee dates.) (I have moved Facebook and Messenger to the back lists on my phone rather than deleting them… more out of sight, out of mind).
Life is good… and can only get better, by staying positive and being in-tune with what your body, mind and spirit need.
1. Low-carb, paleo-esque diet is keeping me awake, happy and less moody, which I guess equals more energy. Generally have eggs and either veggies or bacon for breakfast, either yoghurt with fruit, cold meat and salad or a protein shake for lunch, and dinner is meat (chicken, pork, salmon, meatballs, steak, etc) with steamed, roasted or stir-fried veggies. I've been snacking on almonds and shredded coconut. Drinking lots of lemon-infused water and peppermint tea. My naughty indulgences have been a handful of jelly lollies, two bites of white chocolate, a tablespoon of mashed potato, a glass of wine and some butterscotch self-saucing pudding. I guess it's not too bad for 4 days. I have lost 1.1 kilos, so I guess that's a good start.
2. Morning walks to the beach and up and down the 108 steps a couple of times. That really is my only exercise.
3. Getting more work done during the day so I can sleep better at night, not worrying that I still have to work in the morning. That really all depends on when my last appointments are in the day… The later the appointment, the harder it is to get it done before the onslaught of family time invades the evening.
4. Time to read a book.
5. Time to have more laughs with my boys, as well as help them with their homework.
6. I've organised a couple of coffee catch ups with old friends.
7. Being ignorant to what everyone thinks, does and posts.
8. Not thinking about what I'm missing out on!
Negatives about not having social media in my life:
1. Saying Happy Birthday to friends who I don't have contact with outside of Facebook.
2. Getting messages through Facebook that pop up on my phone that I really want to answer (ok, ok… I did once, hence one of the coffee dates.) (I have moved Facebook and Messenger to the back lists on my phone rather than deleting them… more out of sight, out of mind).
Life is good… and can only get better, by staying positive and being in-tune with what your body, mind and spirit need.
Sunday, 20 July 2014
Day One of Social Media Ignorance!
At midnight, I announced to my friends and colleagues on my personal Facebook account that I will be having a sabbatical from Facebook for a month to focus on things that I need to do. It was weird, as I fell straight asleep, the first time in months, if not years, without worrying about what news, comments or funny anecdotes I was missing throughout the middle of the night.
The point of the exercise is to focus my time on the things that are important - my kids, my work, my bills, my health, my face-to-face friendships and my personal development to actually make things happen. To help my kids in any way I can with their homework and upbringing, to dedicate more time to writing my next best-seller and pursue new avenues for my novel, to exercise more and come up with a healthier style of eating that works for us all, to enjoy more lunch and evening dates with friends, to develop a better inner balance, to nurture my mind with different cultures and professional opportunities and be helpful to whomever needs my help.
So far, Day One was a breeze! Dexter and I went for a longer walk than usual to the beach and up and down its steep staircases and ramped paths. We bumped into two people we knew, with just a short chat with an ex-neighbour, which was really nice. I have decided to go on a low-carb diet (well, I should actually say 'lifestyle change'), so the morning started with boiled eggs and lemon infused water. After tackling my quarterly tax statement, I went grocery shopping for the new lifestyle foods, trying to stay away from processed foods where I could (just a few snacks for the boys, and bread for their sandwiches). After getting all the groceries in the fridge and pantry, I made the boys and I some lunch, and a tomato salsa to accompany dinner, tackled a little bit of homework for my youngest son, then we had a little table tennis tournament, before heading out to see 'Jersey Boys', thanks to a generous gift of movie tickets from a family I helped edit their webpages for their daughter's dance studio website. We came home and I took Dexter for a wee walk before finishing dinner, then had some TV time, where after some light entertainment of "The Voice Kids" came the horrors that have lit up the Australian news in the last week of The Alison Baden-Clay murder and the MH17 flight.
