Trusting Praise

When you live a life where you receive no praise for your efforts, talent and personal attributes, and then it comes from unexpected sources, how do you trust that the glimmer of praise you receive is genuine, and not giving you false hopes, leading you astray or just being 'nice?'

I will admit, I struggle with trust. I trusted, believed, hoped and prayed that the life I created for myself in my marriage would prove everyone else wrong, and do everything I wanted it to be, but it didn't, and I didn't see it until I was in too deep. I trusted that someone could love me without taking advantage of me and my giving nature, but sadly, I couldn't. I try to trust people's positive thoughts for me, but struggle with it because they don't follow through... it's like it's all talk and no action. And I think that's what it comes down to... you know that praise is genuine when people actually make an effort to 'do' something outside themselves to make something in your life possible because they believe in you. It's that whole concept of 'putting your money where your mouth is.' It doesn't have to be money, it can simply be an action, as actions are definitely stronger than words.

I used to struggle hearing beautiful words from my lover, when he told me all the positive qualities I brought to our relationship, and how he felt about me. He always brought me to tears because finally someone could see the values in myself that were worthwhile to them. No one before him actually told me how I actually affected them and what they could see in me. It was truly humbling to hear that I was actually a 'good' person from someone who I hold great regard for. So when it starts happening in your life for the first time in your late 30s, from other sources as well as your lover, you start believing that it could actually be possible that they are right. And you desperately want those people to be with you always, with their support, love and admiration, as their belief in you helps you believe more in yourself and your talents.

So when someone so important to you who has the ability to make a dramatic change in your life says some powerful words about your future... do you trust it? Or do you keep it in the back of your mind, plod along with what you need to do, and hope that they are actually seeing something in you that you just can't quite see yet? It's like when you watch all those talent shows and the 'star judges' tell the unknowns that they have an amazing future ahead of them... are they doing it just to be kind, for ratings or do they see real potential in the new talent? It's when the 'star judges' say "I want to produce your album" or "I want to set you up with some well-known artist so you can work with them," or "I want you to meet my record label." THAT'S when you know their praise is genuine. They follow through with their belief with a commitment.

There is a lot of 'sweet talking' out there and you can understand, especially for those in creative fields, sporting fields and even in love, why people see 'praise without commitment' as rejection, and they have lost their ability to actually trust the words that come out of people's mouths unless they follow through with something tangible.