I often say to my kids that people can say all they want in the world to you, but unless they don't back them up with actions, then what they say, doesn't mean diddly-squat. So, I insist that if they are going to say they are going to do something, DO IT!! If you say to someone you are going to be their friend, BE their friend, if you say you love someone, SHOW them that you love them by being affectionate or thinking outside yourself and offering some help, guidance or friendship, if you say you're going to help them move house, DO it in the way they need help, not in the way you THINK they need help. Never backtrack on the words you say...
Life is always a string of disappointments, but once you start hiding from your responsibilities, your friendships or even hiding the reality of who you are because you are fearful of who you've actually become, then those disappointments compound and the people who care for you question the virtues in who you are. If you stay true to yourself, be honest in how you feel, and honour your word, your actions will be felt ten fold by the people in your life to whom you have touched.
Many of my friends who are single mums, see ulterior motives behind their ex-husbands who want to care for their kids. And those same mums go on dates and see the potential in men showing they care, but in reality, they only want to get laid, or worse, need someone to look after them again. Most single men don't care for the needs of their women and kids, they only care for their own needs. They tend to divorce their kids as well as their ex-wives as they feel they have lost their primary carer and don't know how to make the effort to be a responsible parent. Some people would classify them as a narcissist.
I have one friend who's husband tells the world how much he loves and misses his kids, but does he call them, make time to see them, attend their school or sports functions, make them feel special on their birthdays? No. Doesn't do a thing. But then blames his ex-wife for poisoning his kids into thinking horrible things about him. What he doesn't get is, it is HE who is constantly disappointing his kids, not his ex-wife as he doesn't make them a priority in his life.
And the same goes with friendships... if a friend cares about you, loves you and appreciates your friendship, they will do anything to make sure they are ok. I have friends who I know are in the flood-stricken areas of Australia right now, so I check to see if they are ok. Some of these friends are people who just linger in the distance on my Facebook pages, others are some of the best friends I've ever had. But a friend will always be there to say Hi, see how they are, and share with you the highlights, and sometimes lowlights of their life. But when a friend says that they are a 'friend' and your friendship is a little one sided, you wonder why they say one thing, and do another. They are being untruthful to themselves because they can't honour their own word.
So no matter how many people disappoint you, know that the best thing you can ever do is back your words up with your actions. Know that you're doing the right thing, and somehow, people will come into your life who respect you and value your friendship and all the riff-raff will fade away.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
End of School Holiday Fun!
This weekend we were supposed to go to Sydney, but due to unforeseen circumstances and a not very well child, it has had to be postponed for the moment... Yesterday, the boys let me have some hours to myself, which was nice, but today was a today for us to have some family fun!
We decided to venture up to the city by train and see what mischief we could get up to.
We decided to venture up to the city by train and see what mischief we could get up to.
We got off the train at Melbourne Central. Somehow he was excited that we were in the 'subway' which I know we have been plenty of times before, but it could have been the first time we actually got off at a station within the 'subway' (which in Melbourne, we call the City Loop!) This was what was above the 'subway'...
A heritage listed 'shot tower' encased in a glass cone (and a shopping centre!)
We decided to go bowling, at supposedly the 'best ten-pin bowling alley in Melbourne' according to some Top 10 Best and Worst Bowling Alley's website I found. It was Strike Bowling in the QV Building. We were lucky to be the first one there for the day, so we had the place to ourselves, for about.... ummm.... 15 minutes.
We played 2 games... my 11 year old won the first game (because the guards were down for me, whereas the boys relied on the guards to let them bounce all over the place and get some fluke shots!) And my 9 year old won the second game due to his unorthodox tactics.
We had some amazing fries with ketchup and aioli (must admit, were probably the best fries I've ever had!). They then played some foosball, and some air-hockey.
We then came out of the dungeon of the neon-lit bowling alley back up to street level and walked through the city, watching the street performers, the horses and carriages and the colourful people that make up our great city. We ventured down to Southgate and found Chill On - the Ice Lounge. We were told we couldn't take photos inside, but I sneaked in a couple!!
The boys played some air-hockey on an ice table, as well as noughts and crosses on a second ice table. We drank our cocktails/mocktails in ice glasses and admired all the amazing ice sculptures within the -10 degree cold room.
We then chilled out (or should I say defrosted) at the Transport Bar at Federation Square for a late lunch before taking the train back home.
Another fun day... tomorrow will be the last day we get to enjoy the holidays together before they are back at school (due to it being a public holiday). Who knows what we will be up to!
Saturday, 26 January 2013
$18.50
At around 6pm tonight I received a text message from my dear friend. Her friend, who I had met a few times needed a friend to go out with tonight. So I obliged, thinking it would be a couple of hours, enjoying some adult company and then I would come home.... how wrong was I!
I picked up my friend with every intention to drive home, therefore only have a couple of drinks. She asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine before we left, but I was worried about starting something that would not be 'ideal' behind the wheel. So we went to the pub and started our night there. On the way, she told me she was meeting a 'male' friend who was from her golf club. I went along for the ride, not knowing if she liked him or if it was just an excuse to go out.
When we arrived at the pub, he was already there. A slightly silver haired man, tall, tanned, wearing glasses, but seemed to have that trendy hip look about him. He was drinking a glass of red wine when we arrived, so us girls ordered the special - $5 sparkling wine as the Australia Day 'special' for the night.
My friend shouted me the first drink, the silver fox the second, I ordered drinks for the third round and then she went back for the fourth... but the third, I decided to leave my car behind and pick it up in the morning. My friend was noticeably a little tipsy, so the debonair man, who just happened to have a son who is five years younger than me, said he would take us home.
It was about 10.30pm when we decided to call the night off. He drove us towards our home, but then made a detour to a place we could get coffee.... but unfortunately, the place was closed. He said he knew a great place in Oakleigh, which is about a 20 minute drive away. We were fine about it, even though the back seat passenger of my friend was feeling a little tired and eager to get home.
He took a right hand turn, which wasn't the way to Oakleigh and we ended up outside of the mall. I said that there should be a cafe open here for the late night cinemas. So we went inside and found the cinema cafe still open. We ordered some hot drinks, had a few laughs and thought we would be sneaky and see if we could catch a flick.
As we approached the entrance of the 'ticket only area', an usher approached us asking to see our tickets. We casually walked passed and said 'we just need to use the restroom.' He was fine with it, and we walked on by.
After we did our business, my friend and I, and our silver haired fox, just took pot luck and walked into Cinema 5. There were people sitting down and the movie previews were running. We took a seat in the back row, having no idea what movie we would be seeing, and waited for the house lights to dim.
We were greeted with the solemn sounds of Tarintino's "Django Unwanted." My friend and I 'high-fived' each other, as it was something we both wanted to see. We sat there laughing, annoying the other patrons, who seemed to move to the other side of the cinema after they couldn't stand our banter about the cinematography, special effects and well made-up big-name actors.
But, my goodness, the movie was looooooonnnnnggggg.... we thought about getting up a couple of times and walking out, but there was a little twist that we wanted to see. We ended up getting out in the end when the movie became unbelievable and looked like a scene from an Australian outback western rather than a scene from the south of the United States.... It was 2.05am....oops!
Our chauffeur in waiting drove us back home... he took my friend home first, then dropped me off, insisting on a kiss and hoping for another night at the movies in the future. Told me that I seemed 'level-headed.' Things a girl likes to hear about herself... not!
But it was a funny night! Unexpected with two people I never anticipated I'd have a fun Saturday night out with, and all it cost me was $18.50 (and possibly a train ticket in the morning to pick up my car!)
I picked up my friend with every intention to drive home, therefore only have a couple of drinks. She asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine before we left, but I was worried about starting something that would not be 'ideal' behind the wheel. So we went to the pub and started our night there. On the way, she told me she was meeting a 'male' friend who was from her golf club. I went along for the ride, not knowing if she liked him or if it was just an excuse to go out.
When we arrived at the pub, he was already there. A slightly silver haired man, tall, tanned, wearing glasses, but seemed to have that trendy hip look about him. He was drinking a glass of red wine when we arrived, so us girls ordered the special - $5 sparkling wine as the Australia Day 'special' for the night.
My friend shouted me the first drink, the silver fox the second, I ordered drinks for the third round and then she went back for the fourth... but the third, I decided to leave my car behind and pick it up in the morning. My friend was noticeably a little tipsy, so the debonair man, who just happened to have a son who is five years younger than me, said he would take us home.
It was about 10.30pm when we decided to call the night off. He drove us towards our home, but then made a detour to a place we could get coffee.... but unfortunately, the place was closed. He said he knew a great place in Oakleigh, which is about a 20 minute drive away. We were fine about it, even though the back seat passenger of my friend was feeling a little tired and eager to get home.
He took a right hand turn, which wasn't the way to Oakleigh and we ended up outside of the mall. I said that there should be a cafe open here for the late night cinemas. So we went inside and found the cinema cafe still open. We ordered some hot drinks, had a few laughs and thought we would be sneaky and see if we could catch a flick.
