Last night, I met up with a friend and the boys at the mexican Australian-owned restaurant Taco Bill in Brighton. We decided to have an early dinner as my boys were at Cartoon Camp at one of the local Brighton schools for the day, and it would be easier for us to just keeping going for dinner.
We got there a little before six and there was just my friend waiting for us, a table of four with a toddler (who was quite annoying) and another man sitting by himself at a table for eight... obviously waiting for the rest of his party. Within about half an hour, the table of four with the annoying toddler left and a new table for four arrived. It was a tall skinny man in baseball cap with the word 'Titlest' embroided on the back, two pre-teen kids (a boy who had a very stylish USA hoodie that looked more than expensive... that was my first observation) and a gorgeous petite lady who looked like she was around 20, with long dark hair.
My friend, who recognised one of the kids from all his newspaper reading, said "I think that's Shane Warne!" For all those who read my blog who don't know who Shane Warne is, he is a controversial, very talented Australian cricket player who is engaged to the beautiful Elizabeth Hurley. He sat with his back to us looking out to the street, with his son Jackson next to him, daughter Summer in front of him and this mystery 20 year old diagonally opposite him.
My friend and I decided we'd have a little fun with it. We wondered who this mystery woman was, as she looked too old to be one of the kid's friends, and she definitely wasn't Warne's oldest daughter with her colourings. Was she a young flame of Warnie's or could she just be the kids' nanny while they were on summer holidays. We thought the 'nanny' idea was possibly the most logical and kind.
Then we decided to see what they would order. First came out a line of toppings - salsa, guacamole and sour cream. Then a small plate of nachos for Jackson and a medium plate of nachos for the 'nanny.' There didn't seem to be any drinks accept water, and from my angle, I couldn't see if Summer or Shane were actually eating anything. But from my friend's view, he said Summer looked like she had a small plate of nachos too, but again unsure of the spin-king's meal, if he had one at all. But really, with all the publicity he's had about losing so much weight, possibly a nip and tuck here or there and his hair transplants, I'm sure there wouldn't be a carb of corn chip laden cheese, salsa & sour cream going into that mouth.
The conversation between the 20-20 cricketer and the mystery woman was very platonic, with no visual flirting or footsies under the table, so Lizzy is safe for now :)
After about forty-five minutes, Summer went to pay for the meal, and the foursome left, hardly touching the bowl of toppings in the middle of the table. The woman had eaten about three-quarters of her nachos, and besides the toppings, the rest of the table was cleared. Warnie thanked the staff at Taco Bill, and left.
But then it was weird. They walked in one direction, and then Warne walked back by himself smoking a cigarette without his family entourage. Was the 'nanny' taking the kids back to their mother's? Or back home while Warnie could have a night out with his mates? Hmmm... who knows? But it was fun thinking of what the possibilities could be!
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
Monday, 7 January 2013
What Women Want...
It's really not that difficult to work out... all they want is an 'offer.' An offer that gives them love, honesty, commitment, 'grown up' responsibilities, compassion and an offer that puts her needs first. The offer has to consider her feelings for the man who requires her love and any mutual attraction. It doesn't need to be financial, it doesn't need to include children... what it does need is have a mutuality, commonality of interests and an agreement of who provides which roles within the relationship, if they are equally shared or not... but it needs to be an agreement that won't be begrudged over time.
Now, I know in reality that when you meet someone for the first time, essentially, when you try them on, you are not going to discover if the man you date is 'offer' kind of material. It's something that develops over time. Initially, you talk about possibilities, you talk about what you love about life, what you want in a relationship and what you want in life and you hope that they are compatible. Of course, you tell a couple of little lies to try and woo your suitor into liking you more if you feel a lustful attraction to him, or he gives you a couple of white lies to convince you more into liking him, but when reality hits, that's when the truth comes out. Either there were lies from the start in how he wanted the relationship to unfold, or there were lies from you. Or even lies to yourselves.... things you thought you wanted, but ultimately didn't. But lies don't work in a relationship, hence the reason why I'm so open in this blog and to those who know me. There is another thing though... denial. Denial that your partner wants what you want, when you weren't really listening to their fears, concerns and desires. And of course, it works both ways.
