I often say to my kids that people can say all they want in the world to you, but unless they don't back them up with actions, then what they say, doesn't mean diddly-squat. So, I insist that if they are going to say they are going to do something, DO IT!! If you say to someone you are going to be their friend, BE their friend, if you say you love someone, SHOW them that you love them by being affectionate or thinking outside yourself and offering some help, guidance or friendship, if you say you're going to help them move house, DO it in the way they need help, not in the way you THINK they need help. Never backtrack on the words you say...
Life is always a string of disappointments, but once you start hiding from your responsibilities, your friendships or even hiding the reality of who you are because you are fearful of who you've actually become, then those disappointments compound and the people who care for you question the virtues in who you are. If you stay true to yourself, be honest in how you feel, and honour your word, your actions will be felt ten fold by the people in your life to whom you have touched.
Many of my friends who are single mums, see ulterior motives behind their ex-husbands who want to care for their kids. And those same mums go on dates and see the potential in men showing they care, but in reality, they only want to get laid, or worse, need someone to look after them again. Most single men don't care for the needs of their women and kids, they only care for their own needs. They tend to divorce their kids as well as their ex-wives as they feel they have lost their primary carer and don't know how to make the effort to be a responsible parent. Some people would classify them as a narcissist.
I have one friend who's husband tells the world how much he loves and misses his kids, but does he call them, make time to see them, attend their school or sports functions, make them feel special on their birthdays? No. Doesn't do a thing. But then blames his ex-wife for poisoning his kids into thinking horrible things about him. What he doesn't get is, it is HE who is constantly disappointing his kids, not his ex-wife as he doesn't make them a priority in his life.
And the same goes with friendships... if a friend cares about you, loves you and appreciates your friendship, they will do anything to make sure they are ok. I have friends who I know are in the flood-stricken areas of Australia right now, so I check to see if they are ok. Some of these friends are people who just linger in the distance on my Facebook pages, others are some of the best friends I've ever had. But a friend will always be there to say Hi, see how they are, and share with you the highlights, and sometimes lowlights of their life. But when a friend says that they are a 'friend' and your friendship is a little one sided, you wonder why they say one thing, and do another. They are being untruthful to themselves because they can't honour their own word.
So no matter how many people disappoint you, know that the best thing you can ever do is back your words up with your actions. Know that you're doing the right thing, and somehow, people will come into your life who respect you and value your friendship and all the riff-raff will fade away.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
End of School Holiday Fun!
This weekend we were supposed to go to Sydney, but due to unforeseen circumstances and a not very well child, it has had to be postponed for the moment... Yesterday, the boys let me have some hours to myself, which was nice, but today was a today for us to have some family fun!
We decided to venture up to the city by train and see what mischief we could get up to.
We decided to venture up to the city by train and see what mischief we could get up to.
We got off the train at Melbourne Central. Somehow he was excited that we were in the 'subway' which I know we have been plenty of times before, but it could have been the first time we actually got off at a station within the 'subway' (which in Melbourne, we call the City Loop!) This was what was above the 'subway'...
A heritage listed 'shot tower' encased in a glass cone (and a shopping centre!)
We decided to go bowling, at supposedly the 'best ten-pin bowling alley in Melbourne' according to some Top 10 Best and Worst Bowling Alley's website I found. It was Strike Bowling in the QV Building. We were lucky to be the first one there for the day, so we had the place to ourselves, for about.... ummm.... 15 minutes.
We played 2 games... my 11 year old won the first game (because the guards were down for me, whereas the boys relied on the guards to let them bounce all over the place and get some fluke shots!) And my 9 year old won the second game due to his unorthodox tactics.
We had some amazing fries with ketchup and aioli (must admit, were probably the best fries I've ever had!). They then played some foosball, and some air-hockey.
We then came out of the dungeon of the neon-lit bowling alley back up to street level and walked through the city, watching the street performers, the horses and carriages and the colourful people that make up our great city. We ventured down to Southgate and found Chill On - the Ice Lounge. We were told we couldn't take photos inside, but I sneaked in a couple!!
