What are we teaching our children?

There is an expectation that how we live our lives is an example to our children of what is ok and what isn't... There have been ads on television trying to stop parents asking their children to get them another beer out of the fridge rather than doing it themselves, as the repetitive act of a child doing what we see as a harmless adult activity for an adult can cause that child to believe that 'binge drinking' is an acceptable practice, which may lead to early consumptions of alcohol or 'addictive' behaviour in the child, because they see it as being 'ok.'

So if that's the case, what about in our relationships? If someone hits us in the face and we continue to have a loving relationship with that person, are we telling our children that it's acceptable that it's OK to be violent in a relationship? Or do we make excuses that we deserved it, or it was something that happened in a drunken stupor and they really didn't mean to hurt you so badly? Or do we cover it up, and say that you knocked your face in a door in the middle of the night so no one knows the truth? (it's actually quite frightening how many people actually do 'cover it up.')

But what happens if a husband cheats on his wife? Is the first relationship OK, a mistake, something they need to go to counselling over to work out the conflicts in their marriage? Is it showing your children that forgiveness is the greatest form of commitment, no matter how hurt and broken hearted you are, or that your sense of trust in the relationship has completely disappeared? I was speaking to a lady yesterday who did exactly that... She found out about her husband's four year affair because he kept saying that they couldn't afford to do some improvements around the house, but he was actually paying for his mistress's lifestyle on the side. She forgave him, as a Catholic woman does, and they went to counselling and tried to restore their marriage. She had all confidences that they would 'make things better.'

But then she heard the voices... 'go check his email,' 'go check the phone records...' So she did, and saw repetitive text messaging to the one phone number, up to 30 times a day and only on weekdays. She decided to ring the number, and the number was a mother of one of her daughter's friends. She decided not to approach the woman, but ask a mutual friend if she knew anything. Her friend said she knew nothing but decided to approach the woman in any case. She asked her to go out for a coffee, and she happily obliged, and once she sat down she said 'how long have you been having an affair with such-in-such?' The woman said, 'how do you know?' 

For the wife, she said once is enough, but the second time, if she stayed, she would be teaching her daughter that it's OK for a man to walk all over you and not respect your relationship, and for her son, it would show him that an affair is an acceptable part of any marriage. She didn't want to show her children that infidelity was allowed... she didn't want to be treated like her feelings and her life was a lie.

So why do so many wives stay with their serial cheating husbands? What are they saying to their children? That their religious/moral values and or their ability to remain 'committed' are more important than their self-esteem, their existence in their own family or their husband's respect? Or is change too terrifying for too many? Do they believe that what goes on behind closed doors remains behind closed doors just to live the comfortable lifestyle they are accustomed? But once their children find out about the infidelities, and they do, if it's immediately or over time, their children will constantly question the blurred line between what is right and what is acceptable in all of THEIR OWN relationships.

Do you want to see your own child being hurt by infidelity, an abusive spouse or being completely disrespected by the person they love? Or would you prefer for them to stand up for their rights as a human being and be happy, learn to trust and live an honest life? Most would answer 'no way.' So why do women allow these men to walk all over them and not respect the commitment they made to each other? But even for men who have done the cheating (or women for that fact), can you imagine if his precious daughter's husband cheated on her, how could he live with himself to tell his daughter that her husband's behaviour is acceptable and she should just 'live with it' because he was too gutless to leave a marriage after he broke his vows.

If we can't teach our children by example how to be an up-standing citizen, then there is no hope in the future generations to be able to speak out and act on what is right and acceptable in how we should ALL be treated. 

Country People vs City People

One thing I realised while I was in Europe was the difference in the 'city' people vs the 'country' people... There are definitely many wonderful people I met while I was in the city, like the lovely man who was in the busy rush of the London Tube helping me carry my luggage up the steep staircase, and the sweet French man who gave us extra special attention in a Parisienne bistro, but they were few and far between... the Romans were rude, the Amsterdammers were just too busy dinging their bicycle bells riding way too fast and expecting you to get out of their way and most the Parisiennes were either begging for money or seemed a little sly. I will admit, the Londoners know all about what courtesy and compassion for a stranger is... however, the country people no matter where I am in the world, just warm my heart.

And it's no different to what I find in Melbourne versus what I find in provincial Victoria. Unless you know someone in Melbourne, they don't want to know you. Even when I've been to the States, those who live in the smaller towns give you more attention than those in the rat-race cities. I guess it's true... life is slower in the country... slower to actually make an effort for people whether they are friends, family or strangers...

At lunch time on Saturday, my friend and I drove up to Mansfield and walked through the Farmer's Market, listened to the school kids singing and enjoyed some of the local delights. You could tell the difference between the Melbourne tourists and the locals, just by the way they treated you.

On Saturday night, my friend and I hopped down to the Boat Club to see what the local watering hole was all about. Admittedly, most the people were over fifty and there really wasn't many people there... but the view was spectacular and the people were so keen to who these 'two new ladies' were... especially the 'committee' members. So after a brief chat, letting them know that I'd just bought a new home down the street, they told me that I must come up on Cup Day to enjoy a feast of champagne and chicken with my boys (I'm sure they will be on the lemonade), to get dressed up and join in the local festivities. It was really nice to be made feel welcome. I signed up for a 'horse' in the sweepstakes and said I will be there... and they convinced me to get up next Wednesday morning at 5am to make the drive back to Melbourne instead of driving back Tuesday night...

On Sunday we packed up and got the house ready for our first paying guests. I'm lucky to have some local people who are happy to be my home's caretakers... they will mow the lawns for me, clean the house after guests come, and just help me with all the little bits and pieces which are still puzzling to me with the new house... especially since the only services it has is electricity and phone, and everything else (water, sewerage and bottled gas) is tied to the land. It's all a learning curve for me, but I'm willing to understand it all.