So how do you know if your 'offer' is possibly something that you would love to live with for the rest of your life? I guess you don't know, because as time changes, so do you. You discover new things about yourself, you discover that your interests are changing and you lose a sense of commonality. But you do have to go with your intuition. For happiness now and in the immediate future is what you wish for everyone, and in this life, you just can't think so far ahead as being grandparents together.
As I think of the list of suitors who have been interested in me over time, not one, not even my American lover or my ex husband, has given me a good enough 'offer'... the ultimate offer I deserve. All of them put their needs first, some don't know how to be a responsible man in terms of holding down a respectable job or be a responsible provider, some are highly dependent on other aspects in their life to make any significant changes, some are insecure, some are overly confident, some don't know how to romance a girl, some need a mother, some want to be rescued, some blame the world for their misfortunes and some think the world owes them something. I think most women relate to that... they know they either settled for an offer because they are desperate to be married or have kids, or they take an offer just to feel loved... and in time, those offers turn out to be duds and divorce.
Men really do need to step up to the plate and be more 'manly.' They need to show that they are a gentleman, that they know what their responsibilities are, they need to romance a woman, they need to show sincerity in how they care for and support their woman and they need to make trust possible. I know women want it 'all' - career, family, gorgeous husband, beautiful home, financial freedom and helping out with the school fundraisers, but in the end, we just want a man who can 'offer' to be a man in every loving, kind, responsible way possible.
Now, I know in reality that when you meet someone for the first time, essentially, when you try them on, you are not going to discover if the man you date is 'offer' kind of material. It's something that develops over time. Initially, you talk about possibilities, you talk about what you love about life, what you want in a relationship and what you want in life and you hope that they are compatible. Of course, you tell a couple of little lies to try and woo your suitor into liking you more if you feel a lustful attraction to him, or he gives you a couple of white lies to convince you more into liking him, but when reality hits, that's when the truth comes out. Either there were lies from the start in how he wanted the relationship to unfold, or there were lies from you. Or even lies to yourselves.... things you thought you wanted, but ultimately didn't. But lies don't work in a relationship, hence the reason why I'm so open in this blog and to those who know me. There is another thing though... denial. Denial that your partner wants what you want, when you weren't really listening to their fears, concerns and desires. And of course, it works both ways.
So how do you know if your 'offer' is possibly something that you would love to live with for the rest of your life? I guess you don't know, because as time changes, so do you. You discover new things about yourself, you discover that your interests are changing and you lose a sense of commonality. But you do have to go with your intuition. For happiness now and in the immediate future is what you wish for everyone, and in this life, you just can't think so far ahead as being grandparents together.
As I think of the list of suitors who have been interested in me over time, not one, not even my American lover or my ex husband, has given me a good enough 'offer'... the ultimate offer I deserve. All of them put their needs first, some don't know how to be a responsible man in terms of holding down a respectable job or be a responsible provider, some are highly dependent on other aspects in their life to make any significant changes, some are insecure, some are overly confident, some don't know how to romance a girl, some need a mother, some want to be rescued, some blame the world for their misfortunes and some think the world owes them something. I think most women relate to that... they know they either settled for an offer because they are desperate to be married or have kids, or they take an offer just to feel loved... and in time, those offers turn out to be duds and divorce.
Men really do need to step up to the plate and be more 'manly.' They need to show that they are a gentleman, that they know what their responsibilities are, they need to romance a woman, they need to show sincerity in how they care for and support their woman and they need to make trust possible. I know women want it 'all' - career, family, gorgeous husband, beautiful home, financial freedom and helping out with the school fundraisers, but in the end, we just want a man who can 'offer' to be a man in every loving, kind, responsible way possible.
Sunday, 6 January 2013
Bike Ride in the City
After our long (for us anyway!) bike ride last week, I struggled to get the boys off the couch and enjoy the outside again, especially since it's been so hot. But today was some light relief from the heat with the wind keeping the temperatures down. I convinced the boys to go on a 15 minute ride, just to get the bikes out, but also mentioned that we might catch a train to make the journey easier.
