Day 3 - Fiji

Bula!

Not too much excitement today, as the next two will be filled with Fijian culture and unforgettable experiences.

The boys hung out in the pool while I read about 120 pages of my book under the shade of a palm tree or two, beyond a thatched umbrella and the tropical leafiness! My view below!!

After the boys decided they were bored in the pool, we went over to the water sports bure and they decided that they wanted to do the 'doughnut' - a two-person blow-up doughnut that is dragged behind a speedboat like a waterski, but something they sit down and get tossed around skimming the water and holding on to dear life so they don't fall off. Apparently, the best fun EVER!!

Then we went for a kayak in the lagoon, before more pool play and reading for me. We then went to the shop to buy some supplies for tomorrow's adventure (sunscreen, insect repellent) and a round of Daytona and air hockey in the games room, before a half hour of tennis until my 11 year old said he didn't feel well and needed some water.

The sun disappeared a little today behind the clouds, and there was a gentle breeze that kept the temperatures cooler. Hoping tomorrow will be nicer... for our most amazing adventure yet!

Day 2 - Fiji

Bula all,
Having a fabulous time, getting some nice sun and doing all the things we wish we could do at home. As you can see, the boys are a little red from yesterday from the sun, as they refused to put sunscreen on, but today they learnt their lesson!

After our buffet breakfast (which someone had said to me the day before that it was the best buffet breakfast he's ever had... I can say, I've had better!), I took the boys to the kids club for some coconut boat racing, fish feeding and palm leaf sculpting/plaiting/crafting, so that I could indulge in a 2 hour massage at the Chi Spa Village.

This was the view I was able to wake up to after my aromatherapy massage! Definitely not complaining, really!

I then went to pick up the boys, who I was worried would be bored, but actually had a wonderful time at the kids club. We then got ready to go to the pool, but I told the boys that I wanted to check something out first. Of course, they whinged and whined as they were desperate to get into the pool, but I told them they have to wait and see if they can do what I had in mind. We went up to the outdoor sports bure (hut) and asked if they were big enough to do para-sailing. And they were... so in a little over an hour, we were able to go up and see the world. I went first as we drifted across the beach of the resort out into the ocean, and the boys went in a tandem ride on the trip back.

We all had a ball floating over the peaceful azure blue waters in a beautiful paradise. As the boys were up, I spoke with Koko about his life - his 7 kids and the fact that he's never left Fiji, but really, why would he? But it does make you grateful that you have the ability to see the world first hand.

After parasailing, we went snorkelling on the side of the resort's beach. We found some clown fish, sting rays as well as other fish... it wasn't as exciting as some of the ocean snorkelling we've done, but still peaceful drifting in the water with the sun on our backs and the water so warm.

The boys went back to the pool and I just relaxed on a banana lounge watching the sun slowly lower in the sky over the water under my palm tree canopy. Bliss!

Off to dinner now and some nightly entertainment! I wonder what's in store for tomorrow!

Goodbye St Kilda, Hello Fiji!

It was sad to leave St Kilda yesterday. We'd been there for two months to the day, had a fabulous landlord who would just make life easy. Once you got past the Sixties boringness of the building and came inside to the top floor renovated apartment, it was like being in your own little world. The boys and I loved the bay view seeing the ships coming in through the bay and the flickering of white sails as the yachts raced each other, the night lights down St Kilda Road, the imposing bluestone church that dominated the windows in both the bathroom and the boy's room, the hot air balloons who floating by almost every morning and just the simplicity of life there... no gardens to tend, a half an hour clean for the whole apartment, and the cleanliness of the eclectic treasure we could call home for two months.

We won't miss the three levels of stairs to climb, but then again, anything worth having is worth the effort. And we definitely won't miss the smell of dope wafting through the bathroom window from the communal terrace, but all those things are nothing compared with the lifestyle we enjoyed there.