The boys played some air-hockey on an ice table, as well as noughts and crosses on a second ice table. We drank our cocktails/mocktails in ice glasses and admired all the amazing ice sculptures within the -10 degree cold room.
We then chilled out (or should I say defrosted) at the Transport Bar at Federation Square for a late lunch before taking the train back home.
Another fun day... tomorrow will be the last day we get to enjoy the holidays together before they are back at school (due to it being a public holiday). Who knows what we will be up to!
Saturday, 26 January 2013
$18.50
At around 6pm tonight I received a text message from my dear friend. Her friend, who I had met a few times needed a friend to go out with tonight. So I obliged, thinking it would be a couple of hours, enjoying some adult company and then I would come home.... how wrong was I!
I picked up my friend with every intention to drive home, therefore only have a couple of drinks. She asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine before we left, but I was worried about starting something that would not be 'ideal' behind the wheel. So we went to the pub and started our night there. On the way, she told me she was meeting a 'male' friend who was from her golf club. I went along for the ride, not knowing if she liked him or if it was just an excuse to go out.
When we arrived at the pub, he was already there. A slightly silver haired man, tall, tanned, wearing glasses, but seemed to have that trendy hip look about him. He was drinking a glass of red wine when we arrived, so us girls ordered the special - $5 sparkling wine as the Australia Day 'special' for the night.
My friend shouted me the first drink, the silver fox the second, I ordered drinks for the third round and then she went back for the fourth... but the third, I decided to leave my car behind and pick it up in the morning. My friend was noticeably a little tipsy, so the debonair man, who just happened to have a son who is five years younger than me, said he would take us home.
It was about 10.30pm when we decided to call the night off. He drove us towards our home, but then made a detour to a place we could get coffee.... but unfortunately, the place was closed. He said he knew a great place in Oakleigh, which is about a 20 minute drive away. We were fine about it, even though the back seat passenger of my friend was feeling a little tired and eager to get home.
He took a right hand turn, which wasn't the way to Oakleigh and we ended up outside of the mall. I said that there should be a cafe open here for the late night cinemas. So we went inside and found the cinema cafe still open. We ordered some hot drinks, had a few laughs and thought we would be sneaky and see if we could catch a flick.
As we approached the entrance of the 'ticket only area', an usher approached us asking to see our tickets. We casually walked passed and said 'we just need to use the restroom.' He was fine with it, and we walked on by.
After we did our business, my friend and I, and our silver haired fox, just took pot luck and walked into Cinema 5. There were people sitting down and the movie previews were running. We took a seat in the back row, having no idea what movie we would be seeing, and waited for the house lights to dim.
We were greeted with the solemn sounds of Tarintino's "Django Unwanted." My friend and I 'high-fived' each other, as it was something we both wanted to see. We sat there laughing, annoying the other patrons, who seemed to move to the other side of the cinema after they couldn't stand our banter about the cinematography, special effects and well made-up big-name actors.
But, my goodness, the movie was looooooonnnnnggggg.... we thought about getting up a couple of times and walking out, but there was a little twist that we wanted to see. We ended up getting out in the end when the movie became unbelievable and looked like a scene from an Australian outback western rather than a scene from the south of the United States.... It was 2.05am....oops!
Our chauffeur in waiting drove us back home... he took my friend home first, then dropped me off, insisting on a kiss and hoping for another night at the movies in the future. Told me that I seemed 'level-headed.' Things a girl likes to hear about herself... not!
But it was a funny night! Unexpected with two people I never anticipated I'd have a fun Saturday night out with, and all it cost me was $18.50 (and possibly a train ticket in the morning to pick up my car!)
I picked up my friend with every intention to drive home, therefore only have a couple of drinks. She asked if I wanted to have a glass of wine before we left, but I was worried about starting something that would not be 'ideal' behind the wheel. So we went to the pub and started our night there. On the way, she told me she was meeting a 'male' friend who was from her golf club. I went along for the ride, not knowing if she liked him or if it was just an excuse to go out.
