Why is it assumed that if people know that you have had a discretionary relationship with a married man, that you too will succumb to the weakness of their unhappy marriage or relationship and do the same deeds with them? Are you instantly labelled as the 'home-wrecker,' the 'ball breaker' or the 'female Cassanova' that woos men away from their marriage into a world of debauchery?
Over the past two or so years, it's been very apparent to me the instant flirtations that married men tend to proceed with when they first find out that I'm not married anymore, but then more so when I told them I was involved with a married man. Their eyes start to shine, I'll get the occasional bump on the elbow or the hip as they walk passed me, the lingering hugs, the nervous laughs at things that just rent funny, a little bit of text flirting, phone calls at 10.30pm to 'see what I am doing,' and I've even had the old hands on both of my hips trying to lead me the way to wherever they want me to go (a-hem... before you get the dirty mind, it is usually to the next room of a property I am looking at for work).
Look, I know I am quite open, and I give the impression to many that I am eager for anything, but if they truly knew me, they would know that my heart, my body and my soul are only available for one man and most of what I talk about, is purely research for the next book, the next blog or just to understand what really is out there in the big bad world of dating.
But really, what is it with the married men? Do they honestly think that once you've done one, you're open to all? That your morals are out the window and that you have no concern for their wives or children? Um, I don't think so... And for all those married women out there who know me, I haven't done anything untoward with your husbands... only the one who knows it all.
But it does make me question, why are these married men looking elsewhere? Is life so bad on the other side? Are their wives just not interested in sex anymore and they have to seek other avenues? Why can't they just grow some balls and leave before they have their first infidelity?
I did talk to one of my 'married men' friends recently, one who we've had an understanding for 6-7 years now of innocent flirting, but know nothing will ever come of it. He's one of the very few men I can talk to honestly about how men feel. He has a few married men that he works with who have equally flirted with me, and I've asked the question to him, do you think that 'Agent X' would cheat on his wife?' And he said, 'out of all of us, he is the weakest, and to my knowledge he hasn't yet, but if the right chance came, he would buckle and go for it.' And I asked him, if he himself would? And he (let's call him 'Agent Y') said, 'he would never. For him it was about how hard the financial separation was, the agony his children would go through, for him, having an affair wasn't worth it.' He had seen many of his friends have one and their lives be destroyed. No matter how much he enjoys another woman's company, he would never cross the boundary.
It was good to know that there are some decent men out there still. But there are a large percentage who aren't. I do believe that married vows are sacred and stood by mine until I decided that I could no longer be in my marriage. And I do believe once you've broken one vow, then the trust, the bond and the sacrament that you made to be in your marriage is completely gone. I've spoken to a few divorced men who have realised that once they did that first betrayal, that they knew they had done wrong by their wives and family, and told them that they were no good for them anymore, and left. Quite commendable really. But they are really one in a million who do it.
So for all those who think they can get a piece of me, know that I enjoy the sexual talk and banter, but it stops there... If anything, if I think a marriage can be saved, I would do what I can to help save it, as for my friends, that's what friends are for... And for all those who those who think they can get more out of me, just keep it in your pants!
** Please note, the title of this post isn't intended to be racist, but just a pun on the 'Single White Female' movie that Bridget Fonda starred in... this blog does not exclude men from other races, religions or backgrounds.
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