To me, I am a very sceptical person when it comes to religion. Religion has caused more wars in this world, caused more discrimination and creates weak, selfish individuals who believe that no matter whatever they do, they will be saved by God's 'grace and mercy.' People who believe in the higher power in God, don't have enough strength to believe in themselves AND do not take responsibility for their own actions. They seek forgiveness from God, who apparently loves all of us, and through that forgiveness of a spiritual being, they are guilt-free for their despicable actions on this Earth. How is that so?
Now, I've been brought up to be responsible for myself to the other degree - rarely if not any support from those who declare they love me financially, emotionally or physically, and if I don't have a belief in myself to get through any hurdles that I go through, then I have only myself to blame. My roots don't want to hear the sob-stories, and certainly have no compassion for them, even if one of us in the midst of a suicidal depression, they just want to hear that we're alive and doing ok.
So how can someone, who has been brought up on Christianity be so lucid to think that if God can give His forgiveness to him or her, knowing that their penance was heard, that they can be so dumb-founded when man on Earth, including the law, decide that they are guilty of an un-lawful act and punished accordingly? I just don't get it. I have known people who have broken all but one of the Ten Commandments (the only one being murder), yet claim that they can be completely forgiven after they had spent a small amount of time re-reading the Bible, praying and 'talking to God', as they hadn't been completely blasphemous because they hadn't broken ALL Ten Commandments. They will go back to their merry ways and continue to sin and break their beloved Christian laws, because they know in their heart they will be forgiven by God. I'm sorry, but it is completely and utterly morally and lawfully wrong.
For instance, 'thou shalt not steal.' Someone shoplifts, gets caught, asks for forgiveness from God, it's a first offence, so she gets a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. Two weeks later, she does it again, doesn't get caught. A month later, she goes for a bigger ticketed item, gets caught, gets locked in jail for a month and gains an official criminal record and wonders why. She had God's forgiveness, she even had the law's forgiveness when she first broke the law, so why is she being punished now? It's that sort of mentality that completely blows me away! You did something wrong love, live with it and the consequences!!
If a man has committed adultery, and his wife finds out, the first time she may give him her forgiveness, purely on the fact that she thinks that all it was was sexual intimacy, not emotional intimacy. So he makes an effort to appease his wife, and all is forgiven. Again, it was all so easy to get her forgiveness, and God's grace and mercy, so he goes and finds another escape, but this time it's a longer more meaningful relationship. His wife finds out again, and she starts to evaluate that it may not be his sexual addiction that has led him to this adultery, maybe something is completely wrong in their marriage that was underlying but no one had ever spoken about it. She questions herself, she questions their love, she thinks back to all his awkward behaviour and now understands why he was the way he was. Her trust in him is completely gone, because it wasn't just the sex, it was the lies, it was the emotional attachment to someone else, it was the complete disregard to their wedded vows that he had betrayed. Can she go back and forgive him, even though he vows never to do it again? Can she live in peace with herself and her husband knowing that he may have God's forgiveness, but will he truly have hers?
Why isn't the law on Earth the same as religious law? Is that why so many people are confused about what is right and wrong? Divorce in most states is 'at no-fault,' which means that even if someone did a wrong-doing to their spouse, they are divorced and financially separated with equality.
My argument with the Bible is that you can look at it until you are black and blue and find things in it that suits the argument, or belief you want to continue in your life. There are many things in the Bible that are outdated - the religious expectation that women be fully clothed in public, slavery, even the concept of 'love thou neighbour' has changed from the thoughts of your 'neighbour' being equal in race, financial status, sexual preference and gender to you, to now your 'neighbour' is all of humanity and that different races, religions, gays, lesbians, heterosexuals, children, the elderly, the poor, the wealthy, the educated and non-educated are ALL our neighbours and we should all be treated the same.
I have always been told to treat people the same way I would like to be treated. It is very rare for me to lash out on others for my feelings of inequality in the events or efforts of another upon me. However, those who are devoted to their religion, bar one possible exception, have treated with me with such contempt because of their 'own' wrong-doing, misfortunes or immoral guidance and actions.