When we arrived at the pub, he was already there. A slightly silver haired man, tall, tanned, wearing glasses, but seemed to have that trendy hip look about him. He was drinking a glass of red wine when we arrived, so us girls ordered the special - $5 sparkling wine as the Australia Day 'special' for the night.
My friend shouted me the first drink, the silver fox the second, I ordered drinks for the third round and then she went back for the fourth... but the third, I decided to leave my car behind and pick it up in the morning. My friend was noticeably a little tipsy, so the debonair man, who just happened to have a son who is five years younger than me, said he would take us home.
It was about 10.30pm when we decided to call the night off. He drove us towards our home, but then made a detour to a place we could get coffee.... but unfortunately, the place was closed. He said he knew a great place in Oakleigh, which is about a 20 minute drive away. We were fine about it, even though the back seat passenger of my friend was feeling a little tired and eager to get home.
He took a right hand turn, which wasn't the way to Oakleigh and we ended up outside of the mall. I said that there should be a cafe open here for the late night cinemas. So we went inside and found the cinema cafe still open. We ordered some hot drinks, had a few laughs and thought we would be sneaky and see if we could catch a flick.
As we approached the entrance of the 'ticket only area', an usher approached us asking to see our tickets. We casually walked passed and said 'we just need to use the restroom.' He was fine with it, and we walked on by.
After we did our business, my friend and I, and our silver haired fox, just took pot luck and walked into Cinema 5. There were people sitting down and the movie previews were running. We took a seat in the back row, having no idea what movie we would be seeing, and waited for the house lights to dim.
We were greeted with the solemn sounds of Tarintino's "Django Unwanted." My friend and I 'high-fived' each other, as it was something we both wanted to see. We sat there laughing, annoying the other patrons, who seemed to move to the other side of the cinema after they couldn't stand our banter about the cinematography, special effects and well made-up big-name actors.
But, my goodness, the movie was looooooonnnnnggggg.... we thought about getting up a couple of times and walking out, but there was a little twist that we wanted to see. We ended up getting out in the end when the movie became unbelievable and looked like a scene from an Australian outback western rather than a scene from the south of the United States.... It was 2.05am....oops!
Our chauffeur in waiting drove us back home... he took my friend home first, then dropped me off, insisting on a kiss and hoping for another night at the movies in the future. Told me that I seemed 'level-headed.' Things a girl likes to hear about herself... not!
But it was a funny night! Unexpected with two people I never anticipated I'd have a fun Saturday night out with, and all it cost me was $18.50 (and possibly a train ticket in the morning to pick up my car!)
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Build a Bed!
Today, we were welcomed home with 6 big boxes. No they weren't from a secret admirer, they were brand new bunk beds I bought for the boys from Sydney only two days ago. I was told they would turn up sometime next week, but somehow, they arrived today. So the boys were excited and 'build a bed' we did!
Somehow, we had to get these flat packs to look like bunk beds. And on a 37 degree Celsius day, it wouldn't be pretty. I tried to get both boys to help, but my sorrowful little one has been up and down with tonsillitis over the last 11 days and doesn't seem to be getting better, so he, when he felt right, was in charge of the rubbish clean up.
We put the ends together first, but somehow, still got them a little wrong and had to pull them apart! My 11 year old was happy working the allen key, while his brother pretended to lying in his bed (or the fortress that makes up the top bunk!)
At this stage, it was still early days, as he's smiling. It really wasn't until we had to put the slats on that we realised how much work was involved.
Here is the pale faced sickie, still in his PJs!
Here he is having a break while I slave over the tiny little screws that need to go into each slate. (Would have used the power drill to screw them in, but it wasn't charged!)
After the first row of hand screwing the little screws in, the power drill was ready, and I powered my way through the rest of them. Just wished I had an allen key drill attachment (and please don't write to me telling me that I could have easily put the allen key in the chuck of the power drill... otherwise I will cry, my hands are that sore!)
Finishing touches - putting on the ladder.
And after it was all put together, we went down to the mall and bought some new bed linen - a grey Union Jack for the top bunk, and a word map of the City of London on the bottom bunk..
