Every night we dream, some we remember, most we forget. It's the one's that we remember that tend to add curiosity to our thoughts throughout the remainder of the day.
I guess, the most important thing to remember about a dream is that the events that take place are a reflection on the dreamer, not necessarily the circumstance that happened in the dream. It could be a hidden desire, an undiscussed hurt, a conglomerate of waking thoughts that manifest into a subconscious thought, how we want things to be, how we fear things to be.
Some of my dreams this year have been bordering on psychic thought, and I tend to run the dreams past those who have been involved, just to know if my dream has any truth to it. I had one dream back in March, that woke me up in a cold sweat and two days later, the truth behind my dream was revealed to be real. I've had dreams that I've disclosed to my best friend and they had a similar dream that same night, involving the same people in similar circumstances. If this happens regularly, does that mean that we have a deep connection with that person, so deep that they could be considered our soul mate? Or is it just that we have similar thought processes going on at the time that our dreams are just exaggerated visions of our conscious thoughts?
I've had a series of dreams recently that I actually haven't been in the scene, I've been more of a 'fly on the wall' looking into the event. I've looked at the plethora of internet dream dictionaries to see what it means, but it comes up with nothing, except that it's about 'me' the dreamer, not the actual circumstance pictured in my dream. I know in my conscious mind, it's how I would like to see the reality. Or it's my mind piecing together the parts of the reality I know and creating my own reality of the situation. But I can only be sure of the reality, if I can share my dreams with others. And I think we all need to be able to do that, to see how much psychic thought we may actually have, or how much nonsense our dreams really are.
But really, all in all, our dreams are either how we want our lives to be or are the fears within our lives. In our conscious thought, our dreams are exactly what we want in life - some of us dream big for wealth, status and celebrity, and some of us dream of happiness, good health and joyous simplicity. Either way, those conscious thoughts come out in our subconscious dreams. I guess it should all be taken with a grain of salt, unless the truth is revealed... :)
Friday, 30 December 2011
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
The Beauty of the Win
Every now and again, as a treat, I buy myself and my boys a scratch lottery ticket. Usually I buy myself a $5 ticket, and the boys each $2 tickets. When I went to the newsagent today, they had run out of $2 tickets, so I bought them both 2 x $1 tickets.
When I came home, I handed the boys their two tickets each. My oldest son, is always impatient, and just scratched away, unfortunately only turning them into trash. My youngest son was in the middle of playing his video game, so he really wasn't interested just yet. I scratched my $5 ticket, and again came up with zilch.
Half an hour or so later, my youngest son decided to scratch one of his tickets. By this time, I had retired to my room to watch my own television. He came up and showed me that he had two $10,000 on his ticket, and was very excited about it. I told him that he needed three for it to be worth anything. So he went back and didn't report back about the second ticket.
After a while, I came to check on my two lovely sons to see what they were up to. I noticed the second ticket partly scratched and just lying on the coffee table. I asked my son why he hadn't completely scratched it. He said that he saw that there was only two $10,000s on it again, and the last number had a five on it, so he didn't bother finishing it. I scratched the remainder of the ticket and discovered that he actually won fifty dollars.
All of a sudden, it was worth something. He was excited and was planning how to spend his win. But I jokingly reminded him that prizes can't be awarded to minors, and as he was only eight, the money had to come to me. He wasn't happy, he thought he'd won the money fair and square... which he did, but I just wanted to see how far I could take him.
Eventually, I gave in and suggested that he can keep the money if he saves half of the money, and then he can spend the other half. He was happy with that. After all, he did get it for nothing, and his brother wasn't getting anything.
When I came home, I handed the boys their two tickets each. My oldest son, is always impatient, and just scratched away, unfortunately only turning them into trash. My youngest son was in the middle of playing his video game, so he really wasn't interested just yet. I scratched my $5 ticket, and again came up with zilch.
Half an hour or so later, my youngest son decided to scratch one of his tickets. By this time, I had retired to my room to watch my own television. He came up and showed me that he had two $10,000 on his ticket, and was very excited about it. I told him that he needed three for it to be worth anything. So he went back and didn't report back about the second ticket.
After a while, I came to check on my two lovely sons to see what they were up to. I noticed the second ticket partly scratched and just lying on the coffee table. I asked my son why he hadn't completely scratched it. He said that he saw that there was only two $10,000s on it again, and the last number had a five on it, so he didn't bother finishing it. I scratched the remainder of the ticket and discovered that he actually won fifty dollars.
All of a sudden, it was worth something. He was excited and was planning how to spend his win. But I jokingly reminded him that prizes can't be awarded to minors, and as he was only eight, the money had to come to me. He wasn't happy, he thought he'd won the money fair and square... which he did, but I just wanted to see how far I could take him.
Eventually, I gave in and suggested that he can keep the money if he saves half of the money, and then he can spend the other half. He was happy with that. After all, he did get it for nothing, and his brother wasn't getting anything.
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
How the innocent rekindle the family spirit
As you all know, my boys are ten and eight. They are still so very innocent in many ways, but they are developing their worldly ways at a rate of knots. They are starting to become opinionated, defending their reasons and learning the art of negotiation. It's fantastic to see that they are developing their own personalities and becoming individuals. However, they aren't the 'innocent' I'm talking about. It's the newborns, the toddlers, those who are still finding their feet in this wonderful world and constant having personal 'firsts,' they are the one's who really reunite a family.
In recent times, there has been a little baby boom in my little circle. Friends from school going for number three or four after their youngest has turned eight. Friends taking the late 30s/early 40s approach to parenting, and newly-wed friends becoming settled and starting their families. It's the little ones who create so much joy. That 6 month to 2 year age group, where they are starting to crawl and walk, starting to say their first words and starting to show some personality. They give you the biggest hugs, they start pointing at everything, they don't mind having their diaper/nappy changed and they are particular with who looks after them. Your heart breaks when they just want to be with their mum, when all you want to do is give his or her mum a break. And as long as you don't mind the slobber, the stinky nappy and the occasional pumpkin filled sneeze, you'll do anything to be with them.
