I was speaking to a real estate agent I work with today - a single mum in her fifties who was married for twenty years, successful in her own right, physically active, and her secret passion is to have sex with married men.
For her, the appeal is that she can have unbelievable sex without all the baggage. She now realises what she 'settled' for with her husband, and now can enjoy the fun, the sensuality, the lust and the passion without it ever waning, because the thrill of 'his' unavailability is electrifying. There's the chance of getting caught with no repercussions to her own status. He's the one who will lose out - lose the respect of his family, his wife, his peers and possibly his financial status, where as she's the one who can walk away and move onto the next. There's no love, just lust, and once that lust turns to something more, she just moves on.
It seems a little heartless for those who feel sex should be with someone you at least respect, admire and care for deeply, but I guess that's the difference between having 'sex' and 'making love.' There is no romance in just sex, no sweeping off your feet, no sentimentality or intimate conversation. Sex is just two bodies 'bumping uglies' to get to the big bang.
Then there's those who innocently fall for a married man because he is everything they want in a man - the intimacy, the mutuality, the love making, the reciprocity, the excitement and the romance only to be torn by the morality of knowing that he can't completely be yours because he has another life with his wife and children. In Australia, the statistics are around 60% of all marriage break-ups are because the woman initiated it, 35% are a mutual decision and only 5% of all marriage break-ups are men initiated it. Men can't cope with changing their dynamic. They would rather live with the mundaneness of their marriage, find some excitement on the side and stay for the ride. But when their wives find out about their indiscretions, they lose all trust in their relationship and there is no turning back. Their marriage will never be the same.
Wives are funny people though. There are two types - those who accept their husband's indiscretions as just sex that they haven't been offering their husbands anyway, and happy to live with the lie for the sake of maintaining the family harmony, and those who don't accept any indiscretions and blatantly tell their husbands to leave. But when the first type of wife discovers that her husband is having an intimate relationship that involves more than just sex, but in reality a second life that involves everything from knowing their financial details and concerns, friendship, companionship, their every movement, their family bonding times, their work schedule, their doctor's appointments and even being introduced to mutual friends, then wouldn't it be fair to say that the wife would consider herself superseded and any trust, love, intimacy and mutuality is completely gone and that there is no point continuing the marriage, not even for the family?
You can't help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you have sex with. I'm not for or against either case, but I am 'for' mutual happiness, and if a marriage or any relationship for that matter, isn't happy consistently, then, for me, there is no point in continuing it. Life is too short to live in sadness...
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
Something that scares all mothers...
I have a creative gene in my body, as we all know, and I believe I have one child who has inherited that side of me. I know we can't look through a crystal ball and see what his life will be like, or that of my other son, but they are starting to approach that age where puberty will hit, sex, drugs and alcohol will be on the menu, and as a single parent, you need to give them more freedom to be themselves without them taking their independence too far.
Amy Winehouse's death is one of many tragic stories of a creative person using illicit drugs and alcohol to 'enhance' their creativity. For me, I can proudly say I have never taken illicit drugs or smoked a joint. I drink alcohol rarely, but if I do, it is socially and I know when to stop. I smoked my first cigarette at ten years old, the age my oldest son is now, and didn't have another after I was thirteen. I don't drink caffeine, but I do love chocolate! I am naturally high on life because there is so much positive in this world, like my kids, my writing career, my travels and the natural beauty that surrounds us. And of course, there are the most beautiful people, like all of you who read my blog, to share my experiences and if I haven't already, hopefully one day, I will hear yours.
Even though I am a proud in how I live my life, I accept that there are hardships in this world and that some people just need an 'upper' or a 'downer' to keep them going. It's when people can't recognise themselves without their 'upper' or their 'downer' is where the trouble starts... At around October last year, I started taking a cocktail of vitamins to get through my busy work schedule. It wasn't much - Vitamin D, fish oil and a daily Berocca (sometimes a double dose) (for those who don't know, a Berocca is a fizzy Vitamin B supplement jam packed with other vitamins to boost your energy levels). The more I took them, the more upset I was getting about small things. I was going through a highly emotional time that involved my ex, my parents, my lover and a huge amount of uncertainty. I needed help and no one was there for me the way that I needed to be helped. I was reading into things that really weren't there and blowing them completely out of proportion.
I kept taking the vitamins regularly until the end of April when I recognised that this was not me. I thought back to the time when I was at my happiest and realised that it was prior to my doctors appointment when she suggested I needed to take these. Is there something wrong with that picture? So I stopped taking them. And I started to make positive decisions again for myself and had the courage to do so. I wrote my entire manuscript for my book within six weeks. My infectious energy started to become embraced by others again, I didn't have sad stories to tell anymore because I knew that there is more to life than wallowing. But I was able to recognise that within myself. And for goodness sake, these were vitamins... But sadly, for people like Amy Winehouse, who's addiction is at a far greater level, she couldn't.
Russell Brand wrote a compelling blog about how he didn't recognise himself anymore and how he took the steps into rehab to bring him back to life. He noted how hard it is for family and friends to watch their loved one succumb to their addiction and not be able to do anything for them, except wait for the phone call. http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/
For parents who are going through the terrible teens or are awaiting their children to reach that age, it is a nerve racking time of the unknown. All we can do is educate our children to accept that they need to know what's right and wrong, make them understand that even though something feels good it doesn't mean it's right, and that moderation is the key - it's OK to try something, but don't let it take hold of you. And as parents, we need to recognise the signs when our children fall down into a hole that isn't purely puberty. You feel for Amy's parents, watching their daughter over the years become a shadow of her former self. If her story opens the eyes to at least one addict, and makes he or she turn to family or friends for help, then her life still lives on in hope and memory.