For those who don't know, Alison Baden-Clay was a beautiful wife, mother, daughter sister and friend, murdered by her own husband in Brisbane, Australia. He was having constant affairs and always putting his wife down for her cooking, her housework, her appearance and her mothering. He had one affair for 4 years, sometimes even cheating on his mistress with other women. The thing is… I can so relate to this. The stories coming out after he was found guilty, all the characteristics and all the events leading up to her disappearance and murder, all were characteristics of my marriage and affair I had with a married man. The narcissistic demeanour of the men I have been involved with in my 22 years of adulthood screamed to me that if I allowed either relationship to continue, or if I had actually moved to be nearer to my internet lover, then someone would have been killed. Both men were highly derogatory if things weren't going their way. Both men struggled with their ability to live within their means and debts to possibly consider doing away with someone for the sake of life insurance. Both of them had violent tempers. One of them even admitted to me one day that he had the knowledge in how to kill someone without it looking like a murder because of his profession, while the other had learnt specific martial art moves that could kill, and would freely suggest he could do them. One of them even pull out a gun in front of me with the intent to use it on himself. These are not normal conversations and actions of someone with a sound mind. But for the mistress, all her confessions about the love she had for the murderer, sounds so familiar. I loved him unconditionally and was ultra forgiving towards him, as she was, but now hope never to be in the same space as him ever again… they both disgust me… yet I'm also regretful for allowing things to last as long as they did, and that I was so naive to not get out sooner.
So that's my reflection on the day… no Facebook, quite productive and really not a minute of time missing Facebook or twiddling my thumbs. I got lots of cuddles from my boys and Dexter the dog and don't feel a bit hungry or lacking in energy after Day One of the Low-Carb lifestyle. We'll see how the work week goes! But now, time to read my book… Night x
The point of the exercise is to focus my time on the things that are important - my kids, my work, my bills, my health, my face-to-face friendships and my personal development to actually make things happen. To help my kids in any way I can with their homework and upbringing, to dedicate more time to writing my next best-seller and pursue new avenues for my novel, to exercise more and come up with a healthier style of eating that works for us all, to enjoy more lunch and evening dates with friends, to develop a better inner balance, to nurture my mind with different cultures and professional opportunities and be helpful to whomever needs my help.
So far, Day One was a breeze! Dexter and I went for a longer walk than usual to the beach and up and down its steep staircases and ramped paths. We bumped into two people we knew, with just a short chat with an ex-neighbour, which was really nice. I have decided to go on a low-carb diet (well, I should actually say 'lifestyle change'), so the morning started with boiled eggs and lemon infused water. After tackling my quarterly tax statement, I went grocery shopping for the new lifestyle foods, trying to stay away from processed foods where I could (just a few snacks for the boys, and bread for their sandwiches). After getting all the groceries in the fridge and pantry, I made the boys and I some lunch, and a tomato salsa to accompany dinner, tackled a little bit of homework for my youngest son, then we had a little table tennis tournament, before heading out to see 'Jersey Boys', thanks to a generous gift of movie tickets from a family I helped edit their webpages for their daughter's dance studio website. We came home and I took Dexter for a wee walk before finishing dinner, then had some TV time, where after some light entertainment of "The Voice Kids" came the horrors that have lit up the Australian news in the last week of The Alison Baden-Clay murder and the MH17 flight.
For those who don't know, Alison Baden-Clay was a beautiful wife, mother, daughter sister and friend, murdered by her own husband in Brisbane, Australia. He was having constant affairs and always putting his wife down for her cooking, her housework, her appearance and her mothering. He had one affair for 4 years, sometimes even cheating on his mistress with other women. The thing is… I can so relate to this. The stories coming out after he was found guilty, all the characteristics and all the events leading up to her disappearance and murder, all were characteristics of my marriage and affair I had with a married man. The narcissistic demeanour of the men I have been involved with in my 22 years of adulthood screamed to me that if I allowed either relationship to continue, or if I had actually moved to be nearer to my internet lover, then someone would have been killed. Both men were highly derogatory if things weren't going their way. Both men struggled with their ability to live within their means and debts to possibly consider doing away with someone for the sake of life insurance. Both of them had violent tempers. One of them even admitted to me one day that he had the knowledge in how to kill someone without it looking like a murder because of his profession, while the other had learnt specific martial art moves that could kill, and would freely suggest he could do them. One of them even pull out a gun in front of me with the intent to use it on himself. These are not normal conversations and actions of someone with a sound mind. But for the mistress, all her confessions about the love she had for the murderer, sounds so familiar. I loved him unconditionally and was ultra forgiving towards him, as she was, but now hope never to be in the same space as him ever again… they both disgust me… yet I'm also regretful for allowing things to last as long as they did, and that I was so naive to not get out sooner.