I know religion is a very large part of this world, and most God loving people will say that it was mis-guided men who created the wars, used their absolute power to molest children in the Catholic Church and private/Christian boys' schools, and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. If we were taught at school to believe more in ourselves, know the different between right and wrong and take responsibility for our own actions, and if we did do something wrong, then we would need to live with that guilt for the remainder of our lives, then there would be less wrong-doings and more right-doings, as the guilt would just eat us all up alive. However Christianity, has given us the freedom to know that no matter what wrong we do, we don't have to hold onto that guilt, as God has forgiven us, and we are free to make the same mistakes over and over again, until the law here on Earth decides to punish us. Christianity doesn't breed strong moral citizens, only weak people who know they always have a back up, as they truly believe that God will never fail them, even if they fail themselves.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Sunday, 15 July 2012
A Holiday within a Day
Yesterday I took the boys up to Echuca. Echuca is about a 3 hour drive north of Melbourne, the closest point from Melbourne to get to our state border on the Murray River. It's an historic town, still being true to its origins with its blacksmith store, woodturning store, vintage eateries and horse drawn coaches going down sandy banked roads on the river edge.
Our first stop was to grab some lunch and a pit-stop (piss-stop, as my boys call it!). We found a lovely restaurant with leather high-back chairs and white table cloths on Echuca's main street. The menu was a little 5-star for my boys' taste, but the waiter ensured me that they can have the breakfast menu of a various egg choices instead of the gourmet lunch menu. One chose poached eggs on toast, the other scrambled eggs with bacon... little did the chef know, but he was cooking for an 8 year old, who doesn't really like pepper in his eggs. But knowing the chef, he would say it would be blasphemous without pepper! I have a lovely club turkey, bacon and rocket club sandwich and my standard hot chocolate.
After lunch, we strolled along the Campapse River before going to the Port of Echuca where they have the historic township. We decided we would go on a paddle steamer cruise and chose the PS Emmylou as our paddle steamer for the day. The paddle steamer had it all... a galley, restaurant, sleeping cabins, amenities, the warm heart of the engine, the captain's room on the top floor and plenty of places to run and escape for the boys. The weather was cool but dry to start, but once the boat started, the rain did too. Luckily there were plenty of sheltered areas to hide.
The river was calm, the water levels were high and the crew were happy to have a chat. We paddle-steamed about 4 kilometres up the river, seeing the new Moama and the old Moama on the New South Wales side of the Murray, plenty of ducks, the floating tin-sheds Captain Pete fondly calls the houseboats and some of the beautiful old paddle steamers.
PS Emmylou was built in 1906 by Marshall & Sons in England. It uses 1 tonne of wood per day and 250 litres of water per hour. It can generate speeds of 12 kilometres per hour with the engine at 120rpm and the paddle wheels at 30rpm. The boys had a chance at steering the 7.5tonne vessel, and enjoyed the scenic and very tranquil ride up our state's border.
After our cruise, we looked in the blacksmith shop, the wood-turning shop and souvenir shop and pressed a penny into a copper keepsake of our little trip, then headed back home to Melbourne.
We arrived on the edge of the city around 6pm, and decided to go to South Melbourne for some sushi. It was a good day all round. Great to get some country air, great to leave the computer at home, great to spend some precious time with my boys doing what we love...
Our first stop was to grab some lunch and a pit-stop (piss-stop, as my boys call it!). We found a lovely restaurant with leather high-back chairs and white table cloths on Echuca's main street. The menu was a little 5-star for my boys' taste, but the waiter ensured me that they can have the breakfast menu of a various egg choices instead of the gourmet lunch menu. One chose poached eggs on toast, the other scrambled eggs with bacon... little did the chef know, but he was cooking for an 8 year old, who doesn't really like pepper in his eggs. But knowing the chef, he would say it would be blasphemous without pepper! I have a lovely club turkey, bacon and rocket club sandwich and my standard hot chocolate.
