I would like to say, I couldn't have written it better myself, so I am going to do something I've never done before, and post a link. Enjoy! Embrace your motherhood, your tiny bit of time to yourself and celebrate that mums need some time to be a 'person' too.
http://growinginashrinkingculture.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/in-defense-of-the-iphone-mom/
Saturday, 16 March 2013
Friday, 15 March 2013
Mind Games
Why is it that so many people play mind games? They either talk to you thinking you'll take their side over someone else, talk to you because you 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' or talk to you for other agendas. And, if ever you get caught talking to their enemy, say something against them or do something against their ideals, which, quite frankly, has nothing to do with them, then you are made out to be the bad person. Why?
I am an honest person... I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like my opinion, doesn't like what I have to contribute or shoots me down for something they don't like, it is their problem, not mine. I am not going to lose sleep over it, and I'm certainly not going to change my opinion about someone if it's second or third hand information. I can form my own opinion without someone going out of their way to paint an ugly picture of someone else... which in essence, is actually them painting an even uglier picture of themselves. I will like and have whomever I want in my life, and just because 'you' (the proverbial 'you') don't like it, then that is your problem not mine. If we don't have anything good to say in life anymore between us, then I will remove you from my life... I don't need headaches, disagreements, concern for my safety (or my kids, for that matter), because I have already had my fair share of all those nightmares, and I am only looking forward to a happy fulfilling life.
But it's not just the dividing of people through opinionated hearsay or unprovoked rants, it's the kind sweet words that they give you, telling you how wonderful you are in all aspects in your life, to then shoot you down when you say something or do something that goes against their grain. Why is it that they expect you to respect their words, life, values, etc... but when you feel uncomfortable about how a conversation is going, they can't respect your values, words or how you live your life? Is it a matter of debate, and trying to win you over to their side, or is it ignorance, jealous, defeat and their ego being hurt? Why is it that no one seems to tell it how it is anymore?
Imagine, going out on a date... the man takes you to a little Chinese restaurant that looks dodgy on the outside, but the food inside is fantastic. There are cheap tacky Chinese decorations over the place and colour printed paper placemats on butcher's paper over the white linen tablecloths. He asks you what you'd like to order, and you choose something from the seafood menu (you know how it's usually two to three dollars more than the beef, pork or chicken options on the menu). He tells you, "No, don't have that.. the chicken here tastes so good." Is he really saying, I can't afford to spend the extra, I don't want you to have a more expensive meal than me, or is he saying that he's allergic to shellfish but doesn't know how to let you know without upsetting you? No matter what, he's playing a mind game. He's not telling you the truth behind his reaction to why he didn't want you to have the seafood.
But then, are we just being polite? Are we just having enough tact to say the truth quietly between you at a later stage? I guess that will only be known if the relationship grows... but at the same time, how can it grow if the mind games are there from day one?
What happens when you say to someone you don't want to be more than friends.... and they ask you why? You tell them the truth and they don't like it, even if some of those very same traits are things that they have admitted in past conversations, but when someone else says it, they can't handle the truth, why is it then your problem to feel guilty in being honest with yourself? Isn't it always better to say the truth, and not live the life of a lie, always pretending and never being happy? For God's sake, I know I've been there, and it's not pretty. (hence the reason why I chose to live an honest life now, honest to myself, rather than be stuck in something that feels impossible to get out).
Mind games don't help any relationship - new, old or estranged. Have the courage to say what you really mean, then maybe respect will be reciprocated. But then, it can only be reciprocated if the other party has the coping mechanism to handle the truth... Oh what a world we live in!
I am an honest person... I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like my opinion, doesn't like what I have to contribute or shoots me down for something they don't like, it is their problem, not mine. I am not going to lose sleep over it, and I'm certainly not going to change my opinion about someone if it's second or third hand information. I can form my own opinion without someone going out of their way to paint an ugly picture of someone else... which in essence, is actually them painting an even uglier picture of themselves. I will like and have whomever I want in my life, and just because 'you' (the proverbial 'you') don't like it, then that is your problem not mine. If we don't have anything good to say in life anymore between us, then I will remove you from my life... I don't need headaches, disagreements, concern for my safety (or my kids, for that matter), because I have already had my fair share of all those nightmares, and I am only looking forward to a happy fulfilling life.
