Now, it's come to my attention of late from a few sources, and admittedly, I will say that I have also been involved (with my American lover of 4 years who I am, I'm glad to say, finished with...), but didn't realise that it was so prolific, that Words with Friends is actually the perfect place to hide a discreet relationship, i.e., CHEAT!! And it makes perfect sense… the games are only kept on your phone for 10 games, only 20 snippets of conversation are kept with each game, so once you've had your ways - flirted, played suggestive words in the game and made times to meet your lover, the conversations can never be found again.
I look at the people who are on my 'list of friends' and I can see it… there are people on it that I know have cheated on their spouse, those who are single that have the potential to be cheating with someone else's spouse, and a couple of anonymous people who I have no idea what gender they are. So as you can imagine, the potential is huge to hide a discreet relationship through the bones of Words with Friends. And sometimes the Words with Friends software team you up with people who are 'chatty like you,' which makes you suspicious that they could actually be a serial cheater (or serial flirter)… who knows.
As I was at an adult shop this morning (needed to buy a new bedroom friend, as my last one died :( ), I mentioned to the sales assistant if she had heard about the 'behind the scenes' action of Words with Friends, and she exclaimed YES!!! So many people were doing it, it's like it's become the latest rage.
So it makes you think, if so many people are doing it, are partners becoming suspicious of their partner's Words with Friends activity, even if it's completely platonic?
Who needs matchmaker.com, Eharmony, BeNaughty, OasisActive or any of the other dating sites that married or attached people seem to go to when they aren't satisfied with their main squeeze, when you've got Words with Friends.
Just be careful… it really isn't nice out there when innocent flirting turns to heartache.
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Cheating Part Two!
I had a very interesting conversation today with an orthodox Jewish man who seemed to be in his mid 60s, a doctor and is someone who is trying to instil a new concept in school children about living in the moment by having educational classes for them about being 'present' in their lives, and not worrying so much about the past or the future. He says that he writes blogs and has a website, so he's very passionate about his teachings and inspiration. So I told him about my blog, and how I wrote a blog about 'cheating' yesterday... and he had some very interesting things to say.
As part of my job, I walked through his home... his house was full of Hebrew texts, he touched each Mezuzah as he walked through all the doorways, he quoted scriptures from the Torah, had the traditional Kosher kitchen with the two dishwashers, two sinks, two stovetops, etc, the back porch set up for Sukkot, he rode a bicycle to and from work as part of this religious holiday season, he had his full beard that was not groomed and tipped the midst of his chest and he wore his yarmulke... he was an authentic as they get.
As part of his educational classes, he was also involved with classes for adults. He recalled one where he was involved and there was a lecturer talking to the audience about 'love', and how to rekindle your spark when things are down. The audience felt inspired after the lecture, but some realised that their wedded partner was not giving them the spark that they once had. The lecturer and his wife decided to sit down and have a conversation with another married couple and my Jewish friend was part of it as a casual observer. He observed the woman from the audience, and she decided there and then to tell her husband after 32 years of marriage that she was no longer in love with him. This came as a shock to him, because he dearly loved his wife. The lecturer told the couple that it was OK for them to not be in love with each other, as long as they still loved each other as companions and for the memories they have together. Then as the lecturer had seen this courage from the woman, he told his wife that he was actually in love with another woman... all in front of this small group of people. Again, shock! She was devastated as she was totally in love with her husband - so proud of him in his achievements, and loved being his wife. He then took the hand of the woman from the audience and said that he was in love with her! This astounded both the betrayed wife of the lecturer and the husband of the other woman, as they had no idea that either had been cheating on them. He then announced that they had made a decision together... that all four of them should live under the one roof as two married couples with 'outside interests' so it didn't hurt their family units. It took a few days to agree with it all, but the couples decided to move in together. The cheating couple suggested to their spouses that they should try being together, but they just couldn't see it working for them. After six months of their spouses hearing the grunts of 'humping' (as my Jewish friend said!), both the betrayed wife and the betrayed husband decided that the house wasn't for them. The wife told her husband that she still loved him but it was time for her to find someone to fall in love with her again, and left. The husband told her wife that he wanted to sail around the world, and he too left, just like Noah did with his ark of animals - escaped from all that he knew to start a new life.