The river was calm, the water levels were high and the crew were happy to have a chat. We paddle-steamed about 4 kilometres up the river, seeing the new Moama and the old Moama on the New South Wales side of the Murray, plenty of ducks, the floating tin-sheds Captain Pete fondly calls the houseboats and some of the beautiful old paddle steamers.
PS Emmylou was built in 1906 by Marshall & Sons in England. It uses 1 tonne of wood per day and 250 litres of water per hour. It can generate speeds of 12 kilometres per hour with the engine at 120rpm and the paddle wheels at 30rpm. The boys had a chance at steering the 7.5tonne vessel, and enjoyed the scenic and very tranquil ride up our state's border.
After our cruise, we looked in the blacksmith shop, the wood-turning shop and souvenir shop and pressed a penny into a copper keepsake of our little trip, then headed back home to Melbourne.
We arrived on the edge of the city around 6pm, and decided to go to South Melbourne for some sushi. It was a good day all round. Great to get some country air, great to leave the computer at home, great to spend some precious time with my boys doing what we love...
Friday, 13 July 2012
An archive idea!
I heard about a fabulous idea the other day as a keepsake for our children. It was based on the 7-Up series that the BBC started in the 60s (where they interviewed the same children at the age of 7, then 14, 21, 28, 35, 42... and I think they are close to interviewing them now at 49), but this is an annual thing.
As your child reaches the age of three, devise a series of questions that you will ask them every year around their birthday. You could call it 'Jacob's Twenty Questions.' The questions would be things like, what's your favourite colour, what's your favourite food, what's your favourite car, what are you going to be when you grow up, who's your best friend, what's your favourite toy, what's your favourite thing to do, what's your favourite movie, what's your favourite song... anything that gives you a glimpse into their eyes every year as they grow, and it's something that you can see evolve as they grow older.
I experimented with my almost 11 year old son today while we were waiting at the doctor's surgery. He is becoming quite the comical jester with a few 'smart' answers in his older years. Most of it is him coming out with his personality and happiness, some of it is the start of those wonderful teen years that we all dread.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
A: I can't decide if it's blue or green, so I will say turquoise.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: An inventor.
Q: What's your favourite food?'
A: Steak.
Q: What's your favourite song?
A: Make it Bun Dem by Skrillax
At this point, I'm like 'Who?' I all of a sudden felt like my mother. I am very much 'in the know' of what's trendy on the music scene, but this was something I had never heard. Where did he hear it from? As it's not on the radio in the car, or something we've downloaded from iTunes? Could school be promoting these 'controversial' songs? I have no idea.. I did proceed to ask him where he heard it from, just as the doctor announced it was his time to have his appointment.... aaarrrrrgggghhhhh!
Anyway, for new mums or even those who still feel like there could be quite the difference over the next 5, 10 or 15 years of their child's life to start this tradition, it would be rather a nice keepsake to hand to them on their 21st birthday, but at the same time, it is a really nice way to get to know your children, how they develop and see how they tastes change.
As your child reaches the age of three, devise a series of questions that you will ask them every year around their birthday. You could call it 'Jacob's Twenty Questions.' The questions would be things like, what's your favourite colour, what's your favourite food, what's your favourite car, what are you going to be when you grow up, who's your best friend, what's your favourite toy, what's your favourite thing to do, what's your favourite movie, what's your favourite song... anything that gives you a glimpse into their eyes every year as they grow, and it's something that you can see evolve as they grow older.
I experimented with my almost 11 year old son today while we were waiting at the doctor's surgery. He is becoming quite the comical jester with a few 'smart' answers in his older years. Most of it is him coming out with his personality and happiness, some of it is the start of those wonderful teen years that we all dread.
Q: What's your favourite colour?
A: I can't decide if it's blue or green, so I will say turquoise.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: An inventor.
Q: What's your favourite food?'
A: Steak.
Q: What's your favourite song?