As we approached the entrance of the 'ticket only area', an usher approached us asking to see our tickets. We casually walked passed and said 'we just need to use the restroom.' He was fine with it, and we walked on by.
After we did our business, my friend and I, and our silver haired fox, just took pot luck and walked into Cinema 5. There were people sitting down and the movie previews were running. We took a seat in the back row, having no idea what movie we would be seeing, and waited for the house lights to dim.
We were greeted with the solemn sounds of Tarintino's "Django Unwanted." My friend and I 'high-fived' each other, as it was something we both wanted to see. We sat there laughing, annoying the other patrons, who seemed to move to the other side of the cinema after they couldn't stand our banter about the cinematography, special effects and well made-up big-name actors.
But, my goodness, the movie was looooooonnnnnggggg.... we thought about getting up a couple of times and walking out, but there was a little twist that we wanted to see. We ended up getting out in the end when the movie became unbelievable and looked like a scene from an Australian outback western rather than a scene from the south of the United States.... It was 2.05am....oops!
Our chauffeur in waiting drove us back home... he took my friend home first, then dropped me off, insisting on a kiss and hoping for another night at the movies in the future. Told me that I seemed 'level-headed.' Things a girl likes to hear about herself... not!
But it was a funny night! Unexpected with two people I never anticipated I'd have a fun Saturday night out with, and all it cost me was $18.50 (and possibly a train ticket in the morning to pick up my car!)
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Build a Bed!
Today, we were welcomed home with 6 big boxes. No they weren't from a secret admirer, they were brand new bunk beds I bought for the boys from Sydney only two days ago. I was told they would turn up sometime next week, but somehow, they arrived today. So the boys were excited and 'build a bed' we did!
Somehow, we had to get these flat packs to look like bunk beds. And on a 37 degree Celsius day, it wouldn't be pretty. I tried to get both boys to help, but my sorrowful little one has been up and down with tonsillitis over the last 11 days and doesn't seem to be getting better, so he, when he felt right, was in charge of the rubbish clean up.
We put the ends together first, but somehow, still got them a little wrong and had to pull them apart! My 11 year old was happy working the allen key, while his brother pretended to lying in his bed (or the fortress that makes up the top bunk!)
At this stage, it was still early days, as he's smiling. It really wasn't until we had to put the slats on that we realised how much work was involved.
Here is the pale faced sickie, still in his PJs!
Here he is having a break while I slave over the tiny little screws that need to go into each slate. (Would have used the power drill to screw them in, but it wasn't charged!)
After the first row of hand screwing the little screws in, the power drill was ready, and I powered my way through the rest of them. Just wished I had an allen key drill attachment (and please don't write to me telling me that I could have easily put the allen key in the chuck of the power drill... otherwise I will cry, my hands are that sore!)
Finishing touches - putting on the ladder.
And after it was all put together, we went down to the mall and bought some new bed linen - a grey Union Jack for the top bunk, and a word map of the City of London on the bottom bunk..
Now we just have to make the trundle... think I might leave that one for the weekend.
I am very proud of my little helpers, especially my 11 year old who went out of his way to make my life easier. And then my 9 year old sickie gave us a much needed drinks break just when it felt overwhelming. The scary thing will be, whenever we move out, I just hope we can get it out!!
Monday, 21 January 2013
Karma...
I heard some interesting news today about someone who was once close to me, and the friendship is no longer due to differences of values, responsibilities and our friendship just faded away. He has booked himself an expensive holiday while his ex-wife works and looks after their children full time, and he takes on no financial or physical responsibility for his kids. (Almost sounds like my ex husband!!)
So while he's out having a great time, traveling the world, his ex-wife struggles to put food on the table because he doesn't pay his child support. He's told his brothers and sisters that he doesn't have to pay child support because his ex-wife ended up with everything when they settled their property.
The person who told me the story said the ex-wife is upset for her kids that her ex isn't doing the right thing by them, but is tired of getting angry with him anymore. She sees it as wasted energy and somehow, she knows deep down, that karma will come back to him when he least expects it.
And I was thinking, it's true. The universe has a unique way of making life bad for those who don't do the right thing by society or even their own kids. The universe will somehow show this 'dead beat dad' what his responsibilities to his kids actually are.
Why do us single mums worry about what our stupid ex-husbands or partners do when they don't live up to the responsibilities of being a father? A father who financially supports his children, a father who spends quality time with them in his time, a father who actively participates in their activities, look after them when they are sick, a father who is not just 'fun dad' but also 'parental dad.' As long as the single mums are doing the right thing by their kids, then we shouldn't have to worry about why our kids are being let down constantly by their former partners, and just show them the love that they have from you, and that's all that matters. Our children will cherish that more and realise who's always been there for them and not worry about who they are missing in their lives.
It's interesting... but my youngest son has been saying for about 12 months now that he 'wishes he had a dad again.' Not 'his' dad, or 'the' dad, just a dad who could do male things with him. And I get that. You don't have to be a blood relation to give a child the joy of feeling wanted, looked after or have a bond that's similar to that of a father and son. And I'm glad my youngest son now gets it.
I don't have to tell my kids anymore how much their father is self-centred, they know. They have been hurt enough by his lies and lack of action and attention to know who he is. Karma will always deal him a bad break until he does right. He will constantly blame the world for his misfortunes, and that's his problem, as it is my ex-friend's problem, not mine or my ex-friend's ex-wife's problem, so there's no need to worry anymore... just enjoy the love and life you have with your kids and cherish every moment.
So while he's out having a great time, traveling the world, his ex-wife struggles to put food on the table because he doesn't pay his child support. He's told his brothers and sisters that he doesn't have to pay child support because his ex-wife ended up with everything when they settled their property.
The person who told me the story said the ex-wife is upset for her kids that her ex isn't doing the right thing by them, but is tired of getting angry with him anymore. She sees it as wasted energy and somehow, she knows deep down, that karma will come back to him when he least expects it.
And I was thinking, it's true. The universe has a unique way of making life bad for those who don't do the right thing by society or even their own kids. The universe will somehow show this 'dead beat dad' what his responsibilities to his kids actually are.
Why do us single mums worry about what our stupid ex-husbands or partners do when they don't live up to the responsibilities of being a father? A father who financially supports his children, a father who spends quality time with them in his time, a father who actively participates in their activities, look after them when they are sick, a father who is not just 'fun dad' but also 'parental dad.' As long as the single mums are doing the right thing by their kids, then we shouldn't have to worry about why our kids are being let down constantly by their former partners, and just show them the love that they have from you, and that's all that matters. Our children will cherish that more and realise who's always been there for them and not worry about who they are missing in their lives.
It's interesting... but my youngest son has been saying for about 12 months now that he 'wishes he had a dad again.' Not 'his' dad, or 'the' dad, just a dad who could do male things with him. And I get that. You don't have to be a blood relation to give a child the joy of feeling wanted, looked after or have a bond that's similar to that of a father and son. And I'm glad my youngest son now gets it.
I don't have to tell my kids anymore how much their father is self-centred, they know. They have been hurt enough by his lies and lack of action and attention to know who he is. Karma will always deal him a bad break until he does right. He will constantly blame the world for his misfortunes, and that's his problem, as it is my ex-friend's problem, not mine or my ex-friend's ex-wife's problem, so there's no need to worry anymore... just enjoy the love and life you have with your kids and cherish every moment.
Saturday, 19 January 2013
Sizing Things Up
As I told you yesterday, I'm back on the 'lifestyle eating plan' to shed a few kilos (target 67 by end of May 2013). However before Christmas, I desperately needed to buy myself a new wardrobe, so I headed to a shop, tried on a few too many items, and somehow walked out of a shop $1400 poorer and 12 new garments. Considering I had only replaced my jeans throughout the year, I decided 'why not?' and just did it.
The weird thing was, as I bought everything from the same shop, I came out with 3 different size clothes. Sizes 12, 14 & 16. Most were size 12, which shocked me, knowing that I was a size 12 in most my clothes when I was 8-10 kilos lighter, however my ass made my pants that little bit bigger. But even when I went to try on jeans only months beforehand, I went to one shop, tried on 2 different styles of jeans - one style I was almost heartbroken because I couldn't get the Size 16 jeans past my thighs, but when I tried on a Size 13 pair of jeans in a different style, they fitted like a glove. How can this be so?
It makes you think why women are so confused about body shape, hung up on dress sizes and afraid of shopping when they have put on a few extra kilos, because the retail outlets and manufacturers have no idea about consistency. Or is it their ploy to make all women less interested in size and more interested in feeling comfortable and proud of who they are?