But it's not just the dividing of people through opinionated hearsay or unprovoked rants, it's the kind sweet words that they give you, telling you how wonderful you are in all aspects in your life, to then shoot you down when you say something or do something that goes against their grain. Why is it that they expect you to respect their words, life, values, etc... but when you feel uncomfortable about how a conversation is going, they can't respect your values, words or how you live your life? Is it a matter of debate, and trying to win you over to their side, or is it ignorance, jealous, defeat and their ego being hurt? Why is it that no one seems to tell it how it is anymore?
Imagine, going out on a date... the man takes you to a little Chinese restaurant that looks dodgy on the outside, but the food inside is fantastic. There are cheap tacky Chinese decorations over the place and colour printed paper placemats on butcher's paper over the white linen tablecloths. He asks you what you'd like to order, and you choose something from the seafood menu (you know how it's usually two to three dollars more than the beef, pork or chicken options on the menu). He tells you, "No, don't have that.. the chicken here tastes so good." Is he really saying, I can't afford to spend the extra, I don't want you to have a more expensive meal than me, or is he saying that he's allergic to shellfish but doesn't know how to let you know without upsetting you? No matter what, he's playing a mind game. He's not telling you the truth behind his reaction to why he didn't want you to have the seafood.
But then, are we just being polite? Are we just having enough tact to say the truth quietly between you at a later stage? I guess that will only be known if the relationship grows... but at the same time, how can it grow if the mind games are there from day one?
What happens when you say to someone you don't want to be more than friends.... and they ask you why? You tell them the truth and they don't like it, even if some of those very same traits are things that they have admitted in past conversations, but when someone else says it, they can't handle the truth, why is it then your problem to feel guilty in being honest with yourself? Isn't it always better to say the truth, and not live the life of a lie, always pretending and never being happy? For God's sake, I know I've been there, and it's not pretty. (hence the reason why I chose to live an honest life now, honest to myself, rather than be stuck in something that feels impossible to get out).
Mind games don't help any relationship - new, old or estranged. Have the courage to say what you really mean, then maybe respect will be reciprocated. But then, it can only be reciprocated if the other party has the coping mechanism to handle the truth... Oh what a world we live in!
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Saying the Years
Would it be right to think that if someone constantly brags about the number of years they have been working where they are, been committed to their partner or surprised about how the years have gone by, that they are actually insecure about where they are, who they spend their life with and uncertain about the fact that if those denominators change at all, they would lose all sense of who they are? Saying the numbers, the years, is like a validation to them, that they have either something worth retaining, no matter how much they can't stand their boss, wish they had a pay rise, or look forward to the gold watch at retirement. Are they scared that if they were made redundant before retirement was made an option for them, that they simply would not know what to do, therefore it's more like 'better the devil you know' and stay unhappy than find some inspirational new goals?
But when it comes to marriage or a partnership, is saying the years repetitively helping them cope with any underlying concerns of insecurity within the marriage? What is there to be proud of if you know that there have been some horrific years that have ruined the bond you initially had with your wedded partner? But in essence, why is the number so important? Are they like medals of achievement because so many marriages fall away? Or are they hiding behind the numbers because they know that they really haven't been totally committed to person they vowed to share their life with?
When I was married, I rarely said the number... in fact, I would say that I was with my husband since I was 18, because we actually lived together for 7 years before we were married, so the married number of years were never important to me. It was up to the people asking the question to determine my age if they wanted to know how long we were together. My parents, who have been married for 46 years rarely say the number, and actually will always say that they met New Years Eve 1959. When it comes to a big anniversary, yes the number comes out, but the years in-between sometimes become forgotten. "Has it been 42 years or 43 years this year?" It doesn't matter... because they are looking FORWARD not backward at what is still possible between them.
I think that's a very valid point. Looking backwards, looking at the photos and memories of when times 'used' to be good, is not necessarily living in the moment. It's not enjoying the beauty of your marriage, your job, your friendships, your LIFE. You are living in the past, holding onto the hope that one day you may still have that happiness again with your partner, or find the joy in what you do at work again. But if all you are doing is holding onto the past, and not feeling the reality of the future - that you may have different needs or goals, then somehow, you need to find the courage to be able to move on.