But then my Jewish friend said something that took me quite aback... he said we all should have two wives - one for the household business and one to be passionate with. However, he never really went into the detail of if he had actually been in that position...
I guess, from all the talks I have with people, all the information people freely give me, if we are religious or not, we all have ways of going about our personal affairs. Most people are traditionalists, or at least start out as traditionalists - one man, one woman, one marriage. But the reality of life is, that most will stray from that traditional formula - the fairytale life that we all imagine our lives will be like. Some are strong and believe that their spouse doesn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect, knowing that they had broken their vows and end their marriage... others hold onto something and try to repair their marriage, others are too weak to succumb to change so they continue to live a life of lies, spitefulness, distrust and disharmony in complete unhappiness.
But as people on the outside, who are we to judge? Yes we have our own sets of morals and ethics, but who are we to impose those on others? We don't have to agree with what's being said, and we certainly don't have to adapt our lives to something we are not comfortable with, but if someone chooses to tell you about something that they have done, something that they enjoy, something that they aren't sure about, or simply something that's on their mind, you should accept that it took courage for your friend, acquaintance, relative or complete stranger to own up to their thoughts or reality and confide in you, and just support them in whatever they choose to do in their lives, no matter if you agree with it or not.
As part of my job, I walked through his home... his house was full of Hebrew texts, he touched each Mezuzah as he walked through all the doorways, he quoted scriptures from the Torah, had the traditional Kosher kitchen with the two dishwashers, two sinks, two stovetops, etc, the back porch set up for Sukkot, he rode a bicycle to and from work as part of this religious holiday season, he had his full beard that was not groomed and tipped the midst of his chest and he wore his yarmulke... he was an authentic as they get.
As part of his educational classes, he was also involved with classes for adults. He recalled one where he was involved and there was a lecturer talking to the audience about 'love', and how to rekindle your spark when things are down. The audience felt inspired after the lecture, but some realised that their wedded partner was not giving them the spark that they once had. The lecturer and his wife decided to sit down and have a conversation with another married couple and my Jewish friend was part of it as a casual observer. He observed the woman from the audience, and she decided there and then to tell her husband after 32 years of marriage that she was no longer in love with him. This came as a shock to him, because he dearly loved his wife. The lecturer told the couple that it was OK for them to not be in love with each other, as long as they still loved each other as companions and for the memories they have together. Then as the lecturer had seen this courage from the woman, he told his wife that he was actually in love with another woman... all in front of this small group of people. Again, shock! She was devastated as she was totally in love with her husband - so proud of him in his achievements, and loved being his wife. He then took the hand of the woman from the audience and said that he was in love with her! This astounded both the betrayed wife of the lecturer and the husband of the other woman, as they had no idea that either had been cheating on them. He then announced that they had made a decision together... that all four of them should live under the one roof as two married couples with 'outside interests' so it didn't hurt their family units. It took a few days to agree with it all, but the couples decided to move in together. The cheating couple suggested to their spouses that they should try being together, but they just couldn't see it working for them. After six months of their spouses hearing the grunts of 'humping' (as my Jewish friend said!), both the betrayed wife and the betrayed husband decided that the house wasn't for them. The wife told her husband that she still loved him but it was time for her to find someone to fall in love with her again, and left. The husband told her wife that he wanted to sail around the world, and he too left, just like Noah did with his ark of animals - escaped from all that he knew to start a new life.
But then my Jewish friend said something that took me quite aback... he said we all should have two wives - one for the household business and one to be passionate with. However, he never really went into the detail of if he had actually been in that position...
I guess, from all the talks I have with people, all the information people freely give me, if we are religious or not, we all have ways of going about our personal affairs. Most people are traditionalists, or at least start out as traditionalists - one man, one woman, one marriage. But the reality of life is, that most will stray from that traditional formula - the fairytale life that we all imagine our lives will be like. Some are strong and believe that their spouse doesn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect, knowing that they had broken their vows and end their marriage... others hold onto something and try to repair their marriage, others are too weak to succumb to change so they continue to live a life of lies, spitefulness, distrust and disharmony in complete unhappiness.