So after all the whining, we trekked off on our bikes to the train station to catch a train to the city. As you can see.... they knew it wasn't possible to be a 15 minute ride if we were to catch a train. Evidence No 1: Let's show mum we are already bored and pretend to sleep on the train!
So after all the whining, we trekked off on our bikes to the train station to catch a train to the city. As you can see.... they knew it wasn't possible to be a 15 minute ride if we were to catch a train. Evidence No 1: Let's show mum we are already bored and pretend to sleep on the train!
We got to the city and it was alive with the bustle of people. We decided to ride along the Yarra River enjoying the greenery of the banks and the calmness of the water. Many families, lovers and bike riders were out doing the same thing... enjoying our beautiful city on a lovely summer's day. We rode from Flinders Street station to Morrell Bridge in South Yarra, crossed the Yarra and returned back via Southbank Promenade to the station (shhh... don't tell the boys we could have gone via the bridge to South Yarra station to make the trip quicker!)
 |
| Views from Morrell Bridge |
We stopped on Southbank Promenade for a small snack, admiring the sculptures, the street performers and the tourists. There was an aboriginal man playing the didgeridoo, in all his tribal paints, and about 50 metres up from him, was a little boy who looked like he was about 4 years old and had just purchased a didgeridoo from a souvenir shop. He decided to play his didgeridoo, put his hat out for some money and see what would happen. There wasn't a crowd around him as such, but people were quietly looking from a distance at the distinct difference in buskers (I'm sure the little boy didn't have a busking permit) and seeing how the little boy's takings were affecting the authentic aboriginal busker. Quite amusing! (sorry there are no pics of the buskers!)
 |
| Southbank Promenade outside Freshwater Place |
After all the initial whinging that we were longer than '15 minutes,' somehow I had smiles on their faces at Flinders Street station on the way home. AND, I even had the comment from the 9 year old, that he's getting used to riding his bike now. Hmmm... where could we go next? Maybe up into Belgrave to chase Puffing Billy, the steam train? Who knows...
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Intuition or Curiosity...
How do you know if someone is keen on you? If it's a former love, a potential love or just the mad crazy guy from down the street... There are some you just wish would go away, as your interest in them is purely friendship even though you know they want more. Others, you feel the attraction each time you see them and wonder if it anything will come of it. But then there's the former ones... the one who your heart still burns for, and if ever they came back into your life, you would seriously consider getting back together with him.
So is it intuition that makes you think there is a mutuality in feelings with a potential love or former love or is it curiosity? For me and I'm sure it's the same for many other women, I feel my intuition tells me feelings are there...
I won't lie... I still send messages to my American lover probably once a week or fortnight. I rarely hear back, but I'm OK with that, because I know that he is trying to prove to his family that he is dedicated to them... he is regaining their trust after they found out about me. But my intuition tells me that he thinks of me every day, and I even have little pieces of evidence that he keeps tabs on me too. But is he keeping tabs on me for curiosity's sake or because he genuinely misses me and still needs to have me, in the smallest way, a part of his life? I don't know, but my intuition tells me that my name still comes up in conversations/arguments he has with his family or there is still some insecurity about my presence.
Then there is the potential love... I met him about 16 months ago at a property I went to. We'd been through the same hardships with divorce and had a fairly long chat about it at the time. Now, I generally don't see people out of the course of writing their homes up, but I keep bumping into this guy in the most unusual places, and, besides the supermarket, I don't think we've been in the same suburb twice. He's always willing to stop for a chat... I've seen him jogging in Black Rock, buying a smoothie in Hampton, on the job in Mentone and funnily enough, tonight, I saw him through the window having dinner in Brighton with a couple (he was without partner... unless she was on a bathroom break) at one of my favourite restaurants. His face lit up when he saw me, but as the gentleman he is, he smiled mouthed through the window 'how are you?' and I asked him if he was well, and he nodded, gave his lovely smile, waved goodbye and continued with the conversation he had with his dinner party. For some reason, I just feel lucky that I keep bumping into him and I am in no rush for anything to happen, as I feel one day, it just may be...