I keep a close eye on a number of the little ones. All developing at their own rate. Some have learnt sign language, some have had some heartbreaking health issues, some have extended family members who can't stay away, but all bring immense joy to those who love them. And with this joy, all family dysfunction seems to wither away, because the meaning of family seems to be rekindled through the innocent, the helpless and those heartwarming smiles. Even those who claim they don't like kids seem to have a soft spot for this age group.
So when you feel that your family is being torn in all directions due to individual commitments, differing opinions, travel and adventure, maybe the universe will bring the joy back to your family in the form of a cute little bundle of baby and reunite you all in a most unique and most unexpected way.
In recent times, there has been a little baby boom in my little circle. Friends from school going for number three or four after their youngest has turned eight. Friends taking the late 30s/early 40s approach to parenting, and newly-wed friends becoming settled and starting their families. It's the little ones who create so much joy. That 6 month to 2 year age group, where they are starting to crawl and walk, starting to say their first words and starting to show some personality. They give you the biggest hugs, they start pointing at everything, they don't mind having their diaper/nappy changed and they are particular with who looks after them. Your heart breaks when they just want to be with their mum, when all you want to do is give his or her mum a break. And as long as you don't mind the slobber, the stinky nappy and the occasional pumpkin filled sneeze, you'll do anything to be with them.
I keep a close eye on a number of the little ones. All developing at their own rate. Some have learnt sign language, some have had some heartbreaking health issues, some have extended family members who can't stay away, but all bring immense joy to those who love them. And with this joy, all family dysfunction seems to wither away, because the meaning of family seems to be rekindled through the innocent, the helpless and those heartwarming smiles. Even those who claim they don't like kids seem to have a soft spot for this age group.
So when you feel that your family is being torn in all directions due to individual commitments, differing opinions, travel and adventure, maybe the universe will bring the joy back to your family in the form of a cute little bundle of baby and reunite you all in a most unique and most unexpected way.
Monday, 26 December 2011
The pressure of Christmas
I read an article yesterday from the USA Today website... http://www.usatoday.com/money/economy/story/2011-12-22/cutting-back-christmas-spending/52144864/1?csp=hf about how there is a small following of people who are rejecting the commercialism of Christmas because of the financial pressure it essentially puts on families. The article focused on some stereotypes who struggle most - namely single mothers. Some of the remarks posted afterwards were quite conservative, talking about the 'traditional family values' and how we should all be focusing on the tradition of a mother, father and children type of family with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins join together to sing Christmas carols, eat copious amounts of lavish food and wear 'ugly sweaters.' No doubt, there are some families who absolutely love to get together and enjoy the spirit of Christmas, as everyone gets along so well, but that Disney image of all love and no war in a family is myopic and idealist, especially when there are on-going feuds in families, jealousy of those more fortunate than others and individual families changing situations.
For instance, the death of a family member throughout the year can be overwhelming for those who loved that person and Christmas is a hard reminder that that loved one is gone. But on the other spectrum, think about all those who can't handle the fact that they haven't achieved what they wanted over the year for their family or themselves, get themselves into a drunken state, then lash out on those they are supposed to love with physical and emotional violence - spare a thought for the emergency workers who see more acts of domestic violence over Christmas than any other time of the year... What about the uncertainty of handling family situations when a marriage fails, family members go unexpectedly missing or the sadness of a sick child in hospital? What pressure do these events put on the traditions of Christmas? They all make Christmas a very difficult time, and Christmas just exasperates the situations that people have found themselves in, and it can be overwhelmingly distressing.
So for all those who absolutely 'love' Christmas for all the decorations, the present giving, the glorious food, the Christmas tree, the religious meaning, the joy on children's faces and the coming together of family and friends, spare a thought for those who are overwhelmed with their own personal situations, read between the lines a little and give some of your heartwarming spirit to touch their Christmas heart in a way that is unexpected and memorable, allowing them to rekindle their spirit of Christmas. It will make your Christmas all the more special that you thought outside yourself and your family and it will make them feel special again.
I hope you all had a 'special' moment of giving outside yourselves and had a chance to see the truth behind the Christmas spirit this Christmas. For me, I'd like to thank all my loyal fans and supporters for reading my blog and look forward to casting more happiness, adventure and fabulous ideas out to the single mothers out there in 2012.
For instance, the death of a family member throughout the year can be overwhelming for those who loved that person and Christmas is a hard reminder that that loved one is gone. But on the other spectrum, think about all those who can't handle the fact that they haven't achieved what they wanted over the year for their family or themselves, get themselves into a drunken state, then lash out on those they are supposed to love with physical and emotional violence - spare a thought for the emergency workers who see more acts of domestic violence over Christmas than any other time of the year... What about the uncertainty of handling family situations when a marriage fails, family members go unexpectedly missing or the sadness of a sick child in hospital? What pressure do these events put on the traditions of Christmas? They all make Christmas a very difficult time, and Christmas just exasperates the situations that people have found themselves in, and it can be overwhelmingly distressing.
So for all those who absolutely 'love' Christmas for all the decorations, the present giving, the glorious food, the Christmas tree, the religious meaning, the joy on children's faces and the coming together of family and friends, spare a thought for those who are overwhelmed with their own personal situations, read between the lines a little and give some of your heartwarming spirit to touch their Christmas heart in a way that is unexpected and memorable, allowing them to rekindle their spirit of Christmas. It will make your Christmas all the more special that you thought outside yourself and your family and it will make them feel special again.
I hope you all had a 'special' moment of giving outside yourselves and had a chance to see the truth behind the Christmas spirit this Christmas. For me, I'd like to thank all my loyal fans and supporters for reading my blog and look forward to casting more happiness, adventure and fabulous ideas out to the single mothers out there in 2012.
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Finding peace this Christmas...
'Peace' is one of those words that is buzzing around at the moment because it's Christmas. I've always looked at it as a word that is global - we all want world peace, we all want peace in our neighbourhoods, villages and streets, but what about the 'inner peace' that each one of us need within us to be content with who we are?
Some of us torture ourselves with conflict between family members and friends. Some of us torture ourselves about where we want to be in life, and it's not where we are now. Some of us torture ourselves with inner demons that mask the personality that we want to portray to the world. So how do we create inner peace within ourselves?
We are all different, and we all need to find the solace within ourselves to make that call. For some it's an instant realisation, for others it's a long drawn out journey of months, sometimes years getting professional help. Some never find it, some don't realise that they need to find it. And I think that's a pertinent point... we can only find inner peace if we make that realisation that we actually 'need' it.