Now we just have to make the trundle... think I might leave that one for the weekend.
I am very proud of my little helpers, especially my 11 year old who went out of his way to make my life easier. And then my 9 year old sickie gave us a much needed drinks break just when it felt overwhelming. The scary thing will be, whenever we move out, I just hope we can get it out!!
Monday, 21 January 2013
Karma...
I heard some interesting news today about someone who was once close to me, and the friendship is no longer due to differences of values, responsibilities and our friendship just faded away. He has booked himself an expensive holiday while his ex-wife works and looks after their children full time, and he takes on no financial or physical responsibility for his kids. (Almost sounds like my ex husband!!)
So while he's out having a great time, traveling the world, his ex-wife struggles to put food on the table because he doesn't pay his child support. He's told his brothers and sisters that he doesn't have to pay child support because his ex-wife ended up with everything when they settled their property.
The person who told me the story said the ex-wife is upset for her kids that her ex isn't doing the right thing by them, but is tired of getting angry with him anymore. She sees it as wasted energy and somehow, she knows deep down, that karma will come back to him when he least expects it.
And I was thinking, it's true. The universe has a unique way of making life bad for those who don't do the right thing by society or even their own kids. The universe will somehow show this 'dead beat dad' what his responsibilities to his kids actually are.
Why do us single mums worry about what our stupid ex-husbands or partners do when they don't live up to the responsibilities of being a father? A father who financially supports his children, a father who spends quality time with them in his time, a father who actively participates in their activities, look after them when they are sick, a father who is not just 'fun dad' but also 'parental dad.' As long as the single mums are doing the right thing by their kids, then we shouldn't have to worry about why our kids are being let down constantly by their former partners, and just show them the love that they have from you, and that's all that matters. Our children will cherish that more and realise who's always been there for them and not worry about who they are missing in their lives.
It's interesting... but my youngest son has been saying for about 12 months now that he 'wishes he had a dad again.' Not 'his' dad, or 'the' dad, just a dad who could do male things with him. And I get that. You don't have to be a blood relation to give a child the joy of feeling wanted, looked after or have a bond that's similar to that of a father and son. And I'm glad my youngest son now gets it.
I don't have to tell my kids anymore how much their father is self-centred, they know. They have been hurt enough by his lies and lack of action and attention to know who he is. Karma will always deal him a bad break until he does right. He will constantly blame the world for his misfortunes, and that's his problem, as it is my ex-friend's problem, not mine or my ex-friend's ex-wife's problem, so there's no need to worry anymore... just enjoy the love and life you have with your kids and cherish every moment.
So while he's out having a great time, traveling the world, his ex-wife struggles to put food on the table because he doesn't pay his child support. He's told his brothers and sisters that he doesn't have to pay child support because his ex-wife ended up with everything when they settled their property.
The person who told me the story said the ex-wife is upset for her kids that her ex isn't doing the right thing by them, but is tired of getting angry with him anymore. She sees it as wasted energy and somehow, she knows deep down, that karma will come back to him when he least expects it.
And I was thinking, it's true. The universe has a unique way of making life bad for those who don't do the right thing by society or even their own kids. The universe will somehow show this 'dead beat dad' what his responsibilities to his kids actually are.
Why do us single mums worry about what our stupid ex-husbands or partners do when they don't live up to the responsibilities of being a father? A father who financially supports his children, a father who spends quality time with them in his time, a father who actively participates in their activities, look after them when they are sick, a father who is not just 'fun dad' but also 'parental dad.' As long as the single mums are doing the right thing by their kids, then we shouldn't have to worry about why our kids are being let down constantly by their former partners, and just show them the love that they have from you, and that's all that matters. Our children will cherish that more and realise who's always been there for them and not worry about who they are missing in their lives.
It's interesting... but my youngest son has been saying for about 12 months now that he 'wishes he had a dad again.' Not 'his' dad, or 'the' dad, just a dad who could do male things with him. And I get that. You don't have to be a blood relation to give a child the joy of feeling wanted, looked after or have a bond that's similar to that of a father and son. And I'm glad my youngest son now gets it.