As for the others... my heart knows what it wants, and my mind knows what I deserve. And I have to trust my heart and my head... if it doesn't feel right, I say 'No' and I say 'No' often, but most don't listen. Their incessant ignorance for my wishes just tell me that they aren't right for me and only have their own interests at heart, not mine. That's my strong intuition at it's best! Men are curious souls... they explore, tempt, do everything in their power just to find out what all the fuss is about, but they can't see when women are putting up the stop signals and have no idea how to respect a woman's wishes. They keep pushing till they get what they want.
So I guess, if women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, then women go with their intuition, their gut feeling always, where men often just go with their curiosity to find out about the unknown. Frustrating, isn't it?
So is it intuition that makes you think there is a mutuality in feelings with a potential love or former love or is it curiosity? For me and I'm sure it's the same for many other women, I feel my intuition tells me feelings are there...
I won't lie... I still send messages to my American lover probably once a week or fortnight. I rarely hear back, but I'm OK with that, because I know that he is trying to prove to his family that he is dedicated to them... he is regaining their trust after they found out about me. But my intuition tells me that he thinks of me every day, and I even have little pieces of evidence that he keeps tabs on me too. But is he keeping tabs on me for curiosity's sake or because he genuinely misses me and still needs to have me, in the smallest way, a part of his life? I don't know, but my intuition tells me that my name still comes up in conversations/arguments he has with his family or there is still some insecurity about my presence.
Then there is the potential love... I met him about 16 months ago at a property I went to. We'd been through the same hardships with divorce and had a fairly long chat about it at the time. Now, I generally don't see people out of the course of writing their homes up, but I keep bumping into this guy in the most unusual places, and, besides the supermarket, I don't think we've been in the same suburb twice. He's always willing to stop for a chat... I've seen him jogging in Black Rock, buying a smoothie in Hampton, on the job in Mentone and funnily enough, tonight, I saw him through the window having dinner in Brighton with a couple (he was without partner... unless she was on a bathroom break) at one of my favourite restaurants. His face lit up when he saw me, but as the gentleman he is, he smiled mouthed through the window 'how are you?' and I asked him if he was well, and he nodded, gave his lovely smile, waved goodbye and continued with the conversation he had with his dinner party. For some reason, I just feel lucky that I keep bumping into him and I am in no rush for anything to happen, as I feel one day, it just may be...
As for the others... my heart knows what it wants, and my mind knows what I deserve. And I have to trust my heart and my head... if it doesn't feel right, I say 'No' and I say 'No' often, but most don't listen. Their incessant ignorance for my wishes just tell me that they aren't right for me and only have their own interests at heart, not mine. That's my strong intuition at it's best! Men are curious souls... they explore, tempt, do everything in their power just to find out what all the fuss is about, but they can't see when women are putting up the stop signals and have no idea how to respect a woman's wishes. They keep pushing till they get what they want.
So I guess, if women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, then women go with their intuition, their gut feeling always, where men often just go with their curiosity to find out about the unknown. Frustrating, isn't it?
Thursday, 3 January 2013
A Day of Wine, Beach and Acceptance
The boys and I had their cousins from Western Australia come over for a play. They are cousins from 'the other side' who have a gorgeous mum who thankfully understands all the crap that divorce, parental responsibility and hardships can cause within a family, as she has been through it all too. She just wanted her kids to have some time with their cousins, as I do, without the B.S. of divided families getting involved.
We had a 'grazing lunch' of cold cuts, sour dough bread, dukkah, guacamole, cheese, salad vegetables and summer fruits before heading down to the beach. I told her we had a couple of options... we could go down to the marine sanctuary at Ricketts Point and do some snorkelling which is usually a bit of a hidden secret, but The Age decided to publish an article about how much of a 'hidden secret' it is of marine wildlife on our doorstep today, so I expected that the whole world would want to check it out on a 36 degree Celsius day. The other option was to go down the street to the closest beach, avoid Half Moon Bay as all the northern suburb tourists take over, and enjoy the quiet of the beach that only the locals know. We made it to the car park and there were plenty of parks to choose (and parks with shade), and walked down to the foreshore.