A: Make it Bun Dem by Skrillax
At this point, I'm like 'Who?' I all of a sudden felt like my mother. I am very much 'in the know' of what's trendy on the music scene, but this was something I had never heard. Where did he hear it from? As it's not on the radio in the car, or something we've downloaded from iTunes? Could school be promoting these 'controversial' songs? I have no idea.. I did proceed to ask him where he heard it from, just as the doctor announced it was his time to have his appointment.... aaarrrrrgggghhhhh!
Anyway, for new mums or even those who still feel like there could be quite the difference over the next 5, 10 or 15 years of their child's life to start this tradition, it would be rather a nice keepsake to hand to them on their 21st birthday, but at the same time, it is a really nice way to get to know your children, how they develop and see how they tastes change.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
How Good are the Years?
I heard a story the other day about a couple who are teetering on the edge of a divorce. What holds them together is the number of 'years' they have been together... They marvel that they have stayed together for 30+ years, but the last 10 or more years have been with intense angst, ignorance of each other and living almost completely separate lives. They work in separate towns, they spend their time separately with their adult children and they don't sleep in the same bed if ever they are in the same house together.
Are the number of years spent together truly a testament to a happy marriage? Or is it a life sentence of Christian morality that is vowed 'till death do us part?'
He's been having an affair for a number of years now, of which his wife has just found out. After all the yelling and cursing at each other, he did admit to it, but she decided that he has a sex addiction and he needs psychological help to stop it. He told her that the affair was not only sexual, but emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual, even told her how much he loved the other woman. But she didn't want to know his feelings for the other woman, only told him that she would help him in any way to save their marriage... which is admirable in it's own way... but essentially, she needs to stay, as she couldn't survive financially.
The problem now lies in the fact that there is no trust between them. How do they rebuild that trust? They have to do extreme lifestyle changes, including changing jobs to always be at home together, traveling together, spending time with friends together, EVERYTHING together to rebuild their bond and marriage. But their needs are different... he's physically active, she's a home body and isn't able to do what she once could. He's actively involved with helping the community on a government level, she'll be caring for the grandchildren at a moment's notice. But is that what they both want? Are they prepared to lose the part of themselves that makes them individually happy to compromise and create a shared life again when they literally have nothing in common, except their children?
He's agreed to see a counsellor, possibly they both will. They both want to make it work, even though there will be a number of years of no trust, no affection and no real friendship between them as they go through the torture of what has happened.
I don't understand why people put themselves through this when they truly have out-grown each other. They can embrace the joyous times they had in the past, but move on independently to create a life of happiness individually. Who knows, they may get back together after all the hurt and sorrow is over when they meet again at one of their children's weddings, a grandchild's birthdays or other family occasion, but for now, to dig up what's not working and dwell on it, resent each other that they aren't in the same place right now and live under a dark cloud of unhappiness is not the answer.
We have one life... we all need to live it to the fullest. If someone doesn't complete you, then it's time to find what does. If it's time by yourself, if it's time with a new partner or if it's time with your children and grandchildren, then that's what you need to do. The number of years that have past aren't important, it's the number of years you have left in you to embrace life that are.
Are the number of years spent together truly a testament to a happy marriage? Or is it a life sentence of Christian morality that is vowed 'till death do us part?'
He's been having an affair for a number of years now, of which his wife has just found out. After all the yelling and cursing at each other, he did admit to it, but she decided that he has a sex addiction and he needs psychological help to stop it. He told her that the affair was not only sexual, but emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual, even told her how much he loved the other woman. But she didn't want to know his feelings for the other woman, only told him that she would help him in any way to save their marriage... which is admirable in it's own way... but essentially, she needs to stay, as she couldn't survive financially.
The problem now lies in the fact that there is no trust between them. How do they rebuild that trust? They have to do extreme lifestyle changes, including changing jobs to always be at home together, traveling together, spending time with friends together, EVERYTHING together to rebuild their bond and marriage. But their needs are different... he's physically active, she's a home body and isn't able to do what she once could. He's actively involved with helping the community on a government level, she'll be caring for the grandchildren at a moment's notice. But is that what they both want? Are they prepared to lose the part of themselves that makes them individually happy to compromise and create a shared life again when they literally have nothing in common, except their children?
