Happy 2014!

So after a week of chilling up at the Lake and stacking on the kilos with Christmas festivities, the boys and I decided to have New Years Eve at home with a movie marathon. The deal was that we had to watch movies we hadn't seen before and that we could choose two movies each… that's 6 movies. I decided that we would start our cinematic sit-down at 4pm, assuming all the movies ran for about 90-100 minutes, and that would take us through to midnight… boy was I wrong!

We also decided that we would have a different food with each of the movies, which when we put them all together, sounded horrible, but when you have a two hour break between each one, it's not so bad. So here is a taste of our program for the evening with corresponding foods:

Esylium - with English Muffins (a bit of an afternoon tea appetiser)
Knowing - with chicken Korma and rice (the main meal)
Jobs - with Strawberries and Jelly (for 'S'teve 'J'obs)
The Heat - with Hot Fudge Sundae (as a 2nd dessert)
Pain and Gain - with Popcorn and finally
The World's End - with White Chocolate

Believe it or not, we did do a Google search on names of foods starting with 'E' K' 'J' 'H' 'P' & 'W' and they were the most liked, and easiest to make without missing out much of the movies.

Not realising that most of the movies were actually over 2 hours long, we were only coming to the end of 'The Heat' when midnight turned over. We started watching 'Pain and Gain', but our heads were nodding, and by 1.23am the night was over with 1.5 movies to go (and some White Chocolate). So we're going to finish our movie marathon in the morning.

As for 2014, I have many resolutions - especially to focus on finding balance in all aspects of my life and be happy, to be discovered as an author and be published, nurture my boys in their education and aspirations, have courage, stop being so hard on myself and just appreciate the positive aspects in my life. I do not know what adventures we will have, what inspirational moments or what each day will bring, but I know that, as a wise 40 year old, I have no expectations and I can only live each day the best that I can. Happy New Year everyone! I hope it's a blast! xx

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is a funny time of year... It's supposed to be a time we share with family, but sometimes it's more important making it a time where you find yourself at your happiest... and if family isn't the place that you can embrace the Christmas spirit, then you have to enjoy it for what you can make it... if it's with family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours or simply enjoying the people that surround you everyday.

Talking to so many people over the year about their priorities when it comes to their own well-being,  and it seems like happiness overwhelms all other emotions and relationships. I think there's a unanimous agreement as we leave 2013 that we realise that politics - if it's family politics, neighbourly politics or even government politics is in the too hard basket and no matter what relationship is involved within the dynamics of the politics, we would rather allow those people to create their own problems so we can focus on the positive aspirations, joyful times and make memorable moments without someone throwing a spanner in the mix with their jealousy, hatred or steely looks of disapproval.

For me, Christmas is a time to give to those who I appreciate. Most people who help me over the year get a heart-felt thanks, a warm hug or some time for a chat, but I can't give anything back to them, especially being a full time mother with no support from my children's father, having my own business or three and sometimes struggling on 3-hours of sleep each night, so for me Christmas is a time that I can show these people that what they have done to me hasn't been forgotten and they are more than appreciated. I don't expect anything in return, except a smile and that they know that they mean a lot to me. And that's what Christmas is about... giving to people who deserve some gratitude.

But some people don't see it that way... and that's OK. We all have our own agendas of what Christmas means. But as life takes us to different places both physically and emotionally, we can't expect to live in the village style lifestyle that ensured that the family stuck together both physically and in the family ideals, because we do become more educated, we do start to question things that don't sit right with us, and we don't allow family or friends to bully us into their way of thinking when it's against our own ideals. It just takes a lot of courage to be able to break away and find your own place of happiness.

And if we take the religious stance on it, Jesus was born as a symbol of goodness, and if we haven't the ability to remove the influences in our lives that don't allow us to be good, kind, appreciative and grateful, then we are better off without those influences on the day that we are to celebrate life with joy.

So I hope all my loyal readers have a magical Christmas and take a moment to think about all the good they have that surrounds them, and have the courage to eliminate the forces that hurt their hearts.

The Laws of Attraction

I've seen it, I've had it happen to me, I've watched people go both ways... so why is there something so right about attracting what you project?

How many friends (or even yourself) have said they have had a run of bad luck? How many times do you find yourself attracting similar people to be around you to the people you've tried to run away from? How many times have you felt jealous of watching people constantly get the job they want, be able to buy the car you want, or travel the place you want to see? It happens constantly WHEN you continue to feel sorry for yourself wishing it were you and not doing anything about making your life the best it can be.