Everyone grows - your children grow, your personality grows, your life goals grow, your needs grow... and sometimes, through growth, people grow apart. We can only hold onto what we have that is valid in our life... our feelings, our assets (or debt), our family (and even for some that can be very hard), our friends and the work we do that makes our heart sing. If our heart no longer sings with what we have in our lives, then there is no point in keeping it there, or hiding behind the validation of counting the years.
But when it comes to marriage or a partnership, is saying the years repetitively helping them cope with any underlying concerns of insecurity within the marriage? What is there to be proud of if you know that there have been some horrific years that have ruined the bond you initially had with your wedded partner? But in essence, why is the number so important? Are they like medals of achievement because so many marriages fall away? Or are they hiding behind the numbers because they know that they really haven't been totally committed to person they vowed to share their life with?
When I was married, I rarely said the number... in fact, I would say that I was with my husband since I was 18, because we actually lived together for 7 years before we were married, so the married number of years were never important to me. It was up to the people asking the question to determine my age if they wanted to know how long we were together. My parents, who have been married for 46 years rarely say the number, and actually will always say that they met New Years Eve 1959. When it comes to a big anniversary, yes the number comes out, but the years in-between sometimes become forgotten. "Has it been 42 years or 43 years this year?" It doesn't matter... because they are looking FORWARD not backward at what is still possible between them.
I think that's a very valid point. Looking backwards, looking at the photos and memories of when times 'used' to be good, is not necessarily living in the moment. It's not enjoying the beauty of your marriage, your job, your friendships, your LIFE. You are living in the past, holding onto the hope that one day you may still have that happiness again with your partner, or find the joy in what you do at work again. But if all you are doing is holding onto the past, and not feeling the reality of the future - that you may have different needs or goals, then somehow, you need to find the courage to be able to move on.
Everyone grows - your children grow, your personality grows, your life goals grow, your needs grow... and sometimes, through growth, people grow apart. We can only hold onto what we have that is valid in our life... our feelings, our assets (or debt), our family (and even for some that can be very hard), our friends and the work we do that makes our heart sing. If our heart no longer sings with what we have in our lives, then there is no point in keeping it there, or hiding behind the validation of counting the years.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
The Moomba Festival
Last night, I did the impromptu 'get the boys out of the house' to go to the Moomba Festival. I told them that I was taking them there, but they had no idea what it was... It was a little bit of a struggle to get them off the couch to go into 35 degree C temperature, but as a punishment for doing some rubber band flicking at each other and not listening to me, I made them walk the 25 minutes down to the train station (instead of driving to the train station!) and walk back... hopefully to burn some energy out of them!
We arrived in the city, and they soon realised that the 'Moomba Festival' was a free carnival in the parks that lined the Yarra River. And you guessed it, their moods quickly swung around from 'how dare mum drag us away from the TV,' to 'can we go on this ride, that ride?'
I set a spending limit and told them they could have 4 rides/side show activities each. We first went on the 'Cliff Hanger' ride together.
We arrived in the city, and they soon realised that the 'Moomba Festival' was a free carnival in the parks that lined the Yarra River. And you guessed it, their moods quickly swung around from 'how dare mum drag us away from the TV,' to 'can we go on this ride, that ride?'
I set a spending limit and told them they could have 4 rides/side show activities each. We first went on the 'Cliff Hanger' ride together.
Then the boys had a go at the hammer throw... where they ended up getting a plastic hammer each and beating the living daylights out of each other!
And then they fished some fish out of a tank and got 'Joe - the Jamaican Monkey!
We then checked out the water-skiing on the river.
And walked around the other side to hear the bands.
As well as see some very talented scooter riders (I was going to writer 'scooterers' but it just didn't sound right!)
We had dinner on the lawn listening to 'Strange Talk' the band with the hundreds of other people!
And found the iconic "King of Moomba' throne, that the boys had to sit in!
Before the boys had one last ride on the 'Disco Spinner'
And we waited for the fireworks to start at 9.30pm...
(sorry it's a little fuzzy!)