He's agreed to see a counsellor, possibly they both will. They both want to make it work, even though there will be a number of years of no trust, no affection and no real friendship between them as they go through the torture of what has happened.
I don't understand why people put themselves through this when they truly have out-grown each other. They can embrace the joyous times they had in the past, but move on independently to create a life of happiness individually. Who knows, they may get back together after all the hurt and sorrow is over when they meet again at one of their children's weddings, a grandchild's birthdays or other family occasion, but for now, to dig up what's not working and dwell on it, resent each other that they aren't in the same place right now and live under a dark cloud of unhappiness is not the answer.
We have one life... we all need to live it to the fullest. If someone doesn't complete you, then it's time to find what does. If it's time by yourself, if it's time with a new partner or if it's time with your children and grandchildren, then that's what you need to do. The number of years that have past aren't important, it's the number of years you have left in you to embrace life that are.
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Setting New Sails...
It's now been five months now since I finalised my finances and divorce with my ex-husband and have had a yearning to make new tracks towards a brighter future. But those new tracks keep getting road blocks that stop me from doing what my heart craves to do. Is it karma? Is it the universe telling me 'not yet?' I just don't know, but none of how I live my life right now feels right, it's just what happens to be the 'responsible' thing to do.
I'm sure there are many people in this boat where their hearts want to be elsewhere, if it's on the other side of the world, if it's doing a different job, if it's helping out in a poverty-stricken community or being by a sick loved-one's side. We tend to give ourselves heavy financial burdens that stop us doing what our heart's dearly want to do... the place where we feel most at peace.
So for me, I unleashed all the financial burden, lightened the load so I could be free, but bureaucracy stopped me from pursuing my dream... Why? Because of archaic laws that allow illegal immigrants venture into a country for the pursuit of happiness, taking advantage of easy borders to cross and the public system that gives free education to all those who want it, which in turn stops those who are willing to pay their way in society, not be a burden on the public system and do the right thing by the country they choose to enter, not a chance to enter, ever again without a Visa. I was guilty before I even get a chance to try and prove that I would actually leave the country when my time was up... so I must sit and wait for the right opportunity to arise for me to be allowed into the so called 'land of the free.'
So as I sit and wait, I find new adventures close at hand. As we are currently living in inner city Melbourne, it's easy for us to walk down the street and find all sorts of international cuisines, interesting people and street-wise events. We have prostitutes standing on the corner of our street, an Aboriginal commune around the corner, and a mission sanctuary for homeless people up the street, so there are a few humbling things to show my boys what life can be like, but we also have vintage ware shops, a vibrant entertainment scene and some amazing parks. We went for a walk the other night to get some dinner, and the boys noticed a blue light in the park as we passed it. I explained to them that the blue light was to deter heroin addicts from shooting up in the children's park because they drop their syringes there, which makes it dangerous for children, and the blue light makes it hard for them to find their veins. So as we take some more eye-opening adventures, they are learning about some of the hardness in life.
The next major adventure is a trip to Fiji in a couple of weeks, but prior to that, we need to find a home to live in! Something we can call home for 12 months... It will be sad to leave St Kilda, because I love looking out the window seeing the night lights, the blue sea water and the ever-changing sky. But it's time to really settle down and start again...
I'm sure there are many people in this boat where their hearts want to be elsewhere, if it's on the other side of the world, if it's doing a different job, if it's helping out in a poverty-stricken community or being by a sick loved-one's side. We tend to give ourselves heavy financial burdens that stop us doing what our heart's dearly want to do... the place where we feel most at peace.
So for me, I unleashed all the financial burden, lightened the load so I could be free, but bureaucracy stopped me from pursuing my dream... Why? Because of archaic laws that allow illegal immigrants venture into a country for the pursuit of happiness, taking advantage of easy borders to cross and the public system that gives free education to all those who want it, which in turn stops those who are willing to pay their way in society, not be a burden on the public system and do the right thing by the country they choose to enter, not a chance to enter, ever again without a Visa. I was guilty before I even get a chance to try and prove that I would actually leave the country when my time was up... so I must sit and wait for the right opportunity to arise for me to be allowed into the so called 'land of the free.'