The boutique I splashed out at was a dedicated Australian owned, Australian manufacturing women's retailer, so knowing that I was supporting the local economy was a good reason to spend more than I really wanted to. But it doesn't justify why their sizing is all over the place. What happened to Australian/International standards? And how can anyone suggest that my F cup boobs fit into any top that's a size 12 and be baggy? What other types of 'Size 12' women are there, as they definitely don't cater for F cups readily in the bra department (I usually have to go to a specialised bra manufacturer). And since when should a Size 12 women's BMI be sitting on the edge of 'Overweight and Obese?' Size 12 used to be a size that suggested that you were a comfortable size - not skinny model making material, but not holding up a muffin top. I have the muffin top, so how can I be a size 12?
Marilyn Monroe was said to be the poster girl for Size 12. But she was reported to weigh about 54kgs. I'm sorry, but that's 30kgs less than what I weigh at the moment! (now there's some honesty!) I found an article that states that after measuring her clothes, her clothes would be what we could consider being a Size 8-10 now, but the same article also says that due to 'vanity sizing' sizes that 'today's size 10 is smaller than the size 10 from 50 years ago.' How can that be? If Monroe was a size 12 back then, and I'm a size 12 now, that would mean that I should be 50kgs, not 84! Her measurements were said to be 36-23-37. My bra size is a 34F, which means that I am smaller than Marilyn in the back, but when I measure them with a tape measure, I'm 40 inches in the back. So why has my Australian owned, Australian manufacturing bra company deceived me into thinking that I'm 6 inches less in the back than I really am?
Clothing manufacturers need to stop deceiving women and possibly men into thinking they are smaller than they actually are. I would rather be told that I'm a Size 20 and do something about it because it's demoralising being that size, than wear mislabelled size 12 clothes that make me think that it's ok to eat that extra piece of chocolate cake because I'm a size 12, so I'm not that fat.
And you wonder, why there's an obesity epidemic!!!
Source:
http://www.examiner.com/article/health-weight-how-big-was-marilyn-monroe-what-size-dress-did-she-wear
The weird thing was, as I bought everything from the same shop, I came out with 3 different size clothes. Sizes 12, 14 & 16. Most were size 12, which shocked me, knowing that I was a size 12 in most my clothes when I was 8-10 kilos lighter, however my ass made my pants that little bit bigger. But even when I went to try on jeans only months beforehand, I went to one shop, tried on 2 different styles of jeans - one style I was almost heartbroken because I couldn't get the Size 16 jeans past my thighs, but when I tried on a Size 13 pair of jeans in a different style, they fitted like a glove. How can this be so?
It makes you think why women are so confused about body shape, hung up on dress sizes and afraid of shopping when they have put on a few extra kilos, because the retail outlets and manufacturers have no idea about consistency. Or is it their ploy to make all women less interested in size and more interested in feeling comfortable and proud of who they are?
The boutique I splashed out at was a dedicated Australian owned, Australian manufacturing women's retailer, so knowing that I was supporting the local economy was a good reason to spend more than I really wanted to. But it doesn't justify why their sizing is all over the place. What happened to Australian/International standards? And how can anyone suggest that my F cup boobs fit into any top that's a size 12 and be baggy? What other types of 'Size 12' women are there, as they definitely don't cater for F cups readily in the bra department (I usually have to go to a specialised bra manufacturer). And since when should a Size 12 women's BMI be sitting on the edge of 'Overweight and Obese?' Size 12 used to be a size that suggested that you were a comfortable size - not skinny model making material, but not holding up a muffin top. I have the muffin top, so how can I be a size 12?
Marilyn Monroe was said to be the poster girl for Size 12. But she was reported to weigh about 54kgs. I'm sorry, but that's 30kgs less than what I weigh at the moment! (now there's some honesty!) I found an article that states that after measuring her clothes, her clothes would be what we could consider being a Size 8-10 now, but the same article also says that due to 'vanity sizing' sizes that 'today's size 10 is smaller than the size 10 from 50 years ago.' How can that be? If Monroe was a size 12 back then, and I'm a size 12 now, that would mean that I should be 50kgs, not 84! Her measurements were said to be 36-23-37. My bra size is a 34F, which means that I am smaller than Marilyn in the back, but when I measure them with a tape measure, I'm 40 inches in the back. So why has my Australian owned, Australian manufacturing bra company deceived me into thinking that I'm 6 inches less in the back than I really am?
Clothing manufacturers need to stop deceiving women and possibly men into thinking they are smaller than they actually are. I would rather be told that I'm a Size 20 and do something about it because it's demoralising being that size, than wear mislabelled size 12 clothes that make me think that it's ok to eat that extra piece of chocolate cake because I'm a size 12, so I'm not that fat.
And you wonder, why there's an obesity epidemic!!!
Source:
http://www.examiner.com/article/health-weight-how-big-was-marilyn-monroe-what-size-dress-did-she-wear
Friday, 18 January 2013
Restoring Your Beliefs
Today has been a major turning point for me... A friend has come back into my life, a friend who means the world to me, a friend who left in such a hurry I had no idea if our friendship was a big fat lie and I had made it all up in my head. And by them exiting my life, I had lost the beliefs in everything that meant something to me. I lost the belief in myself and stacked on 6kgs in 6 months, I lost the belief in what was the right thing to do, I lost the belief in trusting people, I lost the belief in what the universe wants from me, I lost my belief in love, I lost the belief in believing.
I struggled to identify that I meant anything to anyone, besides my boys, without hidden agenda. Men repulsed me in almost every way because they all seem to just want to take advantage of my vulnerabilities, hence the reason why there hasn't been much 'sex' in my 'Sex and the Single Mum' lately. I believed so much in this friendship, I believed so much that what we had was real, that I had found my most pure happiness, I believed that someone genuinely loved being in my presence every day for ME, and nothing else, and then it was all taken away from me... Nothing felt right anymore, as I was told just before they exited my life that I couldn't be loved by my friend, I was wrong to be in their life as I went against all their moral and religious values. So as you can imagine, to be told that everything that you believed in was wrong, makes you feel incredibly lost, as you lose all your beliefs and question everything that's important to you and how actually real it was.
So as my friend has restored the faith in other relationships, my friend has been able to find a way in a small way, to include me. They told me that what we had will always be special, that I am still loved and in another place and time, we would still have what we had. They apologised for the hurt and anguish I was put through, and they restored my belief in what we had and that I am special to the person who found the happiness within me. Knowing that, knowing that I could trust my own feelings and intuition, that I could believe in telling the truth and it would do good, is all I ever wanted from my friend.
As for the last 6 months, everything felt that that life I had when my friend was in my life was a fantasy world, and that I made up all the happiness that I genuinely felt, and I had no idea what happiness was anymore because what I'd remembered feeling when I was with this friend wasn't true, it was all a lie. I truly thought I was going mad, to the point of not knowing what was real anymore. So you can imagine, how much of a relief I felt when my friend opened up and told me many times through the conversation that I am loved, and I am allowed to be in their life in a small way because our friendship means something to them too. I can now believe that I wasn't making it up, I wasn't fooling myself and that helping my friend find their reality, their happiness and what they were always looking for while we were friends, was what I was destined to do.
So I thank my friend for being a part of my life, restoring my beliefs in myself, our friendship and love and I wish my friend eternal happiness, as that's all I wanted for them.
As a side note... before all this happened, I was determined to get myself out of my rut, and my friend has just made it a lot easier emotionally, but I started back on my Lite N Easy lifestyle eating plan this week (the one I lost 22kgs when I left the ex-husband) (btw, I refuse to say 'diet!'), have done a beach walk every day and have lost 1.9kg in 7 days. No alcohol, heaps of water and small regular portions of food. Hope it all makes a difference so that 2013 is an unbelievable year!
I struggled to identify that I meant anything to anyone, besides my boys, without hidden agenda. Men repulsed me in almost every way because they all seem to just want to take advantage of my vulnerabilities, hence the reason why there hasn't been much 'sex' in my 'Sex and the Single Mum' lately. I believed so much in this friendship, I believed so much that what we had was real, that I had found my most pure happiness, I believed that someone genuinely loved being in my presence every day for ME, and nothing else, and then it was all taken away from me... Nothing felt right anymore, as I was told just before they exited my life that I couldn't be loved by my friend, I was wrong to be in their life as I went against all their moral and religious values. So as you can imagine, to be told that everything that you believed in was wrong, makes you feel incredibly lost, as you lose all your beliefs and question everything that's important to you and how actually real it was.
So as my friend has restored the faith in other relationships, my friend has been able to find a way in a small way, to include me. They told me that what we had will always be special, that I am still loved and in another place and time, we would still have what we had. They apologised for the hurt and anguish I was put through, and they restored my belief in what we had and that I am special to the person who found the happiness within me. Knowing that, knowing that I could trust my own feelings and intuition, that I could believe in telling the truth and it would do good, is all I ever wanted from my friend.
