Ok... I just want to state that my 'religion' is that I believe in myself first and foremost. If I can't make something happen, I can't blame anyone for my misfortunes, and transversely, if things work out for me, it's because I believe that there is no reward without effort.... so I put a lot of effort into the things I want to be in my life. I believe in Darwinism (evolution) and that all people are created equal, and have the equal right to love whomever they wish.
So, as religion has taken centre stage in the press in recent weeks with the resignation and announcement of a new Pope and the debates about legalising gay marriage in the United States, you really have to wonder 1) how antiquated is the Bible in not moving on with the times of 21st century culture, moralistic and social behaviour? and 2) are Christians actually being less 'Christian' than those that don't preach the word of the Lord because they are turning social inequalities into hate crimes and social injustices, therefore not 'loving thy neighbour as they would love themselves?'
I know someone who feels like I banish him for his hypocrisies as a Christian unjustly because he thinks that every other person, religious or not has their own hypocrisies. And my argument is that those other people aren't preaching about their moral concerns in society and then doing exactly what they don't like behind closed doors. For instance, I know this person has broken at least nine of the Ten Commandments, so when is it deemed that he can no longer be a Christian for breaking the cardinal rules of his religion... when he commits murder? Not according to him, as he is allowed to repent his sins and wipe his slate clean. That's how he thinks, that's how he lives his life... It is OK in his Christian eyes to hurt other people, destroy their lives by committing sins against our westernised moralities and law and order legislation BECAUSE if he repents to God, he is forgiven and he can forget about any harm he has done to others, as God allows him to rebuild his life into the Christian life and path God had created for him, UNTIL he goes against it all AGAIN.... and AGAIN... and AGAIN. His Christianity never allows him to learn from his mistakes because he knows he will always be forgiven.... and by being forgiven, he will get the ultimate reward.. eternal life in Heaven. As that is what all Christians live for.
Whereas, if the Bible actually stated somewhere that once he committed his sin, he was no longer allowed to be part of that union - if that union be his wife, his family, his employer, his friend, his church, his community... then he would think twice before committing his sinful act, ensuring that he can't hurt anyone in the process.
So why is it OK for a Christian to condemn the life of a gay man or a lesbian woman for being in love with one of their own? Our homosexual friends know no other love for them except that from a partner of the same sex. They don't feel comfort, feel like they are in their own skin, if they can't be loved by whomever they want to love. As do our heterosexual friends... we love in a relationship that makes us feel comfortable in being who we are. And how can 'love' be deemed so wrong by Christians when it is consensual between two adults? When by deeming it wrong, they are causing social war instead of peace in our communities, which by itself, war is actually going against their own religion... How can legalising gay marriage actually HARM anyone? It is widely accepted in our schools, communities and the media that gay couples exist and it is normal for two loving people, no matter which sex they are, to create a loving environment between them to have a family. In fact, the statistics are suggesting that children raised in gay families are more likely to be loved and appreciated more than those in nuclear families, due to strength they need to have to deal with all the ancient moral judgement they go through.
The Bible has many hypocrisies in it that don't 'fit' into our legal moral world of today... slavery, the eating of pig, the treatment of women, etc. So if Christians have accepted that parts of the Bible don't comply with today's society, then why are they so hung bent on ruling against gay marriage? Marriage is a legal connection between two people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other so that they are legally responsible for each other. It is not a question of religion, it is not a question of societies expectations of them, it is a union BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE. No one else. So why should it even be a concern of anyone else, if the relationship is a loving union?
So this Easter, as we eat our Hot Cross Buns that represent the 'cross' Jesus was hung from as he died for us, as we eat the chocolate eggs that represent the resurrection of Jesus through the concept of 'new life,' really think about killing off the antiquated judgements of the Bible that doesn't allow homosexuality, and giving new life to those who deserve to be loved by their chosen partner, as we all do, no matter what our sexual orientation is, and create peace within our communities, our governments and our people.
Friday, 29 March 2013
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Pocket Money
My boys are at the age now that they need to know the 'value' of a dollar... as are many of their friends. And the topic came up today, as we watched five hours of hockey in a round robin tournament... 'What's the best way to handle pocket money?'
We all feel like we are putting our hands in our pockets way too often and our children aren't appreciating it. I must admit, I have pulled in the reins this year, only because I sold so much of the boys things last year, expecting to move overseas temporarily, that I needed to replace the things that we no longer had when they needed them, which essentially meant, birthdays and Christmas last year weren't as special, because I had been buying new things for them throughout the year. So this year, I've told them that I won't be buying them new things, unless it's their birthday or Christmas, and if they want something, they must save for it... so I've introduced regular pocket money.
It was all agreed by the parents I talked to today that pocket money is 'earned,' not just assumed that it will always be there. Chores for 9-12 year olds included emptying the dishwasher, putting clothes away after they had been washed & folded (and ironed if necessary), cleaning the cars (inside and out), keeping their rooms clean, putting their dirty washing in the laundry and vacuuming. Some parents also included a reduction in pocket money if they had been overly naughty or not getting along with their siblings.
One parent suggested he gave his 7th grader $100 per month as pocket money, but that had to pay for all the things that she wanted. If she wanted to see a movie with her friends, buy some fashion shoes (not school shoes or runners), get candy from the canteen at hockey, buying gifts, toys, video games, etc. She was also expected to save some of that $100. For her 5th grader brother, as his social requirements aren't as busy as a 7th grader, he received $40 a month... and being a boy, he wasn't interested in non-regulation shoes and possibly not old enough to be wanting to see movies with his friends as his older sister. Their father figured he'd actually save money with this pocket money plan, because he was constantly putting his hand in his pocket for their 'needy' requests, so now, if they want something, they need to be organised and have the money they are prepared to spend always on them.
Another parent gave their 6th grader and 4th grader $2 a week in pocket money, but had extra jobs where they could make more money, however their pocket money capped at $10 a week, as sometimes they would try and do the extra jobs more than what was necessary. That parent also put away $5 and $4 a week respectively into their children's bank accounts for their weekly chores, so that they were constantly saving. Their $2 a week, essentially went towards any toys, iPad apps or computer games they wanted. This parent thought that if they really wanted something, they would set themselves a goal and save for it, allowing them to have the concept of 'striving' for something if it was worthwhile.
Other incentives were academic based. If they upped their grades in a particular subject for each test they would get $20. If they upped their grades at the end of each semester they received $80. If they could read a 200 page novel in 3 days, they received $20, or if they could blitz a scholarship exam, then they would receive a hefty bonus.
Whatever pocket money scheme we set for our children, it needs to support their need to help the family unit, their goals if they are materialistic or academic, and their understanding of stretching the dollar for all that they can. I think pocket money should be a positive enforcement, and if money is taken away because they have been overly naughty or getting bad grades, there needs to be a scheme that allows them to rectify the situation. We don't get money taken off us in a work environment for bad people skills or not getting the job done, and most jobs have incentives to make us work harder, if it's salary based or commission base, so why should we show our kids that money is taken away if we do something wrong? If you do something wrong too many times, yes you lose your job, but how do you convey that in a pocket money situation? You can't... and it probably isn't fair to show your children the pitfalls of the power of an employer in that 4th grade to 8th grade age group.