So as I sit and wait, I find new adventures close at hand. As we are currently living in inner city Melbourne, it's easy for us to walk down the street and find all sorts of international cuisines, interesting people and street-wise events. We have prostitutes standing on the corner of our street, an Aboriginal commune around the corner, and a mission sanctuary for homeless people up the street, so there are a few humbling things to show my boys what life can be like, but we also have vintage ware shops, a vibrant entertainment scene and some amazing parks. We went for a walk the other night to get some dinner, and the boys noticed a blue light in the park as we passed it. I explained to them that the blue light was to deter heroin addicts from shooting up in the children's park because they drop their syringes there, which makes it dangerous for children, and the blue light makes it hard for them to find their veins. So as we take some more eye-opening adventures, they are learning about some of the hardness in life.
The next major adventure is a trip to Fiji in a couple of weeks, but prior to that, we need to find a home to live in! Something we can call home for 12 months... It will be sad to leave St Kilda, because I love looking out the window seeing the night lights, the blue sea water and the ever-changing sky. But it's time to really settle down and start again...
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
The Alphabet Game
When I take my boys out for dinner, as all boys are, they get bored. So a few years back, I created the 'Alphabet Game.' What we do is, we choose a topic (topics are dependent on age group).. the topic could be 'foods we love,' 'car brands,' 'games to play,' 'types of animals.' Anything you like, then you go around in a circle, and each person has to come up with a 'thing' from that topic. As my boys get older, and get used to the game, they come up with some funny antics... for instance, today's topic was 'flavours.' This is how we went...
Starting with the 8 year old...
A = apple
B = banana (me)
C = cranberry (the 10 year old)... we piped up and said 'what about chocolate?'
D = dill
E = egg flip
F = flavour
G = grape
H = hot chilli
I = ice-cream flavour
J = jalapeno
K = kalamata olive flavour
L = lime
M = malt
N = nutty
O = orange
P = pie flavour (after the ASDF movie cartoons at the moment!)
Q = quince
R = raspberry
S = sarcasm! (yes, sarcasm has a flavour!)
T = turtle
U = urine (!?!)
V = vanilla
W = water flavour
X = xylophone (it tastes woody!)
Y = yak flavour
Z = zippy-de-doo-dah flavour
So as you can see, we have a bit of fun with it. We've done electronic games, countries, city names, what you'd find in an Italian restaurant, what you'd find in a Chinese restaurant, movies, actors, singers, bands, boys names, girls names, cartoon characters, you name it, anything can be a topic... and for the little ones, you do tend to help them out.
It's a great game to expand their knowledge, but also keep them under control in a public place, especially when the food's taking it's time to get to them and they are hungry. They always come up with something and say 'oh can I do "P?"' because they have the most perfect word for the game, but we always say we'll wait and see who's turn it is when we get there. Some nights we might have three or four games on different subject matter.
So when you're stuck for keeping the kids quiet when you're out and about, try the Alphabet Game... it will keep your sanity at bay!!
Starting with the 8 year old...
A = apple
B = banana (me)
C = cranberry (the 10 year old)... we piped up and said 'what about chocolate?'
D = dill
E = egg flip
F = flavour
G = grape
H = hot chilli
I = ice-cream flavour
J = jalapeno
K = kalamata olive flavour
L = lime
M = malt
N = nutty
O = orange
P = pie flavour (after the ASDF movie cartoons at the moment!)
Q = quince
R = raspberry
S = sarcasm! (yes, sarcasm has a flavour!)
T = turtle
U = urine (!?!)
V = vanilla
W = water flavour
X = xylophone (it tastes woody!)
Y = yak flavour
Z = zippy-de-doo-dah flavour
So as you can see, we have a bit of fun with it. We've done electronic games, countries, city names, what you'd find in an Italian restaurant, what you'd find in a Chinese restaurant, movies, actors, singers, bands, boys names, girls names, cartoon characters, you name it, anything can be a topic... and for the little ones, you do tend to help them out.
