Believing in the good in your kids

I think there is a stigma about children raised by single parents. Especially those raised by single mums and there is no Dad to be seen. That the parents are always at work, working two jobs or more trying to make ends meet, so the children are left to fend for themselves, regularly getting in trouble at school, wagging school, or getting in trouble with the law. I don't know the percentages of children from 'broken homes' that are unlawful to those from nuclear families that are unlawful, but the feeling is that those from a dysfunctional family life are more likely to rebel.

So in saying that, what about all the 'good' that comes from growing up with a single parent? The extra responsibilities in helping around the home, street wise independence that gives our children courage, road sense and orientation, the ability to work autonomously, the ability to share with their siblings because less is available for them to individually have and an earlier understanding of 'real life.' All these things can't be discounted from their lives, and may actually make them better than their molly-coddled nuclear cousins, because they need to strive beyond the obstacles, the stereotypes and the poverty to make something of themselves.

For instance, celebrities who grew up in a single parent home include Tom Cruise, Oprah Winfrey, Rene Russo, Jodie Foster, Malcolm Forbes Jr (the editor of Forbes magazine), 50 Cent, Demi Moore, Natasha & Joely Richardson (mother Vanessa Redgrave), Lance Armstrong, Celine Dion and Selena Gomez. It's a small list of over-achieving rags-to-riches people who believed in their abilities and have made great professional successes of themselves.

I met this really nice eighteen year old man yesterday who was one of those over-achieving, level-headed kids from a single parent home. He was the product of a sperm donation after his mother's husband had a kidney problem and couldn't conceive. But her husband had terrible physical and mental problems, and when he was three she left him. Over the years, he spent one year going to five different schools, another year travelling across Australia while his Mum home schooled him, he spent three years in boarding schools (aged 9-12) because his mum had a job overseas, his mum would even leave him home alone for two-three nights at the age of twelve, and it was only his last four years of high school that he had some consistency. Now, just out of high school, his is in charge of administrating his mother's business when she goes interstate on business, he's dedicated to furthering his studies and he's just one of those kids who embraces the simple things in life, takes responsibility seriously, does what is asked of him and loves his extended family. Of course he rebelled and experimented with things, but that's all it was... he knows what to do to make something of himself.

For me, talking to him, made me feel that being a single mum was the right thing to do for my boys. That their family background shouldn't discourage them from being the best they can be. I guess it's all in the attitude of the child, that they are ingrained in themselves that they have a belief in themselves, and it isn't discouraged.