And it's amazing how slow time actually goes in the country.. how you can fill your day and realise by 1pm that you still have half the day ahead of you to enjoy. My little lake house is a joy to go up to and makes my working week easier to get through. I'm so thankful we have been welcomed so warmly. I'm so thankful my boys love it and enjoy every part of it... maybe we were supposed to be country people too! :)

Life Without Phone or Internet

Currently on the weekends, we are escaping to our little Lake House in the country. It's about a 2 hour 45 minute drive away from home through some magical countryside dappled with wineries, road side fruit and preserve stands, rejuvenating burnt forests, undulating hills and a lovely assortment of farm life, wild life and bird life... it really is a chocolate box experience - you don't know what you're going to get on every trip.

About seven minutes from our house by the lake, my phone goes into 'SOS' mode... therefore no phone or internet for about 10 kilometres. This weekend, we arrived there on Friday night 8pm and we left there this morning, Monday at 5am... 57 hours of phone and internet free bliss. If I belonged to a different network, my phone would work fine. If my house had a booster antenna, I would be able to pick up the signal from the other network (and we are looking into it, but there is quite a large expense associated with it). But, even though I was a little edgy about not having phone or internet access when we first settled the house 3 weekends ago, it's actually been wonderful without it...

The boys and I ventured around our little town and found some more discoveries... we discovered the cafe, fish n chip & pizza shop in the caravan park store, we found the picnic point with a playground, electric barbecues and a magical view, and we discovered a fire track that leads up to a lookout. We chatted with a few locals (or, as my boys would say, I chatted with a few locals) who told me to check out the local boat club this weekend for a few social 'getting to know the community' drinks, and the boys got into their board shorts for the first time and took a dip in the lake.

At the house, the boys got into throwing their weight around with an axe chopping up some firewood, we pruned some trees to make them fire-safe for the up-coming fire season and we had a campfire scraping away all the pine needles off the ground for instant kindling, assisting our 'fire safe' strategy. We played board games on the deck, watching the pelicans and eagles flying about, and the water-skiers and kayakers enjoying the beautiful waters. It was amazingly relaxing, and it was so good seeing my boys enjoying the outdoors and appreciating the nicer things in life.

It was only when we walked up to the lookout and I started taking some photos that I noticed I actually got reception on my phone from this 'middle of no where track' in the Delatite Forest and I had 8 emails come in... but I just scanned through them, realised there was nothing that couldn't wait, and enjoyed the rest of the weekend with my precious little men.

On the drive home, in the previous weeks, as soon as we got to the end of the road where I know the service comes back in, I'm busy checking if anyone loves me... but I didn't even look today until I actually made it home, a little over 2 and half hours after I could get service.

It is nice having a break from technology and just enjoying the people you love. It does help when you can admire the beauty that's around you, and it does make you appreciate all the little things that make you whole, and really the phone and internet don't even come close to bringing out the beauty in who you are.

It's Been A Long Time Between Drinks!

This would have to be the longest time since I've written a blog... I'm sorry! But a lot has been going on... school holidays, settling on my new holiday home, talking to people in the UK about my book, sooooooo much work that I don't know if I'm Arthur or Martha, spending the weekends at the new holiday home (which at the moment doesn't have internet) so I can't write about it and helping a friend who has gone through an act of domestic violence... really, there are so many sad stories that go on within families, sometimes you have to count your blessings with what you have.

And that's the hard thing... things are looking positive again - most my friends have found renewed happiness, I'm feeling more comfortable in my financial, social, business and family position, friends call me with their happy news, things are looking up... but then one of them goes through such a terrible thing where she has to go call the police on her so called 'friend,' go to the doctors, get a CT scan to see if she has any facial fractures and her whole self esteem goes to shit, as those who are close to both of my friend and her perpetrator can't even see that she is the victim here, not the guy who hit her. There is no excuse for a blow to the face, yet the people close to her suggest that the guy must have been 'pushed.' WOW! Couldn't he have been 'pushed' to walk away, 'pushed' to have a level headed conversation, 'pushed' to go for a walk to clear his head, 'pushed' to have a cold shower to lower his temper... he could have been 'pushed' to do many things, but not 'pushed' to whack my friend in the face.

I was talking to a client today after she opened up about the status of selling her parents' home. She was so upset about it, as her brother was contesting the Will, because the house was left only to her, as their parents had 'given' him a house down the street 20 years ago, but he cashed it in, and now he has nothing. He had the opportunity for his parents to see him enjoying the fruits of their labour while they were alive, she had to wait until they were dead, so the money from their Will is very bittersweet for her. She said that her brother was horrible to her father, including giving him a few black eyes and assaults that needed stitches in his lifetime, so he had essentially written him out of his Will based on two elements - he had already received an entire house for free, and he was abusive. Yet now she needs to spend hard earned dollars on legal fees to stop her brother from getting a piece of her inheritance. She had to change the locks on her parents home and she isn't talking to her brother. It's so sad that families can get to that stage over 'money.' But I can see how easily it can happen. After talking to her, I count my blessings...

And my blessings are my two beautiful boys who are so compassionate, so helpful and so funny. They love running around the countryside around our new lake house, they love spending time together and helping each other out, they help around the house without whinging, they put so much effort into their schoolwork and try to extend themselves... they really do make me proud. But my blessings are also that I have found this beautiful paradise by the lake, I have clients who want to use my services always and I am now at the point where I am saying 'no' to work because I am too busy, which is terribly hard for me; I am ever so grateful for my beautiful friends, and I am happy to keep all the positive things and people in my life, and show the love to the people who deserve it.