The Week That's Been

To all my loyal fans, I'm sorry it's been a while between posts... it's just been one of those weeks where everything happened. There was Easter of course and my boys are on school holidays (it seems like they are ALWAYS on school holidays!) and in between there has been some fun, sorrow, excitement, setting some house rules, an early birthday present (7 months early!), uncertainty and an early morning stretch that turned into an emergency trip down to my chiropractor.

Last Saturday, the boys and I ventured down to the City of Port Phillip and enjoyed lunch at our favourite eclectic cafe 'Jerry's Milk Bar' in Elwood. We sat in the courtyard, and the boys were able to climb the tree while they waited for their milkshakes and sausage rolls.

We walked along Melbourne's largest pier - Station Pier. It was like a ghost town of Customs check points and empty docks waiting for luxury cruise liners to check in all their seasoned travellers. The Spirit of Tasmania II was in dock, waiting for its passengers for its evening return to the Apple Isle, but still, it felt quiet.

Of course, we found the 'end of the pier' (They had to tell us twice, just in case we didn't see it!).

After that, we went to Luna Park for a bit of amusement park fun. The second lot of amusement park fun in a month! I think they are starting to take me for a ride!

On Sunday, the boys went to see their father, so I went on a bike ride along the beach and went to see an adult movie, Silver Linings Playbook' at the local cinemas. Quite a powerful movie, that I'm glad I went to see by myself, as the boys wouldn't understand it.

Monday was a lazy day, however we did make some banana bread and have a friend over for dinner, and Tuesday I was back at work, juggling slipping back to home to see the boys and getting to my appointments. However, in between it all, I had one of the best conversations with a dear friend I'd had in months, making me smile from ear to ear. Then, I went out with an old friend for dinner to give me an early birthday present, which was sweet.

On Wednesday, the shit hit the fan, as the boys hit a school holiday low. They had exhausted all the things they wanted to do and were BORED! Annoying each other, getting each other upset, not being the best friends they normally are to each other... So I had to call a family meeting, and I blamed myself for not being there, so we worked out a way to ensure that boredom would lessen, and they kept out of each other's way when they wanted their own space. I'm very mindful that next year, my oldest one will be starting high school, and my younger one won't be able to rely on his big brother being around as much. We decided that I would write a list of things - both fun and not so fun things to do in the day, post it on their bedroom door the night before, and then at least, they have a list of things to do to keep them occupied when I'm working. And we have now enforced the 'respect' rule. If a door is closed, then we have to knock and be welcomed in before we enter... If we are told to go away, we have to respect it.

The next day, work wasn't so busy, so we decided to create a Coke/Mentos bomb/rocket. We went down to the local high school playing fields to try it out. Unfortunately, between us, we didn't have the strength to really make it fly. But we experimented with it, and got closer to a viable explosion!

Friday was fairly similar - not much work, but hanging out with the boys. They had a friend sleep over, so I ordered pizzas. They played Minecraft on their iPads, while I decided to pull out the guitar and make a fool of myself. And for a Friday night at home, I was rather busy on the social front - had four different guys contact me, two girlfriends and my sister. I went to bed around midnight and told the boys that they need to turn the lights off and think about sleeping... but they continued until 3am.

Saturday was when I got out of bed, did my morning stretch and 'crunch', my back went out. It was so painful, it was impossible getting dishes out of the dishwasher and even putting on a t-shirt. I called my chiro straight away, and could be seen in a couple of hours. I had to do a last minute job for work, so I managed to slowly drive there, in complete pain, and write it up before my chiro appointment. Luckily, he was able to identify it, and straighten me out, but it's still not 100% (I'll give it 70%). The boys with friend went down the park and did more Mentos/Coke bombs, and then went down to Hampton Street for an ice-cream... 

So in between it all, there were many conversations of weird and wonderful things, some too bizarre to make a mention, others that brought happiness, intrigue, laughter and mystery.

So as we head into our 3rd week of school holidays (and last!)... hopefully, it will be just as weird and wonderful. I've already started making water bombs for the boys as they enjoy maybe one of the last summery days of the season, but am thinking we might take a drive down the coast...