Pocket money, no matter what age, needs to be introduced the minute your child takes advantage of your 'bottomless' pocket of money. Because as soon as they know that it runs out, the more they will appreciate it.
We all feel like we are putting our hands in our pockets way too often and our children aren't appreciating it. I must admit, I have pulled in the reins this year, only because I sold so much of the boys things last year, expecting to move overseas temporarily, that I needed to replace the things that we no longer had when they needed them, which essentially meant, birthdays and Christmas last year weren't as special, because I had been buying new things for them throughout the year. So this year, I've told them that I won't be buying them new things, unless it's their birthday or Christmas, and if they want something, they must save for it... so I've introduced regular pocket money.
It was all agreed by the parents I talked to today that pocket money is 'earned,' not just assumed that it will always be there. Chores for 9-12 year olds included emptying the dishwasher, putting clothes away after they had been washed & folded (and ironed if necessary), cleaning the cars (inside and out), keeping their rooms clean, putting their dirty washing in the laundry and vacuuming. Some parents also included a reduction in pocket money if they had been overly naughty or not getting along with their siblings.
One parent suggested he gave his 7th grader $100 per month as pocket money, but that had to pay for all the things that she wanted. If she wanted to see a movie with her friends, buy some fashion shoes (not school shoes or runners), get candy from the canteen at hockey, buying gifts, toys, video games, etc. She was also expected to save some of that $100. For her 5th grader brother, as his social requirements aren't as busy as a 7th grader, he received $40 a month... and being a boy, he wasn't interested in non-regulation shoes and possibly not old enough to be wanting to see movies with his friends as his older sister. Their father figured he'd actually save money with this pocket money plan, because he was constantly putting his hand in his pocket for their 'needy' requests, so now, if they want something, they need to be organised and have the money they are prepared to spend always on them.
Another parent gave their 6th grader and 4th grader $2 a week in pocket money, but had extra jobs where they could make more money, however their pocket money capped at $10 a week, as sometimes they would try and do the extra jobs more than what was necessary. That parent also put away $5 and $4 a week respectively into their children's bank accounts for their weekly chores, so that they were constantly saving. Their $2 a week, essentially went towards any toys, iPad apps or computer games they wanted. This parent thought that if they really wanted something, they would set themselves a goal and save for it, allowing them to have the concept of 'striving' for something if it was worthwhile.
Other incentives were academic based. If they upped their grades in a particular subject for each test they would get $20. If they upped their grades at the end of each semester they received $80. If they could read a 200 page novel in 3 days, they received $20, or if they could blitz a scholarship exam, then they would receive a hefty bonus.
Whatever pocket money scheme we set for our children, it needs to support their need to help the family unit, their goals if they are materialistic or academic, and their understanding of stretching the dollar for all that they can. I think pocket money should be a positive enforcement, and if money is taken away because they have been overly naughty or getting bad grades, there needs to be a scheme that allows them to rectify the situation. We don't get money taken off us in a work environment for bad people skills or not getting the job done, and most jobs have incentives to make us work harder, if it's salary based or commission base, so why should we show our kids that money is taken away if we do something wrong? If you do something wrong too many times, yes you lose your job, but how do you convey that in a pocket money situation? You can't... and it probably isn't fair to show your children the pitfalls of the power of an employer in that 4th grade to 8th grade age group.
Pocket money, no matter what age, needs to be introduced the minute your child takes advantage of your 'bottomless' pocket of money. Because as soon as they know that it runs out, the more they will appreciate it.
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
When Life Loses Its Spark
Often I talk to friends, family, strangers, acquaintances, work colleagues, the like, and ask them how they have been. Most will respond with 'same old same old' or 'we're pretty boring, nothing exciting is happening in our life.' And I wonder, how do people get so stuck in a rut?
OK, I do understand that some people don't like revealing what's going on in their lives. It maybe too personal, they may not be trusting, they maybe struggling to accept what is happening in their lives, or they may actually feel a little inferior to all the excitement other's have in their life. And you know what? I used to be one of those people. All my life consisted of was work and family life... we didn't do anything besides watch TV in our time off, we never went anywhere unless it was an extended family occasion, we just didn't do anything. So I get it... people find themselves in a place of mundaneness and wonder how the years pass by without anything to recall as exciting times, because they get stuck paying the bills, caring for the kids and putting in extended hours at work.
So when you get some friends who open up and tell you the breadth of activity in their lives, it's like a breath of fresh air. Yay! It's not just me who thinks life is too short to be churning out the days. In the last few days, I've spoken to friends who are embarking on new work opportunities, going on dream holidays, finding new loves, enjoying health retreats, trying new hobbies, breaking away from old habits and discovering new life in them. The conversations are lively and exciting because they are taking positive steps forward for themselves.
And that's what's it really is all about... embracing the 'now' to build a better future. Yes we all have to work, be parents, do the household chores and pay the bills, but in the cracks of all those times, we need to spend time being ourselves. It doesn't have to be much and it doesn't have to cost a lot, but we all need to step outside our comfort zone and do something different.
For me, today was one of those days... for all those who know me, pink is definitely my least favourite colour. However, a friend of mine showed me one of her favourite boutiques today, and they happened to have a half price sale on summer clothes. All the clothes were very patterned... something I struggle to do as well - usually you'll find me in plain clothes (and black is generally a favourite, which is the bain of my Dad's existence), but today, I actually tried on and BOUGHT a multi-coloured printed blouse which was predominantly PINK! And I actually didn't mind myself in it either... So next week at Easter, I plan to shock my family and walk in wearing my 'pink' blouse. They seriously won't know what hit them!!
Sometimes, you just have to go there. Do something out of the ordinary for you and when someone asks you 'how are you?' you can respond with something exciting, positive and different that's brought back the life in your life.
OK, I do understand that some people don't like revealing what's going on in their lives. It maybe too personal, they may not be trusting, they maybe struggling to accept what is happening in their lives, or they may actually feel a little inferior to all the excitement other's have in their life. And you know what? I used to be one of those people. All my life consisted of was work and family life... we didn't do anything besides watch TV in our time off, we never went anywhere unless it was an extended family occasion, we just didn't do anything. So I get it... people find themselves in a place of mundaneness and wonder how the years pass by without anything to recall as exciting times, because they get stuck paying the bills, caring for the kids and putting in extended hours at work.
So when you get some friends who open up and tell you the breadth of activity in their lives, it's like a breath of fresh air. Yay! It's not just me who thinks life is too short to be churning out the days. In the last few days, I've spoken to friends who are embarking on new work opportunities, going on dream holidays, finding new loves, enjoying health retreats, trying new hobbies, breaking away from old habits and discovering new life in them. The conversations are lively and exciting because they are taking positive steps forward for themselves.
And that's what's it really is all about... embracing the 'now' to build a better future. Yes we all have to work, be parents, do the household chores and pay the bills, but in the cracks of all those times, we need to spend time being ourselves. It doesn't have to be much and it doesn't have to cost a lot, but we all need to step outside our comfort zone and do something different.