I don't have to tell my kids anymore how much their father is self-centred, they know. They have been hurt enough by his lies and lack of action and attention to know who he is. Karma will always deal him a bad break until he does right. He will constantly blame the world for his misfortunes, and that's his problem, as it is my ex-friend's problem, not mine or my ex-friend's ex-wife's problem, so there's no need to worry anymore... just enjoy the love and life you have with your kids and cherish every moment.
Saturday, 19 January 2013
Sizing Things Up
As I told you yesterday, I'm back on the 'lifestyle eating plan' to shed a few kilos (target 67 by end of May 2013). However before Christmas, I desperately needed to buy myself a new wardrobe, so I headed to a shop, tried on a few too many items, and somehow walked out of a shop $1400 poorer and 12 new garments. Considering I had only replaced my jeans throughout the year, I decided 'why not?' and just did it.
The weird thing was, as I bought everything from the same shop, I came out with 3 different size clothes. Sizes 12, 14 & 16. Most were size 12, which shocked me, knowing that I was a size 12 in most my clothes when I was 8-10 kilos lighter, however my ass made my pants that little bit bigger. But even when I went to try on jeans only months beforehand, I went to one shop, tried on 2 different styles of jeans - one style I was almost heartbroken because I couldn't get the Size 16 jeans past my thighs, but when I tried on a Size 13 pair of jeans in a different style, they fitted like a glove. How can this be so?
It makes you think why women are so confused about body shape, hung up on dress sizes and afraid of shopping when they have put on a few extra kilos, because the retail outlets and manufacturers have no idea about consistency. Or is it their ploy to make all women less interested in size and more interested in feeling comfortable and proud of who they are?
The boutique I splashed out at was a dedicated Australian owned, Australian manufacturing women's retailer, so knowing that I was supporting the local economy was a good reason to spend more than I really wanted to. But it doesn't justify why their sizing is all over the place. What happened to Australian/International standards? And how can anyone suggest that my F cup boobs fit into any top that's a size 12 and be baggy? What other types of 'Size 12' women are there, as they definitely don't cater for F cups readily in the bra department (I usually have to go to a specialised bra manufacturer). And since when should a Size 12 women's BMI be sitting on the edge of 'Overweight and Obese?' Size 12 used to be a size that suggested that you were a comfortable size - not skinny model making material, but not holding up a muffin top. I have the muffin top, so how can I be a size 12?
Marilyn Monroe was said to be the poster girl for Size 12. But she was reported to weigh about 54kgs. I'm sorry, but that's 30kgs less than what I weigh at the moment! (now there's some honesty!) I found an article that states that after measuring her clothes, her clothes would be what we could consider being a Size 8-10 now, but the same article also says that due to 'vanity sizing' sizes that 'today's size 10 is smaller than the size 10 from 50 years ago.' How can that be? If Monroe was a size 12 back then, and I'm a size 12 now, that would mean that I should be 50kgs, not 84! Her measurements were said to be 36-23-37. My bra size is a 34F, which means that I am smaller than Marilyn in the back, but when I measure them with a tape measure, I'm 40 inches in the back. So why has my Australian owned, Australian manufacturing bra company deceived me into thinking that I'm 6 inches less in the back than I really am?
Clothing manufacturers need to stop deceiving women and possibly men into thinking they are smaller than they actually are. I would rather be told that I'm a Size 20 and do something about it because it's demoralising being that size, than wear mislabelled size 12 clothes that make me think that it's ok to eat that extra piece of chocolate cake because I'm a size 12, so I'm not that fat.
And you wonder, why there's an obesity epidemic!!!