Easter.... A Time for Religious Reflection

Ok... I just want to state that my 'religion' is that I believe in myself first and foremost. If I can't make something happen, I can't blame anyone for my misfortunes, and transversely, if things work out for me, it's because I believe that there is no reward without effort.... so I put a lot of effort into the things I want to be in my life. I believe in Darwinism (evolution) and that all people are created equal, and have the equal right to love whomever they wish.

So, as religion has taken centre stage in the press in recent weeks with the resignation and announcement of a new Pope and the debates about legalising gay marriage in the United States, you really have to wonder 1) how antiquated is the Bible in not moving on with the times of 21st century culture, moralistic and social behaviour? and 2) are Christians actually being less 'Christian' than those that don't preach the word of the Lord because they are turning social inequalities into hate crimes and social injustices, therefore not 'loving thy neighbour as they would love themselves?'

I know someone who feels like I banish him for his hypocrisies as a Christian unjustly because he thinks that every other person, religious or not has their own hypocrisies. And my argument is that those other people aren't preaching about their moral concerns in society and then doing exactly what they don't like behind closed doors. For instance, I know this person has broken at least nine of the Ten Commandments, so when is it deemed that he can no longer be a Christian for breaking the cardinal rules of his religion... when he commits murder? Not according to him, as he is allowed to repent his sins and wipe his slate clean. That's how he thinks, that's how he lives his life... It is OK in his Christian eyes to hurt other people, destroy their lives by committing sins against our westernised moralities and law and order legislation BECAUSE if he repents to God, he is forgiven and he can forget about any harm he has done to others, as God allows him to rebuild his life into the Christian life and path God had created for him, UNTIL he goes against it all AGAIN.... and AGAIN... and AGAIN. His Christianity never allows him to learn from his mistakes because he knows he will always be forgiven.... and by being forgiven, he will get the ultimate reward.. eternal life in Heaven. As that is what all Christians live for.

Whereas, if the Bible actually stated somewhere that once he committed his sin, he was no longer allowed to be part of that union - if that union be his wife, his family, his employer, his friend, his church, his community... then he would think twice before committing his sinful act, ensuring that he can't hurt anyone in the process.

So why is it OK for a Christian to condemn the life of a gay man or a lesbian woman for being in love with one of their own? Our homosexual friends know no other love for them except that from a partner of the same sex. They don't feel comfort, feel like they are in their own skin, if they can't be loved by whomever they want to love. As do our heterosexual friends... we love in a relationship that makes us feel comfortable in being who we are. And how can 'love' be deemed so wrong by Christians when it is consensual between two adults? When by deeming it wrong, they are causing social war instead of peace in our communities, which by itself, war is actually going against their own religion... How can legalising gay marriage actually HARM anyone? It is widely accepted in our schools, communities and the media that gay couples exist and it is normal for two loving people, no matter which sex they are, to create a loving environment between them to have a family. In fact, the statistics are suggesting that children raised in gay families are more likely to be loved and appreciated more than those in nuclear families, due to strength they need to have to deal with all the ancient moral judgement they go through.

The Bible has many hypocrisies in it that don't 'fit' into our legal moral world of today... slavery, the eating of pig, the treatment of women, etc. So if Christians have accepted that parts of the Bible don't comply with today's society, then why are they so hung bent on ruling against gay marriage? Marriage is a legal connection between two people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other so that they are legally responsible for each other. It is not a question of religion, it is not a question of societies expectations of them, it is a union BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE. No one else. So why should it even be a concern of anyone else, if the relationship is a loving union?

So this Easter, as we eat our Hot Cross Buns that represent the 'cross' Jesus was hung from as he died for us, as we eat the chocolate eggs that represent the resurrection of Jesus through the concept of 'new life,' really think about killing off the antiquated judgements of the Bible that doesn't allow homosexuality, and giving new life to those who deserve to be loved by their chosen partner, as we all do, no matter what our sexual orientation is, and create peace within our communities, our governments and our people.

Pocket Money

My boys are at the age now that they need to know the 'value' of a dollar... as are many of their friends. And the topic came up today, as we watched five hours of hockey in a round robin tournament... 'What's the best way to handle pocket money?'