It was stunning! And as you can see, not crowded at all! The water was a tropical blue/green accentuating the white sand. We plonked our towels down against the rocky groyne and walked into the soothing cool water. As we waded in the crystal clear water, the rocks were laden with thousands of mussels and abalone. It was a marine sanctuary of its own. We even found a dead crab boiled in a rock pool ready to eat (not that we did!). The kids had a ball playing with their water pistols, and we mums enjoyed the relaxing nature that the beach provides. We could see on the other side of the bluff, how busy Half Moon Bay was with its congested colour of umbrellas, beach shelters and bodies, so we were happy with our choice of beach.
We came home after a couple of hours, via the milk bar for some frozen slurpees for the kids, and my ex-sister-in-law and I enjoyed a bottle of wine on the porch while the kids played Skylanders inside. We talked about how she has coped with her separation, and I divulged some information about how we've been coping.
However, she had some wise words to say... never go into a relationship on the premise of 'helping him'... find someone who's willing to help you or enhance your life, not overwhelm it. And accept at all the mutual benefits for everyone when a relationship ends. They are wise words, however it's hard to break that nature to 'help' people when it's embedded into you.
After we realised we finished the bottle of wine, she packed up her kids and returned to the mother ship :) It was great for the kids to catch up, because she does have amazing kids, and it's becoming more and more obvious to me, that kids from broken relationships have been through so much, that their emotional maturity is so much more enhanced, their happiness in accepting what they do have and their understanding in what they don't have, their parents together, is extremely humbling.
We had a 'grazing lunch' of cold cuts, sour dough bread, dukkah, guacamole, cheese, salad vegetables and summer fruits before heading down to the beach. I told her we had a couple of options... we could go down to the marine sanctuary at Ricketts Point and do some snorkelling which is usually a bit of a hidden secret, but The Age decided to publish an article about how much of a 'hidden secret' it is of marine wildlife on our doorstep today, so I expected that the whole world would want to check it out on a 36 degree Celsius day. The other option was to go down the street to the closest beach, avoid Half Moon Bay as all the northern suburb tourists take over, and enjoy the quiet of the beach that only the locals know. We made it to the car park and there were plenty of parks to choose (and parks with shade), and walked down to the foreshore.
It was stunning! And as you can see, not crowded at all! The water was a tropical blue/green accentuating the white sand. We plonked our towels down against the rocky groyne and walked into the soothing cool water. As we waded in the crystal clear water, the rocks were laden with thousands of mussels and abalone. It was a marine sanctuary of its own. We even found a dead crab boiled in a rock pool ready to eat (not that we did!). The kids had a ball playing with their water pistols, and we mums enjoyed the relaxing nature that the beach provides. We could see on the other side of the bluff, how busy Half Moon Bay was with its congested colour of umbrellas, beach shelters and bodies, so we were happy with our choice of beach.
We came home after a couple of hours, via the milk bar for some frozen slurpees for the kids, and my ex-sister-in-law and I enjoyed a bottle of wine on the porch while the kids played Skylanders inside. We talked about how she has coped with her separation, and I divulged some information about how we've been coping.
However, she had some wise words to say... never go into a relationship on the premise of 'helping him'... find someone who's willing to help you or enhance your life, not overwhelm it. And accept at all the mutual benefits for everyone when a relationship ends. They are wise words, however it's hard to break that nature to 'help' people when it's embedded into you.
After we realised we finished the bottle of wine, she packed up her kids and returned to the mother ship :) It was great for the kids to catch up, because she does have amazing kids, and it's becoming more and more obvious to me, that kids from broken relationships have been through so much, that their emotional maturity is so much more enhanced, their happiness in accepting what they do have and their understanding in what they don't have, their parents together, is extremely humbling.
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
The Blackboard
These school holidays, I introduced the 'blackboard!' It's positioned outside my bedroom door on the outer wall, only I'm allowed to write on it and it outlines what we are going to do that day. The point of the blackboard is to let the 'peeps of the house' know what is happening when they wake up in the morning, know what's expected and essentially, when it's all done, they have free time.