So here we are now in Fiji - the Shangri La on Yanuca Island on the Coral Coast, 60kms south east of Nadi. No photos as yet I'm sorry, will try tomorrow. Our flight was delayed by almost an hour and a half, which was a bit of a pain as the boys and I got up early to watch the opening ceremony of the London Olympics at 5.30am, plus cleaned the apartment, packed our bags and everything else that needed to be done before we set off for hockey at 10am. Which was a little bit of a mistake, as we were late for the photos the club had organised for the team... I actually thought they were last week, and we turned up with a week to spare, and this week, with everything going on, I completely forgot. Our flight was supposed to take off at 11.30pm, but didn't leave till almost 1am, so you can imagine how exhausted we were. We struggled with sleeping on the plane, but I'm sure there was at least an hour or two of solid, but awkward sleep in there somewhere.

After we landed, everything was painless. I was silently afraid that as I had been denied two US Visas this year, that any international travel may be affected as the powers at be would see my attempts at international travel would make me closer to the US to become an illegal immigrant, and there were a few times that airport or airline personnel asked odd questions like, 'I need to see your itinerary to ensure you are coming back,' or while we were waiting in the lounge 'I need to see your tickets. How many in your party?' just randomly, something that I had never encountered before, which made me think that the US government will try to stop me from even having an overseas holiday. Oh, what would we do without a little paranoia when travelling? :)

We arrived at our resort and the room was ready for us. The boys, even though exhausted, wanted to play in the pool while I sat quietly reading my book and dozing off. They managed a game of poolside basketball which was only made more funny by the elderly Fijian who rounded everyone up to play the game telling people 'no more blah blah' and get in the pool (I first thought that he said 'no more blubber' thinking he wanted us to get off our fat lazy arses!). The weather wasn't as warm as I'd hoped it would be... there was a slight chill in the breeze which made it worse when the sun ducked behind a palm tree and wasn't emitting the heat I desperately needed to enjoy the poolside ambience.

I started chatting with a couple from Sydney who had discovered a whole range of restaurants outside of the resort that charged half the price. So we might investigate tomorrow life 'outside.' After lunch, we came back to our room for some R&R before the boys were 'bored' and wanted to venture outside again. We found another pool on the south side of the island resort and had a bit of a wade and lie on a banana lounge sipping pina coladas (well, I did!) before checking out the gym, wellness spa and the mini-golf.

We came back to the room, had a shower and got ourselves dressed up for dinner. My youngest said he wasn't hungry at all, but still filled his plate and two bowls of dessert and ate the lost (except brought home one of the bowls of dessert for snacks later). We've been back in our room for half an hour as the boys didn't want to see the nightly entertainment... exhaustion has set in, so much so, that they are both dead to the world awkwardly sleeping on the king size bed, while I lucked out on the pull out sofa bed... something I said will be rotated each night until we leave.

So that has been our last 48 hours... Hope to show some pics tomorrow and some adventures during the week, to inspire other single parents the beauty of Fiji!

God's Grace and Mercy vs Grounded Morality

To me, I am a very sceptical person when it comes to religion. Religion has caused more wars in this world, caused more discrimination and creates weak, selfish individuals who believe that no matter whatever they do, they will be saved by God's 'grace and mercy.' People who believe in the higher power in God, don't have enough strength to believe in themselves AND do not take responsibility for their own actions. They seek forgiveness from God, who apparently loves all of us, and through that forgiveness of a spiritual being, they are guilt-free for their despicable actions on this Earth. How is that so?

Now, I've been brought up to be responsible for myself to the other degree - rarely if not any support from those who declare they love me financially, emotionally or physically, and if I don't have a belief in myself to get through any hurdles that I go through, then I have only myself to blame. My roots don't want to hear the sob-stories, and certainly have no compassion for them, even if one of us in the midst of a suicidal depression, they just want to hear that we're alive and doing ok.

So how can someone, who has been brought up on Christianity be so lucid to think that if God can give His forgiveness to him or her, knowing that their penance was heard, that they can be so dumb-founded when man on Earth, including the law, decide that they are guilty of an un-lawful act and punished accordingly? I just don't get it. I have known people who have broken all but one of the Ten Commandments (the only one being murder), yet claim that they can be completely forgiven after they had spent a small amount of time re-reading the Bible, praying and 'talking to God', as they hadn't been completely blasphemous because they hadn't broken ALL Ten Commandments. They will go back to their merry ways and continue to sin and break their beloved Christian laws, because they know in their heart they will be forgiven by God. I'm sorry, but it is completely and utterly morally and lawfully wrong.