We all feel like we are putting our hands in our pockets way too often and our children aren't appreciating it. I must admit, I have pulled in the reins this year, only because I sold so much of the boys things last year, expecting to move overseas temporarily, that I needed to replace the things that we no longer had when they needed them, which essentially meant, birthdays and Christmas last year weren't as special, because I had been buying new things for them throughout the year. So this year, I've told them that I won't be buying them new things, unless it's their birthday or Christmas, and if they want something, they must save for it... so I've introduced regular pocket money.

It was all agreed by the parents I talked to today that pocket money is 'earned,' not just assumed that it will always be there. Chores for 9-12 year olds included emptying the dishwasher, putting clothes away after they had been washed & folded (and ironed if necessary), cleaning the cars (inside and out), keeping their rooms clean, putting their dirty washing in the laundry and vacuuming. Some parents also included a reduction in pocket money if they had been overly naughty or not getting along with their siblings.

One parent suggested he gave his 7th grader $100 per month as pocket money, but that had to pay for all the things that she wanted. If she wanted to see a movie with her friends, buy some fashion shoes (not school shoes or runners), get candy from the canteen at hockey, buying gifts, toys, video games, etc. She was also expected to save some of that $100. For her 5th grader brother, as his social requirements aren't as busy as a 7th grader, he received $40 a month... and being a boy, he wasn't interested in non-regulation shoes and possibly not old enough to be wanting to see movies with his friends as his older sister. Their father figured he'd actually save money with this pocket money plan, because he was constantly putting his hand in his pocket for their 'needy' requests, so now, if they want something, they need to be organised and have the money they are prepared to spend always on them.

Another parent gave their 6th grader and 4th grader $2 a week in pocket money, but had extra jobs where they could make more money, however their pocket money capped at $10 a week, as sometimes they would try and do the extra jobs more than what was necessary. That parent also put away $5 and $4 a week respectively into their children's bank accounts for their weekly chores, so that they were constantly saving. Their $2 a week, essentially went towards any toys, iPad apps or computer games they wanted. This parent thought that if they really wanted something, they would set themselves a goal and save for it, allowing them to have the concept of 'striving' for something if it was worthwhile.

Other incentives were academic based. If they upped their grades in a particular subject for each test they would get $20. If they upped their grades at the end of each semester they received $80. If they could read a 200 page novel in 3 days, they received $20, or if they could blitz a scholarship exam, then they would receive a hefty bonus.

Whatever pocket money scheme we set for our children, it needs to support their need to help the family unit, their goals if they are materialistic or academic, and their understanding of stretching the dollar for all that they can. I think pocket money should be a positive enforcement, and if money is taken away because they have been overly naughty or getting bad grades, there needs to be a scheme that allows them to rectify the situation. We don't get money taken off us in a work environment for bad people skills or not getting the job done, and most jobs have incentives to make us work harder, if it's salary based or commission base, so why should we show our kids that money is taken away if we do something wrong? If you do something wrong too many times, yes you lose your job, but how do you convey that in a pocket money situation? You can't... and it probably isn't fair to show your children the pitfalls of the power of an employer in that 4th grade to 8th grade age group.

Pocket money, no matter what age, needs to be introduced the minute your child takes advantage of your 'bottomless' pocket of money. Because as soon as they know that it runs out, the more they will appreciate it.

When Life Loses Its Spark

Often I talk to friends, family, strangers, acquaintances, work colleagues, the like, and ask them how they have been. Most will respond with 'same old same old' or 'we're pretty boring, nothing exciting is happening in our life.' And I wonder, how do people get so stuck in a rut?

OK, I do understand that some people don't like revealing what's going on in their lives. It maybe too personal, they may not be trusting, they maybe struggling to accept what is happening in their lives, or they may actually feel a little inferior to all the excitement other's have in their life. And you know what? I used to be one of those people. All my life consisted of was work and family life... we didn't do anything besides watch TV in our time off, we never went anywhere unless it was an extended family occasion, we just didn't do anything. So I get it... people find themselves in a place of mundaneness and wonder how the years pass by without anything to recall as exciting times, because they get stuck paying the bills, caring for the kids and putting in extended hours at work.

So when you get some friends who open up and tell you the breadth of activity in their lives, it's like a breath of fresh air. Yay! It's not just me who thinks life is too short to be churning out the days. In the last few days, I've spoken to friends who are embarking on new work opportunities, going on dream holidays, finding new loves, enjoying health retreats, trying new hobbies, breaking away from old habits and discovering new life in them. The conversations are lively and exciting because they are taking positive steps forward for themselves.