As for the last 6 months, everything felt that that life I had when my friend was in my life was a fantasy world, and that I made up all the happiness that I genuinely felt, and I had no idea what happiness was anymore because what I'd remembered feeling when I was with this friend wasn't true, it was all a lie. I truly thought I was going mad, to the point of not knowing what was real anymore. So you can imagine, how much of a relief I felt when my friend opened up and told me many times through the conversation that I am loved, and I am allowed to be in their life in a small way because our friendship means something to them too. I can now believe that I wasn't making it up, I wasn't fooling myself and that helping my friend find their reality, their happiness and what they were always looking for while we were friends, was what I was destined to do.
So I thank my friend for being a part of my life, restoring my beliefs in myself, our friendship and love and I wish my friend eternal happiness, as that's all I wanted for them.
As a side note... before all this happened, I was determined to get myself out of my rut, and my friend has just made it a lot easier emotionally, but I started back on my Lite N Easy lifestyle eating plan this week (the one I lost 22kgs when I left the ex-husband) (btw, I refuse to say 'diet!'), have done a beach walk every day and have lost 1.9kg in 7 days. No alcohol, heaps of water and small regular portions of food. Hope it all makes a difference so that 2013 is an unbelievable year!
The Work/School Holiday Balance
This week was the first real week back at work. I did dribbles last week, but this week came in with a steady stream of new properties to go see and just a little more than what I can count on two hands to view and write for the week. So in saying that, mixed in with all the admin work to do, this week, the school holidays were a little mundane for my boys.
With a little under two weeks of holidays left, the boys generally spent their days just wearing their jocks, and strangely deciding to put on a t-shirt to go to bed (rather than the other way around). I did have one sickie, who came down with tonsillitis on Sunday morning, thanks to me from a couple of weeks ago, so a quiet week was going to be on the cards. They did, I admit, do about 45 minutes - 1.5 hours of homework each day each, which usually was met begrudgingly, however when we got stuck into it, they were happy to do it. However, the rest was a combination of playing Wii, watching YouTube videos on Apple TV about their 'Wii games', playing Minecraft or Clash of the Clans on their their iPads, persuading me to buy things for them on eBay, playing lego, drawing and rough-housing each other. I did try to persuade them to go outside, but I was met with negative feelings.
We did go for a night walk on Monday night which meant putting some clothes on. We were actually lucky enough to meet up with some school friends where the boys played a little basketball together, but that's about all the physical activity they did (whereas, I've been a good girl and gone for a morning walk every day!). I did manage to get one off the couch and take him to a work appointment on Tuesday followed by some grocery shopping, we did have some visitors on Wednesday which meant they had to put some clothes on and I did manage to take both of them out today to visit their cousin, but every other thing I suggest has had it's nose turned up at it. Even a trip to the movies or a take-out meal!!
However, due to the lack of activity, their eating habits have been lessened, and strangely healthy, including choosing to have raw vegetables for breakfast, peaches and mangoes for lunch and barbecue sausages with salad for dinner. The only snacking that was done was mango & coconut ice-blocks. We did have one extremely hot day (41 degrees Celsius), so it was best to stay indoors, even though I suggested we should go for a morning swim down the beach, but again, they didn't want to leave the couch.
But the boys did deserve a little break.... they had 3 full days (8am-6pm) at Cartoon Camp last week. The problem now is, how to keep them occupied and not too bored for the next 12 days, while work steps up new notches. However, it was interesting that neither of them told me they were bored this week, which can happen quite a bit. Hopefully we will cover 4 days with a little before-school trip as long as the country's bushfires don't dampen our efforts, but who knows what's on for this weekend. I'll keep you posted! :)
With a little under two weeks of holidays left, the boys generally spent their days just wearing their jocks, and strangely deciding to put on a t-shirt to go to bed (rather than the other way around). I did have one sickie, who came down with tonsillitis on Sunday morning, thanks to me from a couple of weeks ago, so a quiet week was going to be on the cards. They did, I admit, do about 45 minutes - 1.5 hours of homework each day each, which usually was met begrudgingly, however when we got stuck into it, they were happy to do it. However, the rest was a combination of playing Wii, watching YouTube videos on Apple TV about their 'Wii games', playing Minecraft or Clash of the Clans on their their iPads, persuading me to buy things for them on eBay, playing lego, drawing and rough-housing each other. I did try to persuade them to go outside, but I was met with negative feelings.
We did go for a night walk on Monday night which meant putting some clothes on. We were actually lucky enough to meet up with some school friends where the boys played a little basketball together, but that's about all the physical activity they did (whereas, I've been a good girl and gone for a morning walk every day!). I did manage to get one off the couch and take him to a work appointment on Tuesday followed by some grocery shopping, we did have some visitors on Wednesday which meant they had to put some clothes on and I did manage to take both of them out today to visit their cousin, but every other thing I suggest has had it's nose turned up at it. Even a trip to the movies or a take-out meal!!
However, due to the lack of activity, their eating habits have been lessened, and strangely healthy, including choosing to have raw vegetables for breakfast, peaches and mangoes for lunch and barbecue sausages with salad for dinner. The only snacking that was done was mango & coconut ice-blocks. We did have one extremely hot day (41 degrees Celsius), so it was best to stay indoors, even though I suggested we should go for a morning swim down the beach, but again, they didn't want to leave the couch.
But the boys did deserve a little break.... they had 3 full days (8am-6pm) at Cartoon Camp last week. The problem now is, how to keep them occupied and not too bored for the next 12 days, while work steps up new notches. However, it was interesting that neither of them told me they were bored this week, which can happen quite a bit. Hopefully we will cover 4 days with a little before-school trip as long as the country's bushfires don't dampen our efforts, but who knows what's on for this weekend. I'll keep you posted! :)
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Time to Honor Yourself
A New Year tends to bring out all the things we want to do for ourselves. We may want to lose weight, join a club to make new friends, start a new hobby, write a book, look after the garden, buy an expensive toy. No matter what it is, you're prepared to make a change.
However, there are many things in life that we find hold us back. It could be the opinion of a family member or a friend, it could be work limitations, financial limitations or our own lack of courage to make the change. So why don't we trust our hearts and our heads and go with what feels right?
As a single mum, for all those single parents out there, YOU are your only protector. You are the protector of your kids and you are the protector of your livelihood. So if you feel like someone is taking advantage of your situation - a tradesman who says you need more work done to your home than you think is necessary, or a bank trying to tell you that you have no other option than to use their product, or a parent who says that you are being silly for considering a change in your life, or even a friend who doesn't respect that you're on a diet right now and wants you to go on a boozy night out... YOU are the one who has to live with the decisions you make, YOU are the one who will feel shameful for not honoring your diet, your ethics, your bank account, your home... so YOU are the one who needs to have the courage to stand up for yourself.
So when you decide that YOU want a change and YOU feel it's a necessary change... a change that you have contemplated over and over over time, then YOU have to honor yourself and make that change. It could be that you will stop wasting your time looking at the internet, Facebook, TV, etc and start getting out of the house to enjoy the sunshine. It could be getting rid of friends you no longer see eye to eye with or you're moving with the times but your friend is stuck in 1994. It could be surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. It could be finding that ultimate job you've wanted for so long. It could be getting back into study. It could be trying out a dating website. Whatever you do, do it for YOU. No one else.
Do it for the contentment of your soul. Do it for the chances that may happen if you stayed confined to your home. Do it for the smiles you get from your kids. Do it for the love of BEING YOU!
Make 2013 a year of just enjoying YOU!
However, there are many things in life that we find hold us back. It could be the opinion of a family member or a friend, it could be work limitations, financial limitations or our own lack of courage to make the change. So why don't we trust our hearts and our heads and go with what feels right?
As a single mum, for all those single parents out there, YOU are your only protector. You are the protector of your kids and you are the protector of your livelihood. So if you feel like someone is taking advantage of your situation - a tradesman who says you need more work done to your home than you think is necessary, or a bank trying to tell you that you have no other option than to use their product, or a parent who says that you are being silly for considering a change in your life, or even a friend who doesn't respect that you're on a diet right now and wants you to go on a boozy night out... YOU are the one who has to live with the decisions you make, YOU are the one who will feel shameful for not honoring your diet, your ethics, your bank account, your home... so YOU are the one who needs to have the courage to stand up for yourself.
So when you decide that YOU want a change and YOU feel it's a necessary change... a change that you have contemplated over and over over time, then YOU have to honor yourself and make that change. It could be that you will stop wasting your time looking at the internet, Facebook, TV, etc and start getting out of the house to enjoy the sunshine. It could be getting rid of friends you no longer see eye to eye with or you're moving with the times but your friend is stuck in 1994. It could be surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. It could be finding that ultimate job you've wanted for so long. It could be getting back into study. It could be trying out a dating website. Whatever you do, do it for YOU. No one else.
Do it for the contentment of your soul. Do it for the chances that may happen if you stayed confined to your home. Do it for the smiles you get from your kids. Do it for the love of BEING YOU!
Make 2013 a year of just enjoying YOU!
Friday, 11 January 2013
Turning 40
I will admit, this year is about turning 40. A chance to move on from the past, build the new and make those goals happen, you know, the goals that have been sitting there for way too long. It's a chance to start my forties with a clean slate and hopefully new beginnings.