For instance, 'thou shalt not steal.' Someone shoplifts, gets caught, asks for forgiveness from God, it's a first offence, so she gets a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. Two weeks later, she does it again, doesn't get caught. A month later, she goes for a bigger ticketed item, gets caught, gets locked in jail for a month and gains an official criminal record and wonders why. She had God's forgiveness, she even had the law's forgiveness when she first broke the law, so why is she being punished now? It's that sort of mentality that completely blows me away! You did something wrong love, live with it and the consequences!!

If a man has committed adultery, and his wife finds out, the first time she may give him her forgiveness, purely on the fact that she thinks that all it was was sexual intimacy, not emotional intimacy. So he makes an effort to appease his wife, and all is forgiven. Again, it was all so easy to get her forgiveness, and God's grace and mercy, so he goes and finds another escape, but this time it's a longer more meaningful relationship. His wife finds out again, and she starts to evaluate that it may not be his sexual addiction that has led him to this adultery, maybe something is completely wrong in their marriage that was underlying but no one had ever spoken about it. She questions herself, she questions their love, she thinks back to all his awkward behaviour and now understands why he was the way he was. Her trust in him is completely gone, because it wasn't just the sex, it was the lies, it was the emotional attachment to someone else, it was the complete disregard to their wedded vows that he had betrayed. Can she go back and forgive him, even though he vows never to do it again? Can she live in peace with herself and her husband knowing that he may have God's forgiveness, but will he truly have hers?

Why isn't the law on Earth the same as religious law? Is that why so many people are confused about what is right and wrong? Divorce in most states is 'at no-fault,' which means that even if someone did a wrong-doing to their spouse, they are divorced and financially separated with equality.

My argument with the Bible is that you can look at it until you are black and blue and find things in it that suits the argument, or belief you want to continue in your life. There are many things in the Bible that are outdated - the religious expectation that women be fully clothed in public, slavery, even the concept of 'love thou neighbour' has changed from the thoughts of your 'neighbour' being equal in race, financial status, sexual preference and gender to you, to now your 'neighbour' is all of humanity and that different races, religions, gays, lesbians, heterosexuals, children, the elderly, the poor, the wealthy, the educated and non-educated are ALL our neighbours and we should all be treated the same.

I have always been told to treat people the same way I would like to be treated. It is very rare for me to lash out on others for my feelings of inequality in the events or efforts of another upon me. However, those who are devoted to their religion, bar one possible exception, have treated with me with such contempt because of their 'own' wrong-doing, misfortunes or immoral guidance and actions.

I know religion is a very large part of this world, and most God loving people will say that it was mis-guided men who created the wars, used their absolute power to molest children in the Catholic Church and private/Christian boys' schools, and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. If we were taught at school to believe more in ourselves, know the different between right and wrong  and take responsibility for our own actions, and if we did do something wrong, then we would need to live with that guilt for the remainder of our lives, then there would be less wrong-doings and more right-doings, as the guilt would just eat us all up alive. However Christianity, has given us the freedom to know that no matter what wrong we do, we don't have to hold onto that guilt, as God has forgiven us, and we are free to make the same mistakes over and over again, until the law here on Earth decides to punish us. Christianity doesn't breed strong moral citizens, only weak people who know they always have a back up, as they truly believe that God will never fail them, even if they fail themselves.

A Holiday within a Day

Yesterday I took the boys up to Echuca. Echuca is about a 3 hour drive north of Melbourne, the closest point from Melbourne to get to our state border on the Murray River. It's an historic town, still being true to its origins with its blacksmith store, woodturning store, vintage eateries and horse drawn coaches going down sandy banked roads on the river edge.

Our first stop was to grab some lunch and a pit-stop (piss-stop, as my boys call it!). We found a lovely restaurant with leather high-back chairs and white table cloths on Echuca's main street. The menu was a little 5-star for my boys' taste, but the waiter ensured me that they can have the breakfast menu of a various egg choices instead of the gourmet lunch menu. One chose poached eggs on toast, the other scrambled eggs with bacon... little did the chef know, but he was cooking for an 8 year old, who doesn't really like pepper in his eggs. But knowing the chef, he would say it would be blasphemous without pepper! I have a lovely club turkey, bacon and rocket club sandwich and my standard hot chocolate.