Source:
http://www.examiner.com/article/health-weight-how-big-was-marilyn-monroe-what-size-dress-did-she-wear
The weird thing was, as I bought everything from the same shop, I came out with 3 different size clothes. Sizes 12, 14 & 16. Most were size 12, which shocked me, knowing that I was a size 12 in most my clothes when I was 8-10 kilos lighter, however my ass made my pants that little bit bigger. But even when I went to try on jeans only months beforehand, I went to one shop, tried on 2 different styles of jeans - one style I was almost heartbroken because I couldn't get the Size 16 jeans past my thighs, but when I tried on a Size 13 pair of jeans in a different style, they fitted like a glove. How can this be so?
It makes you think why women are so confused about body shape, hung up on dress sizes and afraid of shopping when they have put on a few extra kilos, because the retail outlets and manufacturers have no idea about consistency. Or is it their ploy to make all women less interested in size and more interested in feeling comfortable and proud of who they are?
The boutique I splashed out at was a dedicated Australian owned, Australian manufacturing women's retailer, so knowing that I was supporting the local economy was a good reason to spend more than I really wanted to. But it doesn't justify why their sizing is all over the place. What happened to Australian/International standards? And how can anyone suggest that my F cup boobs fit into any top that's a size 12 and be baggy? What other types of 'Size 12' women are there, as they definitely don't cater for F cups readily in the bra department (I usually have to go to a specialised bra manufacturer). And since when should a Size 12 women's BMI be sitting on the edge of 'Overweight and Obese?' Size 12 used to be a size that suggested that you were a comfortable size - not skinny model making material, but not holding up a muffin top. I have the muffin top, so how can I be a size 12?
Marilyn Monroe was said to be the poster girl for Size 12. But she was reported to weigh about 54kgs. I'm sorry, but that's 30kgs less than what I weigh at the moment! (now there's some honesty!) I found an article that states that after measuring her clothes, her clothes would be what we could consider being a Size 8-10 now, but the same article also says that due to 'vanity sizing' sizes that 'today's size 10 is smaller than the size 10 from 50 years ago.' How can that be? If Monroe was a size 12 back then, and I'm a size 12 now, that would mean that I should be 50kgs, not 84! Her measurements were said to be 36-23-37. My bra size is a 34F, which means that I am smaller than Marilyn in the back, but when I measure them with a tape measure, I'm 40 inches in the back. So why has my Australian owned, Australian manufacturing bra company deceived me into thinking that I'm 6 inches less in the back than I really am?
Clothing manufacturers need to stop deceiving women and possibly men into thinking they are smaller than they actually are. I would rather be told that I'm a Size 20 and do something about it because it's demoralising being that size, than wear mislabelled size 12 clothes that make me think that it's ok to eat that extra piece of chocolate cake because I'm a size 12, so I'm not that fat.
And you wonder, why there's an obesity epidemic!!!
Source:
http://www.examiner.com/article/health-weight-how-big-was-marilyn-monroe-what-size-dress-did-she-wear
Friday, 18 January 2013
Restoring Your Beliefs
Today has been a major turning point for me... A friend has come back into my life, a friend who means the world to me, a friend who left in such a hurry I had no idea if our friendship was a big fat lie and I had made it all up in my head. And by them exiting my life, I had lost the beliefs in everything that meant something to me. I lost the belief in myself and stacked on 6kgs in 6 months, I lost the belief in what was the right thing to do, I lost the belief in trusting people, I lost the belief in what the universe wants from me, I lost my belief in love, I lost the belief in believing.
I struggled to identify that I meant anything to anyone, besides my boys, without hidden agenda. Men repulsed me in almost every way because they all seem to just want to take advantage of my vulnerabilities, hence the reason why there hasn't been much 'sex' in my 'Sex and the Single Mum' lately. I believed so much in this friendship, I believed so much that what we had was real, that I had found my most pure happiness, I believed that someone genuinely loved being in my presence every day for ME, and nothing else, and then it was all taken away from me... Nothing felt right anymore, as I was told just before they exited my life that I couldn't be loved by my friend, I was wrong to be in their life as I went against all their moral and religious values. So as you can imagine, to be told that everything that you believed in was wrong, makes you feel incredibly lost, as you lose all your beliefs and question everything that's important to you and how actually real it was.