So that's my reflection on the day… no Facebook, quite productive and really not a minute of time missing Facebook or twiddling my thumbs. I got lots of cuddles from my boys and Dexter the dog and don't feel a bit hungry or lacking in energy after Day One of the Low-Carb lifestyle. We'll see how the work week goes! But now, time to read my book… Night x
Saturday, 12 July 2014
Is Ignorance Really Bliss?
Somedays I wonder, in my single mother life, if I could do without the loves and loathes, and really time-wasting of social media. For me, as a self-employed sole trader, adult conversation can be rare, but is becoming more regular as my boys get older and more independent/social. For so many years, I relied on social media, Skype and the phone as my only adult outlet to talk to friends, as many of my closest friends live overseas or interstate, but as social media sites like Facebook get bombarded with advertising, campaigning and protesting, you wonder if, for that small snippet of seeing that your friends are enjoying life, is it worth scanning through your news feed, through all the 'junk mail' to see something that makes you happy or laugh?
But then you see something you don't like, for instance, a bit of cyber-bullying, the repercussions of a conversation you've had off social media that's gone wrong, or even one of your friends becoming friends with someone you would rather steer away from. Wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant of it all?
The joy of being focused on 'you' rather than on others is quite liberating. You don't have to worry about what others are thinking of you, you don't have to worry about the outcomes of other's posts on something you've written or posted. You can be yourself, you can do what you want, and you have time to do it, as you aren't focusing on others through social media outlets.
Yet the Catch 22 of it all, is that you want to share your joys with people, shout it out to the world that you're proud of your kids, managed to cross something off your bucket list, got a promotion at work, met the man of your dreams… whatever it is, you want people to be happy for you, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc are great places to get that instant gratification (or not, when you hope for more likes that you actually get).
It is hard as a single parent to get the balance of real people time and social media people time… There are some absolutely beautiful moments to be shared between friends on social media, and other times the worry, hurt and frustrations can be overwhelming and dominate your thoughts. Yet the best moments are always shared in person… some are easy, others almost impossible due to finances, time and opportunity restrictions.
I am going to challenge myself to be social media free for a month, maybe more, just to make time to focus on me, my boys and my dreams. I will start next weekend… July 20. I will write a diary style blog of how I'm feeling about removing myself from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter, any benefits, and any losses… and see if I cave. I will post on Facebook/Twitter directly from my blog without actually looking at the websites. I've put it in my calendar, and I will see if ignorance is really bliss! Happy to have any of my readers face the same challenge.
But then you see something you don't like, for instance, a bit of cyber-bullying, the repercussions of a conversation you've had off social media that's gone wrong, or even one of your friends becoming friends with someone you would rather steer away from. Wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant of it all?
The joy of being focused on 'you' rather than on others is quite liberating. You don't have to worry about what others are thinking of you, you don't have to worry about the outcomes of other's posts on something you've written or posted. You can be yourself, you can do what you want, and you have time to do it, as you aren't focusing on others through social media outlets.
Yet the Catch 22 of it all, is that you want to share your joys with people, shout it out to the world that you're proud of your kids, managed to cross something off your bucket list, got a promotion at work, met the man of your dreams… whatever it is, you want people to be happy for you, and Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc are great places to get that instant gratification (or not, when you hope for more likes that you actually get).
It is hard as a single parent to get the balance of real people time and social media people time… There are some absolutely beautiful moments to be shared between friends on social media, and other times the worry, hurt and frustrations can be overwhelming and dominate your thoughts. Yet the best moments are always shared in person… some are easy, others almost impossible due to finances, time and opportunity restrictions.
I am going to challenge myself to be social media free for a month, maybe more, just to make time to focus on me, my boys and my dreams. I will start next weekend… July 20. I will write a diary style blog of how I'm feeling about removing myself from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter, any benefits, and any losses… and see if I cave. I will post on Facebook/Twitter directly from my blog without actually looking at the websites. I've put it in my calendar, and I will see if ignorance is really bliss! Happy to have any of my readers face the same challenge.
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