Saying the Years

Would it be right to think that if someone constantly brags about the number of years they have been working where they are, been committed to their partner or surprised about how the years have gone by, that they are actually insecure about where they are, who they spend their life with and uncertain about the fact that if those denominators change at all, they would lose all sense of who they are? Saying the numbers, the years, is like a validation to them, that they have either something worth retaining, no matter how much they can't stand their boss, wish they had a pay rise, or look forward to the gold watch at retirement. Are they scared that if they were made redundant before retirement was made an option for them, that they simply would not know what to do, therefore it's more like 'better the devil you know' and stay unhappy than find some inspirational new goals?

But when it comes to marriage or a partnership, is saying the years repetitively helping them cope with any underlying concerns of insecurity within the marriage? What is there to be proud of if you know that there have been some horrific years that have ruined the bond you initially had with your wedded partner? But in essence, why is the number so important? Are they like medals of achievement because so many marriages fall away? Or are they hiding behind the numbers because they know that they really haven't been totally committed to person they vowed to share their life with?

When I was married, I rarely said the number... in fact, I would say that I was with my husband since I was 18, because we actually lived together for 7 years before we were married, so the married number of years were never important to me. It was up to the people asking the question to determine my age if they wanted to know how long we were together. My parents, who have been married for 46 years rarely say the number, and actually will always say that they met New Years Eve 1959. When it comes to a big anniversary, yes the number comes out, but the years in-between sometimes become forgotten. "Has it been 42 years or 43 years this year?" It doesn't matter... because they are looking FORWARD not backward at what is still possible between them.

I think that's a very valid point. Looking backwards, looking at the photos and memories of when times 'used' to be good, is not necessarily living in the moment. It's not enjoying the beauty of your marriage, your job, your friendships, your LIFE. You are living in the past, holding onto the hope that one day you may still have that happiness again with your partner, or find the joy in what you do at work again. But if all you are doing is holding onto the past, and not feeling the reality of the future - that you may have different needs or goals, then somehow, you need to find the courage to be able to move on.

Everyone grows - your children grow, your personality grows, your life goals grow, your needs grow... and sometimes, through growth, people grow apart. We can only hold onto what we have that is valid in our life... our feelings, our assets (or debt), our family (and even for some that can be very hard), our friends and the work we do that makes our heart sing. If our heart no longer sings with what we have in our lives, then there is no point in keeping it there, or hiding behind the validation of counting the years.