It's a great game to expand their knowledge, but also keep them under control in a public place, especially when the food's taking it's time to get to them and they are hungry. They always come up with something and say 'oh can I do "P?"' because they have the most perfect word for the game, but we always say we'll wait and see who's turn it is when we get there. Some nights we might have three or four games on different subject matter.
So when you're stuck for keeping the kids quiet when you're out and about, try the Alphabet Game... it will keep your sanity at bay!!
Thursday, 21 June 2012
It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
I have a Facebook friend who has just written this as her status, possibly because she was angry with some of her fellow villagers who have chosen not to help with her step-son. So it got me thinking... in our modern day society of broken families, estranged aunts and uncles and elderly grandparents who really can't do much with their withering health, who is in the 'modern-day village?'
I guess we first need to define who the villagers are. I will use my own personal examples of who could be in my 'village' for my boys and I. There are grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, there is their father and all his siblings and his parents, but then their is our community.. generally the school community - teachers, friends' parents, friends, sports coaches and school crossing supervisors for a start, but then we can broaden that to shop assistants, police officers, bus drivers, etc. Every single person my children meet is someone who can teach my children something new. It maybe crossing the road more safely, tying their shoelaces a new way, teaching them a new way to peel an orange to make it more enjoyable... anything. Each person can contribute something valuable to my boys' lives.
The Africans came up with the 'proverb' "it takes a village to raise a child" and there are variations on a theme. Most suggest that even though a child has biological parents, they don't necessarily have to live in the same home as their parents. They are part of the village and any villager can take them in if they need a bed for the night or some food. It is a comforting thought isn't it? That your family is the community, not just your parents. It's liberating for parents and child, but our financial responsibilities and our selfishness in western society dictate our abilities and refine our responsibilities to who we bring into this world... as a HUGE generalisation (as I know many who don't).
So, in our first-world community, can we bring back these simple values into our community? Possibly not without legal contracts, financial expectations and changing our hectic lives. But if our 'village' is reduced only to blood relations of the child, then it should be possible. There are many loving families who would do anything for their grand-children or nieces and nephews, but unfortunately not all families are made that way. As a parent, sometimes you just need that time apart to clear your head to be a better parent, some family members see it, others ignore it.
For those families who ignore your need for help and defy the proverb, maybe it's time to move to Africa and get a little more love from the community! :)
I guess we first need to define who the villagers are. I will use my own personal examples of who could be in my 'village' for my boys and I. There are grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, there is their father and all his siblings and his parents, but then their is our community.. generally the school community - teachers, friends' parents, friends, sports coaches and school crossing supervisors for a start, but then we can broaden that to shop assistants, police officers, bus drivers, etc. Every single person my children meet is someone who can teach my children something new. It maybe crossing the road more safely, tying their shoelaces a new way, teaching them a new way to peel an orange to make it more enjoyable... anything. Each person can contribute something valuable to my boys' lives.
The Africans came up with the 'proverb' "it takes a village to raise a child" and there are variations on a theme. Most suggest that even though a child has biological parents, they don't necessarily have to live in the same home as their parents. They are part of the village and any villager can take them in if they need a bed for the night or some food. It is a comforting thought isn't it? That your family is the community, not just your parents. It's liberating for parents and child, but our financial responsibilities and our selfishness in western society dictate our abilities and refine our responsibilities to who we bring into this world... as a HUGE generalisation (as I know many who don't).
So, in our first-world community, can we bring back these simple values into our community? Possibly not without legal contracts, financial expectations and changing our hectic lives. But if our 'village' is reduced only to blood relations of the child, then it should be possible. There are many loving families who would do anything for their grand-children or nieces and nephews, but unfortunately not all families are made that way. As a parent, sometimes you just need that time apart to clear your head to be a better parent, some family members see it, others ignore it.
For those families who ignore your need for help and defy the proverb, maybe it's time to move to Africa and get a little more love from the community! :)
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