For instance, I met these people who continually said they only wanted positive people to be around them, and if you weren't a positive person, they limited their time, sometimes even stopped making the effort to see or speak to their family and friends. But when they were around people who've known them for years, or even people they met through mutual friends, they could only say negative things to them... either by laughing at them making the other people feel uncomfortable, judging them, telling them off like they were a child, not wanting to hear their bad news concerns, essentially if someone did something in their presence or talked to them about something they had done, and it wasn't the way these people would do it, cope with it, etc... they would put a negative spin on it, making those who confided in them, feel undervalued. Needless to say, people aren't making the effort to be around them.

Then there's the 'bad luck' people. They get pulled over by the cops all the time, they crash their cars, their spouses leave them, the laundry floods, they buy milk past it's use-by date, their bed breaks as they have a gut full and just want to sleep it all away... Usually when one bad thing happens, it snowballs, and everything goes wrong... as does it happen the other way - when one good thing happens, it snowballs and you're surrounded by so many good things in your life. Either way, you just can't break the cycle, even if you want to. And the main reason why you can't break it, is because you're mindset is stuck in a way that you are only focusing on the bad and not seeing through it all to create the good. I know when my marriage was ending, I could foresee all the things my ex would 'try' for, and everything I thought, he did making it a completely miserable time. And because I focused on it, other areas of my life starting falling apart and I literally lost everything except my kids. It took over a year after everything was settled for me to start making some positive moves in my life.... get my book back on track, do things that made me happy for both my boys like traveling and buying us a home on the lake, and in doing so, we now surround ourselves with inspiring people.

How about when you're seeking a mate? Do you focus on the things you don't want, or do you focus on the things you do want in a mate? I know when I first found my lover, I focused on all the things I wanted in a man and believe me, he was everything that I wanted, except that he was extremely conflicted in what he wanted in his life, therefore we couldn't be, but after him I focused on the things that my ex husband had that I couldn't stand, and guess what? Those were the kind of guys who were attracted to me... needy, lacking financial security, wanting a mother to look after them... guys who loved what I had to offer, but couldn't offer me anything in return. And the guys I were interested, who had spark, attractive, independence, a sense of humour and enjoyed life, they just weren't interested in me, probably because I wasn't creating the spark that they were looking for.

So if we can learn anything over this holiday season, maybe we should start projecting what we want in our lives, making an effort to save, laugh, smile, say nice things, appreciate the little things, and remember our way...  somehow it might just all fall into place - if it's love, a new career, better finances, travel, companionship, comfort, warmth, or an amazing experience, if we send out the right energy, we will attract all the good we want in our lives and be responsible for our own luck.

Year 6 Graduation

This week marks the end of a milestone... my oldest son finishes primary school. Somehow, in the seven years he has been there, we have lived in two houses, two townhouses, one villa, two apartments, two motel rooms, a few weeks at the grandparent's house, a night sleeping on some dining room chairs in a pub and a night sleeping in the car, but he always been at the same school.

It's been interesting to see how different schools do their graduation ceremonies, as many of his old school friends who have changed schools, have Mums on my Facebook account, so I get to some of the differences. Our school said their school uniform was compulsory for the night, where most of the other schools got dressed up in their finest wares. Some schools had awards for the best 'artist' or best 'computer whiz' etc, where other schools had pennant flags to commemorate their final year at primary school.

Our school graduation was on Monday night in one of the local high school theatres. All the graduates sat on the stage and in groups of two-five children, did a little speech about their time at the school. My son mentioned that he had written about seventy percent of his group's speech, and, for someone who felt uncomfortable getting up and doing a speech at the start of the year, I had many mums come up to me after and say how much of a natural talent he was and how funny he is. It made me feel very proud. he told me that he had been practicing his speech to get it right for a while, but it wasn't just the words he said, it was the natural actions and comedic timing that made his speech work really well. After each of the speeches, they were given a graduation certificate that was accompanying with a sheet of head-shots of all the children in their year level. After a few speeches from the school principal and school council president, they had a slide show of the 'year that was' and pics of the children in Prep to what they look like now... amazing the transformation.

It was funny how puberty was entering into the equation... there was one boy who had a very obvious breaking voice, girls who just seemed to be a lot older than twelve in the way they acted and have matured, and some of the height on these kids is just amazing.

And the celebrations keep going... on Tuesday they had a graduation lunch with the teachers who had taught them over the years, Wednesday they went to the beach for fish n chips with their Prep buddies to say goodbye plus the annual Christmas Carols night, and on Friday it the big farewell as their final day of school (plus a family orientated barbecue in a park that's been organised). It's a big week, with Christmas on top of it all, but it's not only big physically, it's also big emotionally. As a parent, you realise exactly how much your little babies have really grown up.