So after a late night train ride home, they were very pleased with their impromptu adventure... and have promised me to be good little men today while I get into finishing writing my book!
PS - If in Melbourne, the Moomba Festival is still on today and tomorrow - It really is a great family friendly, alcohol free event for the whole family to enjoy!
Thursday, 7 March 2013
The Rational Versus Irrational
I had an interesting conversation recently about why people aren't prepared to change, or possibly are scared of change, and it came down to rational and irrational thought.
'Rational' thought, as described by one of my fellow conversationalists, maintained the practicality - the longevity of a relationship because of it's general nature with knowing the known, maintaining the financial status, retaining the family bond, understanding the idiosyncrasies without needing to relearn anything... essentially, maintaining the status quo.
Where as, 'irrational thought' takes you out of your comfort zone - there are risks, there's life unlike a life you've ever known before, there's a feeling in your heart that overwhelms you and it truly knocks everything 'rational thought' has to the ground. And in the reality of it all, irrational thought is what draws us to fall in love. It doesn't matter if it's our first love, the person we marry or the person we accidentally fall in love with when we know we shouldn't... irrational thought is everything that brings two soul mates together. Every love is founded on irrational thought and feelings, there is absolutely no question about it. It's why we fall in love, and it's how we fall in love.
For instance, you love your kids. You will do everything to protect them. You find out that your son is the instigator of a fight that happened at school. You know this, but you want to protect him from being ganged up on, punished or being socially outcasted. You ask him his side of the story and he tells you that one of the older kids Brad said he was a 'fat loser,' but yes your son threw the first punch. You were happy that he was honest with you, and pleased that he did something to defend himself, so you will do anything to ensure that the school and the school community don't victimise him in any way. So you take a stance... the stance is far from rational, because your know your son was in the wrong, but as a mother, you will protect your son till the very end, to ensure he is happy, not bullied and enjoys his school life.... and that my friend, comes from our irrational side of our brain.
However, when you understand that 'rational thought' - maintaining the practicalities is all you have left, and there is no irrational thought - warmth of feelings, joy and harmony, left in your relationship, you've come to the point of 'acceptance' - that this is all that's left. For some people, it comes as an epiphany, and they truly have no feelings left for the person they once fell in love with. Resentment hits in, because they don't want to be in this relationship anymore and fighting, bickering, ignoring, deserting, drinking and isolation happens more often than not, as they are the only coping mechanisms they have, because they don't know 'how' to get out.
Where as, irrational thought, the passion that drove you to fall in love is what kicks in when you know it's time to get out. You make it possible, you don't think about the consequences that leaving will bring, you just know what's not making you happy anymore, you take a stand and break away. You don't care how much money you are left with, you don't care what other relationships are affected, you just know that staying with this person, the person you had a rational relationship with, is not right for you anymore. Your 'irrational' decision makes you feel alive, makes you feel powerful, makes you feel like you've found a new you.
Sometimes, there is still a little bit of the irrational left in the rational relationship, and sometimes that's all it takes to keep the relationship together. But if we didn't have the 'irrational,' all we would have is arranged marriages, bitterness and a reality that is not healthy for anyone. For me, I'd take the irrational any day... at least I'll know I'll be happy.
'Rational' thought, as described by one of my fellow conversationalists, maintained the practicality - the longevity of a relationship because of it's general nature with knowing the known, maintaining the financial status, retaining the family bond, understanding the idiosyncrasies without needing to relearn anything... essentially, maintaining the status quo.
Where as, 'irrational thought' takes you out of your comfort zone - there are risks, there's life unlike a life you've ever known before, there's a feeling in your heart that overwhelms you and it truly knocks everything 'rational thought' has to the ground. And in the reality of it all, irrational thought is what draws us to fall in love. It doesn't matter if it's our first love, the person we marry or the person we accidentally fall in love with when we know we shouldn't... irrational thought is everything that brings two soul mates together. Every love is founded on irrational thought and feelings, there is absolutely no question about it. It's why we fall in love, and it's how we fall in love.