So as my friend has restored the faith in other relationships, my friend has been able to find a way in a small way, to include me. They told me that what we had will always be special, that I am still loved and in another place and time, we would still have what we had. They apologised for the hurt and anguish I was put through, and they restored my belief in what we had and that I am special to the person who found the happiness within me. Knowing that, knowing that I could trust my own feelings and intuition, that I could believe in telling the truth and it would do good, is all I ever wanted from my friend.
As for the last 6 months, everything felt that that life I had when my friend was in my life was a fantasy world, and that I made up all the happiness that I genuinely felt, and I had no idea what happiness was anymore because what I'd remembered feeling when I was with this friend wasn't true, it was all a lie. I truly thought I was going mad, to the point of not knowing what was real anymore. So you can imagine, how much of a relief I felt when my friend opened up and told me many times through the conversation that I am loved, and I am allowed to be in their life in a small way because our friendship means something to them too. I can now believe that I wasn't making it up, I wasn't fooling myself and that helping my friend find their reality, their happiness and what they were always looking for while we were friends, was what I was destined to do.
So I thank my friend for being a part of my life, restoring my beliefs in myself, our friendship and love and I wish my friend eternal happiness, as that's all I wanted for them.
As a side note... before all this happened, I was determined to get myself out of my rut, and my friend has just made it a lot easier emotionally, but I started back on my Lite N Easy lifestyle eating plan this week (the one I lost 22kgs when I left the ex-husband) (btw, I refuse to say 'diet!'), have done a beach walk every day and have lost 1.9kg in 7 days. No alcohol, heaps of water and small regular portions of food. Hope it all makes a difference so that 2013 is an unbelievable year!
I struggled to identify that I meant anything to anyone, besides my boys, without hidden agenda. Men repulsed me in almost every way because they all seem to just want to take advantage of my vulnerabilities, hence the reason why there hasn't been much 'sex' in my 'Sex and the Single Mum' lately. I believed so much in this friendship, I believed so much that what we had was real, that I had found my most pure happiness, I believed that someone genuinely loved being in my presence every day for ME, and nothing else, and then it was all taken away from me... Nothing felt right anymore, as I was told just before they exited my life that I couldn't be loved by my friend, I was wrong to be in their life as I went against all their moral and religious values. So as you can imagine, to be told that everything that you believed in was wrong, makes you feel incredibly lost, as you lose all your beliefs and question everything that's important to you and how actually real it was.
So as my friend has restored the faith in other relationships, my friend has been able to find a way in a small way, to include me. They told me that what we had will always be special, that I am still loved and in another place and time, we would still have what we had. They apologised for the hurt and anguish I was put through, and they restored my belief in what we had and that I am special to the person who found the happiness within me. Knowing that, knowing that I could trust my own feelings and intuition, that I could believe in telling the truth and it would do good, is all I ever wanted from my friend.
As for the last 6 months, everything felt that that life I had when my friend was in my life was a fantasy world, and that I made up all the happiness that I genuinely felt, and I had no idea what happiness was anymore because what I'd remembered feeling when I was with this friend wasn't true, it was all a lie. I truly thought I was going mad, to the point of not knowing what was real anymore. So you can imagine, how much of a relief I felt when my friend opened up and told me many times through the conversation that I am loved, and I am allowed to be in their life in a small way because our friendship means something to them too. I can now believe that I wasn't making it up, I wasn't fooling myself and that helping my friend find their reality, their happiness and what they were always looking for while we were friends, was what I was destined to do.
So I thank my friend for being a part of my life, restoring my beliefs in myself, our friendship and love and I wish my friend eternal happiness, as that's all I wanted for them.
As a side note... before all this happened, I was determined to get myself out of my rut, and my friend has just made it a lot easier emotionally, but I started back on my Lite N Easy lifestyle eating plan this week (the one I lost 22kgs when I left the ex-husband) (btw, I refuse to say 'diet!'), have done a beach walk every day and have lost 1.9kg in 7 days. No alcohol, heaps of water and small regular portions of food. Hope it all makes a difference so that 2013 is an unbelievable year!
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