For me, today was one of those days... for all those who know me, pink is definitely my least favourite colour. However, a friend of mine showed me one of her favourite boutiques today, and they happened to have a half price sale on summer clothes. All the clothes were very patterned... something I struggle to do as well - usually you'll find me in plain clothes (and black is generally a favourite, which is the bain of my Dad's existence), but today, I actually tried on and BOUGHT a multi-coloured printed blouse which was predominantly PINK! And I actually didn't mind myself in it either... So next week at Easter, I plan to shock my family and walk in wearing my 'pink' blouse. They seriously won't know what hit them!!
Sometimes, you just have to go there. Do something out of the ordinary for you and when someone asks you 'how are you?' you can respond with something exciting, positive and different that's brought back the life in your life.
Monday, 18 March 2013
The Use of LOL!
It's becoming more frustrating to see people use acronyms than actually stating their feelings. LOL, ROTFL, BRB, K (really, shorting 'OK' to 'K'... but I'll get to that later). All these things that make it worse for our children in their quest to be good spellers, understand grammar and be literate.
But the most frustrating thing is that some of these acronyms, like LOL are only being used to hide a person's true feelings. For instance, I had a chat conversation the other day with a so-called friend who didn't like that I was talking to their enemy. I wrote back to say that I will speak to whomever I choose, and if they have a problem with them, then that's their problem not mine... and the reply I got back was 'LOL.' Now how does 'laughing out loud' make any sense in that conversation? Is it that they didn't want to make out that it wasn't a big deal, or that they were gritting their teeth while trying to accept that I would talk to their enemy, were they being spiteful or is it something that's used to just end the topic of conversation? I just don't know.
But it makes me question other conversations I've had over the years where I felt that LOL was written inappropriately. Is it also a sign that people are afraid to be honest, or shot down if they are honest, so they try to hide behind those three little letters to show they aren't hurt by what is being said? I think that's the crux of it... LOL hides the hurt.
As for 'K'... I recently discovered that 'K' is a brush off. It's like a person doesn't want to try in the relationship anymore. They are either tired of the conversation, the person or where it's all going, so they do the smallest amount of acknowledgement they possibly can by just writing 'K'. And if they really don't want to make an effort, they don't push down the 'caps' button, and just write 'k.'
Are we going into a new decade with coded language? Will these abbreviations, feelings behind the abbreviations or acronyms actually be taught and explained to our children through the formal education systems? It really would be a sad day if that was the case. I can understand at university level the studying these newly found words, or should I say 'conjoined letters,' as an understanding of language progression, but to have the Oxford Dictionary accept that they acronyms form part of our formal English language is truly a disgrace. Can't they see that this is just a trend for today, and in 10 or 20 years time, there will be another round of slang terms that we face ourselves with? And that our English language traditions will remain?
I just worry about how our children will be able to perform in business, university and the real world if their language skills are shortened to acronyms, without understanding the true meaning or origins behind the acronym because that's how they communicate in their everyday life. We need to go back to studying Latin, linguistics and syntax so that our children understand prefixes, suffixes and which language the words come from so they understand the 'root.'
But for now, it's just LOL, and we just deal with what is happening in our bastardised world of language.
But the most frustrating thing is that some of these acronyms, like LOL are only being used to hide a person's true feelings. For instance, I had a chat conversation the other day with a so-called friend who didn't like that I was talking to their enemy. I wrote back to say that I will speak to whomever I choose, and if they have a problem with them, then that's their problem not mine... and the reply I got back was 'LOL.' Now how does 'laughing out loud' make any sense in that conversation? Is it that they didn't want to make out that it wasn't a big deal, or that they were gritting their teeth while trying to accept that I would talk to their enemy, were they being spiteful or is it something that's used to just end the topic of conversation? I just don't know.
But it makes me question other conversations I've had over the years where I felt that LOL was written inappropriately. Is it also a sign that people are afraid to be honest, or shot down if they are honest, so they try to hide behind those three little letters to show they aren't hurt by what is being said? I think that's the crux of it... LOL hides the hurt.
As for 'K'... I recently discovered that 'K' is a brush off. It's like a person doesn't want to try in the relationship anymore. They are either tired of the conversation, the person or where it's all going, so they do the smallest amount of acknowledgement they possibly can by just writing 'K'. And if they really don't want to make an effort, they don't push down the 'caps' button, and just write 'k.'
Are we going into a new decade with coded language? Will these abbreviations, feelings behind the abbreviations or acronyms actually be taught and explained to our children through the formal education systems? It really would be a sad day if that was the case. I can understand at university level the studying these newly found words, or should I say 'conjoined letters,' as an understanding of language progression, but to have the Oxford Dictionary accept that they acronyms form part of our formal English language is truly a disgrace. Can't they see that this is just a trend for today, and in 10 or 20 years time, there will be another round of slang terms that we face ourselves with? And that our English language traditions will remain?
I just worry about how our children will be able to perform in business, university and the real world if their language skills are shortened to acronyms, without understanding the true meaning or origins behind the acronym because that's how they communicate in their everyday life. We need to go back to studying Latin, linguistics and syntax so that our children understand prefixes, suffixes and which language the words come from so they understand the 'root.'
But for now, it's just LOL, and we just deal with what is happening in our bastardised world of language.
Letting Go of the Old, and Moving on with the New
So many love stories never end, because one person, or maybe both people, are always holding onto the hope that one day they may be together again. It's usually the stories where time and circumstance don't allow their love to blossom in traditional ways - either hampered by distance, families or work commitments, and as we get older, we become more selfish because we have dependents to think about, ex-partners (or your children's parents) to think about and we have our own sets of goals and aspirations we want to achieve. So in saying that, it is increasingly difficult to find someone who suits your current and future needs when there are so many complicated variables.
When you make that decision to let the other person go, and usually it's a mutual decision when time and circumstance conflict with your present, that person stays long in your heart, and in can be so difficult to let someone else in, because that person was so perfect for you in every single way, except 'time and circumstance.' So you continue to hold on, or look for someone with the exact same qualities your perfect person had who can fulfil you the way he or she did.
But is holding on to the thought of finding a lover of exactness who fits into your life's schedule, actually stopping you from finding someone who is just as compatible yet completely different? Possibly... as your energy is focused only on one thing... finding a replica of the person you love, or to be back in their arms.
For most, it takes months to get over the love they can't have, but for others, it's years. But there is no animosity for the fact that time and circumstance were in the way, as you know in your heart that your love was pure, and you could never think bad of how everything fell away.
So how do you move onto the new? You focus on other parts of your life that give you fulfilment... your children, your career goals, your love for life, nature, travel, sport, music, art, friends, family anything... that will give you the comparable satisfaction that you once had with your lover. When you have so many factors in your life pulling you in too many directions, you simply can't afford to allow another element into your life unless there is genuine mutuality that makes your heart warm, your smile shine and your soul glow.
You get to a point in your life that all complications must be taken out of your life to allow new, heartwarming, smile shining, soul glowing things to enter. You know that simplicity is the key - it's spending time with your children, enjoying the silence in your own space or baking a fresh loaf of banana bread and pulling it out of the oven as your children walk in the door from school. It's the warm hugs your children give you for no reason, it's the joy in their faces when they tell you about something exciting that happened in their day, it's the ability to just be there for them... they are the things that are important, not a complicated love interest, unappreciated friendship, bitchy gossip at work, how much money you have in the bank or how the politicians are going to make life harder. If you take out all the things that don't make you feel comfortable in your life, you can move on and enjoy exactly what you love about your life. Don't watch the news if it's heartbreaking, put your head down at work and avoid the gossip, realise that a friendship has had it's day and it's time to move on...