For instance, you love your kids. You will do everything to protect them. You find out that your son is the instigator of a fight that happened at school. You know this, but you want to protect him from being ganged up on, punished or being socially outcasted. You ask him his side of the story and he tells you that one of the older kids Brad said he was a 'fat loser,' but yes your son threw the first punch. You were happy that he was honest with you, and pleased that he did something to defend himself, so you will do anything to ensure that the school and the school community don't victimise him in any way. So you take a stance... the stance is far from rational, because your know your son was in the wrong, but as a mother, you will protect your son till the very end, to ensure he is happy, not bullied and enjoys his school life.... and that my friend, comes from our irrational side of our brain.
However, when you understand that 'rational thought' - maintaining the practicalities is all you have left, and there is no irrational thought - warmth of feelings, joy and harmony, left in your relationship, you've come to the point of 'acceptance' - that this is all that's left. For some people, it comes as an epiphany, and they truly have no feelings left for the person they once fell in love with. Resentment hits in, because they don't want to be in this relationship anymore and fighting, bickering, ignoring, deserting, drinking and isolation happens more often than not, as they are the only coping mechanisms they have, because they don't know 'how' to get out.
Where as, irrational thought, the passion that drove you to fall in love is what kicks in when you know it's time to get out. You make it possible, you don't think about the consequences that leaving will bring, you just know what's not making you happy anymore, you take a stand and break away. You don't care how much money you are left with, you don't care what other relationships are affected, you just know that staying with this person, the person you had a rational relationship with, is not right for you anymore. Your 'irrational' decision makes you feel alive, makes you feel powerful, makes you feel like you've found a new you.
Sometimes, there is still a little bit of the irrational left in the rational relationship, and sometimes that's all it takes to keep the relationship together. But if we didn't have the 'irrational,' all we would have is arranged marriages, bitterness and a reality that is not healthy for anyone. For me, I'd take the irrational any day... at least I'll know I'll be happy.
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
The Process
Do you ever feel like you are doing exactly what you're told to do? Going through the motions like you're expected to? Finish high school when you're 17 or 18, go to university or college (or maybe get a trade), get a job you can grow into, find someone to love, get married, buy a house, have kids... Feels like you've been there?
Then what happens? It's a long time before you a grandparent... Is this the time that we wonder what happened, wonder if we did it right, wonder if we are happy with how our lives are?
Maybe that's the mid-life crisis we all go through as we taxi our children around to all their extra-curricular activities, juggle work commitments with home commitments and stress out about all the things we 'may' or 'may not' have missed out on. I know for myself, I didn't get to travel after I left school or in my twenties... I went straight into the responsibility of sharing a flat, working to a budget and finishing my studies. Then I overlapped my first 'real' job with the end of my studies, promoted myself up the ranks with different jobs and then started my own business, which I've been a slave to ever since. And being a business owner has so many different stresses - when will my clients pay me? Will I have enough work this month to cover my bills? Will I ever be able to go on a holiday? It took me 8 years after I started my business to actually take some time off and tell my clients to find someone else to do the work while I was away for 10 days... and that killed me inside, not knowing that they might actually find someone better than me to replace me. Luckily they never did, so I took more and more time off to appease my need for travel and getting out of my little cave that I found myself in.
So, as we've had our children, I'll say that we are in the age group of 35-55 who have the 'wondering itch' of what could have been done better, if you could go back again, what would you do better?
It's a tricky question, because you wouldn't be who you are today if you did anything differently. You may not have had the same kids, or spouse, or ex-spouse, IF you decided to back-pack around Europe in your Gap Year instead of going to uni or starting a full time job. For me, I think the 'process' was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to think any differently. If I had to do it all again, I think travelling the world would be a priority. I would still have wanted to have kids in my late twenties, therefore I would have possibly latched onto anyone who was interested in having babies in 'my time frame.' I think there is still life in your late 40s/early 50s to still feel young enough to enjoy the world when your children have gained their independence from you, but you see the world through different eyes and I would have loved to have had that chance. (Maybe I'll see the world in a different light when I'm travelling around in my 60s!)