Some of us blame others for the anguish we have in our lives that we can't get over. But most don't even know that they have caused you this anguish. We approach them about it, and they don't know what you are talking about. If they do know what you're talking about, they have 'knowingly' done something to hurt you or put their own needs first; but if they don't know, you identify with it that they have been constantly insensitive to your feelings. But, in the end, if we blame others or not, it's up to us to either accept how that person is in our lives knowing that they only think of themselves, or choose not to have that person be in our lives so dominantly. It's up to us to have the maturity, courage and strength to either confront the other person or people to allow all the built up resentment to be discussed and removed, or let it go, start a new day and find that inner peace within ourselves.
So at Christmas, when there is a huge amount of animosity flying around in family affairs in every type of family out there, is this the time or not to create that inner peace within yourself by accepting your family and friends for who they are? Is it the time to discover in yourself how you can be at peace with yourself? Is finding the peace the best Christmas present you could give yourself? It should be a resounding 'yes.' But some of us aren't ready to do that yet, for others, it may take baby steps to get there, but the most important step is knowing that 'peace' within ourselves is our ultimate destination.
Some of us torture ourselves with conflict between family members and friends. Some of us torture ourselves about where we want to be in life, and it's not where we are now. Some of us torture ourselves with inner demons that mask the personality that we want to portray to the world. So how do we create inner peace within ourselves?
We are all different, and we all need to find the solace within ourselves to make that call. For some it's an instant realisation, for others it's a long drawn out journey of months, sometimes years getting professional help. Some never find it, some don't realise that they need to find it. And I think that's a pertinent point... we can only find inner peace if we make that realisation that we actually 'need' it.
Some of us blame others for the anguish we have in our lives that we can't get over. But most don't even know that they have caused you this anguish. We approach them about it, and they don't know what you are talking about. If they do know what you're talking about, they have 'knowingly' done something to hurt you or put their own needs first; but if they don't know, you identify with it that they have been constantly insensitive to your feelings. But, in the end, if we blame others or not, it's up to us to either accept how that person is in our lives knowing that they only think of themselves, or choose not to have that person be in our lives so dominantly. It's up to us to have the maturity, courage and strength to either confront the other person or people to allow all the built up resentment to be discussed and removed, or let it go, start a new day and find that inner peace within ourselves.
So at Christmas, when there is a huge amount of animosity flying around in family affairs in every type of family out there, is this the time or not to create that inner peace within yourself by accepting your family and friends for who they are? Is it the time to discover in yourself how you can be at peace with yourself? Is finding the peace the best Christmas present you could give yourself? It should be a resounding 'yes.' But some of us aren't ready to do that yet, for others, it may take baby steps to get there, but the most important step is knowing that 'peace' within ourselves is our ultimate destination.
Friday, 16 December 2011
Changing of the signals....
For the last four or so months, my life has been consumed with ridding myself free from my past life. I'm almost at the point where I can start my new life, as I've sold the house, almost sold the car, in fact almost sold everything that isn't bolted down to prove that my past life had more debt than assets and the only winners in this whole thing were the lawyers... And as the points have been proven, the weight has been slowly coming off my shoulders.
So in saying that, with my personality being strangled by the life I was so desperate to leave behind and now seeing that I will soon be able to move on, am I coming back to the self that everyone wanted to know twelve or so months ago? I'm thinking I am... and the signals are definitely there...
I took my boys out to the movies tonight to see Adam Sandler in Jack and Jill. The movie prior to ours was running ten minutes late, and we weren't sure if we were in the right cinema. There was a man their with his son, who seemed to thinking the same thing. We decided to go to the box office to ask if they had changed cinemas, as you never hear of a session running into the next movie session's time, but they assured us that it was running late, and we should be in the cinema sooner than later. So while we waited, this six foot three inch solid bloke started chatting with me. His son chatted with my sons. It was all so friendly, that the boys decided to sit in the middle three seats of the five seated row, making the man sit at one end, and me at the other. I was relieved, as I didn't want to be sitting next to a complete stranger in the dark because our kids were getting along. Who knows what would have happened? He was nice and all, but I'm just not interested in starting something.
Fifteen or so minutes into the movie, he mentioned from across the kids that there was something wrong with the sound. And then I heard it. It was definitely annoying - a rustling sound under the track like the 'tape' wasn't going through the machine properly. The sound issue disappeared at a point that I can't recall and the movie was enjoyable to see.
At the end of the movie, he started asking questions "Do you think your boys enjoyed it? What was their favourite part?" Questions that I couldn't answer because I haven't even asked them myself. We all walked out of the cinema, and before we reached the stairs, he reached out his hand and said "I'm Fabian," and I told him my name and shook his hand. We walked towards the front of the building, as my boys kept chatting to his son, and before it got too awkward I said to the boys, "Didn't we park out the back?" and they said "Oh yeah." We said our goodbyes and walked to our car.
I'm really not ready to let anyone new in to my life. Not here. Not now. I'm focused on starting a new life when I leave my home, but that's still 6 weeks away and there is so much to do between now and then. But I guess, I'm happy that I don't seem to have that 'stay away' persona anymore. My heaviness is going, but not completely gone, and my outlook is looking a little more chipper... I found five dollars on the footpath today. I got a new client yesterday. I received two free movie tickets yesterday (hence the trip to the movies tonight!). Things are starting to look up again... just need to keep the positive vibe going and life will lead me on the path of excitement and fulfilment. Well, that's the plan anyway :)
So in saying that, with my personality being strangled by the life I was so desperate to leave behind and now seeing that I will soon be able to move on, am I coming back to the self that everyone wanted to know twelve or so months ago? I'm thinking I am... and the signals are definitely there...
I took my boys out to the movies tonight to see Adam Sandler in Jack and Jill. The movie prior to ours was running ten minutes late, and we weren't sure if we were in the right cinema. There was a man their with his son, who seemed to thinking the same thing. We decided to go to the box office to ask if they had changed cinemas, as you never hear of a session running into the next movie session's time, but they assured us that it was running late, and we should be in the cinema sooner than later. So while we waited, this six foot three inch solid bloke started chatting with me. His son chatted with my sons. It was all so friendly, that the boys decided to sit in the middle three seats of the five seated row, making the man sit at one end, and me at the other. I was relieved, as I didn't want to be sitting next to a complete stranger in the dark because our kids were getting along. Who knows what would have happened? He was nice and all, but I'm just not interested in starting something.