Because once you do, you will find yourself feeling freer and your heart lighter... your energy is there for all the things that matter and you will find yourself singing songs that you haven't heard on the radio recently or on your iPod, but they are songs that sum up how you feel. And you feel great!
When you make that decision to let the other person go, and usually it's a mutual decision when time and circumstance conflict with your present, that person stays long in your heart, and in can be so difficult to let someone else in, because that person was so perfect for you in every single way, except 'time and circumstance.' So you continue to hold on, or look for someone with the exact same qualities your perfect person had who can fulfil you the way he or she did.
But is holding on to the thought of finding a lover of exactness who fits into your life's schedule, actually stopping you from finding someone who is just as compatible yet completely different? Possibly... as your energy is focused only on one thing... finding a replica of the person you love, or to be back in their arms.
For most, it takes months to get over the love they can't have, but for others, it's years. But there is no animosity for the fact that time and circumstance were in the way, as you know in your heart that your love was pure, and you could never think bad of how everything fell away.
So how do you move onto the new? You focus on other parts of your life that give you fulfilment... your children, your career goals, your love for life, nature, travel, sport, music, art, friends, family anything... that will give you the comparable satisfaction that you once had with your lover. When you have so many factors in your life pulling you in too many directions, you simply can't afford to allow another element into your life unless there is genuine mutuality that makes your heart warm, your smile shine and your soul glow.
You get to a point in your life that all complications must be taken out of your life to allow new, heartwarming, smile shining, soul glowing things to enter. You know that simplicity is the key - it's spending time with your children, enjoying the silence in your own space or baking a fresh loaf of banana bread and pulling it out of the oven as your children walk in the door from school. It's the warm hugs your children give you for no reason, it's the joy in their faces when they tell you about something exciting that happened in their day, it's the ability to just be there for them... they are the things that are important, not a complicated love interest, unappreciated friendship, bitchy gossip at work, how much money you have in the bank or how the politicians are going to make life harder. If you take out all the things that don't make you feel comfortable in your life, you can move on and enjoy exactly what you love about your life. Don't watch the news if it's heartbreaking, put your head down at work and avoid the gossip, realise that a friendship has had it's day and it's time to move on...
Because once you do, you will find yourself feeling freer and your heart lighter... your energy is there for all the things that matter and you will find yourself singing songs that you haven't heard on the radio recently or on your iPod, but they are songs that sum up how you feel. And you feel great!
Sunday, 17 March 2013
Getting Out the Photo Albums
Today was one of those days that there were no plans and no reason for me to be confined to my computer writing a book (as it's finished!). And after our record hot spell of weather, it was nice to wake up hearing the rain falling and be able to snuggle under the doona. We all slept in, stayed in our pyjamas till about 3pm and we watched a movie under the blankets.
But after the movie, the boys announced they were bored. And as I had already spent a small fortune on them this weekend paying for all their sports for the next season, tutoring and exam fees, I said that we can't afford to do anything 'fun' (as their idea of fun usually means go-karting, ten pin bowling or amusement rides). So I suggested, why don't we get the photo albums out on this dull uneventful day and start organising photos for the next edition. Again, the enthusiasm wasn't there, until I started pulling out the loose photos - you know, the photos that people give you over the years. My 9 year old kindly reminded me that I actually hadn't finished his baby photo album, so instead of starting the kinder-Grade 6 album, we finished the baby album (and sorted out the photos for the 'next editions!').
As my 9 year old was born as we were just beginning digital photos, most of the photos were on the 'old' computer, but for some reason, I cannot find any photos from his 2nd birthday, which is really weird. I would always have a stylish cake for their early birthdays, so there should have at least been a photo of the cake, but there is nothing around, and I can't even remember what it looked like. How bad am I? But I can't even remember what we did for his 2nd birthday... I remember events that happened around it, as he had grommets put in his ears a few days after, and he changed from a childcare conglomerate to Family Day Care, but his actual birthday has no visual prompts to remind us what happened. How bad do I feel?
So I put together his album, minus his 2 year old birthday photos, but I've left a page for 'just in case' we find some, or some kind relative gives us some. But now, I have the urge to do their albums for the next stages of their lives... and really, it is so important to have a pictorial memory of their lives in some sort of chronological order. It's a keepsake for them to show their children, and something they can pass on, as we have seen our grandparents do (and our parents attempt to do, but didn't quite get there, as photos became the norm, and time got the better of them!). It's also a good reminder to them about how much we have done in their short lives, and maybe some appreciation might start come to fruition.
So now that I've finished my book, I know I could get onto the next story that's brewing in my mind, but I think it's just as important to get the boys albums together before the years get away from me and it's impossible to remember exact what happened when! :)
But after the movie, the boys announced they were bored. And as I had already spent a small fortune on them this weekend paying for all their sports for the next season, tutoring and exam fees, I said that we can't afford to do anything 'fun' (as their idea of fun usually means go-karting, ten pin bowling or amusement rides). So I suggested, why don't we get the photo albums out on this dull uneventful day and start organising photos for the next edition. Again, the enthusiasm wasn't there, until I started pulling out the loose photos - you know, the photos that people give you over the years. My 9 year old kindly reminded me that I actually hadn't finished his baby photo album, so instead of starting the kinder-Grade 6 album, we finished the baby album (and sorted out the photos for the 'next editions!').
As my 9 year old was born as we were just beginning digital photos, most of the photos were on the 'old' computer, but for some reason, I cannot find any photos from his 2nd birthday, which is really weird. I would always have a stylish cake for their early birthdays, so there should have at least been a photo of the cake, but there is nothing around, and I can't even remember what it looked like. How bad am I? But I can't even remember what we did for his 2nd birthday... I remember events that happened around it, as he had grommets put in his ears a few days after, and he changed from a childcare conglomerate to Family Day Care, but his actual birthday has no visual prompts to remind us what happened. How bad do I feel?
So I put together his album, minus his 2 year old birthday photos, but I've left a page for 'just in case' we find some, or some kind relative gives us some. But now, I have the urge to do their albums for the next stages of their lives... and really, it is so important to have a pictorial memory of their lives in some sort of chronological order. It's a keepsake for them to show their children, and something they can pass on, as we have seen our grandparents do (and our parents attempt to do, but didn't quite get there, as photos became the norm, and time got the better of them!). It's also a good reminder to them about how much we have done in their short lives, and maybe some appreciation might start come to fruition.