But really, why do we follow the rulebook or 'the process?' Why do we care about what people think in how we live our lives? Why do people put emotional pressure on us to be 'like them?' A classic example I saw the other day on a friend's Facebook post was 'isn't it time that you're thinking about having No 2?' What a horrible thing to say... they don't know the circumstances of why they haven't had No 2 yet, or even if they want No 2. But it's the 'process' - the expectation that we follow what our peers do and what our parents did before us. There's more to life than living the 'process' - we just have to be strong enough to know what it is that we want to defy it.
Then what happens? It's a long time before you a grandparent... Is this the time that we wonder what happened, wonder if we did it right, wonder if we are happy with how our lives are?
Maybe that's the mid-life crisis we all go through as we taxi our children around to all their extra-curricular activities, juggle work commitments with home commitments and stress out about all the things we 'may' or 'may not' have missed out on. I know for myself, I didn't get to travel after I left school or in my twenties... I went straight into the responsibility of sharing a flat, working to a budget and finishing my studies. Then I overlapped my first 'real' job with the end of my studies, promoted myself up the ranks with different jobs and then started my own business, which I've been a slave to ever since. And being a business owner has so many different stresses - when will my clients pay me? Will I have enough work this month to cover my bills? Will I ever be able to go on a holiday? It took me 8 years after I started my business to actually take some time off and tell my clients to find someone else to do the work while I was away for 10 days... and that killed me inside, not knowing that they might actually find someone better than me to replace me. Luckily they never did, so I took more and more time off to appease my need for travel and getting out of my little cave that I found myself in.
So, as we've had our children, I'll say that we are in the age group of 35-55 who have the 'wondering itch' of what could have been done better, if you could go back again, what would you do better?
It's a tricky question, because you wouldn't be who you are today if you did anything differently. You may not have had the same kids, or spouse, or ex-spouse, IF you decided to back-pack around Europe in your Gap Year instead of going to uni or starting a full time job. For me, I think the 'process' was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to think any differently. If I had to do it all again, I think travelling the world would be a priority. I would still have wanted to have kids in my late twenties, therefore I would have possibly latched onto anyone who was interested in having babies in 'my time frame.' I think there is still life in your late 40s/early 50s to still feel young enough to enjoy the world when your children have gained their independence from you, but you see the world through different eyes and I would have loved to have had that chance. (Maybe I'll see the world in a different light when I'm travelling around in my 60s!)
But really, why do we follow the rulebook or 'the process?' Why do we care about what people think in how we live our lives? Why do people put emotional pressure on us to be 'like them?' A classic example I saw the other day on a friend's Facebook post was 'isn't it time that you're thinking about having No 2?' What a horrible thing to say... they don't know the circumstances of why they haven't had No 2 yet, or even if they want No 2. But it's the 'process' - the expectation that we follow what our peers do and what our parents did before us. There's more to life than living the 'process' - we just have to be strong enough to know what it is that we want to defy it.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Giving a Child an Education
The Victorian government is looking at fining parents for unacceptable days of non-attendance at school. The fine has been talked about being $70 per day for every day over 5 absent days without a valid reason. A 'valid reason' is having a medical certificate if sick (so in essence, the government is taking money off a parent to pay for a doctor's fee) or a family event like a funeral or family illness that makes it impossible for a parent to take the child or and from school. The concept came around to stop children not attending because of sleeping in, going shopping or family travel. The Tasmanian government have already have it as law to fine families $260 a day for truancy if a court order has been ordered, however with the changes that affect the single parent payment since the start of the year, this means some disadvantaged families have to use the oldest child to babysit the younger children while the mother goes out to work, because child care fees aren't affordable. It truly is a concern that the government want to fine people for defying regulated education, yet isn't there more to an educated life than sitting behind the books?
For instance, isn't the child who stays behind to look after a younger sibling... doesn't that child learn the art of responsibility, child rearing and caring, understanding behaviour, the art of domesticated chores including cooking, cleaning and keeping a home sanitary. This child uses her mathematics to measure the right formula for the baby or cutting her Vegemite toast into eighths, she learns time management skills while setting sleep times for the baby, she learns to read stories creating inflections in her voice to help her capture the attention of the baby which helps her with her public speaking and confidence. She might even go down the street with the baby in a stroller to get some supplies, so she'll use her navigation skills to get herself to the shops, but also her mathematical skills to create a budget and spend the money she has for supplies wisely. All these are life skills, most that can't be learnt in a classroom.