So my goals to reach before I turn 40 (in November) are getting back into the healthy zone with my weight, publishing my book (or at least be in negotiations with getting it published) and travel to places I've never been.
Today, I start again, my Lite N Easy program, which is how I lost 22kgs 3 years ago. I will admit, I've returned 10 of those kilos, mostly in the past 12 months due to the unsettled nature of our lives... were we moving overseas or not, the soul destroying loss of my lover and knowing where my place in this world is... 2012 really was, in many ways, an upsetting year, yet I made the most of it with our many adventures that numbed the hurt.
What I got back into today was my exercise routine... a walk down the beach, with a few legs of running, listening to my iPod with the music up loud, to get my legs moving to the music. It really is liberating. You see everyone out in the morning... today I saw a fitness training group monopolise my 108 step staircase with a step exercise, cyclists ignoring stop signs to retain their cycling momentum, and this gorgeous little blonde headed boy who was about 3-4 years old, in a white t-shirt and shorts, playing with a tennis ball, his dog and his grandma on the edge of the waves. It was one of those iconic moments that looked like it should have been on a flickering reel of film from the Fifties. The walk, with your head space filled with music, and your eyes taking in the beauty of your surrounds really puts everything into perspective. It makes you forget your woes, gain clarity in your thoughts and motivated to reach your goals.
So with all the other exercise/diet programs I've started in the past, I know Lite N Easy and my beach walks/runs and now that I have a bike, my 'bike' are what work for me. I got to the point that I didn't lose anymore last time I was on it, so I'm hoping that I can get beyond that point and push towards my ultimate goal.
So that's my inspiration for the day... I hope the New Year, life goals and other reasons help you put you in the place - physically, mentally and emotionally, you want to be, and you can share your stories with us.
Love
Suzy :)
So my goals to reach before I turn 40 (in November) are getting back into the healthy zone with my weight, publishing my book (or at least be in negotiations with getting it published) and travel to places I've never been.
Today, I start again, my Lite N Easy program, which is how I lost 22kgs 3 years ago. I will admit, I've returned 10 of those kilos, mostly in the past 12 months due to the unsettled nature of our lives... were we moving overseas or not, the soul destroying loss of my lover and knowing where my place in this world is... 2012 really was, in many ways, an upsetting year, yet I made the most of it with our many adventures that numbed the hurt.
What I got back into today was my exercise routine... a walk down the beach, with a few legs of running, listening to my iPod with the music up loud, to get my legs moving to the music. It really is liberating. You see everyone out in the morning... today I saw a fitness training group monopolise my 108 step staircase with a step exercise, cyclists ignoring stop signs to retain their cycling momentum, and this gorgeous little blonde headed boy who was about 3-4 years old, in a white t-shirt and shorts, playing with a tennis ball, his dog and his grandma on the edge of the waves. It was one of those iconic moments that looked like it should have been on a flickering reel of film from the Fifties. The walk, with your head space filled with music, and your eyes taking in the beauty of your surrounds really puts everything into perspective. It makes you forget your woes, gain clarity in your thoughts and motivated to reach your goals.
So with all the other exercise/diet programs I've started in the past, I know Lite N Easy and my beach walks/runs and now that I have a bike, my 'bike' are what work for me. I got to the point that I didn't lose anymore last time I was on it, so I'm hoping that I can get beyond that point and push towards my ultimate goal.
So that's my inspiration for the day... I hope the New Year, life goals and other reasons help you put you in the place - physically, mentally and emotionally, you want to be, and you can share your stories with us.
Love
Suzy :)
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Generosity...
When you love being in someone's company, a friend, a lover, a sibling, a parent... you'd do anything for them. You'd ask them if they need help with anything, you'd drop everything if they asked to catch up, you'd tell them that if you won the lottery, they would be one of the first people they would give some too. Generally, your giving spirit is enhanced when you enjoy being with that person.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and someone gives generously to you, why are we then so sceptical? Does it ruin the friendship or relationship? Do people like to be considered equals so any gift or help that's unsolicited is questioned for it's motive? I guess it depends on the relationship. If it's your mother, you wouldn't think twice, if it's your lover, you'd soak it up, but when it's a good friend being ultra kind out of the blue, do you wonder where this attention is coming from?
It's hard, because I know myself, I've been extremely giving to friends in the past and have been burnt because they feel like I'm buying their friendship, or we have arguments because they don't want to feel that they 'owe' me something. If you set the standard from the onset, then you're most likely not going to have any problems, as you've begun the relationship knowing the boundaries, but if it's out of the blue, you're unsure of the intentions behind it, as you know you've done nothing to warrant any excess giving, so you think that either they have done something wrong and making up for it, they want something from you that you're not prepared to do or forsake for them so they thought they may sweeten you up, or possibly the worst, buy your friendship for that little bit longer if they think that the friendship is on rocky grounds.
I guess when it comes to a lover, and a gift comes from out of nowhere, you'd suspect the worst. Flowers that don't happen regularly generally mean they had thoughts or actions with another person, or if the present is overly expensive, like a diamond bracelet and there is no special occasion, the warning signs go into overdrive. But when your relationship isn't on equal terms, you truly do feel uncomfortable receiving something you don't, in fact, deserve.
And I guess that's why so many people are reluctant to take money when someone offers them some in their time of need because they are too proud or worried they have to pay it back. Just as some are reluctant to be shouted out for dinner, be given a gift over and above the standard gesture of a token bottle of wine or box of chocolates when invited over for dinner, or sent a bunch of flowers from someone they don't like in 'that way.' They don't want to feel like they owe them something.
It's a tricky one, because you don't want to seem ungrateful, but you don't want to feel obligated to have the friendship based on their generosity. And you definitely don't want to feel there are hidden motives for their actions. As all friendships, relationships and families should be a means of reciprocity, not one-sidedness.
I don't know what to tell you here... if you know that if you were the one giving added attention because you appreciate the person so much, you would feel happy to help and it makes you feel good that you can, but you don't really consider the feelings of the person you're giving to, and how humbled and uncomfortable they may feel about receiving your gesture.
I guess the only thing you can do is be honest... honest about how you feel about receiving expensive or unexpected gifts or gestures. If it turns into an argument, then you know that the 'giver' has a hidden agenda because they become so defensive, and then, you'll realise that the relationship may not be what you thought.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and someone gives generously to you, why are we then so sceptical? Does it ruin the friendship or relationship? Do people like to be considered equals so any gift or help that's unsolicited is questioned for it's motive? I guess it depends on the relationship. If it's your mother, you wouldn't think twice, if it's your lover, you'd soak it up, but when it's a good friend being ultra kind out of the blue, do you wonder where this attention is coming from?
It's hard, because I know myself, I've been extremely giving to friends in the past and have been burnt because they feel like I'm buying their friendship, or we have arguments because they don't want to feel that they 'owe' me something. If you set the standard from the onset, then you're most likely not going to have any problems, as you've begun the relationship knowing the boundaries, but if it's out of the blue, you're unsure of the intentions behind it, as you know you've done nothing to warrant any excess giving, so you think that either they have done something wrong and making up for it, they want something from you that you're not prepared to do or forsake for them so they thought they may sweeten you up, or possibly the worst, buy your friendship for that little bit longer if they think that the friendship is on rocky grounds.
I guess when it comes to a lover, and a gift comes from out of nowhere, you'd suspect the worst. Flowers that don't happen regularly generally mean they had thoughts or actions with another person, or if the present is overly expensive, like a diamond bracelet and there is no special occasion, the warning signs go into overdrive. But when your relationship isn't on equal terms, you truly do feel uncomfortable receiving something you don't, in fact, deserve.
And I guess that's why so many people are reluctant to take money when someone offers them some in their time of need because they are too proud or worried they have to pay it back. Just as some are reluctant to be shouted out for dinner, be given a gift over and above the standard gesture of a token bottle of wine or box of chocolates when invited over for dinner, or sent a bunch of flowers from someone they don't like in 'that way.' They don't want to feel like they owe them something.
It's a tricky one, because you don't want to seem ungrateful, but you don't want to feel obligated to have the friendship based on their generosity. And you definitely don't want to feel there are hidden motives for their actions. As all friendships, relationships and families should be a means of reciprocity, not one-sidedness.
I don't know what to tell you here... if you know that if you were the one giving added attention because you appreciate the person so much, you would feel happy to help and it makes you feel good that you can, but you don't really consider the feelings of the person you're giving to, and how humbled and uncomfortable they may feel about receiving your gesture.
I guess the only thing you can do is be honest... honest about how you feel about receiving expensive or unexpected gifts or gestures. If it turns into an argument, then you know that the 'giver' has a hidden agenda because they become so defensive, and then, you'll realise that the relationship may not be what you thought.
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
Celebrity Spotting!