So now that I've finished my book, I know I could get onto the next story that's brewing in my mind, but I think it's just as important to get the boys albums together before the years get away from me and it's impossible to remember exact what happened when! :)
Saturday, 16 March 2013
iPhone Mums
I would like to say, I couldn't have written it better myself, so I am going to do something I've never done before, and post a link. Enjoy! Embrace your motherhood, your tiny bit of time to yourself and celebrate that mums need some time to be a 'person' too.
http://growinginashrinkingculture.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/in-defense-of-the-iphone-mom/
http://growinginashrinkingculture.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/in-defense-of-the-iphone-mom/
Friday, 15 March 2013
Mind Games
Why is it that so many people play mind games? They either talk to you thinking you'll take their side over someone else, talk to you because you 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' or talk to you for other agendas. And, if ever you get caught talking to their enemy, say something against them or do something against their ideals, which, quite frankly, has nothing to do with them, then you are made out to be the bad person. Why?
I am an honest person... I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like my opinion, doesn't like what I have to contribute or shoots me down for something they don't like, it is their problem, not mine. I am not going to lose sleep over it, and I'm certainly not going to change my opinion about someone if it's second or third hand information. I can form my own opinion without someone going out of their way to paint an ugly picture of someone else... which in essence, is actually them painting an even uglier picture of themselves. I will like and have whomever I want in my life, and just because 'you' (the proverbial 'you') don't like it, then that is your problem not mine. If we don't have anything good to say in life anymore between us, then I will remove you from my life... I don't need headaches, disagreements, concern for my safety (or my kids, for that matter), because I have already had my fair share of all those nightmares, and I am only looking forward to a happy fulfilling life.
But it's not just the dividing of people through opinionated hearsay or unprovoked rants, it's the kind sweet words that they give you, telling you how wonderful you are in all aspects in your life, to then shoot you down when you say something or do something that goes against their grain. Why is it that they expect you to respect their words, life, values, etc... but when you feel uncomfortable about how a conversation is going, they can't respect your values, words or how you live your life? Is it a matter of debate, and trying to win you over to their side, or is it ignorance, jealous, defeat and their ego being hurt? Why is it that no one seems to tell it how it is anymore?
Imagine, going out on a date... the man takes you to a little Chinese restaurant that looks dodgy on the outside, but the food inside is fantastic. There are cheap tacky Chinese decorations over the place and colour printed paper placemats on butcher's paper over the white linen tablecloths. He asks you what you'd like to order, and you choose something from the seafood menu (you know how it's usually two to three dollars more than the beef, pork or chicken options on the menu). He tells you, "No, don't have that.. the chicken here tastes so good." Is he really saying, I can't afford to spend the extra, I don't want you to have a more expensive meal than me, or is he saying that he's allergic to shellfish but doesn't know how to let you know without upsetting you? No matter what, he's playing a mind game. He's not telling you the truth behind his reaction to why he didn't want you to have the seafood.
But then, are we just being polite? Are we just having enough tact to say the truth quietly between you at a later stage? I guess that will only be known if the relationship grows... but at the same time, how can it grow if the mind games are there from day one?
What happens when you say to someone you don't want to be more than friends.... and they ask you why? You tell them the truth and they don't like it, even if some of those very same traits are things that they have admitted in past conversations, but when someone else says it, they can't handle the truth, why is it then your problem to feel guilty in being honest with yourself? Isn't it always better to say the truth, and not live the life of a lie, always pretending and never being happy? For God's sake, I know I've been there, and it's not pretty. (hence the reason why I chose to live an honest life now, honest to myself, rather than be stuck in something that feels impossible to get out).
Mind games don't help any relationship - new, old or estranged. Have the courage to say what you really mean, then maybe respect will be reciprocated. But then, it can only be reciprocated if the other party has the coping mechanism to handle the truth... Oh what a world we live in!
I am an honest person... I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn't like my opinion, doesn't like what I have to contribute or shoots me down for something they don't like, it is their problem, not mine. I am not going to lose sleep over it, and I'm certainly not going to change my opinion about someone if it's second or third hand information. I can form my own opinion without someone going out of their way to paint an ugly picture of someone else... which in essence, is actually them painting an even uglier picture of themselves. I will like and have whomever I want in my life, and just because 'you' (the proverbial 'you') don't like it, then that is your problem not mine. If we don't have anything good to say in life anymore between us, then I will remove you from my life... I don't need headaches, disagreements, concern for my safety (or my kids, for that matter), because I have already had my fair share of all those nightmares, and I am only looking forward to a happy fulfilling life.
But it's not just the dividing of people through opinionated hearsay or unprovoked rants, it's the kind sweet words that they give you, telling you how wonderful you are in all aspects in your life, to then shoot you down when you say something or do something that goes against their grain. Why is it that they expect you to respect their words, life, values, etc... but when you feel uncomfortable about how a conversation is going, they can't respect your values, words or how you live your life? Is it a matter of debate, and trying to win you over to their side, or is it ignorance, jealous, defeat and their ego being hurt? Why is it that no one seems to tell it how it is anymore?
Imagine, going out on a date... the man takes you to a little Chinese restaurant that looks dodgy on the outside, but the food inside is fantastic. There are cheap tacky Chinese decorations over the place and colour printed paper placemats on butcher's paper over the white linen tablecloths. He asks you what you'd like to order, and you choose something from the seafood menu (you know how it's usually two to three dollars more than the beef, pork or chicken options on the menu). He tells you, "No, don't have that.. the chicken here tastes so good." Is he really saying, I can't afford to spend the extra, I don't want you to have a more expensive meal than me, or is he saying that he's allergic to shellfish but doesn't know how to let you know without upsetting you? No matter what, he's playing a mind game. He's not telling you the truth behind his reaction to why he didn't want you to have the seafood.
But then, are we just being polite? Are we just having enough tact to say the truth quietly between you at a later stage? I guess that will only be known if the relationship grows... but at the same time, how can it grow if the mind games are there from day one?
What happens when you say to someone you don't want to be more than friends.... and they ask you why? You tell them the truth and they don't like it, even if some of those very same traits are things that they have admitted in past conversations, but when someone else says it, they can't handle the truth, why is it then your problem to feel guilty in being honest with yourself? Isn't it always better to say the truth, and not live the life of a lie, always pretending and never being happy? For God's sake, I know I've been there, and it's not pretty. (hence the reason why I chose to live an honest life now, honest to myself, rather than be stuck in something that feels impossible to get out).
Mind games don't help any relationship - new, old or estranged. Have the courage to say what you really mean, then maybe respect will be reciprocated. But then, it can only be reciprocated if the other party has the coping mechanism to handle the truth... Oh what a world we live in!
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Saying the Years
Would it be right to think that if someone constantly brags about the number of years they have been working where they are, been committed to their partner or surprised about how the years have gone by, that they are actually insecure about where they are, who they spend their life with and uncertain about the fact that if those denominators change at all, they would lose all sense of who they are? Saying the numbers, the years, is like a validation to them, that they have either something worth retaining, no matter how much they can't stand their boss, wish they had a pay rise, or look forward to the gold watch at retirement. Are they scared that if they were made redundant before retirement was made an option for them, that they simply would not know what to do, therefore it's more like 'better the devil you know' and stay unhappy than find some inspirational new goals?
But when it comes to marriage or a partnership, is saying the years repetitively helping them cope with any underlying concerns of insecurity within the marriage? What is there to be proud of if you know that there have been some horrific years that have ruined the bond you initially had with your wedded partner? But in essence, why is the number so important? Are they like medals of achievement because so many marriages fall away? Or are they hiding behind the numbers because they know that they really haven't been totally committed to person they vowed to share their life with?