But as people on the outside, who are we to judge? Yes we have our own sets of morals and ethics, but who are we to impose those on others? We don't have to agree with what's being said, and we certainly don't have to adapt our lives to something we are not comfortable with, but if someone chooses to tell you about something that they have done, something that they enjoy, something that they aren't sure about, or simply something that's on their mind, you should accept that it took courage for your friend, acquaintance, relative or complete stranger to own up to their thoughts or reality and confide in you, and just support them in whatever they choose to do in their lives, no matter if you agree with it or not.
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Cheating...
What is cheating? Is cheating being involved with a married person who is separated from their spouse or do they have to wait until the divorce goes through before they are freed from adultery? Or is cheating only when a couple commit to each other in an exclusive relationship and covertly stray outside of that relationship? Is cheating sharing explicit texts or emails of your private parts? Or is it casual flirting in the office? Is it a lingering kiss that just shouldn't have happened, but you really wanted to, or is it the 'Monica Lewinsky,' where oral sex isn't considered cheating?
I have had friends and colleagues who have been involved from both ends - being cheated on and being the cheater, or even being the one who is free to be with whomever they like and they chose to be involved with a married person, and really, for anyone to judge in this mad mad world of high stress living, is just unacceptable. Essentially, people cheat because they want to feel loved and wanted... (and there will be a small percentage who do it 'just to see if they can get away with it.')
The statistics are quite amazing... approximately 50-65% of men under the age of 40 will admit that they have had an extramarital affair and 45-55% of women under the age of 40 will admit to having an extramarital affair. However the statistics show that they have reason to believe that it could be as high as 70% of married people have affairs in their married life, but some just chose not to admit. There was also a survey of 300 Christian pastors where 23% of them admitted to having an extramarital affair in their married life. That's 69 pastors, who devote themselves to the Faith of God, and use it to gain forgiveness for their sins. Who knows how many of them have been involved with child molestation?
So where do we draw the line? Do we accept that there are no reasons for our marital vows if so many people are having flings behind their spouses back? Do we change the marital vows to state something in the order of financially supporting each other, emotionally supporting each other and creating a family bond with each other knowing full well that there is more than a 50/50 chance that either one or both of you will step outside your marital bond and betray each other in an outside intimate relationship, so there is no point in including a fidelity clause?
I know we all step into marriage with the fairytale thoughts of 'this person is the only one for me,' but things change - financial pressures, children, domestic responsibilities, work responsibilities and extended family responsibilities... some have additional responsibilities beyond all of it, including looking after children or family members with special needs, having domestic violence issues, having their own health problems or even something traumatic like a car accident or a death in the family. No one is an island... we all have a plethora of issues going on in our lives that most people aren't aware of. And unless you communicate honestly with your spouse, have intimate times with your spouse that's beyond the 5 minute quickie before you go to sleep, affairs are going to happen. People want the romance, people want the date nights, people want to feel ALIVE!!! And if your relationship is stale, routine and either your or your spouse are feeling totally used, unappreciated or are going through a spat of depression, and neither of you communication your concerns, your relationship as you dreamed it when you were married will fall flat on its feet.
The law has changed in many countries to not cite adultery as a reason for divorce - in fact many states and territories all over the world issue out only 'no-fault divorces.' It changed back in 1970... before then, one in three divorces were because of adultery... I'm sure it's more now but the statistics aren't there to prove it. However, the consensus is that 60% of all marriages will be affected by adultery - if it's a one night stand or a long term affair.... it happened. So why are so many people shocked by the fact that they were cheated on? They should be more shocked that their marriage stood the test of time and that neither of them felt the need to cheat on each other because their love for each other was so true! But if there was cheating, didn't they feel at some point in their marriage or relationship that something wasn't quite right? That they were fighting unnecessarily or they weren't on the same wavelength with each other? That there were some mystery behind some actions, or the lying was constant?