Fifteen or so minutes into the movie, he mentioned from across the kids that there was something wrong with the sound. And then I heard it. It was definitely annoying - a rustling sound under the track like the 'tape' wasn't going through the machine properly. The sound issue disappeared at a point that I can't recall and the movie was enjoyable to see.
At the end of the movie, he started asking questions "Do you think your boys enjoyed it? What was their favourite part?" Questions that I couldn't answer because I haven't even asked them myself. We all walked out of the cinema, and before we reached the stairs, he reached out his hand and said "I'm Fabian," and I told him my name and shook his hand. We walked towards the front of the building, as my boys kept chatting to his son, and before it got too awkward I said to the boys, "Didn't we park out the back?" and they said "Oh yeah." We said our goodbyes and walked to our car.
I'm really not ready to let anyone new in to my life. Not here. Not now. I'm focused on starting a new life when I leave my home, but that's still 6 weeks away and there is so much to do between now and then. But I guess, I'm happy that I don't seem to have that 'stay away' persona anymore. My heaviness is going, but not completely gone, and my outlook is looking a little more chipper... I found five dollars on the footpath today. I got a new client yesterday. I received two free movie tickets yesterday (hence the trip to the movies tonight!). Things are starting to look up again... just need to keep the positive vibe going and life will lead me on the path of excitement and fulfilment. Well, that's the plan anyway :)
Monday, 12 December 2011
Christmas Giving Without the Bulk
With Christmas only 12 days away, and my boys and I are without 'home' only a month after, I've told my boys that Christmas this year will be different. How do you give a 10 year old and an 8 year old Christmas gifts without giving them baggage that they will have to take with them to wherever we go? The answer is, make the presents consumable.
As Santa is apparently not real to a 10 year old and an 8 year old in my house, the presents will be obvious that they are from Mum. Jocks, socks and a toothbrush will pad out the stocking nicely, as will chocolates, lollies and some toothpaste. Glow sticks are perfect to use on New Years Eve, so they will get a bit of a go and water bombs are perfect for a hot summer afternoon's play. My boys don't mind a bit of bath-time indulgence, so bath bombs and bubble bath add some weight to the stocking, and some Christmas cookies add to the cheer. They love Bey Blades and Trashies at the moment, which are pretty small and transportable, and of course they will get some books to read and activity books to stretch the mind over the holidays. They both need new shin guards for sports which are easy to pack away. The one thing they will be disappointed in, is that I have banned new electronic games this year because they have too many and I want them to be more outdoorsy.
So in saying that... the gift that lasts a life time is a memory, so the remainder of their gifts are vouchers to do things - movie vouchers, bowling vouchers, horse-riding vouchers, ice-skating vouchers and even vouchers to an outdoor adventure store to buy hiking gear, wet-weather gear, Camelbaks, whatever it is to nurture that sense of adventure (which can be spent after we move!). One thing I will give them that is light weight and becoming quite popular in my house in terms of asking Mum to buy, is new songs or game apps from iTunes; so an iTunes voucher is definitely on the cards.
So there it is, not too bulky, definitely consumable and within 30 days, there shouldn't be any evidence of Christmas around except some new jocks and shin guards. And nothing to pack!! And if I'm lucky, they will like their new Christmas present selection, especially when there is so much choice to do things in the holidays and will opt for an activity filled Christmas stocking every year so we don't fill the house up each year with unwanted stuff that only gets thrown out to make room for more stuff 11 months later. I'm sure you mums out there hear what I'm saying.
As Santa is apparently not real to a 10 year old and an 8 year old in my house, the presents will be obvious that they are from Mum. Jocks, socks and a toothbrush will pad out the stocking nicely, as will chocolates, lollies and some toothpaste. Glow sticks are perfect to use on New Years Eve, so they will get a bit of a go and water bombs are perfect for a hot summer afternoon's play. My boys don't mind a bit of bath-time indulgence, so bath bombs and bubble bath add some weight to the stocking, and some Christmas cookies add to the cheer. They love Bey Blades and Trashies at the moment, which are pretty small and transportable, and of course they will get some books to read and activity books to stretch the mind over the holidays. They both need new shin guards for sports which are easy to pack away. The one thing they will be disappointed in, is that I have banned new electronic games this year because they have too many and I want them to be more outdoorsy.
So in saying that... the gift that lasts a life time is a memory, so the remainder of their gifts are vouchers to do things - movie vouchers, bowling vouchers, horse-riding vouchers, ice-skating vouchers and even vouchers to an outdoor adventure store to buy hiking gear, wet-weather gear, Camelbaks, whatever it is to nurture that sense of adventure (which can be spent after we move!). One thing I will give them that is light weight and becoming quite popular in my house in terms of asking Mum to buy, is new songs or game apps from iTunes; so an iTunes voucher is definitely on the cards.
So there it is, not too bulky, definitely consumable and within 30 days, there shouldn't be any evidence of Christmas around except some new jocks and shin guards. And nothing to pack!! And if I'm lucky, they will like their new Christmas present selection, especially when there is so much choice to do things in the holidays and will opt for an activity filled Christmas stocking every year so we don't fill the house up each year with unwanted stuff that only gets thrown out to make room for more stuff 11 months later. I'm sure you mums out there hear what I'm saying.
Sunday, 11 December 2011
No 100 - Shall it be about sex, or about being a single mum?
Hmmm... the big question... or could it be about both? :)
There is no question about it, I'm going through a fairly bitter divorce. Well the divorce hasn't been bitter when that part of it was legalised, it's been the financial settlement mainly, with the child custody issues put on the back burner until the financial settlement is finalised. And I have told almost anyone who's willing to lend an ear, possibly way too much for what they want to hear, but I'm so frustrated with the process, that for some reason, I want everyone to know. My yoga teacher/masseuse suggests I see a lady who helps redirect my energies to help things move more into the positive, which I guess I should give it a go, just to see if it can make a difference.