When I was married, I rarely said the number... in fact, I would say that I was with my husband since I was 18, because we actually lived together for 7 years before we were married, so the married number of years were never important to me. It was up to the people asking the question to determine my age if they wanted to know how long we were together. My parents, who have been married for 46 years rarely say the number, and actually will always say that they met New Years Eve 1959. When it comes to a big anniversary, yes the number comes out, but the years in-between sometimes become forgotten. "Has it been 42 years or 43 years this year?" It doesn't matter... because they are looking FORWARD not backward at what is still possible between them.
I think that's a very valid point. Looking backwards, looking at the photos and memories of when times 'used' to be good, is not necessarily living in the moment. It's not enjoying the beauty of your marriage, your job, your friendships, your LIFE. You are living in the past, holding onto the hope that one day you may still have that happiness again with your partner, or find the joy in what you do at work again. But if all you are doing is holding onto the past, and not feeling the reality of the future - that you may have different needs or goals, then somehow, you need to find the courage to be able to move on.
Everyone grows - your children grow, your personality grows, your life goals grow, your needs grow... and sometimes, through growth, people grow apart. We can only hold onto what we have that is valid in our life... our feelings, our assets (or debt), our family (and even for some that can be very hard), our friends and the work we do that makes our heart sing. If our heart no longer sings with what we have in our lives, then there is no point in keeping it there, or hiding behind the validation of counting the years.
But when it comes to marriage or a partnership, is saying the years repetitively helping them cope with any underlying concerns of insecurity within the marriage? What is there to be proud of if you know that there have been some horrific years that have ruined the bond you initially had with your wedded partner? But in essence, why is the number so important? Are they like medals of achievement because so many marriages fall away? Or are they hiding behind the numbers because they know that they really haven't been totally committed to person they vowed to share their life with?
When I was married, I rarely said the number... in fact, I would say that I was with my husband since I was 18, because we actually lived together for 7 years before we were married, so the married number of years were never important to me. It was up to the people asking the question to determine my age if they wanted to know how long we were together. My parents, who have been married for 46 years rarely say the number, and actually will always say that they met New Years Eve 1959. When it comes to a big anniversary, yes the number comes out, but the years in-between sometimes become forgotten. "Has it been 42 years or 43 years this year?" It doesn't matter... because they are looking FORWARD not backward at what is still possible between them.
I think that's a very valid point. Looking backwards, looking at the photos and memories of when times 'used' to be good, is not necessarily living in the moment. It's not enjoying the beauty of your marriage, your job, your friendships, your LIFE. You are living in the past, holding onto the hope that one day you may still have that happiness again with your partner, or find the joy in what you do at work again. But if all you are doing is holding onto the past, and not feeling the reality of the future - that you may have different needs or goals, then somehow, you need to find the courage to be able to move on.
Everyone grows - your children grow, your personality grows, your life goals grow, your needs grow... and sometimes, through growth, people grow apart. We can only hold onto what we have that is valid in our life... our feelings, our assets (or debt), our family (and even for some that can be very hard), our friends and the work we do that makes our heart sing. If our heart no longer sings with what we have in our lives, then there is no point in keeping it there, or hiding behind the validation of counting the years.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
The Moomba Festival
Last night, I did the impromptu 'get the boys out of the house' to go to the Moomba Festival. I told them that I was taking them there, but they had no idea what it was... It was a little bit of a struggle to get them off the couch to go into 35 degree C temperature, but as a punishment for doing some rubber band flicking at each other and not listening to me, I made them walk the 25 minutes down to the train station (instead of driving to the train station!) and walk back... hopefully to burn some energy out of them!
We arrived in the city, and they soon realised that the 'Moomba Festival' was a free carnival in the parks that lined the Yarra River. And you guessed it, their moods quickly swung around from 'how dare mum drag us away from the TV,' to 'can we go on this ride, that ride?'
I set a spending limit and told them they could have 4 rides/side show activities each. We first went on the 'Cliff Hanger' ride together.
We arrived in the city, and they soon realised that the 'Moomba Festival' was a free carnival in the parks that lined the Yarra River. And you guessed it, their moods quickly swung around from 'how dare mum drag us away from the TV,' to 'can we go on this ride, that ride?'
I set a spending limit and told them they could have 4 rides/side show activities each. We first went on the 'Cliff Hanger' ride together.
Then the boys had a go at the hammer throw... where they ended up getting a plastic hammer each and beating the living daylights out of each other!
And then they fished some fish out of a tank and got 'Joe - the Jamaican Monkey!
We then checked out the water-skiing on the river.
And walked around the other side to hear the bands.
As well as see some very talented scooter riders (I was going to writer 'scooterers' but it just didn't sound right!)
We had dinner on the lawn listening to 'Strange Talk' the band with the hundreds of other people!
And found the iconic "King of Moomba' throne, that the boys had to sit in!
Before the boys had one last ride on the 'Disco Spinner'
And we waited for the fireworks to start at 9.30pm...
(sorry it's a little fuzzy!)
So after a late night train ride home, they were very pleased with their impromptu adventure... and have promised me to be good little men today while I get into finishing writing my book!
PS - If in Melbourne, the Moomba Festival is still on today and tomorrow - It really is a great family friendly, alcohol free event for the whole family to enjoy!
Thursday, 7 March 2013
The Rational Versus Irrational
I had an interesting conversation recently about why people aren't prepared to change, or possibly are scared of change, and it came down to rational and irrational thought.
'Rational' thought, as described by one of my fellow conversationalists, maintained the practicality - the longevity of a relationship because of it's general nature with knowing the known, maintaining the financial status, retaining the family bond, understanding the idiosyncrasies without needing to relearn anything... essentially, maintaining the status quo.
Where as, 'irrational thought' takes you out of your comfort zone - there are risks, there's life unlike a life you've ever known before, there's a feeling in your heart that overwhelms you and it truly knocks everything 'rational thought' has to the ground. And in the reality of it all, irrational thought is what draws us to fall in love. It doesn't matter if it's our first love, the person we marry or the person we accidentally fall in love with when we know we shouldn't... irrational thought is everything that brings two soul mates together. Every love is founded on irrational thought and feelings, there is absolutely no question about it. It's why we fall in love, and it's how we fall in love.
For instance, you love your kids. You will do everything to protect them. You find out that your son is the instigator of a fight that happened at school. You know this, but you want to protect him from being ganged up on, punished or being socially outcasted. You ask him his side of the story and he tells you that one of the older kids Brad said he was a 'fat loser,' but yes your son threw the first punch. You were happy that he was honest with you, and pleased that he did something to defend himself, so you will do anything to ensure that the school and the school community don't victimise him in any way. So you take a stance... the stance is far from rational, because your know your son was in the wrong, but as a mother, you will protect your son till the very end, to ensure he is happy, not bullied and enjoys his school life.... and that my friend, comes from our irrational side of our brain.