Last night, I met up with a friend and the boys at the mexican Australian-owned restaurant Taco Bill in Brighton. We decided to have an early dinner as my boys were at Cartoon Camp at one of the local Brighton schools for the day, and it would be easier for us to just keeping going for dinner.
We got there a little before six and there was just my friend waiting for us, a table of four with a toddler (who was quite annoying) and another man sitting by himself at a table for eight... obviously waiting for the rest of his party. Within about half an hour, the table of four with the annoying toddler left and a new table for four arrived. It was a tall skinny man in baseball cap with the word 'Titlest' embroided on the back, two pre-teen kids (a boy who had a very stylish USA hoodie that looked more than expensive... that was my first observation) and a gorgeous petite lady who looked like she was around 20, with long dark hair.
My friend, who recognised one of the kids from all his newspaper reading, said "I think that's Shane Warne!" For all those who read my blog who don't know who Shane Warne is, he is a controversial, very talented Australian cricket player who is engaged to the beautiful Elizabeth Hurley. He sat with his back to us looking out to the street, with his son Jackson next to him, daughter Summer in front of him and this mystery 20 year old diagonally opposite him.
My friend and I decided we'd have a little fun with it. We wondered who this mystery woman was, as she looked too old to be one of the kid's friends, and she definitely wasn't Warne's oldest daughter with her colourings. Was she a young flame of Warnie's or could she just be the kids' nanny while they were on summer holidays. We thought the 'nanny' idea was possibly the most logical and kind.
Then we decided to see what they would order. First came out a line of toppings - salsa, guacamole and sour cream. Then a small plate of nachos for Jackson and a medium plate of nachos for the 'nanny.' There didn't seem to be any drinks accept water, and from my angle, I couldn't see if Summer or Shane were actually eating anything. But from my friend's view, he said Summer looked like she had a small plate of nachos too, but again unsure of the spin-king's meal, if he had one at all. But really, with all the publicity he's had about losing so much weight, possibly a nip and tuck here or there and his hair transplants, I'm sure there wouldn't be a carb of corn chip laden cheese, salsa & sour cream going into that mouth.
The conversation between the 20-20 cricketer and the mystery woman was very platonic, with no visual flirting or footsies under the table, so Lizzy is safe for now :)
After about forty-five minutes, Summer went to pay for the meal, and the foursome left, hardly touching the bowl of toppings in the middle of the table. The woman had eaten about three-quarters of her nachos, and besides the toppings, the rest of the table was cleared. Warnie thanked the staff at Taco Bill, and left.
But then it was weird. They walked in one direction, and then Warne walked back by himself smoking a cigarette without his family entourage. Was the 'nanny' taking the kids back to their mother's? Or back home while Warnie could have a night out with his mates? Hmmm... who knows? But it was fun thinking of what the possibilities could be!
We got there a little before six and there was just my friend waiting for us, a table of four with a toddler (who was quite annoying) and another man sitting by himself at a table for eight... obviously waiting for the rest of his party. Within about half an hour, the table of four with the annoying toddler left and a new table for four arrived. It was a tall skinny man in baseball cap with the word 'Titlest' embroided on the back, two pre-teen kids (a boy who had a very stylish USA hoodie that looked more than expensive... that was my first observation) and a gorgeous petite lady who looked like she was around 20, with long dark hair.
My friend, who recognised one of the kids from all his newspaper reading, said "I think that's Shane Warne!" For all those who read my blog who don't know who Shane Warne is, he is a controversial, very talented Australian cricket player who is engaged to the beautiful Elizabeth Hurley. He sat with his back to us looking out to the street, with his son Jackson next to him, daughter Summer in front of him and this mystery 20 year old diagonally opposite him.
My friend and I decided we'd have a little fun with it. We wondered who this mystery woman was, as she looked too old to be one of the kid's friends, and she definitely wasn't Warne's oldest daughter with her colourings. Was she a young flame of Warnie's or could she just be the kids' nanny while they were on summer holidays. We thought the 'nanny' idea was possibly the most logical and kind.
Then we decided to see what they would order. First came out a line of toppings - salsa, guacamole and sour cream. Then a small plate of nachos for Jackson and a medium plate of nachos for the 'nanny.' There didn't seem to be any drinks accept water, and from my angle, I couldn't see if Summer or Shane were actually eating anything. But from my friend's view, he said Summer looked like she had a small plate of nachos too, but again unsure of the spin-king's meal, if he had one at all. But really, with all the publicity he's had about losing so much weight, possibly a nip and tuck here or there and his hair transplants, I'm sure there wouldn't be a carb of corn chip laden cheese, salsa & sour cream going into that mouth.
The conversation between the 20-20 cricketer and the mystery woman was very platonic, with no visual flirting or footsies under the table, so Lizzy is safe for now :)
After about forty-five minutes, Summer went to pay for the meal, and the foursome left, hardly touching the bowl of toppings in the middle of the table. The woman had eaten about three-quarters of her nachos, and besides the toppings, the rest of the table was cleared. Warnie thanked the staff at Taco Bill, and left.
But then it was weird. They walked in one direction, and then Warne walked back by himself smoking a cigarette without his family entourage. Was the 'nanny' taking the kids back to their mother's? Or back home while Warnie could have a night out with his mates? Hmmm... who knows? But it was fun thinking of what the possibilities could be!
Monday, 7 January 2013
What Women Want...
It's really not that difficult to work out... all they want is an 'offer.' An offer that gives them love, honesty, commitment, 'grown up' responsibilities, compassion and an offer that puts her needs first. The offer has to consider her feelings for the man who requires her love and any mutual attraction. It doesn't need to be financial, it doesn't need to include children... what it does need is have a mutuality, commonality of interests and an agreement of who provides which roles within the relationship, if they are equally shared or not... but it needs to be an agreement that won't be begrudged over time.
Now, I know in reality that when you meet someone for the first time, essentially, when you try them on, you are not going to discover if the man you date is 'offer' kind of material. It's something that develops over time. Initially, you talk about possibilities, you talk about what you love about life, what you want in a relationship and what you want in life and you hope that they are compatible. Of course, you tell a couple of little lies to try and woo your suitor into liking you more if you feel a lustful attraction to him, or he gives you a couple of white lies to convince you more into liking him, but when reality hits, that's when the truth comes out. Either there were lies from the start in how he wanted the relationship to unfold, or there were lies from you. Or even lies to yourselves.... things you thought you wanted, but ultimately didn't. But lies don't work in a relationship, hence the reason why I'm so open in this blog and to those who know me. There is another thing though... denial. Denial that your partner wants what you want, when you weren't really listening to their fears, concerns and desires. And of course, it works both ways.
So how do you know if your 'offer' is possibly something that you would love to live with for the rest of your life? I guess you don't know, because as time changes, so do you. You discover new things about yourself, you discover that your interests are changing and you lose a sense of commonality. But you do have to go with your intuition. For happiness now and in the immediate future is what you wish for everyone, and in this life, you just can't think so far ahead as being grandparents together.
As I think of the list of suitors who have been interested in me over time, not one, not even my American lover or my ex husband, has given me a good enough 'offer'... the ultimate offer I deserve. All of them put their needs first, some don't know how to be a responsible man in terms of holding down a respectable job or be a responsible provider, some are highly dependent on other aspects in their life to make any significant changes, some are insecure, some are overly confident, some don't know how to romance a girl, some need a mother, some want to be rescued, some blame the world for their misfortunes and some think the world owes them something. I think most women relate to that... they know they either settled for an offer because they are desperate to be married or have kids, or they take an offer just to feel loved... and in time, those offers turn out to be duds and divorce.
Men really do need to step up to the plate and be more 'manly.' They need to show that they are a gentleman, that they know what their responsibilities are, they need to romance a woman, they need to show sincerity in how they care for and support their woman and they need to make trust possible. I know women want it 'all' - career, family, gorgeous husband, beautiful home, financial freedom and helping out with the school fundraisers, but in the end, we just want a man who can 'offer' to be a man in every loving, kind, responsible way possible.
Now, I know in reality that when you meet someone for the first time, essentially, when you try them on, you are not going to discover if the man you date is 'offer' kind of material. It's something that develops over time. Initially, you talk about possibilities, you talk about what you love about life, what you want in a relationship and what you want in life and you hope that they are compatible. Of course, you tell a couple of little lies to try and woo your suitor into liking you more if you feel a lustful attraction to him, or he gives you a couple of white lies to convince you more into liking him, but when reality hits, that's when the truth comes out. Either there were lies from the start in how he wanted the relationship to unfold, or there were lies from you. Or even lies to yourselves.... things you thought you wanted, but ultimately didn't. But lies don't work in a relationship, hence the reason why I'm so open in this blog and to those who know me. There is another thing though... denial. Denial that your partner wants what you want, when you weren't really listening to their fears, concerns and desires. And of course, it works both ways.