Amy Winehouse's death is one of many tragic stories of a creative person using illicit drugs and alcohol to 'enhance' their creativity. For me, I can proudly say I have never taken illicit drugs or smoked a joint. I drink alcohol rarely, but if I do, it is socially and I know when to stop. I smoked my first cigarette at ten years old, the age my oldest son is now, and didn't have another after I was thirteen. I don't drink caffeine, but I do love chocolate! I am naturally high on life because there is so much positive in this world, like my kids, my writing career, my travels and the natural beauty that surrounds us. And of course, there are the most beautiful people, like all of you who read my blog, to share my experiences and if I haven't already, hopefully one day, I will hear yours.
Even though I am a proud in how I live my life, I accept that there are hardships in this world and that some people just need an 'upper' or a 'downer' to keep them going. It's when people can't recognise themselves without their 'upper' or their 'downer' is where the trouble starts... At around October last year, I started taking a cocktail of vitamins to get through my busy work schedule. It wasn't much - Vitamin D, fish oil and a daily Berocca (sometimes a double dose) (for those who don't know, a Berocca is a fizzy Vitamin B supplement jam packed with other vitamins to boost your energy levels). The more I took them, the more upset I was getting about small things. I was going through a highly emotional time that involved my ex, my parents, my lover and a huge amount of uncertainty. I needed help and no one was there for me the way that I needed to be helped. I was reading into things that really weren't there and blowing them completely out of proportion.
I kept taking the vitamins regularly until the end of April when I recognised that this was not me. I thought back to the time when I was at my happiest and realised that it was prior to my doctors appointment when she suggested I needed to take these. Is there something wrong with that picture? So I stopped taking them. And I started to make positive decisions again for myself and had the courage to do so. I wrote my entire manuscript for my book within six weeks. My infectious energy started to become embraced by others again, I didn't have sad stories to tell anymore because I knew that there is more to life than wallowing. But I was able to recognise that within myself. And for goodness sake, these were vitamins... But sadly, for people like Amy Winehouse, who's addiction is at a far greater level, she couldn't.
Russell Brand wrote a compelling blog about how he didn't recognise himself anymore and how he took the steps into rehab to bring him back to life. He noted how hard it is for family and friends to watch their loved one succumb to their addiction and not be able to do anything for them, except wait for the phone call. http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/
For parents who are going through the terrible teens or are awaiting their children to reach that age, it is a nerve racking time of the unknown. All we can do is educate our children to accept that they need to know what's right and wrong, make them understand that even though something feels good it doesn't mean it's right, and that moderation is the key - it's OK to try something, but don't let it take hold of you. And as parents, we need to recognise the signs when our children fall down into a hole that isn't purely puberty. You feel for Amy's parents, watching their daughter over the years become a shadow of her former self. If her story opens the eyes to at least one addict, and makes he or she turn to family or friends for help, then her life still lives on in hope and memory.
Friday, 1 July 2011
Let me introduce myself!
'Sex and the Single Mum' is an exciting new blog produced by Suzy J. Brown about the life, loves and loathes of being a single parent in this fast paced world. I will show you how you can re-invent yourself after the loss of a partner (either through the dreaded process of divorce, the unexpected announcement that your partner is off to the clink for a white-collar crime or the undeniable loss of losing your partner to God). I will venture into the realms of finding your own sexual liberty, how to juggle the struggles of survival, how to cope with sticky nose married people who think they have been in your shoes before, how to give your kids a life of adventure, to knowing how you can enjoy just being a mum. Some of the stories will be from personal experience, others will be stories I've heard from others and want to share.
As for me, I'm a single mum to two gorgeous boys who are almost ten and eight. I have a talented red head who tends to have life working 'for' him, and a struggling little charmer who does get by on his winning personality, but has recently been diagnosed with an 'auditory processing disorder' that accounts for his learning disability and there are other factors involved too, that are leading to tests in dyslexia and ADD. I have my own copywriting business that gives me flexible hours, good dollars, but heavy duty deadlines and I am known from working 16-18 hour days regularly. My boys play soccer, hockey and basketball, so there are only two days a week without an extra-curricular activity at the moment. My ex husband has the boys seven hours a month as he refuses to do anything that I've organised for them. He calls them once a month, if he's lucky and he pays me $280 a month for child support. We have our court hearing for finances and child custody in the middle of July, which essentially will mark my two year anniversary of being a sole parent.
As for my sex life, I have succumbed to indulging in a long-distance relationship with a beautiful man who is 17 years my senior. We live 8000 miles away from each other and try to meet up 2-3 times a year. We aren't exclusive, but with my own business, an exciting new book getting ready to be published, being a sole parent 99% of the time and difficulty finding time to sleep, even looking at the meat-market at this time of my life isn't that appealing... but for you, I will do some research!
My exciting new book is called 'On the Road to the Best Orgasm Ever' - it's the tale about an Australian woman’s journey in finding herself beyond the lies in her marriage to a newly-found freedom within the co-existence of personal independence and a New Mexican internet love.
OK, OK, yes it sounds like a tell-all about my gorgeous lover, but it's more about digging deep to find where your happiness lies (or should I say 'happiness truths') in your own independence.
The pic is of my boys and I enjoying The Grand Canyon with our friend 'Doc' - a ring in from New Mexico, if you know what I mean!
Enjoy my blog, be my Facebook friend (Suzy J Brown), follow me on Twitter, and hopefully you'll be able to read my book sometime soon!
Cheers,
Suzy xx
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