After lunch, we strolled along the Campapse River before going to the Port of Echuca where they have the historic township. We decided we would go on a paddle steamer cruise and chose the PS Emmylou as our paddle steamer for the day. The paddle steamer had it all... a galley, restaurant, sleeping cabins, amenities, the warm heart of the engine, the captain's room on the top floor and plenty of places to run and escape for the boys. The weather was cool but dry to start, but once the boat started, the rain did too. Luckily there were plenty of sheltered areas to hide.

The river was calm, the water levels were high and the crew were happy to have a chat. We paddle-steamed about 4 kilometres up the river, seeing the new Moama and the old Moama on the New South Wales side of the Murray, plenty of ducks, the floating tin-sheds Captain Pete fondly calls the houseboats and some of the beautiful old paddle steamers.

PS Emmylou was built in 1906 by Marshall & Sons in England. It uses 1 tonne of wood per day and 250 litres of water per hour. It can generate speeds of 12 kilometres per hour with the engine at 120rpm and the paddle wheels at 30rpm.  The boys had a chance at steering the 7.5tonne vessel, and enjoyed the scenic and very tranquil ride up our state's border.

After our cruise, we looked in the blacksmith shop, the wood-turning shop and souvenir shop and pressed a penny into a copper keepsake of our little trip, then headed back home to Melbourne.

We arrived on the edge of the city around 6pm, and decided to go to South Melbourne for some sushi. It was a good day all round. Great to get some country air, great to leave the computer at home, great to spend some precious time with my boys doing what we love...

An archive idea!

I heard about a fabulous idea the other day as a keepsake for our children. It was based on the 7-Up series that the BBC started in the 60s (where they interviewed the same children at the age of 7, then 14, 21, 28, 35, 42... and I think they are close to interviewing them now at 49), but this is an annual thing.

As your child reaches the age of three, devise a series of questions that you will ask them every year around their birthday. You could call it 'Jacob's Twenty Questions.' The questions would be things like, what's your favourite colour, what's your favourite food, what's your favourite car, what are you going to be when you grow up, who's your best friend, what's your favourite toy, what's your favourite thing to do, what's your favourite movie, what's your favourite song... anything that gives you a glimpse into their eyes every year as they grow, and it's something that you can see evolve as they grow older.

I experimented with my almost 11 year old son today while we were waiting at the doctor's surgery. He is becoming quite the comical jester with a few 'smart' answers in his older years. Most of it is him coming out with his personality and happiness, some of it is the start of those wonderful teen years that we all dread.

Q: What's your favourite colour?
A: I can't decide if it's blue or green, so I will say turquoise.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: An inventor.

Q: What's your favourite food?'
A: Steak.

Q: What's your favourite song?
A: Make it Bun Dem by Skrillax

At this point, I'm like 'Who?' I all of a sudden felt like my mother. I am very much 'in the know' of what's trendy on the music scene, but this was something I had never heard. Where did he hear it from? As it's not on the radio in the car, or something we've downloaded from iTunes? Could school be promoting these 'controversial' songs? I have no idea.. I did proceed to ask him where he heard it from, just as the doctor announced it was his time to have his appointment.... aaarrrrrgggghhhhh!

Anyway, for new mums or even those who still feel like there could be quite the difference over the next 5, 10 or 15 years of their child's life to start this tradition, it would be rather a nice keepsake to hand to them on their 21st birthday, but at the same time, it is a really nice way to get to know your children, how they develop and see how they tastes change.

How Good are the Years?

I heard a story the other day about a couple who are teetering on the edge of a divorce. What holds them together is the number of 'years' they have been together... They marvel that they have stayed together for 30+ years, but the last 10 or more years have been with intense angst, ignorance of each other and living almost completely separate lives. They work in separate towns, they spend their time separately with their adult children and they don't sleep in the same bed if ever they are in the same house together.

Are the number of years spent together truly a testament to a happy marriage? Or is it a life sentence of Christian morality that is vowed 'till death do us part?'