However, when you understand that 'rational thought' - maintaining the practicalities is all you have left, and there is no irrational thought - warmth of feelings, joy and harmony, left in your relationship, you've come to the point of 'acceptance' - that this is all that's left. For some people, it comes as an epiphany, and they truly have no feelings left for the person they once fell in love with. Resentment hits in, because they don't want to be in this relationship anymore and fighting, bickering, ignoring, deserting, drinking and isolation happens more often than not, as they are the only coping mechanisms they have, because they don't know 'how' to get out.
Where as, irrational thought, the passion that drove you to fall in love is what kicks in when you know it's time to get out. You make it possible, you don't think about the consequences that leaving will bring, you just know what's not making you happy anymore, you take a stand and break away. You don't care how much money you are left with, you don't care what other relationships are affected, you just know that staying with this person, the person you had a rational relationship with, is not right for you anymore. Your 'irrational' decision makes you feel alive, makes you feel powerful, makes you feel like you've found a new you.
Sometimes, there is still a little bit of the irrational left in the rational relationship, and sometimes that's all it takes to keep the relationship together. But if we didn't have the 'irrational,' all we would have is arranged marriages, bitterness and a reality that is not healthy for anyone. For me, I'd take the irrational any day... at least I'll know I'll be happy.
'Rational' thought, as described by one of my fellow conversationalists, maintained the practicality - the longevity of a relationship because of it's general nature with knowing the known, maintaining the financial status, retaining the family bond, understanding the idiosyncrasies without needing to relearn anything... essentially, maintaining the status quo.
Where as, 'irrational thought' takes you out of your comfort zone - there are risks, there's life unlike a life you've ever known before, there's a feeling in your heart that overwhelms you and it truly knocks everything 'rational thought' has to the ground. And in the reality of it all, irrational thought is what draws us to fall in love. It doesn't matter if it's our first love, the person we marry or the person we accidentally fall in love with when we know we shouldn't... irrational thought is everything that brings two soul mates together. Every love is founded on irrational thought and feelings, there is absolutely no question about it. It's why we fall in love, and it's how we fall in love.
For instance, you love your kids. You will do everything to protect them. You find out that your son is the instigator of a fight that happened at school. You know this, but you want to protect him from being ganged up on, punished or being socially outcasted. You ask him his side of the story and he tells you that one of the older kids Brad said he was a 'fat loser,' but yes your son threw the first punch. You were happy that he was honest with you, and pleased that he did something to defend himself, so you will do anything to ensure that the school and the school community don't victimise him in any way. So you take a stance... the stance is far from rational, because your know your son was in the wrong, but as a mother, you will protect your son till the very end, to ensure he is happy, not bullied and enjoys his school life.... and that my friend, comes from our irrational side of our brain.
However, when you understand that 'rational thought' - maintaining the practicalities is all you have left, and there is no irrational thought - warmth of feelings, joy and harmony, left in your relationship, you've come to the point of 'acceptance' - that this is all that's left. For some people, it comes as an epiphany, and they truly have no feelings left for the person they once fell in love with. Resentment hits in, because they don't want to be in this relationship anymore and fighting, bickering, ignoring, deserting, drinking and isolation happens more often than not, as they are the only coping mechanisms they have, because they don't know 'how' to get out.
Where as, irrational thought, the passion that drove you to fall in love is what kicks in when you know it's time to get out. You make it possible, you don't think about the consequences that leaving will bring, you just know what's not making you happy anymore, you take a stand and break away. You don't care how much money you are left with, you don't care what other relationships are affected, you just know that staying with this person, the person you had a rational relationship with, is not right for you anymore. Your 'irrational' decision makes you feel alive, makes you feel powerful, makes you feel like you've found a new you.
Sometimes, there is still a little bit of the irrational left in the rational relationship, and sometimes that's all it takes to keep the relationship together. But if we didn't have the 'irrational,' all we would have is arranged marriages, bitterness and a reality that is not healthy for anyone. For me, I'd take the irrational any day... at least I'll know I'll be happy.
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
The Process
Do you ever feel like you are doing exactly what you're told to do? Going through the motions like you're expected to? Finish high school when you're 17 or 18, go to university or college (or maybe get a trade), get a job you can grow into, find someone to love, get married, buy a house, have kids... Feels like you've been there?
Then what happens? It's a long time before you a grandparent... Is this the time that we wonder what happened, wonder if we did it right, wonder if we are happy with how our lives are?
Maybe that's the mid-life crisis we all go through as we taxi our children around to all their extra-curricular activities, juggle work commitments with home commitments and stress out about all the things we 'may' or 'may not' have missed out on. I know for myself, I didn't get to travel after I left school or in my twenties... I went straight into the responsibility of sharing a flat, working to a budget and finishing my studies. Then I overlapped my first 'real' job with the end of my studies, promoted myself up the ranks with different jobs and then started my own business, which I've been a slave to ever since. And being a business owner has so many different stresses - when will my clients pay me? Will I have enough work this month to cover my bills? Will I ever be able to go on a holiday? It took me 8 years after I started my business to actually take some time off and tell my clients to find someone else to do the work while I was away for 10 days... and that killed me inside, not knowing that they might actually find someone better than me to replace me. Luckily they never did, so I took more and more time off to appease my need for travel and getting out of my little cave that I found myself in.
So, as we've had our children, I'll say that we are in the age group of 35-55 who have the 'wondering itch' of what could have been done better, if you could go back again, what would you do better?
It's a tricky question, because you wouldn't be who you are today if you did anything differently. You may not have had the same kids, or spouse, or ex-spouse, IF you decided to back-pack around Europe in your Gap Year instead of going to uni or starting a full time job. For me, I think the 'process' was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to think any differently. If I had to do it all again, I think travelling the world would be a priority. I would still have wanted to have kids in my late twenties, therefore I would have possibly latched onto anyone who was interested in having babies in 'my time frame.' I think there is still life in your late 40s/early 50s to still feel young enough to enjoy the world when your children have gained their independence from you, but you see the world through different eyes and I would have loved to have had that chance. (Maybe I'll see the world in a different light when I'm travelling around in my 60s!)
But really, why do we follow the rulebook or 'the process?' Why do we care about what people think in how we live our lives? Why do people put emotional pressure on us to be 'like them?' A classic example I saw the other day on a friend's Facebook post was 'isn't it time that you're thinking about having No 2?' What a horrible thing to say... they don't know the circumstances of why they haven't had No 2 yet, or even if they want No 2. But it's the 'process' - the expectation that we follow what our peers do and what our parents did before us. There's more to life than living the 'process' - we just have to be strong enough to know what it is that we want to defy it.
Then what happens? It's a long time before you a grandparent... Is this the time that we wonder what happened, wonder if we did it right, wonder if we are happy with how our lives are?
Maybe that's the mid-life crisis we all go through as we taxi our children around to all their extra-curricular activities, juggle work commitments with home commitments and stress out about all the things we 'may' or 'may not' have missed out on. I know for myself, I didn't get to travel after I left school or in my twenties... I went straight into the responsibility of sharing a flat, working to a budget and finishing my studies. Then I overlapped my first 'real' job with the end of my studies, promoted myself up the ranks with different jobs and then started my own business, which I've been a slave to ever since. And being a business owner has so many different stresses - when will my clients pay me? Will I have enough work this month to cover my bills? Will I ever be able to go on a holiday? It took me 8 years after I started my business to actually take some time off and tell my clients to find someone else to do the work while I was away for 10 days... and that killed me inside, not knowing that they might actually find someone better than me to replace me. Luckily they never did, so I took more and more time off to appease my need for travel and getting out of my little cave that I found myself in.