So how do you know if your 'offer' is possibly something that you would love to live with for the rest of your life? I guess you don't know, because as time changes, so do you. You discover new things about yourself, you discover that your interests are changing and you lose a sense of commonality. But you do have to go with your intuition. For happiness now and in the immediate future is what you wish for everyone, and in this life, you just can't think so far ahead as being grandparents together.
As I think of the list of suitors who have been interested in me over time, not one, not even my American lover or my ex husband, has given me a good enough 'offer'... the ultimate offer I deserve. All of them put their needs first, some don't know how to be a responsible man in terms of holding down a respectable job or be a responsible provider, some are highly dependent on other aspects in their life to make any significant changes, some are insecure, some are overly confident, some don't know how to romance a girl, some need a mother, some want to be rescued, some blame the world for their misfortunes and some think the world owes them something. I think most women relate to that... they know they either settled for an offer because they are desperate to be married or have kids, or they take an offer just to feel loved... and in time, those offers turn out to be duds and divorce.
Men really do need to step up to the plate and be more 'manly.' They need to show that they are a gentleman, that they know what their responsibilities are, they need to romance a woman, they need to show sincerity in how they care for and support their woman and they need to make trust possible. I know women want it 'all' - career, family, gorgeous husband, beautiful home, financial freedom and helping out with the school fundraisers, but in the end, we just want a man who can 'offer' to be a man in every loving, kind, responsible way possible.
Sunday, 6 January 2013
Bike Ride in the City
After our long (for us anyway!) bike ride last week, I struggled to get the boys off the couch and enjoy the outside again, especially since it's been so hot. But today was some light relief from the heat with the wind keeping the temperatures down. I convinced the boys to go on a 15 minute ride, just to get the bikes out, but also mentioned that we might catch a train to make the journey easier.
So after all the whining, we trekked off on our bikes to the train station to catch a train to the city. As you can see.... they knew it wasn't possible to be a 15 minute ride if we were to catch a train. Evidence No 1: Let's show mum we are already bored and pretend to sleep on the train!
So after all the whining, we trekked off on our bikes to the train station to catch a train to the city. As you can see.... they knew it wasn't possible to be a 15 minute ride if we were to catch a train. Evidence No 1: Let's show mum we are already bored and pretend to sleep on the train!
We got to the city and it was alive with the bustle of people. We decided to ride along the Yarra River enjoying the greenery of the banks and the calmness of the water. Many families, lovers and bike riders were out doing the same thing... enjoying our beautiful city on a lovely summer's day. We rode from Flinders Street station to Morrell Bridge in South Yarra, crossed the Yarra and returned back via Southbank Promenade to the station (shhh... don't tell the boys we could have gone via the bridge to South Yarra station to make the trip quicker!)
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| Views from Morrell Bridge |
We stopped on Southbank Promenade for a small snack, admiring the sculptures, the street performers and the tourists. There was an aboriginal man playing the didgeridoo, in all his tribal paints, and about 50 metres up from him, was a little boy who looked like he was about 4 years old and had just purchased a didgeridoo from a souvenir shop. He decided to play his didgeridoo, put his hat out for some money and see what would happen. There wasn't a crowd around him as such, but people were quietly looking from a distance at the distinct difference in buskers (I'm sure the little boy didn't have a busking permit) and seeing how the little boy's takings were affecting the authentic aboriginal busker. Quite amusing! (sorry there are no pics of the buskers!)
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| Southbank Promenade outside Freshwater Place |
After all the initial whinging that we were longer than '15 minutes,' somehow I had smiles on their faces at Flinders Street station on the way home. AND, I even had the comment from the 9 year old, that he's getting used to riding his bike now. Hmmm... where could we go next? Maybe up into Belgrave to chase Puffing Billy, the steam train? Who knows...
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Intuition or Curiosity...
How do you know if someone is keen on you? If it's a former love, a potential love or just the mad crazy guy from down the street... There are some you just wish would go away, as your interest in them is purely friendship even though you know they want more. Others, you feel the attraction each time you see them and wonder if it anything will come of it. But then there's the former ones... the one who your heart still burns for, and if ever they came back into your life, you would seriously consider getting back together with him.
So is it intuition that makes you think there is a mutuality in feelings with a potential love or former love or is it curiosity? For me and I'm sure it's the same for many other women, I feel my intuition tells me feelings are there...
I won't lie... I still send messages to my American lover probably once a week or fortnight. I rarely hear back, but I'm OK with that, because I know that he is trying to prove to his family that he is dedicated to them... he is regaining their trust after they found out about me. But my intuition tells me that he thinks of me every day, and I even have little pieces of evidence that he keeps tabs on me too. But is he keeping tabs on me for curiosity's sake or because he genuinely misses me and still needs to have me, in the smallest way, a part of his life? I don't know, but my intuition tells me that my name still comes up in conversations/arguments he has with his family or there is still some insecurity about my presence.
Then there is the potential love... I met him about 16 months ago at a property I went to. We'd been through the same hardships with divorce and had a fairly long chat about it at the time. Now, I generally don't see people out of the course of writing their homes up, but I keep bumping into this guy in the most unusual places, and, besides the supermarket, I don't think we've been in the same suburb twice. He's always willing to stop for a chat... I've seen him jogging in Black Rock, buying a smoothie in Hampton, on the job in Mentone and funnily enough, tonight, I saw him through the window having dinner in Brighton with a couple (he was without partner... unless she was on a bathroom break) at one of my favourite restaurants. His face lit up when he saw me, but as the gentleman he is, he smiled mouthed through the window 'how are you?' and I asked him if he was well, and he nodded, gave his lovely smile, waved goodbye and continued with the conversation he had with his dinner party. For some reason, I just feel lucky that I keep bumping into him and I am in no rush for anything to happen, as I feel one day, it just may be...
As for the others... my heart knows what it wants, and my mind knows what I deserve. And I have to trust my heart and my head... if it doesn't feel right, I say 'No' and I say 'No' often, but most don't listen. Their incessant ignorance for my wishes just tell me that they aren't right for me and only have their own interests at heart, not mine. That's my strong intuition at it's best! Men are curious souls... they explore, tempt, do everything in their power just to find out what all the fuss is about, but they can't see when women are putting up the stop signals and have no idea how to respect a woman's wishes. They keep pushing till they get what they want.
So I guess, if women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, then women go with their intuition, their gut feeling always, where men often just go with their curiosity to find out about the unknown. Frustrating, isn't it?
So is it intuition that makes you think there is a mutuality in feelings with a potential love or former love or is it curiosity? For me and I'm sure it's the same for many other women, I feel my intuition tells me feelings are there...
I won't lie... I still send messages to my American lover probably once a week or fortnight. I rarely hear back, but I'm OK with that, because I know that he is trying to prove to his family that he is dedicated to them... he is regaining their trust after they found out about me. But my intuition tells me that he thinks of me every day, and I even have little pieces of evidence that he keeps tabs on me too. But is he keeping tabs on me for curiosity's sake or because he genuinely misses me and still needs to have me, in the smallest way, a part of his life? I don't know, but my intuition tells me that my name still comes up in conversations/arguments he has with his family or there is still some insecurity about my presence.
Then there is the potential love... I met him about 16 months ago at a property I went to. We'd been through the same hardships with divorce and had a fairly long chat about it at the time. Now, I generally don't see people out of the course of writing their homes up, but I keep bumping into this guy in the most unusual places, and, besides the supermarket, I don't think we've been in the same suburb twice. He's always willing to stop for a chat... I've seen him jogging in Black Rock, buying a smoothie in Hampton, on the job in Mentone and funnily enough, tonight, I saw him through the window having dinner in Brighton with a couple (he was without partner... unless she was on a bathroom break) at one of my favourite restaurants. His face lit up when he saw me, but as the gentleman he is, he smiled mouthed through the window 'how are you?' and I asked him if he was well, and he nodded, gave his lovely smile, waved goodbye and continued with the conversation he had with his dinner party. For some reason, I just feel lucky that I keep bumping into him and I am in no rush for anything to happen, as I feel one day, it just may be...
As for the others... my heart knows what it wants, and my mind knows what I deserve. And I have to trust my heart and my head... if it doesn't feel right, I say 'No' and I say 'No' often, but most don't listen. Their incessant ignorance for my wishes just tell me that they aren't right for me and only have their own interests at heart, not mine. That's my strong intuition at it's best! Men are curious souls... they explore, tempt, do everything in their power just to find out what all the fuss is about, but they can't see when women are putting up the stop signals and have no idea how to respect a woman's wishes. They keep pushing till they get what they want.
So I guess, if women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, then women go with their intuition, their gut feeling always, where men often just go with their curiosity to find out about the unknown. Frustrating, isn't it?
Thursday, 3 January 2013
A Day of Wine, Beach and Acceptance
The boys and I had their cousins from Western Australia come over for a play. They are cousins from 'the other side' who have a gorgeous mum who thankfully understands all the crap that divorce, parental responsibility and hardships can cause within a family, as she has been through it all too. She just wanted her kids to have some time with their cousins, as I do, without the B.S. of divided families getting involved.