He's been having an affair for a number of years now, of which his wife has just found out. After all the yelling and cursing at each other, he did admit to it, but she decided that he has a sex addiction and he needs psychological help to stop it. He told her that the affair was not only sexual, but emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual, even told her how much he loved the other woman. But she didn't want to know his feelings for the other woman, only told him that she would help him in any way to save their marriage... which is admirable in it's own way... but essentially, she needs to stay, as she couldn't survive financially.

The problem now lies in the fact that there is no trust between them. How do they rebuild that trust? They have to do extreme lifestyle changes, including changing jobs to always be at home together, traveling together, spending time with friends together, EVERYTHING together to rebuild their bond and marriage. But their needs are different... he's physically active, she's a home body and isn't able to do what she once could. He's actively involved with helping the community on a government level, she'll be caring for the grandchildren at a moment's notice. But is that what they both want? Are they prepared to lose the part of themselves that makes them individually happy to compromise and create a shared life again when they literally have nothing in common, except their children?

He's agreed to see a counsellor, possibly they both will. They both want to make it work, even though there will be a number of years of no trust, no affection and no real friendship between them as they go through the torture of what has happened.

I don't understand why people put themselves through this when they truly have out-grown each other. They can embrace the joyous times they had in the past, but move on independently to create a life of happiness individually. Who knows, they may get back together after all the hurt and sorrow is over when they meet again at one of their children's weddings, a grandchild's birthdays or other family occasion, but for now, to dig up what's not working and dwell on it, resent each other that they aren't in the same place right now and live under a dark cloud of unhappiness is not the answer.

We have one life... we all need to live it to the fullest. If someone doesn't complete you, then it's time to find what does. If it's time by yourself, if it's time with a new partner or if it's time with your children and grandchildren, then that's what you need to do. The number of years that have past aren't important, it's the number of years you have left in you to embrace life that are.

Setting New Sails...

It's now been five months now since I finalised my finances and divorce with my ex-husband and have had a yearning to make new tracks towards a brighter future. But those new tracks keep getting road blocks that stop me from doing what my heart craves to do. Is it karma? Is it the universe telling me 'not yet?' I just don't know, but none of how I live my life right now feels right, it's just what happens to be the 'responsible' thing to do.

I'm sure there are many people in this boat where their hearts want to be elsewhere, if it's on the other side of the world, if it's doing a different job, if it's helping out in a poverty-stricken community or being by a sick loved-one's side. We tend to give ourselves heavy financial burdens that stop us doing what our heart's dearly want to do... the place where we feel most at peace.

So for me, I unleashed all the financial burden, lightened the load so I could be free, but bureaucracy stopped me from pursuing my dream... Why? Because of archaic laws that allow illegal immigrants venture into a country for the pursuit of happiness, taking advantage of easy borders to cross and the public system that gives free education to all those who want it, which in turn stops those who are willing to pay their way in society, not be a burden on the public system and do the right thing by the country they choose to enter, not a chance to enter, ever again without a Visa. I was guilty before I even get a chance to try and prove that I would actually leave the country when my time was up... so I must sit and wait for the right opportunity to arise for me to be allowed into the so called 'land of the free.'

So as I sit and wait, I find new adventures close at hand. As we are currently living in inner city Melbourne, it's easy for us to walk down the street and find all sorts of international cuisines, interesting people and street-wise events. We have prostitutes standing on the corner of our street, an Aboriginal commune around the corner, and a mission sanctuary for homeless people up the street, so there are a few humbling things to show my boys what life can be like, but we also have vintage ware shops, a vibrant entertainment scene and some amazing parks. We went for a walk the other night to get some dinner, and the boys noticed a blue light in the park as we passed it. I explained to them that the blue light was to deter heroin addicts from shooting up in the children's park because they drop their syringes there, which makes it dangerous for children, and the blue light makes it hard for them to find their veins. So as we take some more eye-opening adventures, they are learning about some of the hardness in life.

The next major adventure is a trip to Fiji in a couple of weeks, but prior to that, we need to find a home to live in! Something we can call home for 12 months... It will be sad to leave St Kilda, because I love looking out the window seeing the night lights, the blue sea water and the ever-changing sky. But it's time to really settle down and start again...