I was talking to a Year 5 mum tonight about what the Year 6 kids are doing - phone calls at 10pm between girls and boys, meeting friends at the local fish-n-chip shop for a casual dinner, organising to go to a party at 7pm and getting themselves there, and coming home on their bikes (with their night lights) around 9.30pm... Their sense of independence has just come out in only just the last few weeks. This Year 5 mum was a little horrified that her little baby is only a year away from all this happening, but understands at the same time, that she needs to let him grow.

We are lucky though, that we live in a fairly safe community that it's OK for our kids to be out by themselves with their friends as long as they respect the boundaries. And next year, when they are in Year 7, those boundaries will be pushed even further... gone will be the days that he will want to go to the movies with me, gone will be the days that he will want to be seen shopping with me, gone will be the days where I will be needed to be anything but a taxi driver and a food supplier. Look, I know it won't be that bad, as I have a pretty amazing bond with my kids, but for some parents, they don't, and the Year 6 Graduation is really the end of an era that their kids are no longer their babies...

When the Ex Finds a New Mate

When your ex finds a new lover and introduces that woman/man to your kids, how do you feel? Is there jealousy, concern, uncertainty? Do you want to warn this woman/man about all the horrible things that your ex did to you before it's too late, or do you snidely sit back and just watch history repeat itself and be thankful it's not you again? It's a tricky one as there are so many scenarios...

I've heard of all types of stories from new step-mums coming in and claiming your child as her own, and even being affectionate to your child in front of your family and friends and fighting black and blue to dishonour the person you are so that she can step in and replace you, effectively... through to women meeting the children for the first time and completely disgusted by the way the father has treated his children in front of her, that she's claimed that she's sick and walked away, before it's all too late.

I think for most single parents, the first reaction is concern. Concern about how serious the relationship is, concern about how involved this new person will be in your lives, concern about how the dynamics will change within your relationship with your children, concern for your children about how they will be treated, concern that he or she could actually live an unruly life and show your children things your don't want. Negative thoughts are always going to come into play, because you know how much time and effort you put into your kids, how much your ex does or doesn't and you don't know if the change will be a good thing or a series of trips down to the Family Court.

In someways, you want your ex to be happy, so that all the negative thoughts he thinks about you will disappear and there won't be that underlying resentment, but in other ways, you pity the fool who is with him. But you analyse that person to the nth degree, as if you were dating them, because you only want the best person to be there for your children.

And you do the same when you search for a mate... you are critical, look for every little sign that screams at you telling you something's not right, you question things, you demand honesty and it's really hard to allow yourself the freedom to actually enjoy someone's company without thinking 'is this person going to be good for my kids as well as for me?' And they maybe awesome for your kids, but lacking things for you, and then you struggle with 'settling' all over again. You don't want that...

But all in all, all you want is to ensure your children and in a safe, loving environment. You don't want animosity, you want fairness in everything - responsibility, finances, love and commitment to and for your children. And if this new person comes in demanding a new set of stakes, then the war starts all over again, and that's when the fairness goes out the window. Oh, the heartache...

Moving Around New and Old Circles

Life changes... that's a given. And with life changing, so do friend circles. Some will stay as they value your friendship, as you do theirs, but others will just disappear into thin air. And that's ok. The universe has a way of making you keep the people in your lives that are meant to be there, and discarding those who create negativity, sadness, anger or unnecessary gossip to make room for new people to enter your lives.

A few weeks back, I posted a pic of my Grade 3 class from 1982 on my personal Facebook account. There were 35 children in that class, and the response I had from that was really overwhelming. There were 9 children who were labelled in the pic of which different circles of people who know me on Facebook were able to be labelled, and 7 of them made comment or liked the pic. There was even a mother of one of the children making comment. There was also another 3 children from the same year level commenting or liking, who were in the other class. Between us, we could name almost all the children and had some extraordinary memories of our teacher. I thought that was a pretty good effort from something over 30 years ago.

And somehow, in that circle, there is one girl who just so happens to be sending her son to the same school as my son will be going to next year, and we've been catching up over the last week because of orientation days. It really becomes a small world.

Then just the simple act of moving home or new neighbours moving in, joining a new club or spending a significant amount of time in a different location can create new friendships. And sometimes that's all you need to appreciate what you already have, feel alive and enjoyed for who you are.

But, the best of friends, won't just talk about their sad stories, support you through your hard times, be excited about reaching their life goals or your life goals, they will make you laugh... and that's what great friends do for you, and they are the ones to hold onto. They make you realise that no matter how hard life can be, they will make you laugh and de-stress about the hardest situations, and hug you when the tears and fears become too much. Real friends won't judge... but they can make you see things in a different light.

It doesn't matter if they are old or new friends, every friend is important. And I am thankful for each and every one of them. x