And how about family travel. Can't that be a more valuable experience than anything else in a classroom? To have first hand knowledge of different cultures, languages, sights and sounds from a different country, or even a different part of your home country so that your child gets an understanding of exactly how life really is outside the four walls of home and the classroom. Travel can give you so much more than any text book or Google search. It was a deciding factor for me not to put my children into a private school because any travel outside of school holidays is unacceptable, yet travel in school holidays is excessive up with their school fees, and limiting. You can't go away for more than 2-3 weeks at a time, unless it's over Christmas... and that's just insane.
I understand that a formal education is important, as long as the child is taught in the way he or she needs. And I am adamant that my children go to school if they are coughing and spluttering, but draw the line if they are vomiting or have a fever. And I completely disagree with wagging school, as it defies both parents and the education system. But to fine parents for not attending for the sake of a decision they made which they felt was a better decision for their child, is ludicrous. A parent has the last say of what their child does or does not do.
The Education Department states that if a child is enrolled in a school, they are enrolled full time and thus must attend full time. I've had fights with the Education Department about seeking specialised tutoring for my youngest son because I have chosen to have him attend anything between 3-7 hours a week outside the 'full time registered school' that he attends, and that apparently is 'not allowed,' unless I have the principal's consent (consent, the principal will not give because it shows her that her school has failed my son by not providing the individual learning plan he needs to grow in his learning).
So why is there so much politics in giving a child an education? When did the teachers become administrators and not educators? It's just wrong that they are wasting money on things that aren't necessary like policies on truancy. They have probably spent more money on creating the policies than recuperating from defiant parents. As a parent, we all have rights to do what we feel right for our children, and I will be a defiant parent if I know in my heart I am doing what's best for my children.
For instance, isn't the child who stays behind to look after a younger sibling... doesn't that child learn the art of responsibility, child rearing and caring, understanding behaviour, the art of domesticated chores including cooking, cleaning and keeping a home sanitary. This child uses her mathematics to measure the right formula for the baby or cutting her Vegemite toast into eighths, she learns time management skills while setting sleep times for the baby, she learns to read stories creating inflections in her voice to help her capture the attention of the baby which helps her with her public speaking and confidence. She might even go down the street with the baby in a stroller to get some supplies, so she'll use her navigation skills to get herself to the shops, but also her mathematical skills to create a budget and spend the money she has for supplies wisely. All these are life skills, most that can't be learnt in a classroom.
And how about family travel. Can't that be a more valuable experience than anything else in a classroom? To have first hand knowledge of different cultures, languages, sights and sounds from a different country, or even a different part of your home country so that your child gets an understanding of exactly how life really is outside the four walls of home and the classroom. Travel can give you so much more than any text book or Google search. It was a deciding factor for me not to put my children into a private school because any travel outside of school holidays is unacceptable, yet travel in school holidays is excessive up with their school fees, and limiting. You can't go away for more than 2-3 weeks at a time, unless it's over Christmas... and that's just insane.
I understand that a formal education is important, as long as the child is taught in the way he or she needs. And I am adamant that my children go to school if they are coughing and spluttering, but draw the line if they are vomiting or have a fever. And I completely disagree with wagging school, as it defies both parents and the education system. But to fine parents for not attending for the sake of a decision they made which they felt was a better decision for their child, is ludicrous. A parent has the last say of what their child does or does not do.
The Education Department states that if a child is enrolled in a school, they are enrolled full time and thus must attend full time. I've had fights with the Education Department about seeking specialised tutoring for my youngest son because I have chosen to have him attend anything between 3-7 hours a week outside the 'full time registered school' that he attends, and that apparently is 'not allowed,' unless I have the principal's consent (consent, the principal will not give because it shows her that her school has failed my son by not providing the individual learning plan he needs to grow in his learning).
So why is there so much politics in giving a child an education? When did the teachers become administrators and not educators? It's just wrong that they are wasting money on things that aren't necessary like policies on truancy. They have probably spent more money on creating the policies than recuperating from defiant parents. As a parent, we all have rights to do what we feel right for our children, and I will be a defiant parent if I know in my heart I am doing what's best for my children.
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