We had a 'grazing lunch' of cold cuts, sour dough bread, dukkah, guacamole, cheese, salad vegetables and summer fruits before heading down to the beach. I told her we had a couple of options... we could go down to the marine sanctuary at Ricketts Point and do some snorkelling which is usually a bit of a hidden secret, but The Age decided to publish an article about how much of a 'hidden secret' it is of marine wildlife on our doorstep today, so I expected that the whole world would want to check it out on a 36 degree Celsius day. The other option was to go down the street to the closest beach, avoid Half Moon Bay as all the northern suburb tourists take over, and enjoy the quiet of the beach that only the locals know. We made it to the car park and there were plenty of parks to choose (and parks with shade), and walked down to the foreshore.
It was stunning! And as you can see, not crowded at all! The water was a tropical blue/green accentuating the white sand. We plonked our towels down against the rocky groyne and walked into the soothing cool water. As we waded in the crystal clear water, the rocks were laden with thousands of mussels and abalone. It was a marine sanctuary of its own. We even found a dead crab boiled in a rock pool ready to eat (not that we did!). The kids had a ball playing with their water pistols, and we mums enjoyed the relaxing nature that the beach provides. We could see on the other side of the bluff, how busy Half Moon Bay was with its congested colour of umbrellas, beach shelters and bodies, so we were happy with our choice of beach.
We came home after a couple of hours, via the milk bar for some frozen slurpees for the kids, and my ex-sister-in-law and I enjoyed a bottle of wine on the porch while the kids played Skylanders inside. We talked about how she has coped with her separation, and I divulged some information about how we've been coping.
However, she had some wise words to say... never go into a relationship on the premise of 'helping him'... find someone who's willing to help you or enhance your life, not overwhelm it. And accept at all the mutual benefits for everyone when a relationship ends. They are wise words, however it's hard to break that nature to 'help' people when it's embedded into you.
After we realised we finished the bottle of wine, she packed up her kids and returned to the mother ship :) It was great for the kids to catch up, because she does have amazing kids, and it's becoming more and more obvious to me, that kids from broken relationships have been through so much, that their emotional maturity is so much more enhanced, their happiness in accepting what they do have and their understanding in what they don't have, their parents together, is extremely humbling.
We had a 'grazing lunch' of cold cuts, sour dough bread, dukkah, guacamole, cheese, salad vegetables and summer fruits before heading down to the beach. I told her we had a couple of options... we could go down to the marine sanctuary at Ricketts Point and do some snorkelling which is usually a bit of a hidden secret, but The Age decided to publish an article about how much of a 'hidden secret' it is of marine wildlife on our doorstep today, so I expected that the whole world would want to check it out on a 36 degree Celsius day. The other option was to go down the street to the closest beach, avoid Half Moon Bay as all the northern suburb tourists take over, and enjoy the quiet of the beach that only the locals know. We made it to the car park and there were plenty of parks to choose (and parks with shade), and walked down to the foreshore.
It was stunning! And as you can see, not crowded at all! The water was a tropical blue/green accentuating the white sand. We plonked our towels down against the rocky groyne and walked into the soothing cool water. As we waded in the crystal clear water, the rocks were laden with thousands of mussels and abalone. It was a marine sanctuary of its own. We even found a dead crab boiled in a rock pool ready to eat (not that we did!). The kids had a ball playing with their water pistols, and we mums enjoyed the relaxing nature that the beach provides. We could see on the other side of the bluff, how busy Half Moon Bay was with its congested colour of umbrellas, beach shelters and bodies, so we were happy with our choice of beach.
We came home after a couple of hours, via the milk bar for some frozen slurpees for the kids, and my ex-sister-in-law and I enjoyed a bottle of wine on the porch while the kids played Skylanders inside. We talked about how she has coped with her separation, and I divulged some information about how we've been coping.
However, she had some wise words to say... never go into a relationship on the premise of 'helping him'... find someone who's willing to help you or enhance your life, not overwhelm it. And accept at all the mutual benefits for everyone when a relationship ends. They are wise words, however it's hard to break that nature to 'help' people when it's embedded into you.
After we realised we finished the bottle of wine, she packed up her kids and returned to the mother ship :) It was great for the kids to catch up, because she does have amazing kids, and it's becoming more and more obvious to me, that kids from broken relationships have been through so much, that their emotional maturity is so much more enhanced, their happiness in accepting what they do have and their understanding in what they don't have, their parents together, is extremely humbling.
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
The Blackboard
These school holidays, I introduced the 'blackboard!' It's positioned outside my bedroom door on the outer wall, only I'm allowed to write on it and it outlines what we are going to do that day. The point of the blackboard is to let the 'peeps of the house' know what is happening when they wake up in the morning, know what's expected and essentially, when it's all done, they have free time.
We've had everything on it from going to doing homework, gardening, cleaning the house, outings to friend's houses, going for bike rides, to quiet days and rewards if things are done by a certain time. Yesterday, my 9 year old wanted to go go-karting, and we had it on the blackboard that we would, but by the time we had everything done on the blackboard, it was 4pm. I had a look at the website for the go-kart place he wanted to go to, and they closed at 5pm which would have been pointless trying to get there. We had tears and all sorts, so I explained if he didn't fuss about so much, then we would have had time. So today, he understood that getting it done early meant that we could go... which we did. We got there at 12.30pm... a much better improvement to our family productivity! (But then again, New Years Day, you're allowed a sleep in!)
My boys have been a little cheeky and have rubbed off a couple of things before I wake up in the morning, but I've now told them that instead of 4 pages of homework for the day, they will do 6 pages... so they understand now not to mess with me and the blackboard!
I plan to continue the use of the blackboard when school's back, just to get some organisation and understanding with my boys to be on top of things. If it's their homework, sports practice, chores around the house, friend's play dates or even explaining that I need some quiet time because I have too much work to do.
So far, a little over a week into having the 'blackboard' as part of the family, there is still positivity to it. The boys understand that the items on the blackboard are the necessities and happenings of the day. Let's hope it continues :)
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
First Day of the New Year
As all New Years Day's tend to be, today was a day of new beginnings. A day of hope, a day of enjoying the small things, a day of appreciation for what you have - not what you don't have, a day of aspiring to bring your goals to fruition and a day of setting new standards that you want to continue throughout the year. God knows I need to lose a few kilos, finish my book, help my boys more with their schooling, exercise more and enjoy my surrounds. So as time permits, some of these things are able to happen... but when the working day becomes overwhelming again, reality sets in and some of these things fall away.
But you have to give yourself a start... so today was a day to better our environment to give us something happy, relaxing and appealing to look at. Instead of looking at the crappy old falling apart barbecue that greets us at our front door that we can't do anything about as it's a fixture to the rental apartment, today we decided to pretty it up. We bought pots, potting mix, some garden ornaments, a watering can, some herbs and some cottage colour of some of my favourite flowering colour...
And I was really happy, because I've been looking for a certain style of daisy for years to dress up a garden, the kind of daisy that grows in a dense bunch of white petals and yellow centres that just looks like a mass of cheery happiness, and today I found them! I found a lovely established pot of English lavender, some yellow daisies, red geraniums and a few other brightly coloured flowering beauties to go with my country cottage theme. I dedicated a pot to some strawberries that can grow randomly around the ricketty old barbecue, and we potted a long planter box of chives, parsley, coriander, dill and thyme. I added a candle lit lantern, a distressed looking ceramic bird and an old style watering can that's jazzed up in a Spring Green colour, but still looks right at home.
But you have to give yourself a start... so today was a day to better our environment to give us something happy, relaxing and appealing to look at. Instead of looking at the crappy old falling apart barbecue that greets us at our front door that we can't do anything about as it's a fixture to the rental apartment, today we decided to pretty it up. We bought pots, potting mix, some garden ornaments, a watering can, some herbs and some cottage colour of some of my favourite flowering colour...
And I was really happy, because I've been looking for a certain style of daisy for years to dress up a garden, the kind of daisy that grows in a dense bunch of white petals and yellow centres that just looks like a mass of cheery happiness, and today I found them! I found a lovely established pot of English lavender, some yellow daisies, red geraniums and a few other brightly coloured flowering beauties to go with my country cottage theme. I dedicated a pot to some strawberries that can grow randomly around the ricketty old barbecue, and we potted a long planter box of chives, parsley, coriander, dill and thyme. I added a candle lit lantern, a distressed looking ceramic bird and an old style watering can that's jazzed up in a Spring Green colour, but still looks right at home.
So hopefully, as things grow, we won't see the leaning legs of the barbecue, breathe in the beautiful scents of the lavender and herbs, and we'll be able to enjoy the herbs in our cooking. I might have to add a few more pots over time, but for now, it's something that brings life to our secluded entrance away from the other apartments.
It really doesn't take much to make home more homely, giving it a more positive energy for the start of the year. Let's hope it's the making of more positive things to come! :)
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