And that's what's it really is all about... embracing the 'now' to build a better future. Yes we all have to work, be parents, do the household chores and pay the bills, but in the cracks of all those times, we need to spend time being ourselves. It doesn't have to be much and it doesn't have to cost a lot, but we all need to step outside our comfort zone and do something different.

For me, today was one of those days... for all those who know me, pink is definitely my least favourite colour. However, a friend of mine showed me one of her favourite boutiques today, and they happened to have a half price sale on summer clothes. All the clothes were very patterned... something I struggle to do as well - usually you'll find me in plain clothes (and black is generally a favourite, which is the bain of my Dad's existence), but today, I actually tried on and BOUGHT a multi-coloured printed blouse which was predominantly PINK! And I actually didn't mind myself in it either... So next week at Easter, I plan to shock my family and walk in wearing my 'pink' blouse. They seriously won't know what hit them!!

Sometimes, you just have to go there. Do something out of the ordinary for you and when someone asks you 'how are you?' you can respond with something exciting, positive and different that's brought back the life in your life.

The Use of LOL!

It's becoming more frustrating to see people use acronyms than actually stating their feelings. LOL, ROTFL, BRB, K (really, shorting 'OK' to 'K'... but I'll get to that later). All these things that make it worse for our children in their quest to be good spellers, understand grammar and be literate.

But the most frustrating thing is that some of these acronyms, like LOL are only being used to hide a person's true feelings. For instance, I had a chat conversation the other day with a so-called friend who didn't like that I was talking to their enemy. I wrote back to say that I will speak to whomever I choose, and if they have a problem with them, then that's their problem not mine... and the reply I got back was 'LOL.' Now how does 'laughing out loud' make any sense in that conversation? Is it that they didn't want to make out that it wasn't a big deal, or that they were gritting their teeth while trying to accept that I would talk to their enemy, were they being spiteful or is it something that's used to just end the topic of conversation?  I just don't know.

But it makes me question other conversations I've had over the years where I felt that LOL was written inappropriately. Is it also a sign that people are afraid to be honest, or shot down if they are honest, so they try to hide behind those three little letters to show they aren't hurt by what is being said? I think that's the crux of it... LOL hides the hurt.

As for 'K'... I recently discovered that 'K' is a brush off. It's like a person doesn't want to try in the relationship anymore. They are either tired of the conversation, the person or where it's all going, so they do the smallest amount of acknowledgement they possibly can by just writing 'K'. And if they really don't want to make an effort, they don't push down the 'caps' button, and just write 'k.'

Are we going into a new decade with coded language? Will these abbreviations, feelings behind the abbreviations or acronyms actually be taught and explained to our children through the formal education systems? It really would be a sad day if that was the case. I can understand at university level the studying these newly found words, or should I say 'conjoined letters,' as an understanding of language progression, but to have the Oxford Dictionary accept that they acronyms form part of our formal English language is truly a disgrace. Can't they see that this is just a trend for today, and in 10 or 20 years time, there will be another round of slang terms that we face ourselves with? And that our English language traditions will remain?

I just worry about how our children will be able to perform in business, university and the real world if their language skills are shortened to acronyms, without understanding the true meaning or origins behind the acronym because that's how they communicate in their everyday life. We need to go back to studying Latin, linguistics and syntax so that our children understand prefixes, suffixes and which language the words come from so they understand the 'root.'

But for now, it's just LOL, and we just deal with what is happening in our bastardised world of language.

Letting Go of the Old, and Moving on with the New

So many love stories never end, because one person, or maybe both people, are always holding onto the hope that one day they may be together again. It's usually the stories where time and circumstance don't allow their love to blossom in traditional ways - either hampered by distance, families or work commitments, and as we get older, we become more selfish because we have dependents to think about, ex-partners (or your children's parents) to think about and we have our own sets of goals and aspirations we want to achieve. So in saying that, it is increasingly difficult to find someone who suits your current and future needs when there are so many complicated variables.

When you make that decision to let the other person go, and usually it's a mutual decision when time and circumstance conflict with your present, that person stays long in your heart, and in can be so difficult to let someone else in, because that person was so perfect for you in every single way, except 'time and circumstance.' So you continue to hold on, or look for someone with the exact same qualities your perfect person had who can fulfil you the way he or she did.