But recently, I poured my heart out to a recently separated single dad at school. I'd spoken to this dad a few times over the years, but never had a conversation of any depth with him until recently. He is going through an amicable separation, so he just doesn't fathom how my ex can be the way his is - not interested in his sons' interests, financially looking after them or making an effort for them. It's beyond this single dad how my ex could consider himself a father.
So was my pouring my heart out about how I'm being done in by my ex-husband, lawyers and the Family Court a sign to him that he could make a move? Did I look and act that vulnerable that he felt he could take it to the next step? Hmmm... Maybe he did. The next time we chatted, we were walking home from school and one of my boys needed to go to the bathroom, so he invited us in to his place. We literally stayed for as long as my son was in the bathroom, but he opened up the invitation to say that whenever I wanted to come over for a chat and the boys for a play, we're more than welcome. Three or so days later, I get a text message to see if I wanted to come down to the family friendly bar nearby with the kids to have a 'drink.' Am I reading too much into it?
Look, he's a nice guy, but not the kind of guy I would go out with. This is where I get myself into trouble. Men think that they have the potential with me to jump into their pants, but really, I just sometimes like the company of men because they aren't as bitchy or competitive as women. Do you hear me, girls?
But in the process of 'being myself,' am I sending subliminal signs that I could be interested that way? I don't know... Maybe I have blinkers on to it all. But maybe too, he just wants a friend to chat with and only something platonic.... but do I trust the situation? The thing is, with all the shit going on in my life, I'm not in the right frame of mind to be introducing somebody new into my messed up world, not until I have a clear path into where the boys and I are going. That's not fair on them, and it's definitely not fair on my boys when they have no idea where life will lead us in the New Year.
So as I choose to take a back seat with my sex life and keep our talking to the school playground, I think about all the single parents out there who are looking for love in the school grounds, or those who are just simply content to have their own space at the moment. Your sex life certainly has a new dynamic when you're single and have kids. You aren't as reckless and you become more secretive, so not to introduce potential partners to your kids that aren't going to stay around. You do it for your kids. After all, they are the most important people in your life right now, aren't they?
There is no question about it, I'm going through a fairly bitter divorce. Well the divorce hasn't been bitter when that part of it was legalised, it's been the financial settlement mainly, with the child custody issues put on the back burner until the financial settlement is finalised. And I have told almost anyone who's willing to lend an ear, possibly way too much for what they want to hear, but I'm so frustrated with the process, that for some reason, I want everyone to know. My yoga teacher/masseuse suggests I see a lady who helps redirect my energies to help things move more into the positive, which I guess I should give it a go, just to see if it can make a difference.
But recently, I poured my heart out to a recently separated single dad at school. I'd spoken to this dad a few times over the years, but never had a conversation of any depth with him until recently. He is going through an amicable separation, so he just doesn't fathom how my ex can be the way his is - not interested in his sons' interests, financially looking after them or making an effort for them. It's beyond this single dad how my ex could consider himself a father.
So was my pouring my heart out about how I'm being done in by my ex-husband, lawyers and the Family Court a sign to him that he could make a move? Did I look and act that vulnerable that he felt he could take it to the next step? Hmmm... Maybe he did. The next time we chatted, we were walking home from school and one of my boys needed to go to the bathroom, so he invited us in to his place. We literally stayed for as long as my son was in the bathroom, but he opened up the invitation to say that whenever I wanted to come over for a chat and the boys for a play, we're more than welcome. Three or so days later, I get a text message to see if I wanted to come down to the family friendly bar nearby with the kids to have a 'drink.' Am I reading too much into it?
Look, he's a nice guy, but not the kind of guy I would go out with. This is where I get myself into trouble. Men think that they have the potential with me to jump into their pants, but really, I just sometimes like the company of men because they aren't as bitchy or competitive as women. Do you hear me, girls?
But in the process of 'being myself,' am I sending subliminal signs that I could be interested that way? I don't know... Maybe I have blinkers on to it all. But maybe too, he just wants a friend to chat with and only something platonic.... but do I trust the situation? The thing is, with all the shit going on in my life, I'm not in the right frame of mind to be introducing somebody new into my messed up world, not until I have a clear path into where the boys and I are going. That's not fair on them, and it's definitely not fair on my boys when they have no idea where life will lead us in the New Year.
So as I choose to take a back seat with my sex life and keep our talking to the school playground, I think about all the single parents out there who are looking for love in the school grounds, or those who are just simply content to have their own space at the moment. Your sex life certainly has a new dynamic when you're single and have kids. You aren't as reckless and you become more secretive, so not to introduce potential partners to your kids that aren't going to stay around. You do it for your kids. After all, they are the most important people in your life right now, aren't they?
Friday, 9 December 2011
Your gut feeling
My boys are at the age now where faking a sickness is more than likely. They don't want to go to school sometimes because they've had a bad time with one of the kids the day before, but in most incidents, as boys do, it's forgiven and forgotten the next day.
But on Wednesday, I heard my little one barking like a seal at 6am. It was that dread croop, the one thing that appears at night but goes away during the day. Something that wouldn't, or shouldn't affect him going to school, if he's ladened with some cough drops and some ibuprofen before he goes. But for some reason, I just felt he wasn't right to go to school. So I didn't push him. He mentioned that one of his ears were sore, which hasn't happened since he was two and he had grommets inserted. And as he has speech and learning difficulties due to loss of hearing in those delicate 12-24 months of his place on this earth, I am more wary than normal if he says something out of the ordinary. So he stayed home.
I had work to do, so after I gave him his ibuprofen around 8.30am, I told him to rest in bed, and I would be home in two and a half hours.
When I came home, he was his bright normal self, playing Wii and had helped himself to his advent calendar chocolate and a glass of milk. I told him that I would be home for about an hour, but he would be coming to my next appointments so that we could go to the doctor afterwards. I just wanted to make sure his ears were OK, as that is his 'kryptonite' - if his ears aren't working all the speech therapists, tutors, audiologists and teachers won't be able to get through to his powers within.