We've had everything on it from going to doing homework, gardening, cleaning the house, outings to friend's houses, going for bike rides, to quiet days and rewards if things are done by a certain time. Yesterday, my 9 year old wanted to go go-karting, and we had it on the blackboard that we would, but by the time we had everything done on the blackboard, it was 4pm. I had a look at the website for the go-kart place he wanted to go to, and they closed at 5pm which would have been pointless trying to get there. We had tears and all sorts, so I explained if he didn't fuss about so much, then we would have had time. So today, he understood that getting it done early meant that we could go... which we did. We got there at 12.30pm... a much better improvement to our family productivity! (But then again, New Years Day, you're allowed a sleep in!)
My boys have been a little cheeky and have rubbed off a couple of things before I wake up in the morning, but I've now told them that instead of 4 pages of homework for the day, they will do 6 pages... so they understand now not to mess with me and the blackboard!
I plan to continue the use of the blackboard when school's back, just to get some organisation and understanding with my boys to be on top of things. If it's their homework, sports practice, chores around the house, friend's play dates or even explaining that I need some quiet time because I have too much work to do.
So far, a little over a week into having the 'blackboard' as part of the family, there is still positivity to it. The boys understand that the items on the blackboard are the necessities and happenings of the day. Let's hope it continues :)
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
First Day of the New Year
As all New Years Day's tend to be, today was a day of new beginnings. A day of hope, a day of enjoying the small things, a day of appreciation for what you have - not what you don't have, a day of aspiring to bring your goals to fruition and a day of setting new standards that you want to continue throughout the year. God knows I need to lose a few kilos, finish my book, help my boys more with their schooling, exercise more and enjoy my surrounds. So as time permits, some of these things are able to happen... but when the working day becomes overwhelming again, reality sets in and some of these things fall away.
But you have to give yourself a start... so today was a day to better our environment to give us something happy, relaxing and appealing to look at. Instead of looking at the crappy old falling apart barbecue that greets us at our front door that we can't do anything about as it's a fixture to the rental apartment, today we decided to pretty it up. We bought pots, potting mix, some garden ornaments, a watering can, some herbs and some cottage colour of some of my favourite flowering colour...
And I was really happy, because I've been looking for a certain style of daisy for years to dress up a garden, the kind of daisy that grows in a dense bunch of white petals and yellow centres that just looks like a mass of cheery happiness, and today I found them! I found a lovely established pot of English lavender, some yellow daisies, red geraniums and a few other brightly coloured flowering beauties to go with my country cottage theme. I dedicated a pot to some strawberries that can grow randomly around the ricketty old barbecue, and we potted a long planter box of chives, parsley, coriander, dill and thyme. I added a candle lit lantern, a distressed looking ceramic bird and an old style watering can that's jazzed up in a Spring Green colour, but still looks right at home.
But you have to give yourself a start... so today was a day to better our environment to give us something happy, relaxing and appealing to look at. Instead of looking at the crappy old falling apart barbecue that greets us at our front door that we can't do anything about as it's a fixture to the rental apartment, today we decided to pretty it up. We bought pots, potting mix, some garden ornaments, a watering can, some herbs and some cottage colour of some of my favourite flowering colour...
And I was really happy, because I've been looking for a certain style of daisy for years to dress up a garden, the kind of daisy that grows in a dense bunch of white petals and yellow centres that just looks like a mass of cheery happiness, and today I found them! I found a lovely established pot of English lavender, some yellow daisies, red geraniums and a few other brightly coloured flowering beauties to go with my country cottage theme. I dedicated a pot to some strawberries that can grow randomly around the ricketty old barbecue, and we potted a long planter box of chives, parsley, coriander, dill and thyme. I added a candle lit lantern, a distressed looking ceramic bird and an old style watering can that's jazzed up in a Spring Green colour, but still looks right at home.
So hopefully, as things grow, we won't see the leaning legs of the barbecue, breathe in the beautiful scents of the lavender and herbs, and we'll be able to enjoy the herbs in our cooking. I might have to add a few more pots over time, but for now, it's something that brings life to our secluded entrance away from the other apartments.
It really doesn't take much to make home more homely, giving it a more positive energy for the start of the year. Let's hope it's the making of more positive things to come! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)