But is holding on to the thought of finding a lover of exactness who fits into your life's schedule, actually stopping you from finding someone who is just as compatible yet completely different? Possibly... as your energy is focused only on one thing... finding a replica of the person you love, or to be back in their arms.

For most, it takes months to get over the love they can't have, but for others, it's years. But there is no animosity for the fact that time and circumstance were in the way, as you know in your heart that your love was pure, and you could never think bad of how everything fell away.

So how do you move onto the new? You focus on other parts of your life that give you fulfilment... your children, your career goals, your love for life, nature, travel, sport, music, art, friends, family anything... that will give you the comparable satisfaction that you once had with your lover. When you have so many factors in your life pulling you in too many directions, you simply can't afford to allow another element into your life unless there is genuine mutuality that makes your heart warm, your smile shine and your soul glow.

You get to a point in your life that all complications must be taken out of your life to allow new, heartwarming, smile shining, soul glowing things to enter. You know that simplicity is the key - it's spending time with your children, enjoying the silence in your own space or baking a fresh loaf of banana bread and pulling it out of the oven as your children walk in the door from school. It's the warm hugs your children give you for no reason, it's the joy in their faces when they tell you about something exciting that happened in their day, it's the ability to just be there for them... they are the things that are important, not a complicated love interest, unappreciated friendship, bitchy gossip at work, how much money you have in the bank or how the politicians are going to make life harder. If you take out all the things that don't make you feel comfortable in your life, you can move on and enjoy exactly what you love about your life. Don't watch the news if it's heartbreaking, put your head down at work and avoid the gossip, realise that a friendship has had it's day and it's time to move on...

Because once you do, you will find yourself feeling freer and your heart lighter... your energy is there for all the things that matter and you will find yourself singing songs that you haven't heard on the radio recently or on your iPod, but they are songs that sum up how you feel. And you feel great!

Getting Out the Photo Albums

Today was one of those days that there were no plans and no reason for me to be confined to my computer writing a book (as it's finished!). And after our record hot spell of weather, it was nice to wake up hearing the rain falling and be able to snuggle under the doona. We all slept in, stayed in our pyjamas till about 3pm and we watched a movie under the blankets.

But after the movie, the boys announced they were bored. And as I had already spent a small fortune on them this weekend paying for all their sports for the next season, tutoring and exam fees, I said that we can't afford to do anything 'fun' (as their idea of fun usually means go-karting, ten pin bowling or amusement rides). So I suggested, why don't we get the photo albums out on this dull uneventful day and start organising photos for the next edition. Again, the enthusiasm wasn't there, until I started pulling out the loose photos - you know, the photos that people give you over the years. My 9 year old kindly reminded me that I actually hadn't finished his baby photo album, so instead of starting the kinder-Grade 6 album, we finished the baby album (and sorted out the photos for the 'next editions!').

As my 9 year old was born as we were just beginning digital photos, most of the photos were on the 'old' computer, but for some reason, I cannot find any photos from his 2nd birthday, which is really weird. I would always have a stylish cake for their early birthdays, so there should have at least been a photo of the cake, but there is nothing around, and I can't even remember what it looked like. How bad am I? But I can't even remember what we did for his 2nd birthday... I remember events that happened around it, as he had grommets put in his ears a few days after, and he changed from a childcare conglomerate to Family Day Care, but his actual birthday has no visual prompts to remind us what happened. How bad do I feel?

So I put together his album, minus his 2 year old birthday photos, but I've left a page for 'just in case' we find some, or some kind relative gives us some. But now, I have the urge to do their albums for the next stages of their lives... and really, it is so important to have a pictorial memory of their lives in some sort of chronological order. It's a keepsake for them to show their children, and something they can pass on, as we have seen our grandparents do (and our parents attempt to do, but didn't quite get there, as photos became the norm, and time got the better of them!).  It's also a good reminder to them about how much we have done in their short lives, and maybe some appreciation might start come to fruition.

So now that I've finished my book, I know I could get onto the next story that's brewing in my mind, but I think it's just as important to get the boys albums together before the years get away from me and it's impossible to remember exact what happened when! :)