We had two properties to see - one at frame stage at a building site with a magnificent bay view, the other in a gated community with glistening views of the river. We stopped to get some lunch, the first lot of real food he'd had all day - a blue frosted donut, a jam tart and a party pie. Well his type of 'real food.' Yum! Then headed off to the doctor at 2pm. We saw Dr Peter who saw that one of his ears were a little pinkish, but nothing to cause alarm, and his throat was more red. He asked me how he was within himself all day, and I said he'd been fine, but I told him that I dosed him up on ibuprofen. He gave him a prescription for Predmix (croop medicine) and we set off home for me to finish my work.
I did some admin work, my oldest walked home from school by himself, and I had come down with a splitter of a headache. The boys were happy watching TV, so I told them that I was going to have a rest for an hour. An hour and a half later I woke up, realising that the house was decidedly quiet. I saw through my bedroom window that my oldest walked out the front door for a bit and returned. I got up out of bed, went to the living room, only to find my oldest son. I asked him where his brother was, and he said he had no idea - he hadn't seen him for about an hour.
Instantly I was worried, knowing that the oldest had left the house without asking me, hoping that my little one wouldn't have done the same and was still out. I checked his room to see if he was quietly playing, but I couldn't see him. But then I noticed that his bed possibly had something in it, or should I say 'someone' ruffled up in his duvet. I checked, and he was sound asleep in it, but his body was burning up. I let him sleep. I checked his temperature, and my dodgy thermometer said he was 98.6F. I checked myself, and I was 98.3F - there is no way we had the same degree of heat coming off our foreheads. Eventually I got a reading of 100.6F for him, but I'm sure he was more than that, but it was enough to say to me that I wasn't imagining his fever.
I tried to get him to eat some food to take his Predmix, but that was a hard chore. He was struggling to breathe because his nose was so blocked up, and he was crying because he felt completely miserable. I got a few cherry tomatoes and some cucumber slices down his throat and a couple of bites of chicken schnitzel before I gave him his Predmix, and an hour or so later, I gave him some ibuprofen to get some sleep. I was sure that he wouldn't be going to school in the morning.
The next day, as I was expecting the ibuprofen to wear off at 4.30am, he was back to his normal happy self with a niggly cough, but no fever and he said he wanted to go to school. So I let him... but I'm glad, for once, that my gut feeling about him was right. As there have been so many times I've taken my boys to the doctors, only for it to be a false alarm or they haven't been as sick as they have made out to be.
But on Wednesday, I heard my little one barking like a seal at 6am. It was that dread croop, the one thing that appears at night but goes away during the day. Something that wouldn't, or shouldn't affect him going to school, if he's ladened with some cough drops and some ibuprofen before he goes. But for some reason, I just felt he wasn't right to go to school. So I didn't push him. He mentioned that one of his ears were sore, which hasn't happened since he was two and he had grommets inserted. And as he has speech and learning difficulties due to loss of hearing in those delicate 12-24 months of his place on this earth, I am more wary than normal if he says something out of the ordinary. So he stayed home.
I had work to do, so after I gave him his ibuprofen around 8.30am, I told him to rest in bed, and I would be home in two and a half hours.
When I came home, he was his bright normal self, playing Wii and had helped himself to his advent calendar chocolate and a glass of milk. I told him that I would be home for about an hour, but he would be coming to my next appointments so that we could go to the doctor afterwards. I just wanted to make sure his ears were OK, as that is his 'kryptonite' - if his ears aren't working all the speech therapists, tutors, audiologists and teachers won't be able to get through to his powers within.
We had two properties to see - one at frame stage at a building site with a magnificent bay view, the other in a gated community with glistening views of the river. We stopped to get some lunch, the first lot of real food he'd had all day - a blue frosted donut, a jam tart and a party pie. Well his type of 'real food.' Yum! Then headed off to the doctor at 2pm. We saw Dr Peter who saw that one of his ears were a little pinkish, but nothing to cause alarm, and his throat was more red. He asked me how he was within himself all day, and I said he'd been fine, but I told him that I dosed him up on ibuprofen. He gave him a prescription for Predmix (croop medicine) and we set off home for me to finish my work.
I did some admin work, my oldest walked home from school by himself, and I had come down with a splitter of a headache. The boys were happy watching TV, so I told them that I was going to have a rest for an hour. An hour and a half later I woke up, realising that the house was decidedly quiet. I saw through my bedroom window that my oldest walked out the front door for a bit and returned. I got up out of bed, went to the living room, only to find my oldest son. I asked him where his brother was, and he said he had no idea - he hadn't seen him for about an hour.
Instantly I was worried, knowing that the oldest had left the house without asking me, hoping that my little one wouldn't have done the same and was still out. I checked his room to see if he was quietly playing, but I couldn't see him. But then I noticed that his bed possibly had something in it, or should I say 'someone' ruffled up in his duvet. I checked, and he was sound asleep in it, but his body was burning up. I let him sleep. I checked his temperature, and my dodgy thermometer said he was 98.6F. I checked myself, and I was 98.3F - there is no way we had the same degree of heat coming off our foreheads. Eventually I got a reading of 100.6F for him, but I'm sure he was more than that, but it was enough to say to me that I wasn't imagining his fever.
I tried to get him to eat some food to take his Predmix, but that was a hard chore. He was struggling to breathe because his nose was so blocked up, and he was crying because he felt completely miserable. I got a few cherry tomatoes and some cucumber slices down his throat and a couple of bites of chicken schnitzel before I gave him his Predmix, and an hour or so later, I gave him some ibuprofen to get some sleep. I was sure that he wouldn't be going to school in the morning.
The next day, as I was expecting the ibuprofen to wear off at 4.30am, he was back to his normal happy self with a niggly cough, but no fever and he said he wanted to go to school. So I let him... but I'm glad, for once, that my gut feeling about him was right. As there have been so many times I've taken my boys to the doctors, only for it to be a false alarm or they haven't been as sick as they have made out to be.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
The Joy of Parenting
It's amazing how many people consider parenting as 'hard work.' What's with that? OK, yes it's a life changing, selfless act, and it always keeps you busy, but it's not 'work', and it's definitely not 'hard', it is monotonous, but it's also the joy of being a parent.
I've worked with my children alongside me since the day they were born, literally. I breast-fed them till they were both 16 months old and they were essentially attached to me for 18 hours a day for their first two years. I did what I had to do to be a mother, a provider and a care-taker for my sons, and for not one minute did I consider what I did for them to be 'work.'