I'm not saying I condone it or that I disagree with it... what I'm saying is don't be so surprised if it happens to you at some point in your life. I know it's not nice when it happens, I know it can literally destroy who you thought you were as an individual and as a couple. I know trust gets lost and is hard to rebuild, and I know life can be so painful because of it... but if you don't communicate with your partner properly, it's more likely going to happen than not. Cheating is not the end of the world... it makes you grow stronger and makes you gain clarity in what you want in life... We are all going to be hurt by cheating at some point in our life - if it's not us individually, it will be a family member like your son's wife, your daughter's husband or even your own parents. Accept it as a part of life and learn to move on from it...
Statistics Reference: http://hfbcshrinkwrap.wordpress.com/2007/12/23/adultery-statisitics/
I have had friends and colleagues who have been involved from both ends - being cheated on and being the cheater, or even being the one who is free to be with whomever they like and they chose to be involved with a married person, and really, for anyone to judge in this mad mad world of high stress living, is just unacceptable. Essentially, people cheat because they want to feel loved and wanted... (and there will be a small percentage who do it 'just to see if they can get away with it.')
The statistics are quite amazing... approximately 50-65% of men under the age of 40 will admit that they have had an extramarital affair and 45-55% of women under the age of 40 will admit to having an extramarital affair. However the statistics show that they have reason to believe that it could be as high as 70% of married people have affairs in their married life, but some just chose not to admit. There was also a survey of 300 Christian pastors where 23% of them admitted to having an extramarital affair in their married life. That's 69 pastors, who devote themselves to the Faith of God, and use it to gain forgiveness for their sins. Who knows how many of them have been involved with child molestation?
So where do we draw the line? Do we accept that there are no reasons for our marital vows if so many people are having flings behind their spouses back? Do we change the marital vows to state something in the order of financially supporting each other, emotionally supporting each other and creating a family bond with each other knowing full well that there is more than a 50/50 chance that either one or both of you will step outside your marital bond and betray each other in an outside intimate relationship, so there is no point in including a fidelity clause?
I know we all step into marriage with the fairytale thoughts of 'this person is the only one for me,' but things change - financial pressures, children, domestic responsibilities, work responsibilities and extended family responsibilities... some have additional responsibilities beyond all of it, including looking after children or family members with special needs, having domestic violence issues, having their own health problems or even something traumatic like a car accident or a death in the family. No one is an island... we all have a plethora of issues going on in our lives that most people aren't aware of. And unless you communicate honestly with your spouse, have intimate times with your spouse that's beyond the 5 minute quickie before you go to sleep, affairs are going to happen. People want the romance, people want the date nights, people want to feel ALIVE!!! And if your relationship is stale, routine and either your or your spouse are feeling totally used, unappreciated or are going through a spat of depression, and neither of you communication your concerns, your relationship as you dreamed it when you were married will fall flat on its feet.
The law has changed in many countries to not cite adultery as a reason for divorce - in fact many states and territories all over the world issue out only 'no-fault divorces.' It changed back in 1970... before then, one in three divorces were because of adultery... I'm sure it's more now but the statistics aren't there to prove it. However, the consensus is that 60% of all marriages will be affected by adultery - if it's a one night stand or a long term affair.... it happened. So why are so many people shocked by the fact that they were cheated on? They should be more shocked that their marriage stood the test of time and that neither of them felt the need to cheat on each other because their love for each other was so true! But if there was cheating, didn't they feel at some point in their marriage or relationship that something wasn't quite right? That they were fighting unnecessarily or they weren't on the same wavelength with each other? That there were some mystery behind some actions, or the lying was constant?
I'm not saying I condone it or that I disagree with it... what I'm saying is don't be so surprised if it happens to you at some point in your life. I know it's not nice when it happens, I know it can literally destroy who you thought you were as an individual and as a couple. I know trust gets lost and is hard to rebuild, and I know life can be so painful because of it... but if you don't communicate with your partner properly, it's more likely going to happen than not. Cheating is not the end of the world... it makes you grow stronger and makes you gain clarity in what you want in life... We are all going to be hurt by cheating at some point in our life - if it's not us individually, it will be a family member like your son's wife, your daughter's husband or even your own parents. Accept it as a part of life and learn to move on from it...
Statistics Reference: http://hfbcshrinkwrap.wordpress.com/2007/12/23/adultery-statisitics/
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