I consider myself extremely lucky with my kids. Both my boys are bright, happy (most of the time), funny and they are the best of friends. My oldest son has aspirations in creating electronic games, or being a graphics designer, a scientist or an inventor, whereas my younger son is keen on being a cartoonist, as he loves to draw. They could easily collaborate and create characters for an electronic game and make their squillions. But, they have their difficulties... my older son lost the love for reading in Grade 2 when he had a horrible teacher who just didn't extend him or encourage him and now he struggles to find something that interests him (however I did introduce him to some short travel stories and he found them more interesting than pre-teen fantasy novels). And my younger son, has learning difficulties, in the spectrum of dyslexia, an auditory processing disorder, visual processing disorder and speech difficulties. I do absolutely everything in my power to make sure they don't fall behind... they see a tutor once a week for 3 hours each, I assign them reading tasks with pocket money incentives to finish a novel and write a 300 word written review on it for my older son, and reading tasks for my younger son and for him to give me an oral review of what he's read. My oldest son tells me that I'm pushing him, however he has an important entrance exam for high school in a month's time, and if he wants to get into that school, he needs to make the effort. Do I push him until he resents me, or do I push him until he gets into the school? Such a fine line about what to do. But still, I consider myself lucky.
I have some friends with teenage kids who have just gone off the rails. Under-age sex, breaking the law, drugs, getting tattoos and losing their place in reality. I had a chat with one friend this evening who just told his 15 year old son not to worry about what other people are doing and just chase your dreams. Whereas, I had another chat with another friend who's daughter hasn't turned up to school in almost a month and has no idea what to do. At what point do we 'give up' on our kids and allow them to make all the decisions that create their lives?
It's a hard one, as it all depends on how rebellious your children are. I still feel like I'm under the thumb with my parents, and still do whatever they say if I'm in their house. And as much as it sounds like a broken record, the main saying to say to teenagers is 'My house, my rules. You want me to pay for your education, entertainment and clothes and know you have a bed to sleep in each night, then you do what I say.' But I know, it's so much easier to say than done with many kids. My friend who's daughter hasn't turned up to school has only had one night at home in the past week... the rest at her boyfriend's house, so she would think that 'that' rule doesn't apply to her, as she's never home (but she still expects her transport to be paid for).
However I watched an episode of 'The Voice' tonight, and Seal asked a singer if she had a back-up plan if singing didn't work out for her. She said she would never give up, she will fight for the next gig, opportunity or solo shower performance, as singing is her life, and she wouldn't be herself without it. And that's how we should see our kids... we would be lost without them, and we should never give up on them, even if they start giving up on themselves. We need to push them so they can see that they can be better, nurture the talents and dreams they want to achieve and be there for them as a parent and love them unconditionally, no matter what strife they are in. We need to give them purpose, praise and always be proud of them.
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