Now that they are older, and a little more independent (well, a lot more considering what I did for them back then), I still enjoy being in their company, being there for them when they need me, but I also respect their needs to grow independently and discover themselves. They have their little chores to do to show responsibility to the family unit which of course, they consider to be work, but the day-to-day activities I do for them - making lunches, washing clothes, making their dinner, cleaning up after them, taking a forgotten hat to school, homework activities, driving them to sports meets, whatever I do for them, it's what I do to be a mum for them. It's not work, it's just busy!
I do feel sorry for the parents who believe that being a parent is a hardship. That they are 'put out' by the fact that they have to teach their children to help around the house, cook them meals, wash their clothes, clean up their vomit, get the chewing gum out of the hair.... You wonder why they became a parent in the first place? Even as a single parent, you don't think for one minute that you wish you didn't have to do clean up the undigested lasagna that's sprayed all over the carpet when you forced your child to eat their dinner and they kept telling you that they weren't feeling well. You just do it, because no one else will do it and it has to be cleaned up. You don't banish your kids for doing such a horrible thing, you show compassion and guilt that you didn't realise that they were 'that sick.'
Being a parent is a privilege. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my boys in my life. It definitely wouldn't be as fulfilling, it certainly wouldn't be full of love, cuddles and laughter, and there would be nothing to be proud of. And really, that's what the rewards are for just being 'busy.'
I've worked with my children alongside me since the day they were born, literally. I breast-fed them till they were both 16 months old and they were essentially attached to me for 18 hours a day for their first two years. I did what I had to do to be a mother, a provider and a care-taker for my sons, and for not one minute did I consider what I did for them to be 'work.'
Now that they are older, and a little more independent (well, a lot more considering what I did for them back then), I still enjoy being in their company, being there for them when they need me, but I also respect their needs to grow independently and discover themselves. They have their little chores to do to show responsibility to the family unit which of course, they consider to be work, but the day-to-day activities I do for them - making lunches, washing clothes, making their dinner, cleaning up after them, taking a forgotten hat to school, homework activities, driving them to sports meets, whatever I do for them, it's what I do to be a mum for them. It's not work, it's just busy!
I do feel sorry for the parents who believe that being a parent is a hardship. That they are 'put out' by the fact that they have to teach their children to help around the house, cook them meals, wash their clothes, clean up their vomit, get the chewing gum out of the hair.... You wonder why they became a parent in the first place? Even as a single parent, you don't think for one minute that you wish you didn't have to do clean up the undigested lasagna that's sprayed all over the carpet when you forced your child to eat their dinner and they kept telling you that they weren't feeling well. You just do it, because no one else will do it and it has to be cleaned up. You don't banish your kids for doing such a horrible thing, you show compassion and guilt that you didn't realise that they were 'that sick.'
Being a parent is a privilege. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my boys in my life. It definitely wouldn't be as fulfilling, it certainly wouldn't be full of love, cuddles and laughter, and there would be nothing to be proud of. And really, that's what the rewards are for just being 'busy.'
Sunday, 4 December 2011
When Less Means More....
At the moment, I'm trying to teach my boys that happiness doesn't come from 'things.' You know, the materialistic things that they are pressured to want via television advertisements, toy marketing companies and their peers. As Christmas is approaching, they have discovered that the one and only thing that they really want, the Skylanders Nintendo DS game, is only available for the 3D console, not the DS Lite or DSi XL that they have (yes, I upgraded them last year, but there is no way I am buying them the 3D console because Nintendo are struggling to sell the 3D version and feel that they may have some success if they issue out limited use games). They don't seem to be as desperate as they used to be for new games, and are still happy playing on games that they have had for months now. So maybe my teaching is starting to work.
Recently I showed one of the mums from school my house when I had it ready for my open houses ready to sell. She asked me where all the boys' toys are. I showed her a couple of hiding spots, but as I am not one to keep things when they have stopped playing them, they only have what's left that they use. And I'm glad that they are at that age where they aren't interested in big things anymore - just Bey Blades (high-performance spinning tops), DS/Wii games, books, board games and drawing. They have sports equipment, but the real 'toy' factor has gone. Which makes me struggle with what to buy them for Christmas.
And this is where I guess we start thinking out of the square. Like adults tend to enjoy, children also enjoy the gift of adventure. Vouchers to theme parks, the movies, indoor amusement parks, ten-pin bowling, rock climbing, even vouchers to outdoor adventure shops to buy themselves Camelbaks, hiking sticks, protein bars (astronaut food!), safety equipment, thermal clothing - anything that makes them look ready to enjoy themselves outside the home.
So I guess that my teaching is that they get more out of the experience of adventure, more happiness out of their spirit of adventure than they do with a collection of 'things' that they don't interest them six months later.
I was looking at some photos of my boys yesterday when we were last at in the States. It was amazing how much their faces lit up, their smiles were not forced but so excited to be in new surrounds doing something completely different. I looked at photos when we went down the coast for the day, and again, their faces are just so much more alive than they are floating around home doing the same old, same old. They are truly happy when it's the three of us doing things together. They are truly happy when they see me happy.
I've told my boys that I don't want 'things' anymore. I'm happy with consumable products and experiences, and they are starting to agree. They will be happy if their Christmas stockings are filled with food, chocolate, socks & undies, bubble bath and passes to their favourite things. They have all they want, they tell me every day. They have a mum who loves them, a brother who 'likes' them and are thankful that they have food on the table. They know that these are the things that are most important.
Recently I showed one of the mums from school my house when I had it ready for my open houses ready to sell. She asked me where all the boys' toys are. I showed her a couple of hiding spots, but as I am not one to keep things when they have stopped playing them, they only have what's left that they use. And I'm glad that they are at that age where they aren't interested in big things anymore - just Bey Blades (high-performance spinning tops), DS/Wii games, books, board games and drawing. They have sports equipment, but the real 'toy' factor has gone. Which makes me struggle with what to buy them for Christmas.
And this is where I guess we start thinking out of the square. Like adults tend to enjoy, children also enjoy the gift of adventure. Vouchers to theme parks, the movies, indoor amusement parks, ten-pin bowling, rock climbing, even vouchers to outdoor adventure shops to buy themselves Camelbaks, hiking sticks, protein bars (astronaut food!), safety equipment, thermal clothing - anything that makes them look ready to enjoy themselves outside the home.