So, as we've had our children, I'll say that we are in the age group of 35-55 who have the 'wondering itch' of what could have been done better, if you could go back again, what would you do better?
It's a tricky question, because you wouldn't be who you are today if you did anything differently. You may not have had the same kids, or spouse, or ex-spouse, IF you decided to back-pack around Europe in your Gap Year instead of going to uni or starting a full time job. For me, I think the 'process' was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to think any differently. If I had to do it all again, I think travelling the world would be a priority. I would still have wanted to have kids in my late twenties, therefore I would have possibly latched onto anyone who was interested in having babies in 'my time frame.' I think there is still life in your late 40s/early 50s to still feel young enough to enjoy the world when your children have gained their independence from you, but you see the world through different eyes and I would have loved to have had that chance. (Maybe I'll see the world in a different light when I'm travelling around in my 60s!)
But really, why do we follow the rulebook or 'the process?' Why do we care about what people think in how we live our lives? Why do people put emotional pressure on us to be 'like them?' A classic example I saw the other day on a friend's Facebook post was 'isn't it time that you're thinking about having No 2?' What a horrible thing to say... they don't know the circumstances of why they haven't had No 2 yet, or even if they want No 2. But it's the 'process' - the expectation that we follow what our peers do and what our parents did before us. There's more to life than living the 'process' - we just have to be strong enough to know what it is that we want to defy it.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Giving a Child an Education
The Victorian government is looking at fining parents for unacceptable days of non-attendance at school. The fine has been talked about being $70 per day for every day over 5 absent days without a valid reason. A 'valid reason' is having a medical certificate if sick (so in essence, the government is taking money off a parent to pay for a doctor's fee) or a family event like a funeral or family illness that makes it impossible for a parent to take the child or and from school. The concept came around to stop children not attending because of sleeping in, going shopping or family travel. The Tasmanian government have already have it as law to fine families $260 a day for truancy if a court order has been ordered, however with the changes that affect the single parent payment since the start of the year, this means some disadvantaged families have to use the oldest child to babysit the younger children while the mother goes out to work, because child care fees aren't affordable. It truly is a concern that the government want to fine people for defying regulated education, yet isn't there more to an educated life than sitting behind the books?
For instance, isn't the child who stays behind to look after a younger sibling... doesn't that child learn the art of responsibility, child rearing and caring, understanding behaviour, the art of domesticated chores including cooking, cleaning and keeping a home sanitary. This child uses her mathematics to measure the right formula for the baby or cutting her Vegemite toast into eighths, she learns time management skills while setting sleep times for the baby, she learns to read stories creating inflections in her voice to help her capture the attention of the baby which helps her with her public speaking and confidence. She might even go down the street with the baby in a stroller to get some supplies, so she'll use her navigation skills to get herself to the shops, but also her mathematical skills to create a budget and spend the money she has for supplies wisely. All these are life skills, most that can't be learnt in a classroom.
And how about family travel. Can't that be a more valuable experience than anything else in a classroom? To have first hand knowledge of different cultures, languages, sights and sounds from a different country, or even a different part of your home country so that your child gets an understanding of exactly how life really is outside the four walls of home and the classroom. Travel can give you so much more than any text book or Google search. It was a deciding factor for me not to put my children into a private school because any travel outside of school holidays is unacceptable, yet travel in school holidays is excessive up with their school fees, and limiting. You can't go away for more than 2-3 weeks at a time, unless it's over Christmas... and that's just insane.
I understand that a formal education is important, as long as the child is taught in the way he or she needs. And I am adamant that my children go to school if they are coughing and spluttering, but draw the line if they are vomiting or have a fever. And I completely disagree with wagging school, as it defies both parents and the education system. But to fine parents for not attending for the sake of a decision they made which they felt was a better decision for their child, is ludicrous. A parent has the last say of what their child does or does not do.
The Education Department states that if a child is enrolled in a school, they are enrolled full time and thus must attend full time. I've had fights with the Education Department about seeking specialised tutoring for my youngest son because I have chosen to have him attend anything between 3-7 hours a week outside the 'full time registered school' that he attends, and that apparently is 'not allowed,' unless I have the principal's consent (consent, the principal will not give because it shows her that her school has failed my son by not providing the individual learning plan he needs to grow in his learning).
So why is there so much politics in giving a child an education? When did the teachers become administrators and not educators? It's just wrong that they are wasting money on things that aren't necessary like policies on truancy. They have probably spent more money on creating the policies than recuperating from defiant parents. As a parent, we all have rights to do what we feel right for our children, and I will be a defiant parent if I know in my heart I am doing what's best for my children.
For instance, isn't the child who stays behind to look after a younger sibling... doesn't that child learn the art of responsibility, child rearing and caring, understanding behaviour, the art of domesticated chores including cooking, cleaning and keeping a home sanitary. This child uses her mathematics to measure the right formula for the baby or cutting her Vegemite toast into eighths, she learns time management skills while setting sleep times for the baby, she learns to read stories creating inflections in her voice to help her capture the attention of the baby which helps her with her public speaking and confidence. She might even go down the street with the baby in a stroller to get some supplies, so she'll use her navigation skills to get herself to the shops, but also her mathematical skills to create a budget and spend the money she has for supplies wisely. All these are life skills, most that can't be learnt in a classroom.
And how about family travel. Can't that be a more valuable experience than anything else in a classroom? To have first hand knowledge of different cultures, languages, sights and sounds from a different country, or even a different part of your home country so that your child gets an understanding of exactly how life really is outside the four walls of home and the classroom. Travel can give you so much more than any text book or Google search. It was a deciding factor for me not to put my children into a private school because any travel outside of school holidays is unacceptable, yet travel in school holidays is excessive up with their school fees, and limiting. You can't go away for more than 2-3 weeks at a time, unless it's over Christmas... and that's just insane.
I understand that a formal education is important, as long as the child is taught in the way he or she needs. And I am adamant that my children go to school if they are coughing and spluttering, but draw the line if they are vomiting or have a fever. And I completely disagree with wagging school, as it defies both parents and the education system. But to fine parents for not attending for the sake of a decision they made which they felt was a better decision for their child, is ludicrous. A parent has the last say of what their child does or does not do.
The Education Department states that if a child is enrolled in a school, they are enrolled full time and thus must attend full time. I've had fights with the Education Department about seeking specialised tutoring for my youngest son because I have chosen to have him attend anything between 3-7 hours a week outside the 'full time registered school' that he attends, and that apparently is 'not allowed,' unless I have the principal's consent (consent, the principal will not give because it shows her that her school has failed my son by not providing the individual learning plan he needs to grow in his learning).
So why is there so much politics in giving a child an education? When did the teachers become administrators and not educators? It's just wrong that they are wasting money on things that aren't necessary like policies on truancy. They have probably spent more money on creating the policies than recuperating from defiant parents. As a parent, we all have rights to do what we feel right for our children, and I will be a defiant parent if I know in my heart I am doing what's best for my children.
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