So I guess that my teaching is that they get more out of the experience of adventure, more happiness out of their spirit of adventure than they do with a collection of 'things' that they don't interest them six months later.
I was looking at some photos of my boys yesterday when we were last at in the States. It was amazing how much their faces lit up, their smiles were not forced but so excited to be in new surrounds doing something completely different. I looked at photos when we went down the coast for the day, and again, their faces are just so much more alive than they are floating around home doing the same old, same old. They are truly happy when it's the three of us doing things together. They are truly happy when they see me happy.
I've told my boys that I don't want 'things' anymore. I'm happy with consumable products and experiences, and they are starting to agree. They will be happy if their Christmas stockings are filled with food, chocolate, socks & undies, bubble bath and passes to their favourite things. They have all they want, they tell me every day. They have a mum who loves them, a brother who 'likes' them and are thankful that they have food on the table. They know that these are the things that are most important.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
What messages are we sending out to the world?
If we feel hopeless and down, are we more likely to attract people and situations that will drive us further into the depths of our problems? If we stay positive and exude confidence will we attract success and good fortune? But can we be more fortunate in some areas of our life but not in others?
For instance, our working life maybe doing really well - where we get good promotions as we work hard and gain success, but do we do that are forsake the love and warmth of a happy family life? Do we put the energies into some aspects of our lives but not others, and the areas that we tend not to focus on end up causing us more grief in the long run, so we stick to what makes us feel good about ourselves.
But it may not be as black and white as career and family, it could be that you focus on one area of your family life, like your kids, but don't focus on your partner, parents or siblings, and your relationships with those people may fall to the wayside.
How do we maintain a balance and have success in all areas of our life? To be honest, I don't think it's possible. Even if you don't have problems with people, people have problems with you. It's human nature... jealousy can cause people to resent that you are doing well in all aspects of your life, or family and friends can hold grudges on things that you've done to them. At what stage do you decide that some situations are helpless and you give up on making that relationship work, staying in a job that doesn't agree with you or realising that you are over your head with your financial commitments? When do you take sides and turn the other way?
I think we start to turn the other way when we can't see any good in what that person, job or situation offers us anymore. Our instincts tell us that those people or situations don't make us feel good about ourselves anymore, so we turn to things that do make us feel good. It is said, that humans are the only living being that tends to walk towards danger rather than run away from it, it maybe true in one sense, but in reality, we do tend to turn off to the negative ways people talk to us, the thankless job that is leading to nowhere or the pile of bills that just doesn't want to go down. They don't make us feel good about ourselves, so we ignore them.
So what is it that we can do to change ourselves to be more positive, more fun to be with, more excited about our future? For me, it's realising what's most important. Hugging my kids and letting them know that I am there for them. Wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself, and not clothes that make me feel withdrawn. Indulging in a bath and reading a book. Feeling the sun on my skin. And laughing with good friends... Do we prioritise the things that make us happy in our lives and choose to change those things that aren't fulfilling us anymore? Do we start taking the small steps to create opportunities for ourselves that allow us to move on to greener pastures? Do we step up to being more helpful and supportive to family, friends and those less fortunate and need our help? Do we start 'giving' to the world instead of having high expectations of 'receiving' from the world?
A wise person recently said to me, don't have any expectations on others and only rely on yourself, as you can only be disappointed with yourself if something doesn't go the way you want it to. You are in charge of your own destiny, so if you don't like the way things are going, do something to make it go in a different direction. If you take the positive steps, the positive steps will continue to grow. We have to believe in ourselves, we have to believe in the process, we have to believe that we are good people and we have to feel right about the paths we take. In most cases, it will get worse before it gets better, and we have to believe that it will get better.... because it will...
For instance, our working life maybe doing really well - where we get good promotions as we work hard and gain success, but do we do that are forsake the love and warmth of a happy family life? Do we put the energies into some aspects of our lives but not others, and the areas that we tend not to focus on end up causing us more grief in the long run, so we stick to what makes us feel good about ourselves.
But it may not be as black and white as career and family, it could be that you focus on one area of your family life, like your kids, but don't focus on your partner, parents or siblings, and your relationships with those people may fall to the wayside.
How do we maintain a balance and have success in all areas of our life? To be honest, I don't think it's possible. Even if you don't have problems with people, people have problems with you. It's human nature... jealousy can cause people to resent that you are doing well in all aspects of your life, or family and friends can hold grudges on things that you've done to them. At what stage do you decide that some situations are helpless and you give up on making that relationship work, staying in a job that doesn't agree with you or realising that you are over your head with your financial commitments? When do you take sides and turn the other way?
I think we start to turn the other way when we can't see any good in what that person, job or situation offers us anymore. Our instincts tell us that those people or situations don't make us feel good about ourselves anymore, so we turn to things that do make us feel good. It is said, that humans are the only living being that tends to walk towards danger rather than run away from it, it maybe true in one sense, but in reality, we do tend to turn off to the negative ways people talk to us, the thankless job that is leading to nowhere or the pile of bills that just doesn't want to go down. They don't make us feel good about ourselves, so we ignore them.
So what is it that we can do to change ourselves to be more positive, more fun to be with, more excited about our future? For me, it's realising what's most important. Hugging my kids and letting them know that I am there for them. Wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself, and not clothes that make me feel withdrawn. Indulging in a bath and reading a book. Feeling the sun on my skin. And laughing with good friends... Do we prioritise the things that make us happy in our lives and choose to change those things that aren't fulfilling us anymore? Do we start taking the small steps to create opportunities for ourselves that allow us to move on to greener pastures? Do we step up to being more helpful and supportive to family, friends and those less fortunate and need our help? Do we start 'giving' to the world instead of having high expectations of 'receiving' from the world?
A wise person recently said to me, don't have any expectations on others and only rely on yourself, as you can only be disappointed with yourself if something doesn't go the way you want it to. You are in charge of your own destiny, so if you don't like the way things are going, do something to make it go in a different direction. If you take the positive steps, the positive steps will continue to grow. We have to believe in ourselves, we have to believe in the process, we have to believe that we are good people and we have to feel right about the paths we take. In most cases, it will get worse before it gets better, and we have to believe that it will get better.... because it will...
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